Feel like giving up

[almostthere]

Haven't read any of the other replies but pleeeasse DITCH the new instructor. I had a v bad lesson once with a very well renowned trainer and that person put my confidence back 2 years! I too was told I was an "effing awful rider" and I am still suffering the consequences now because I believed them. Stick with an instructor that understands you and your horse and go with that. I have learned the hard way that what works for one horse/rider combination will not work for others. Please don't give up, take a deep breath, focus on everything positive that you have achieved and remember NOBODY knows your horse as well as you so go with your gut and find a better instructor for you two as a combination. It makes me so cross that trainers think this kind of behaviour is acceptable but you won't change them and some people will still rave about them so move on..now! Good luck!

 

[Dazed'n'confused]

Haven't read any of the other replies but pleeeasse DITCH the new instructor. I had a v bad lesson once with a very well renowned trainer and that person put my confidence back 2 years! I too was told I was an "effing awful rider" and I am still suffering the consequences now because I believed them. Stick with an instructor that understands you and your horse and go with that. I have learned the hard way that what works for one horse/rider combination will not work for others. Please don't give up, take a deep breath, focus on everything positive that you have achieved and remember NOBODY knows your horse as well as you so go with your gut and find a better instructor for you two as a combination. It makes me so cross that trainers think this kind of behaviour is acceptable but you won't change them and some people will still rave about them so move on..now! Good luck!

Brilliantly put!!

 

[misskk88]

This riding instructor sounds horrendous! Ditch and get a new one.

You and your horse deserve better, from someone that will build your confidence and help you improve. This one sounds like a nasty piece of work who thinks far too highly of their own opinion and status!

 

[fatpiggy]

As everyone else said, get rid of that instructor pronto! He should feel ashamed. I would have cried my eyes out!

While I don't believe having too a nicey nicey instructor is beneficial, you should still get something positive out of a lesson even if you only did something right for a minute!

My instructor will tell me when i'm doing something wrong, she'll shout when I do something stupid when she knows I should know better, she'll encourage when she see's im struggling but finally get it right (even if only for a brief minute before doing it wrong again!) and she'll always end the lesson by discussing the positives and how i've improved since our first lesson.

The amount lessons costs these days, you shouldn't have to put up with such behaviour.

Very true. I know a lady who teaches the violin and it doesn't matter how badly you play, she will ALWAYS find something positive to say, and also encourage you that despite your shortcomings, there are ways around it. There is always more than one way to achieve something and the sooner this idiot,jumped up excuse for an instructor realises this, the better. Dump him and find someone who is on your wavelength.

 

[Goldenstar]

It's just bad teaching , hard work in lessons is a different thing some trainers can push you beyond your limits but leave you feeling energised.
I once long ago walked out of a lesson like OP described the horse was four and very weak the school was newly laid and very very deep the horse just could not manage the canter ( which was weak) the trainer started screaming like a mad person moved on to shouting unpleasant person insults, I was stunned I felt the horse beginning to panic so I got off and left said something like this is helping no one .
Got home and just was really confused about what had happened the trainer had taught me monthly for three years it was the first session with the youngster though.
Put it behind you OP.

 

[siennamum]

I am interested in knowing who this person was - so that I can avoid. PM me the name if you get the chance pls.
I have had a few terrible lessons with my friend who is a fantastic trainer, and gets results from everyone else who uses her.. I just find her exhausting and confusing.

Sometimes someone's teaching style just doesn't suit you. I do sympathise, but don't be disheartened. Have you tried Rachael Atwell at all, she is super and is very good at getting the basics right. If you have any issues with contact she will spot them and help you to sort them. I can't imagine there is a lot going wrong though, he always looks super when you have put vids & pics up here.

 

[monkeybum13]

The art of being a good instructor is being able to improve, even if only a tiny bit a variety of different horses, sounds like this instructor has a set way of doing things and adaptability is not their strong point.

Stick with the instructor you know and get on with The hardest thing is finding a trainer that suits you. I can be quite picky, there are some instructors (both dressage and jumping) that people rave about, are always recommended but they just don't work for me, I would never use them again.

 

[Ceriann]

Lose the instructor. Took me ages to realise mine was slowly bashing my confidence as we'd had a great start when i first started using her. I wasnt schooling my mare enough, wasnt disciplined enough, didnt push her or me enough erc. It wasnt until getting canter in the school became "the issue" (my mare was 5 at the time and generally green and unbalanced and id had confidence issues) and she thought using a lunge whip to get her intocanter was a good idea that i called it a day. Set us back quite a way. Dont do i to yourself - find someone who works differently and works for you and your horse.

 

[Tash88]

I haven't read the replies properly as there were too many, clearly we are all supporting you here and don't think you should give up at all! I too would like to know who this instructor is; I don't know if we are in the same area (I am in London/Surrey) but I would like to avoid him/her too. From what I have seen on here you are a lovely rider and I certainly admire you and the partnership you have with your horse. He may not be easy but you are definitely doing well with him. Yes there may be things you need to improve on, as we all know and that is why we have lessons, but I still think it is the instructor with the problem here. Even if they did have critical comments to make it certainly doesn't sound like they expressed them in a constructive manner, which is the first rule of good teaching in my opinion. Maybe send them an email to see if they can express themselves a bit more professionally in writing?

Please don't give up though, and I hope you start to feel better and have another good lesson with a more sympathetic instructor soon.

Txx

 

[Pigeon]

Thanks guys. You're all right of course Honestly I was so close to giving up!!! Never felt so utterly hopeless!!

I think I'm a little too easy on my horse, but so what, I'm never going to be a Charlotte, I ride for fun and want dressage to be enjoyable for both of us! At the end of the day, he is my little pet, and after nearly losing him last month (did I post about that??) I just want to appreciate him for what he is.

We do have contact issues, which are worse when he's stressed, but I have methods for working through them, so if we'd had a warmup I think it would have been a very different lesson. I think it was that I thought I was doing what I was told, and then being ranted at for not doing what I was told, that got to me! I'm usually a bit of a teacher's pet, I'm too scared of people not to be. Something about this bloke made my riding more and more frantic and stressy.

I'm sure this instructor is a good rider, and I know he gets results, but the means don't justify the ends in my case I don't think!! I think I probably did get him on a bad day, he seemed to be in a rush, I think my dire riding annoyed him, but that said, NEVER using him again

I usually use various instructors because I just go through the riding club (it's MUCH cheaper) but there's two I really like (and they're quite similar in approach) so I'm going to stick with them from now on, and book a block of lessons with them

 

[chestnut cob]

I wouldn't go back to that instructor. I don't pay someone to teach me for them to ignore everything I say (after all, you know your own horse, they have never seen it before!) and dictate to me, resulting in everyone getting upset. Instruction is very personal. I've been through a fair few over the years and have finally found one I gel with. IMHO it should be a two way thing, not just someone standing up there shouting at you. For me, I want an instructor who asks me what I've been working on, what issues I've had, things that have gone well. My instructor ATM who've I've been with for a couple of years, will always tell me what she thinks we need to work on, explains it clearly, why we're using that exercise and what it should achieve. If I'm struggling, we try to dissect why and how to fix it or find a different way to explain, when something is right I know about it. You are the one who rides your horse daily so you know what works and what doesn't - you should feel able to say that something is or isn't working for you. I like to be able to tell me instructor that I've experience X problem and this is how I dealt with it, then maybe the lesson builds on that or the instructor has a different way of approaching it. Either way, it should be a discussion IMHO and not an upsetting experience. You should be able to voice when you are unhappy or uncomfortable with something, and they should listen, take it on board and either explain why they want to continue with that exercise, or find another way to achieve the same thing.

Everyone has those days when they feel like a complete numpty riding, but in this case it sounds like bad instruction, plain and simple. Keep smiling and keep up the good work

 

[eahotson]

Blimey! You are employing HIM, not he you. You are paying him to improve your riding. Sounds like a terrible instructor and one for all to avoid.

That!!! Absolutely.Some instructors sadly are unpleasant bullies best avoided.Ditch him and anyone else who treats you like that.I learned that lesson the hard way.

 

[Burmilla]

Hi Pigeon! Hope you are feeling more positive now that the unanimous voice of HHO have given a clear instruction! Which is, essentially, "frightful little man - get rid"!
Lovely horse, and sounds/looks as if you are doing very well with him.
Just as well, probably, that you didn't put him up on Pip - he sounds like the sort who would demand an egg to crack on his poll!

 

[Chirmapops]

Sounds like a horrid bully - there's nothing wrong with being pushed out of your comfort zone, that's how we progress, but the trick is in the way you go about it. Sounds to me like he was slating your previous instructors to make you think you had to go to him all the time and give him £££ (call me cynical).

However, you CAN get some positives out of the whole experience. When you can think about it without it making you feel stressed, write down everything you did on the lesson and where he said you were going wrong. Then take it to one of your other instructors and ask THEM to work through it with you in a way that is constructive for you. As one of the posters above said, most of the things he was making a drama about will most likely be little niggles that are easily dealt with. Doing that will boost your confidence back up - you CAN do it!

 

[Annagain]

The only failure here is the instructor's. After years of going to a local instructor (out of convenience more than anything) who is a bit blunt to say the least, I've started having some lessons with some other instructors and it's been a revelation. I was only saying yesterday it's lovely to have an instructor who offers constructive advice and doesn't make you feel about 6 inches tall. I'm only just starting to believe that I am quite a good rider and that the good dressage results we've been getting recently are partly down to me and not just my amazing share horse.

 

[Jenni&Ditty]

"never give up on something or someone that you can't go a day without thinking about"

 

[Orangehorse]

Well, obviously we would LOVE to know who this person was - so we can avoid.

Local lady used to have a very well known instructor visiting from abroad, but he made her pupils cry, so she gave him the push. Also heard the one about an international instructor who was coaching the (then, years ago) British team hopefuls, who ended up shouting at them all "Ride Better."?

You are paying to learn and improve, not feel rotten afterwards.