Feel like giving up...

[BethanT]

Now don't get me wrong, I love my horses to bits. I don't think I could every bring my self to sell either, and certainly not my little mare.

But I am starting to loose the will to live with my boy.

Last summer we had a good start to our eventing aims, got out to a few little unaffiliated one days. Worked our socks off over winter in the crappy weather to improve our flat work - using classical methods and getting him to use himself rather than rely on me. In the process he has cost me a fortune in lessons, saddle fitting, 5 weekly shoeing, massage, supplements and anatomical tack to make him more comfortable and keep him on top form. This never/will never bother me. I want my horses happy and comfortable and I am aware I could do things cheaper if I had to.

Now he has always been prone to lose a shoe, but lately hes been fine. I've but him on a 5 weekly cycle and always kept a mega close eye on them so if they get loose I give my farrier a call and let him know. (Please no one tell me to go barefoot as I have looked into this and discussed with my farrier and various other professionals, and non of which think this is a suitable option for him unless I was to turn him away over winter. He also needs studs for cross country).

This year has been a mix of ups and downs already. Among aiming to do a BE80 or at least a good unaffiliated 80, I was aiming to qualify for the Pet Plan Area Festival, with the ambition to get to finals, and maybe even Hartpury. And we did it, we qualified in two outings, with not even our best work! I was chuffed to bits, and really thought "yeah, we have a shot at finals!"

So whats the problem I hear you ask? Well firstly he was ridiculously tight through his hamstrings on massage - therapist recommended 2 weeks of light hacking long and low. Tightness has come from working properly and uphill for the first time in his life. Putting on hold further training for anything. Fine, he needed a break (even though he had one in January). I knew he was so I had already given him the time off in the run up to her visit as I didn't want to cause more issue by riding.
-Secondly his saddle wasn't/isn't fitting due to lack of work and loss of muscle, and it has been hard work to get my fitter to come out - between my working hours and her availability and where she lives in proximity to me, she can't get out to me quickly, so work had to be put on hold. I've managed to sort it so that I can ride him so he doesn't lose total fitness but it isn't great long term, and I can only do light work with him, like hacking.
-Thirdly the travelling to two competitions and limited turnout over the recent winter months, has given him an ulcer flare up, even despite his current supplements and feed and my trying to do everything I can to prevent this. Making him extremely grumpy to tack up and rug up (aware that the ill fitting saddle will also play a part in this for him, as the minute his saddle doesn't fit he tells me on tacking up). So potentially having to look at giving him a number of weeks off completely.
-The constant rain has meant that even if he was competition fit, all events are getting cancelled left right and center.
-Finally, the catalyst that has made me want to give up. He's thrown another shoe. In the bog that is his field, that I have asked for him to be moved from because he isn't grazing in there because he doesn't like the ponies he is in with and he would rather be with his friends - contributing to his ulcer flare up. Not only has he just pulled a shoe, but half his foot. Which puts us back to where we were 2 years ago and he had to wait 3 months to be able to have a shoe back on again (he had very slow hoof growth). My farrier is amazing, but there isn't a lot he can do if there isn't any foot there.

I know everyone goes through times like this with their horses. But I throw everything into my horses, I work long hours to fund them, I don't get home until nearly 9pm most evenings if I ride both, and I am up at 6am to muck out before work, so I never get to spend time with my boyfriend (who is very understanding and helps where he can). I'm exhausted, and almost broke. Then stuff like this happens. And what infuriates me most, is that there are people who don't work, spend their money on stupid stuff - like millions of blinkin' matchy matchy sets, unnecessary boots and bandages, bridle after bridle etc, don't watch what their horses eat/feed appropriately, don't get to their horses until midday when they are stabled overnight, leave them for weeks then go and take them cross country or for a 2 hour hack, and yet they never seem to have anything go wrong with their horses.

I know my farrier will get to him today or tomorrow and chances are he will get a shoe on - and then I'll be fine again. But for now I am going to wallow in self pitty

 

[milliepops]

Bet that all feels really disappointing Sadly that's life with horses, they don't know what we have planned and things will always go wrong. I'm not trying to dismiss how you're feeling but I think if you can accept that stuff just happens to mangle your plans all the time then it's easier to shrug it off and focus on dealing with it and then tentatively making new plans

If you're really not enjoying it then perhaps it is time to take a break, or look into getting a sharer or something. Take the pressure off yourself. This has been a long and difficult winter for everyone, it wouldn't be the first time that a rubbish winter took the shine off keeping horses for someone.
If the thought of either of those makes your blood run cold then it's time to change your outlook a bit You've got your lovely horses, many people would give their right arm for the chance to just own a horse so although it's a slog sometimes, it's also a privilege

I've had years of disappointment through injury with my super old mare, now finally retired as we've had to accept I can't patch her up any longer. What I'd give to have her back... every day with them is precious ... try to find a way to enjoy it despite the ups and downs Even if it just begins with a quiet 10 mins at the end of the day while you enjoy each others company having a groom or scratch.

 

[Ambers Echo]

And breathe.......

I do sometimes think the stress/pleasure ratio with horses is out of balance! Nothing beats those wonderful days when it is all going swimmingly but my god do we have to work for them!

I can understand your frustration but you need some perspective I think. The hassles you are describing are really just the month to month hassles of horse ownership. Hard to fit saddles, thrown shows, crap weather, restricted turn out, health issues. All of that is solvable. The shoe will go back on, the ground will dry out, the eventing season will (EVENTUALLY) start and this will all be forgotten.

As for others having it easier - well maybe some do. And some have it a hell of a lot harder. Plus we all go through good times and bad - when it is going well for us we probably don't really notice the cr@p life is throwing at others. That is not meant to sound lecturing - just a reminder to take a step back realise this is not the end of the world and look forward to getting back out there. Which you will soon. This time last year I was just emerging from 3 months of strangles hell - we went on to have the best season of my life......

 

[BethanT]

Thanks both, I know that in the grand scheme of things it is really not that bad, and I know I can work through it. Just when everything gets thrown at you, you can't help but feel sorry for yourself!

I tried the sharer thing with my boy, but I am so precious over how he is managed it didn't work. And my mare is too quirky to let just anyone ride her. Shes actually very nice and straightforward for hacking etc, and shes mega fun, but shell never be a dressage horse or eventer, but by god can she jump!

I can't wait for the sun to start to come through and dry the fields up (and then we will all be moaning it's too hot and the flies are awful )

Just needed a vent and a moan!

 

[milliepops]

everyone needs a whinge now and then dust yourself off and you'll be OK. Spring has to be just around the corner!

 

[BethanT]

everyone needs a whinge now and then dust yourself off and you'll be OK. Spring has to be just around the corner!

Hope so! Just feels like it is never ending!

 

[Pearlsasinger]

I think we are all feeing absolutely fed up of this winter. The better weather keeps looking as if it's going to start with one or two nice days and then wham! we are back to rain/fog/snow/wind which stop us getting on with whatever it is that we want to do. It is enough to get anybody down.
My sister and I lost two fabulous mares in their early twenties to Cushings this winter, so our winter has felt particularly hard and we can't get on with anything with the younger two because of the weather, so there has just been more hard slog of mucking out to help us get over the loss(!).
This isn't a 'count your blessings' lecture but it does help if you can make the most of every day you have with your horses, just enjoying what you can do with them, rather than worrying about what you can't do. And definitely not worrying about what other people do or don't do with their own horses.
Fingers crossed, the weather is forecast to improve next week, which will improve things for us all.

 

[SpringArising]

Just adding to the 'I feel you' comments, but like MP said, that's just life with horses.

It would be a miracle to find someone who has had zero issues, whether that be lameness, a crappy yard environment, behavioural problems, financial constraints. It feels like you're alone, but you're not!

I don't think there's a day that goes by when me and the other liveries don't say to each other 'This is a real labour of love, isn't it! Why do we do it?'

We pour so much time, money and energy into it for very often, so little in return.

When I'm sitting in rush hour traffic for an hour, just to go and shovel my (currently broken) horse's $hite in the pouring rain, I definitely think why on EARTH am I funnelling all my resources into this?

But then they do a little whicker over the stable door when they see you. And it's all worth it... almost :wink3:

 

[TheMule]

It sounds like you would have a much happier life with just one reliable, sound horse who you can crack on and do what you really want to do.
I've just consolidated my equine herd and I'm far happier for doing so, it had got a bit out of hand and I was throwing good money at a horse who ultimately was never going to be able to do what I want to do. I'm now much happier and she probably is too!

 

[Abi90]

I get how you feel, I have yet another broken horse that is costing yet more money and I still haven’t managed to get out and do much as everything I could have got to cancelled. It’s rubbish. I found taking the pressure off helps, just accept things won’t go swimmingly and just see what happens.

I currently feel like I’m working hard for a horse that I get no pleasure from, but I do. Even delivering her to the vets this morning and her being so chilled out about it all and the nurse commenting how good she was made me smile.

 

[BethanT]

It sounds like you would have a much happier life with just one reliable, sound horse who you can crack on and do what you really want to do.
I've just consolidated my equine herd and I'm far happier for doing so, it had got a bit out of hand and I was throwing good money at a horse who ultimately was never going to be able to do what I want to do. I'm now much happier and she probably is too!

You are exactly right. I wish I could just have 1 safe, sane and reliable horse that I could just go and have fun on. But I love my guys far too much and I couldn't ever part with either of them. I thought of selling my boy has crossed my mind, but I would find it so hard to place him with the right people. My girl is easy, I can pick her up and drop her as it suits, and shes so low maintenance anyway.

 

[BethanT]

Just adding to the 'I feel you' comments, but like MP said, that's just life with horses.

It would be a miracle to find someone who has had zero issues, whether that be lameness, a crappy yard environment, behavioural problems, financial constraints. It feels like you're alone, but you're not!

I don't think there's a day that goes by when me and the other liveries don't say to each other 'This is a real labour of love, isn't it! Why do we do it?'

We pour so much time, money and energy into it for very often, so little in return.

When I'm sitting in rush hour traffic for an hour, just to go and shovel my (currently broken) horse's $hite in the pouring rain, I definitely think why on EARTH am I funnelling all my resources into this?

But then they do a little whicker over the stable door when they see you. And it's all worth it... almost :wink3:

Of for sure! They know it's me when I walk through the barn door, and my little mare is so happy to see me all the time. I know he is too, hes just not as vocal about it.

I wish I could crack on and ignore them sometimes like so many people do, but I just can't do it. I can't work them knowing they are in pain.

 

[TheMule]

You are exactly right. I wish I could just have 1 safe, sane and reliable horse that I could just go and have fun on. But I love my guys far too much and I couldn't ever part with either of them. I thought of selling my boy has crossed my mind, but I would find it so hard to place him with the right people. My girl is easy, I can pick her up and drop her as it suits, and shes so low maintenance anyway.

But you're not the only person that could love him and care for him and he may actually end up better off with someone with lower ambitions to not put the prssure on his body the way that you want to.
It's worth a thought anyway, to consider other options for his future. A few years ago my much loved boy went out to do a job for a couple of other people on a loan basis and then came home to me to fully retire- it was entirely the right thing for both of us, and his loaners gained a huge amount from him too. He wasn't physically coping with what I wanted but still had plenty to give.

 

[BethanT]

But you're not the only person that could love him and care for him and he may actually end up better off with someone with lower ambitions to not put the prssure on his body the way that you want to.
It's worth a thought anyway, to consider other options for his future. A few years ago my much loved boy went out to do a job for a couple of other people on a loan basis and then came home to me to fully retire- it was entirely the right thing for both of us, and his loaners gained a huge amount from him too. He wasn't physically coping with what I wanted but still had plenty to give.

I am aware of that, but I've known him since he was born, and even back then I always wanted him. He is a gem really, and I love him to bits. As others have said the weather will turn, he'll get his shoe on and we will be well away again.

 

[SEL]

I think this winter has been one of the longest and most depressing I can remember! I too have a broken horse now and am wondering why on earth I work so hard just to pay her vet's bills - but I've seen next week's weather forecast and am really, really hoping they've got it right. 18 degrees and the mud drying up will definitely make the world seem a better place.

 

[Northern]

I do sympathise, sometimes it can seem so frustrating when you want to achieve your aims. But, you have a sound horse that has (to put into perspective), relatively minor and treatable issues. Every time I look at my mare, who over the last year has become unsound and who I have poured thousands into to try and get right, I wish I had a horse like yours. A treatable issue, over a problem I know will deteriorate to a point where I will need to make a decision as to her quality of life.

When she went lame we were just about to step up a level in eventing, six long years of hard work (she isn't an easy horse to ride) down the drain. And add to that she had another major injury during her surgery recovery, and then my other riding horse had injuries which put her out as well.

It sounds to me you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Perhaps take a breather, take your pony out and enjoy the warming weather and sunshine. And I certainly understand your last paragraph, I've watched people who come twice a week to see their horses, merrily ride said horses around without a care. While mine were constantly on yard rest and and we were all miserable. I always tell myself that one day it will get better. It worked for me when I saw no end in sight, and at the end of the day I love the critters even though I have spent goodness knows what on vets in the last year.

 

[BethanT]

I do sympathise, sometimes it can seem so frustrating when you want to achieve your aims. But, you have a sound horse that has (to put into perspective), relatively minor and treatable issues. Every time I look at my mare, who over the last year has become unsound and who I have poured thousands into to try and get right, I wish I had a horse like yours. A treatable issue, over a problem I know will deteriorate to a point where I will need to make a decision as to her quality of life.

When she went lame we were just about to step up a level in eventing, six long years of hard work (she isn't an easy horse to ride) down the drain. And add to that she had another major injury during her surgery recovery, and then my other riding horse had injuries which put her out as well.

It sounds to me you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Perhaps take a breather, take your pony out and enjoy the warming weather and sunshine. And I certainly understand your last paragraph, I've watched people who come twice a week to see their horses, merrily ride said horses around without a care. While mine were constantly on yard rest and and we were all miserable. I always tell myself that one day it will get better. It worked for me when I saw no end in sight, and at the end of the day I love the critters even though I have spent goodness knows what on vets in the last year.

I totally sympathise Northern.

It hasn't been a straight road with my lad, he has had a total of 3 years off work due to lameness issues, and every time something happens with him I jump to the worst possible conclusion. I know that it is treatable this time, and he is insured for any future issues. But in the back of my mind I don't know how much more it will take for me to call it quits.

I hope at least one, if not both, can get back to normal.

 

[DabDab]

I think this winter has been one of the longest and most depressing I can remember! I too have a broken horse now and am wondering why on earth I work so hard just to pay her vet's bills - but I've seen next week's weather forecast and am really, really hoping they've got it right. 18 degrees and the mud drying up will definitely make the world seem a better place.

Yep, I'm clinging onto the promise of sunshine next week too...

I don't have a broken horse, but I do have one who I've learned that I really just can't make any plans for. His muscles are such that, no matter how I manage him, there are always unexpected road blocks that appear when training him, and then I have to back step and do a load of strengthening work before I can start to nudge his training on again. I used to get frustrated by having to abandon plans all the time, so now I just don't really make any. We just trundle along and see where we get to. I also try not to over manage him, as this just puts more pressure on - I stick with the stuff I know works and don't stress myself with the stuff that I think should work

Here's hoping for sun next week

 

[LaurenBay]

I sympathize OP, but when your feeling low try to remember that all the problems your Horse has can be fixed easily. Some of us on this forum haven't been so lucky and have broken down Horses that cannot be ridden again. No matter how bad you feel, there are always those worse off.

 

[pippixox]

My boy had terrible feet and Sod’s law he lost shoes if we were planning on going somewhere or I had gone away and left friend to look after him!
He is now retired barefoot and doing well.... but at one point with full set my farrier briefly used a sort of hoof pollyfilla!? Ashe had lost so much hoof pulling a show off and was too uncomfortable without a shoe. Worth a thought. It basically grew out with the hoof

 

[muddy_grey]

The sun will shine again and we will remember why we do it! I was ready to give up yesterday too. My mare has been on box rest since November and yesterday flipped over on top of me. Most annoying part is that she has been given the ok to go out, but not until the fields dry out a bit and it just keeps raining!!!!!
I have also seen hoof filler used for horses who have taken chunks out of their hooves with great success.

 

[Northern]

I totally sympathise Northern.

It hasn't been a straight road with my lad, he has had a total of 3 years off work due to lameness issues, and every time something happens with him I jump to the worst possible conclusion. I know that it is treatable this time, and he is insured for any future issues. But in the back of my mind I don't know how much more it will take for me to call it quits.

I hope at least one, if not both, can get back to normal.

I get you, I would be lying if the thought of quitting hadn't crossed my mind. Hasn't come to that yet though, though I really do hope my luck changes and I get a break for a while. Best of luck, and remember you have a nice summer to look forward to!

 

[Boulty]

This Winter has been a bit useless for everyone tbf.

Ok given that there are no events to go to right now anyway and with the way the weather's going it'll likely be the end of the month or even next month before things are running like normal then if there was ever a "good" time for him to break himself it's now when you can't do anything anyway!

First priority after sorting his foot out should be tantrumming with the yard about his field situation if you think it's contributed to his ulcer flare up. Get him on whatever meds the vet thinks he needs and get that under control so that you can work him properly again.

I wouldn't take what the physio says as gospel re his tightness being down to working properly either. Whilst it may cause a little muscle soreness at first is he's using muscles he hasn't in a long time encouraging him to work correctly should make him stronger not weaker and should kick start a cycle of building muscle correctly which in turn allows you gradually ask for a little more. Tbh the horrid sucking mud may be partly to blame for any muscle strains (It's certainly caused my horse issues before now!)

Re the saddle can you do work from the ground / ride bareback (yep I am deadly serious about this) until sorted if you think it's badly fitting enough to make him sore / can you use a correction pad or similar under it to pad it out until it can be checked if the less than ideal fit is due to muscle loss?

 

[Dave's Mam]

This winter has been horrible & I admire anyone who hasn't said "****** it, I'm off."

You'll get there OP. You've fought it this far. Just keep at it.

(My husband has forgotten I exist, bar the muddy boots at the door & occasional requests for money.)

 

[Dave's Mam]

Might try mine Bareback, Boulty! That'll be interesting.

 

[honetpot]

I used not to ride and mothball everything over winter, and start again when the clocks go back. If you are working its just something to be got through and my rational was they used to rough hunters off for the summer, why not the winter? How about hoof boots to keep him ticking over? I would also go for a wider saddle and either have a flair numnah, http://www.fteltd.co.uk/Korrector/korrectorintro.htm that you can adjust yourself, well it really needs two of you one to watch the movement, or use shims. We had a completely lopsided youngster and it helped to give him space to fill out, while he evened up.
Sometimes you just need to take the pressure off, sounds like you both need a holiday.

 

[BethanT]

I used not to ride and mothball everything over winter, and start again when the clocks go back. If you are working its just something to be got through and my rational was they used to rough hunters off for the summer, why not the winter? How about hoof boots to keep him ticking over? I would also go for a wider saddle and either have a flair numnah, http://www.fteltd.co.uk/Korrector/korrectorintro.htm that you can adjust yourself, well it really needs two of you one to watch the movement, or use shims. We had a completely lopsided youngster and it helped to give him space to fill out, while he evened up.
Sometimes you just need to take the pressure off, sounds like you both need a holiday.

He currently has shims, but the issue is that the saddle is too wide and slipping back. His shoulder seems to have changed most so I actually think that his shoulder is causing the saddle to move back. Fitter now booked for 15th May, or sooner if everything goes OK with her little girl as she could come to me.

I am seriously thinking about turning him away next winter, maybe even take shoes off and everything. As uncomfortable as he might be, if he isn't in work he may soon get over it!

Thankfully my farrier is amazing and came out yesterday and put a shoe back on. Somehow. I too have thought about the filler, and he is due his full set in two weeks, so I will talk to him about maybe getting some for then to fill in the gaps.

I might have to consider bareback in the school for light work, but daren't out hacking, and certainly not through open fields!

I have already asked about moving fields, as well as a few other people asking for him to be put back in with theirs - as they are all pacing my the hedge line for each other! Would also make sense to have one livery who swaps and changes horses to be in her own field where I am now so it doesn't matter what she brings in etc. Fingers crossed!

 

[splashgirl45]

i feel your pain, all i will say is do as much as you can while you are young(i assume you are youngish) as when you get old (like me) your mind wants to do lots but your body says NO!! im sure we will all feel better once the sun comes back from its holiday... my mare came in without a front shoe last night and i know how frustrating it is, luckily my farrier popped in on his way home and put one on again, this winter has been really wet so our field is boggy but we either turn out in it or keep them in, so we turn out every day afd keep fingers crossed for some dry weather soon.

 

[starfish8]

I read somewhere this has been the wettest winter for 40 years... it certainly feels like it. Most people's plans have been changed, horses affected, morale in the toilet... but I'm holding on to the thought that if it weren't for the lows, we wouldn't be able to really appreciate the highs.

Although I am currently wondering what I did to annoy the horse gods so much this year - I have one who has been in since the end of February with a horribly persistent case of mud fever - barely been allowed out of the box it has been so damp as every time she comes out for a walk about when it is damp her legs go back a step in healing. I have had my other horse around 9 months and have probably ridden him as many times. He's currently baffling the vets with a combination of lameness and strange symptoms. I have barely ridden in the last year. But it will get better, it has to. And maybe these harder times will allow me to appreciate the days when I can just hop on and bimble around in the school, or have a really good lesson... or even just get on at all. Chin up OP, we can get there.