Feeling a bit deflated

[Hamlet]

Some of you will know me from the racehorse to riding horse thread and that is what I’m a bit deflated about.

My ex racer has turned out a little trickier than expected and honestly I think it’s my yard setup that’s doing it. She’s out with two others and can see most all the other horses that are out also, I’ve been working on her separation anxiety and it was getting better, I’ve been there with my other horse and cured him of it. Hers is strange though, she’s mainly attached to just one mare and is mainly ok if the mare is in her stable but looses her shit if the mare is out in the field. So as the months tick by and it gets closer to them being out 24/7 I’m worrying the situation is going to get even worse as the mare will always be in the field. I can’t swap fields as the only one with space is with a riggy gelding which is a no go.

I also think half the issue is…I can’t find the energy to fix/ride through the problems. I’ve done it previously so I know that I can ride through it but my head is telling me to sell and just get something easier. I felt I was ready for an ROR project of my own as I’ve helped with others before and I’m currently working with one at work. But this mare is a whole other barrel. Her groundwork has come on massively and she looks so much better than when she came to me and I think she’s going to make someone a cracking horse, she’s so brave and will do anything you ask…as long as her mate isn’t calling for her and sending her crackers.

So just feeling a bit meh, maybe it’s the time of year but summer is making me feel sad as I can’t see that I’m going to be able to take part in much at all. I spent all of last year on diagnostics for my other lad who I’d had from a baby who is now retired relatively young. I didn’t mind a project, I love training and watching them progress but the attachment is just a big bump in the road that I can’t seem to overcome.

Any advice or anyone who wants a genuinely lovely mare who can offer a better setup than I can please step forward ?

 

[Trouper]

I'm so sorry to read this. It's not surprising that she is still feeling vulnerable as in her "old life" she would be used to doing everything with her chums at much the same time

I don't have the knowledge or experience to give you the answers to this I am afraid but I do wonder if contacting some folk who specialise in re-training ex-racers might give you some ideas to try before you think about letting her go??

 

[TPO]

Warwick Schiller has some good videos about separation anxiety on YouTube that might help

 

[JackFrost]

I know nothing about ex racers, but it seems to me that you have taken on a project, greatly improved her, and now she is ready to make, as you say, a cracking horse for someone in a better set-up. So sell, with a warning that she can get fixated on other horses and needs work in this area (which may be confidence, respect, more socialising or something else). If it's just one mare she has attached to, moving her on may be the best choice, as this other mare isn't helping things. Perhaps this is an over-simplification, but there seem to be more reasons in all your circumstances to sell than keep her, and you should feel positive about what you have achieved.

 

[Carrottom]

Would moving yards be an option, maybe to somewhere with more of a herd or more flexible turnout. What is she like if you take her away from the other mare, to a different location?

 

[Hamlet]

Thank you Trouper. I have researched some trainers as I do need help with this mare. But it’s a lot of money and at the minute I’m really unsure if I want to spend it, I know that sounds horrible. But I have spent a lot on her already getting her fixed up and sorted that I do not regret spending but the thought of spending a lot more when my heart isn’t in it…

Thanks TPO we have been doing a lot of Warwick and Jason Webb groundwork and it helps…until the other mare shouts for her and then it all comes undone again.

Thanks JF, I’ve never sold a horse so it’s an odd feeling. And I do feel as though I will let her down as if we got on she’d have a lovely life with me and if I sell her I can’t 100% guarantee that. That’s not me saying nobody else could look after her as well as I can, I’m sure many people out there could do better but I feel very responsible for her welfare and feel I haven’t done enough to set her up to succeed.

As horrible as this sounds I’d rather sell the horse than move yards! I’m one of the rare lucky ones on a lovely DIY yard, have lots of friends there and people willing to help and who have tried to help including a couple of very experienced horse women. On top of that it’s very close to home and has a great school, on site hacking and the best turnout in the area, they haven’t had a day in yet this year. She’s ok to do stuff on her own in the school if the other mare is in the stable but it’s not out of earshot so if the other mare shouts for her it gets her in a tizz and it’s a struggle to get her back and if you’re on board it’s even worse. She’s almost impossible if the mare is still out in the field.

 

[Carrottom]

I understand why you want to stay at the yard, sounds great. It does sound like it is the other mare's behaviour that sets yours off. If you could take her off the yard for some lessons/riding club rallies/arena hire or even low level competitions you might be able to get her to focus on you., which could be the start to solving the problem.

 

[ihatework]

First thing I’d do is pop her on some regumate