Feeling a bit deflated..

[barkinghorse]

As some of you know, i lost Jess a couple of weeks ago.
Still got William though and i thought that now i would go all out and get him working properly, as i felt we were stuck with each other.
Both of us have become nervous wrecks!!
My confidence has hit an all time low because he has become spooky and unmanageable, the old "feel like he's cooking something" nerves have come back and he's gone back to walking into fences rather than turning or standing when i ask.
I have a lesson this afternoon and i feel like cancelling it because my hearts not in it and my nerves are shredded, it's a new instructor and i worry she will push me too hard.
I really miss Jess and now i feel the fun aspect of riding has gone. As horrible as it sounds, i can't help being bitter over the fact that out of the two of them, why did i have to lose her?
I want to cut my loses and run but like i said before, we are stuck with each other.
Jo xx

 

[Greyhound]

Hey BH it is ok to be sad and upset and feel like you wish it wasnt her time to go. You feel this pain because you care and there is nothing wrong with that.

Tell your instructor your problems, and if she is good she will tailor the lesson to help you get your confidence issues sorted. Go to the lesson and relax and have a deep look at what riding means to you. Once you relax and stop worrying you horse may stop spooking.

Best of Luck

Sorry I am not alot of help

Gh

 

[pottamus]

Sorry to hear that but why are you 'stuck with each other'? I don't know your background but it is natural to feel so despondant after loosing a friend. Do you and William not really get on then anyway? Have you had a fall from him or something? It sounds as though you perhaps need a bit more time to get over the loss of Jess and perhaps try to bond with your other horse on the ground rather than pushing yourself into riding him when your heart is not in it. These things take time...alot of it too.

 

[juliehannah58]

Aww Jo, it's perfectly normal to feel a bit like this after losing such a close friend. I know I didn't feel like doing anything with my other horses after I lost my old girl.

Have your lesson tonight, I'm sure it will make you feel much better. Lessons are supposed to build your confidence up! Think of some small goals you want to achieve with him tonight in your lesson, you will feel so much better with a direction and a few things to aim at.

Time is a healer and I am sure you will feel better soon

(((HUGS))))

 

[Kelly1982]

Oh hun i am so sorry you are feeling this way

Its always hard loosing an animal, especially one that you have had for so long and know inside and out!!

I still think you should have your lesson and just explain to the instructor how you feel. If she is a good instructor she will take this on board and not push you. I think you should just take things slowly with Will and learn to trust each other again.

If he has really knocked your confidence that much though then maybe it is time to sell so you can move on and start having fun again otherwise you may start to end up resenting each other.

 

[frannieuk]

I'm so sorry to hear how you're feeling hun. PLease don't cancel your lesson, but have a good long chat with the instructor before you even get on, it sounds to me as though the whole thing is tied up with your grief for Jess. Perhaps your relationship with William is suffering because of this and he senses your bittnerness (which is completely natural btw) and is responding in the onloy way he can.
If your instructor is worth her salt she will help you to rebuild a raltionship with William, and will help you grieve for Jess with him, rather than the two of you fighting against each other. I hope that you feel better soon hun, PM me if you like x

 

[katelarge]

God that last sentence really strikes a chord with how I felt about my horse at the start of this year. He had started misbehaving at shows, to the point where I would have to retire him fron classes, and he had started being naughty on hacks too. If someone had come up to me with cash for him, I'd have sold him on the spot, it was awful.

What we did was have a complete change of scene. I moved yards to somewhere much nicer, and the horse was effectively put on holiday, only being ridden at weekends. Months later we are all MUCH happier with each other, sadly he has had laminitis which was a unepxected setback, but his behaviour has turned around 100%, as has my atttitude to him.

You may not necc want to move yards, but what about a holiday for you both? Can he go and have a few months in a field while you grieve for Jess? I really think if you persist with the mindset you're in, you'll make yourself totally miserable. It IS OK to have problems with your horse and even fall out of love with them, it's much more common than you think as I realised when I started telling people about my horse. I felt all kinds of awful things about him, really! Believe me, you both need some time out, so take it now, please, if you can. Feel free to pm if you think it'll help. hugs xx

 

[barkinghorse]

We are stuck with each other because he is an EPSM horse that i rescued 2 years ago, at the time i didn't know of his condition and even a biopsy later on came back negative. He will never pass a vetting and although i bought him to stop him going to the knackers yard, i never intended to keep him. He was sold as a 9yr old riding horse and when the vets came to check him over,(after i had bought him) he was scanned and a microchip revealed he was a well bred 5 yr old racehorse!
The moment money passed hands i made a commitment and will not allow him to ever be in such a bad situation again, therefore i have to try and make the best of it and make sure he's looked after until suchtime a perfect home can be found.
Jo xx

 

[Kelly1982]

Hi Jo

My horse had EPSM and the biopsy also came back negative, he had shivers and locking stiffles as well as a muscle problem. He would never of passed a vetting in a million years.

I managed to find him the perfect home with someone who knew all about his problems and i honestly think that he is happier there than he was with me.

It may take a bit longer to find him the perfect home but i dont think you are 'stuck' with him.

In the meantime though i really think you should talk to your instructor as she will help you be able to build you confidence and trust in Will again. And maybe spend more time with him on the ground getting to know each other again.

 

[katelarge]

Second the groundwork idea. When things got so bad with mine that I'd refuse to ride him, we went for hacks in hand. I also felt stuck with mine for the reason he'd never pass a vetting but that doesn't necc mean he could never find a new home. If you loan him to someone who really gels with him, they might well want him even without a vetting, although of course you'd have to ask a reasonable price to relfect this. However he still needs his behaviour issues sorted out before he changes home, ideally. I still think you need tome out from horses and riding in general though. It's not an easy thing to say or to realise, but in my case anyway, it really helped.

 

[Hornby]

As others have suggested, it seems it me that you owe yourself a break and no pressure while you come to terms with the loss of your other horse.....take some time out and then come back to William, hopefully with a clearer idea of what you want to do next.....thinking of you