Feel so down, can I have a hug please

[Moggy in Manolos]

Well I feel so down its untrue and could really do with a hug if there are any going spare.

My OH is being an arse, we have had our ups and downs over the years but I often feel like he treats me like I am stupid and that we just dont go together anymore. He seems to resent me having the horse in a way and there is just so much history.

I have also lost my nerve it seems, I am not enjoying seren at all lately, she fractured my coccyx last year by kicking out at me and I have never had the same level of trusts since, trust that had been built up over the last 16years. As some of you may know she has had lameness, due to pedal bone rotation so we have to go very carefully riding. But riding her and even leading her I feel like she could misbehave and kick out at me at any time, she seems spookier than ever on the ground and ridden. Truth is I think I do not trust her any more and I love her so much but I have lost my confidence with her completely I feel.

I just feel like I could give it all up at this point, my OH and the horse by sending her to a retirement livery, just feel so crap and teary and like I have had enough.

Thanks for listening and if there are any spare hugs I could really do with one, thanks.

 

[My_chestnut_mare]

Oh hun big hugs to you.

May be she can tell you are not confident round her any more and she also may be feels uncomfortable as she could need reassuring too.

Could be talking pants but i am sure no doubt someone will correct me if im wrong.

chin up it will come right in the end

 

[Moggy in Manolos]

[ QUOTE ]
Oh hun big hugs to you.

May be she can tell you are not confident round her any more and she also may be feels uncomfortable as she could need reassuring too.

Could be talking pants but i am sure no doubt someone will correct me if im wrong.

chin up it will come right in the end

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks hun, I am sure she knows I do not have the same confidence or trust in her, just feel like I could pack it all in

 

[Puppy]

(((((big hug))))))

I'm stuck for wise words I'm afraid, but I know how heart wrenching it is when your beloved horse seriously injures you....

 

[kerilli]

have you had her eyes checked? there might be a reason why she is spookier, seems odd.
when she kicked you, was it deliberate, or was she startled and you happened to be in the way? if the former, i can totally understand why you have lost your trust in her... that's common sense, and you can't blame yourself for that.
tbh if i was getting no pleasure from my horse then i would send her off to a retirement livery, without any guilt. having a horse is too much hard work, and too expensive, to not get any pleasure from it.

 

[My_chestnut_mare]

i know what you are going thro last year my 17hh dutch warmblood took a bronking fit up the field with me on top and i came off and he reared up and came down on me and i also broke/cracked my tail bone but i didnt have him long before that and i took him back to the dealer i got him and she exchanged him for the horse i have now. But Leo(DWB) made me loose all my confidence but with hari she gave me it al back

I would never be with out her.

 

[alwaysbroke]

Sorry to read that you are feeling so low, sending a hug x

Just wondering if there is anyone that can give you a bit of help with your horses so you can build your confidence up a bit.

 

[Digger123]

Have a hug hun{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}]
Perhaps it is time to retire her with her lameness issues so it takes the pressure off you .It can't be an easy thing to manage and this bad weather we are having can't be helping.
As for the OH,I can relate to that to a certain degree.Mine was very unhelpful/unsympathetic when my horse was diagnosed with kissing spine and needed to be operated on.The fact he was insured and I just had to pay the excess didn't come into it he made my life hell.Obviously I don't know all the ins and outs of your relationship,but perhaps he is just plain worried,worried because you got hurt and maybe because you are so unhappy.
Chin up chuck things will get better

 

[V1NN]

Hugs to you, i'm feeling kind of down to at the moment, everything just seems to be getting to me work, lack of time for horses, my weight, driving in the snow i'm a postie and its really starting to get me down, living at home my parents are driving me mad! and lack of money. Maybe its this SAD winter deppression thing

its not nice i was even on the point of considering selling my beloved but i am so glad i have not as i know i would regret it hugely.
Would you consider putting your horse out on loan? or getting a sharer to help out a bit?
Maybe sitting down with the OH and having a good long talk and telling him how low you are feeling?
Bless you i really hope your feeling happier soon, at least you have always got HHO, chin up x

 

[m3gan]

My OH often treats me like I am stupid!!!!! I just ignore it. It sounds like you are having a pretty awful time of it ATM and need support, in my opinion OH's aren't very good at empathy, at least mine isn't very good at it! Is there anyone else who is more likely to be helpful that you can talk things through with? Perhaps someone who is knowledgeable about horses and can help you out with your horse?

I know this sounds very simplistic but this current weather etc. makes everyone feel rubbish so try not to feel too despondent . The days are getting longer already and this awful cold weather will eventually pass
keep your pecker up!x

 

[VioletStripe]

aw, so so sorry. (((((huuuuugs))))). a bit lost for words, but sending plenty of vibes and hugs and chocolate your way. xxxx

 

[Moggy in Manolos]

[ QUOTE ]
(((((big hug))))))

I'm stuck for wise words I'm afraid, but I know how heart wrenching it is when your beloved horse seriously injures you....

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks puppy,of course you do, its nice to know I am not alone, I just feel so low, love that horse so much but not sure I can do it any more just now, I try to trust her but its so hard

 

[Moggy in Manolos]

[ QUOTE ]
have you had her eyes checked? there might be a reason why she is spookier, seems odd.
when she kicked you, was it deliberate, or was she startled and you happened to be in the way? if the former, i can totally understand why you have lost your trust in her... that's common sense, and you can't blame yourself for that.
tbh if i was getting no pleasure from my horse then i would send her off to a retirement livery, without any guilt. having a horse is too much hard work, and too expensive, to not get any pleasure from it.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks kerillii. Well she was not startled, it was just unfortunately a direct kick out at me, and it was more than one kick and she has threatened me out in the field a few times since when I try to shoo her out of the way when bringing hay out

I have thought about getting her eyes checked you know, perhaps I should do this anyway. You may not remember but she had a seizure in may last year which we never got to the bottom of, so I do wonder.

I am seriously considering the retirement, she cannot do a great deal, we are lucky if we can ever do more than walk, the conditions have to be perfect and she has to be feeling good and sound for me to even consider a little one.
I am thinking just to perhaps share or help out with some one else as I could not afford another while paying her retirement, but she does deserve a retirement, she has given me alot of the years, except the last 12months or so when things are just not the same. I just dont know what is best, but thankyou for your reply

 

[Moggy in Manolos]

[ QUOTE ]
i know what you are going thro last year my 17hh dutch warmblood took a bronking fit up the field with me on top and i came off and he reared up and came down on me and i also broke/cracked my tail bone but i didnt have him long before that and i took him back to the dealer i got him and she exchanged him for the horse i have now. But Leo(DWB) made me loose all my confidence but with hari she gave me it al back

I would never be with out her.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks hun, its just so sad after all these years, had her since she was 2yrs old and she is 20 this year, I just wish I could feel the same, but as hard as I try it does not seem to happen

 

[Moggy in Manolos]

[ QUOTE ]
Sorry to read that you are feeling so low, sending a hug x

Just wondering if there is anyone that can give you a bit of help with your horses so you can build your confidence up a bit.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thank, really appreciate the hug. Not sure about the help thing, cannot afford anything professional, will have a think about others who may be able to help but to be honest I cannot think of anyone, the lady I share the work with and ride with is not very confident either, I always had much more confidence than her.

 

[Moggy in Manolos]

[ QUOTE ]
Have a hug hun{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}]
Perhaps it is time to retire her with her lameness issues so it takes the pressure off you .It can't be an easy thing to manage and this bad weather we are having can't be helping.
As for the OH,I can relate to that to a certain degree.Mine was very unhelpful/unsympathetic when my horse was diagnosed with kissing spine and needed to be operated on.The fact he was insured and I just had to pay the excess didn't come into it he made my life hell.Obviously I don't know all the ins and outs of your relationship,but perhaps he is just plain worried,worried because you got hurt and maybe because you are so unhappy.
Chin up chuck things will get better

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks hun, I really appreciate it, reading this is making me feel better that I am sharing it, but kind of more tearful because it makes it all very real.
I find it hard to work my OH out, even after 12yrs together, he is quite a cold fish.

 

[Moggy in Manolos]

[ QUOTE ]
Hugs to you, i'm feeling kind of down to at the moment, everything just seems to be getting to me work, lack of time for horses, my weight, driving in the snow i'm a postie and its really starting to get me down, living at home my parents are driving me mad! and lack of money. Maybe its this SAD winter deppression thing

its not nice i was even on the point of considering selling my beloved but i am so glad i have not as i know i would regret it hugely.
Would you consider putting your horse out on loan? or getting a sharer to help out a bit?
Maybe sitting down with the OH and having a good long talk and telling him how low you are feeling?
Bless you i really hope your feeling happier soon, at least you have always got HHO, chin up x

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks hun, I cannot loan because of her soundness issues sadly, and same reason I cannot get a sharer, she is not a great deal of use and could go lame at any time really due to the rotation.

My OH never has chats with me, often I try and he is not interested, I may try talking to him but I think I am better talking to you guys on here and friends over him when it concerns matters of my horse.

Big hugs back to you, hope you feel better soon too x

 

[Moggy in Manolos]

[ QUOTE ]
My OH often treats me like I am stupid!!!!! I just ignore it. It sounds like you are having a pretty awful time of it ATM and need support, in my opinion OH's aren't very good at empathy, at least mine isn't very good at it! Is there anyone else who is more likely to be helpful that you can talk things through with? Perhaps someone who is knowledgeable about horses and can help you out with your horse?

I know this sounds very simplistic but this current weather etc. makes everyone feel rubbish so try not to feel too despondent . The days are getting longer already and this awful cold weather will eventually pass
keep your pecker up!x

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks m3gan, really do appreciate all the hugs and support. I kind of chatted to my mate this morning about how I do not trust her any more, she has noticed I am not the same confident rider I used to be. I am seeing her in a bit as am back up yard shortly to bring in so may have another chat with her

 

[Moggy in Manolos]

[ QUOTE ]
aw, so so sorry. (((((huuuuugs))))). a bit lost for words, but sending plenty of vibes and hugs and chocolate your way. xxxx

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks hun, hugs and chocolate really appreciated. I hope I can get myself out of this, I do not usually feel this low about things, definitely get some down days where its tough but I am just not sure about me and my beloved mare any more, and whats best.
Really want to do the right thing for both of us

 

[mac]

I would agree and say that although it wont be an easy decision I would retire her.Horses take up alot of time and are an expensive hobby so if your not getting any enjoyment from her its time for a change whether it is break from horses or a differemt horse.Often is easier to start fresh that try and get over previous issues.

 

[Moggy in Manolos]

[ QUOTE ]
I would agree and say that although it wont be an easy decision I would retire her.Horses take up alot of time and are an expensive hobby so if your not getting any enjoyment from her its time for a change whether it is break from horses or a differemt horse.Often is easier to start fresh that try and get over previous issues.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks mac, you and the others are probably right, and I am seriously considering retirement livery somewhere. I just dont know, I do not want to make any rash decisions but I just dont know what is best right now.

She can and mostly is gentle and chilled but she is far more reactive and spooky then she ever was. I think getting her eyes tested is a good idea though

 

[My_chestnut_mare]

that's what i meant to put in my last post.

was to say it must be more difficult for you because you have had her so long.

May be her change has something to do with the seizure she had?

 

[mac]

Have you had any lessons on her? It may be easier if you had someone there to help when you have problems. If your on your own its easy to get stuck in a rut with a problem then other things like arguements with OH etc make it seem ten times worse.

 

[zeuscleoharmony]

Oh, I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so down. You are not alone, however, and you, me and many others feel so low at times we wonder if it is all worth it. What I am saying is, is that you are not alone, even if it feels like it.

Whilst I have no quick fix suggestions, what I do know is that you can ride out this storm but there are certain things in your life that you need to consider and change and you are the only one who can do that.

So far as your confidence, you are a member of a huge club of people, like yourself, whose confidence has taken a battering. Mine too, was all but shattered by a nasty fall earlier this year. I had to made a conscious choice that I either threw in the towel on something that has always been a part of my life or try to overcome my fears. I have decided to try to overcome my fears and I have good days, I have bad days but try not to push my boundaries too far.

Try not to have too high expectations of your relationship between you and your horse, it sounds as if you need to re-bond, like I did with Archie. Take small steps, deep breaths and remember we are here for you for reassurance. Without my fellow HHO's giving me support I do not think I would have a horse now, something I know I would have always regretted.

As for the OH, do you rely on him for supporting you and your horses? Perhaps you need to re-evaluate what makes you happier, being with him with the horses or getting rid of him and perhaps having to part with your horses. You and only you can change your future.

Good luck, huge hugs and I hope you are feeling better soon.

xxx

 

[Moggy in Manolos]

[ QUOTE ]
that's what i meant to put in my last post.

was to say it must be more difficult for you because you have had her so long.

May be her change has something to do with the seizure she had?

[/ QUOTE ]

This makes me wonder also, I am not unconvinced there isnt something nasty lurking like a tumour, just not sure if I am being a hypochondriac on her behalf by thinking this but she is an older mare.
When the vet came up she said it was either something she ate or a tumour and unless it happened again then there would be no point in testing further

 

[kerilli]

ah, i didn't realise she was that limited in when you can ride her etc.
hmm, since it was a deliberate kick then i totally understand your concerns. the fact is that if a big strong animal deliberately hurts you (and shows other signs of being threatening/miserable, it sounds) then your natural survival instinct takes over, and you absolutely can't override that (unless you are an utter nutcase adrenalin junkie of course.)
re: retirement homes - someone on here asked me for a recommendation and her horse has gone to 1 down south and she is very happy with how he is there, and it is surprisingly reasonable... and looks like horsey heaven to me. living out, small herds, interesting fields with shelter, rugged up, checked a few times daily, adlib hay, feet done, wormed, lovely place... about £23 a week all in iirc. amazing.
tbh though if she is chronically lame (even if low-grade), and now chronically miserable/difficult, those things might well be related. a horse in pain can become a malevolent horse... how old is she?
however good she has been to you in the past, this is the reality now. my best ever horse (grey in my siggy), in her retirement, suddenly had a big problem and vets couldn't do anything... she went to heaven very quickly after that. i'd happily have kept her another 20 years, i owed her a lot and begrudged her nothing, BUT it wasn't in her best interests. sometimes the hardest thing to do can be the best for the horse, and for you. i expect to get shot down in flames for what i am hinting at here, btw... but going swiftly and painlessly to heaven is NOT the worst thing that can happen to a horse, by a long chalk.
BIG HUGS to you.
oh, btw, if your OH does not make you feel good about yourself, sort him out, or ditch him. i was watching Dr Phil the other day and he said in exasperation to a moaning woman "you TEACH people how you want to be treated..." WOW. lightbulb moment there for me. So true.
*hugs and sympathy*

 

[Moggy in Manolos]

[ QUOTE ]
Have you had any lessons on her? It may be easier if you had someone there to help when you have problems. If your on your own its easy to get stuck in a rut with a problem then other things like arguements with OH etc make it seem ten times worse.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thats so true mac, unfortunately I do not have the spare cash for lessons with her at the moment, it is something I have recently thought about though to get her responding to me and treating me with more respect than she does sometimes. And I think your right about things being heightened by problems with OH's

 

[Moggy in Manolos]

[ QUOTE ]
Oh, I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so down. You are not alone, however, and you, me and many others feel so low at times we wonder if it is all worth it. What I am saying is, is that you are not alone, even if it feels like it.

Whilst I have no quick fix suggestions, what I do know is that you can ride out this storm but there are certain things in your life that you need to consider and change and you are the only one who can do that.

So far as your confidence, you are a member of a huge club of people, like yourself, whose confidence has taken a battering. Mine too, was all but shattered by a nasty fall earlier this year. I had to made a conscious choice that I either threw in the towel on something that has always been a part of my life or try to overcome my fears. I have decided to try to overcome my fears and I have good days, I have bad days but try not to push my boundaries too far.

Try not to have too high expectations of your relationship between you and your horse, it sounds as if you need to re-bond, like I did with Archie. Take small steps, deep breaths and remember we are here for you for reassurance. Without my fellow HHO's giving me support I do not think I would have a horse now, something I know I would have always regretted.

As for the OH, do you rely on him for supporting you and your horses? Perhaps you need to re-evaluate what makes you happier, being with him with the horses or getting rid of him and perhaps having to part with your horses. You and only you can change your future.

Good luck, huge hugs and I hope you are feeling better soon.

xxx

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks hun, really appreciate your words. It does seem like alot of us are suffering with it really. I do not want horses out of my life but I just wonder with seren if given everything(pedal bone & seizure) perhaps it is easier to retire her and just help others with their horses or find a share or something. I want to get over this with her but keep feeling like she is shaking my confidence away again, which takes hardly anything in fairness.
My OH does not contribute anything, I pay my own way completely for all rent bills and then my horse is my responsibility. I just wish I knew what was for the best, when you feel in a whole its hard to know, but thank you so much for your words, I really need to have a good think about all of this with no rash decisions involved.
Thanks again

 

[mac]

Even if there was someone at the yard your at to give you some support.I think it may make your decision easier as you may then progress and realise that you do want to work through the problem or you will decide that if your still not progressing with help it too much of a problem and its time to retire her. sorry if thats a bit rambling.
Joe.

 

[Moggy in Manolos]

[ QUOTE ]
ah, i didn't realise she was that limited in when you can ride her etc.
hmm, since it was a deliberate kick then i totally understand your concerns. the fact is that if a big strong animal deliberately hurts you (and shows other signs of being threatening/miserable, it sounds) then your natural survival instinct takes over, and you absolutely can't override that (unless you are an utter nutcase adrenalin junkie of course.)
re: retirement homes - someone on here asked me for a recommendation and her horse has gone to 1 down south and she is very happy with how he is there, and it is surprisingly reasonable... and looks like horsey heaven to me. living out, small herds, interesting fields with shelter, rugged up, checked a few times daily, adlib hay, feet done, wormed, lovely place... about £23 a week all in iirc. amazing.
tbh though if she is chronically lame (even if low-grade), and now chronically miserable/difficult, those things might well be related. a horse in pain can become a malevolent horse... how old is she?
however good she has been to you in the past, this is the reality now. my best ever horse (grey in my siggy), in her retirement, suddenly had a big problem and vets couldn't do anything... she went to heaven very quickly after that. i'd happily have kept her another 20 years, i owed her a lot and begrudged her nothing, BUT it wasn't in her best interests. sometimes the hardest thing to do can be the best for the horse, and for you. i expect to get shot down in flames for what i am hinting at here, btw... but going swiftly and painlessly to heaven is NOT the worst thing that can happen to a horse, by a long chalk.
BIG HUGS to you.
oh, btw, if your OH does not make you feel good about yourself, sort him out, or ditch him. i was watching Dr Phil the other day and he said in exasperation to a moaning woman "you TEACH people how you want to be treated..." WOW. lightbulb moment there for me. So true.
*hugs and sympathy*

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks hun, really appreciate it. She seems happy in herself just being a horse and is currently happily sound but for how long god only knows.

I would really appreciate those contact details of that retirement livery if you dont mind pm'ing me as it is something I am really thinking about given her age and health issues, she is 20 so has done well over the years. She is not ready to give up on life yet, she feels very good in herself from what I can tell just being a horse.

I really need to have a good think about all of this, I dont want to make any quick decisions about horse or OH.

Thankyou so much to you and all of you, I feel better for just talking to you guys on here. Just need to think about all of this regards retirement and see.

Perhaps the first thing I should do is get her eyes checked as I keep half joking saying it recently that she needs her eyes checked.

Thanks again to you all xxx