Feeling down about my LOU horse-is this normal?

Aragon56

Aragon56

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I have a 14 year old Irish cob mare who has torn DDFTs in both front feet. Although she was diagnosed with this whilst on loan last year, it wasn't until we had an mri scan done in march this year that it was properly confirmed, and the extent of the damage was much worse than we thought. I was hugely upset at the time, and still don't feel I can really get 'over' it. I'm still having moments where I get very emotional about it and have a bit of a cry at the things she's no longer able to do. I know a horses ambition in life is none other than to eat as much as possible but I can't help but think she feels left out? The other week she had her 'L' freezemark done which I hoped would bring closure, but it hasn't really.

She is field sound and up until 3 weeks ago was hacking out lightly, but she seems to have tweaked it again and has been lame when ridden, so is having some time off and I'm trying a new tendon supplement. I feel like what the vet said at the time of her scan is coming true; she just won't stand up to riding and will never be 100% sound.
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I am just so gutted, still, as she was/is a horse in a million and although she could be a bit of a t*t at times, I've never ridden another horse that is on the same level as her and that I felt truly comfortable with. I feel guilty that the injury happened on loan, and whilst I don't blame her loaner who was fantastic with her, I can't help but wonder what if I'd never put her out on loan. I'm also annoyed that her tendon took so long to diagnose-(she kept trotting up sound for the vets), and the only thing they could recommend was box and field rest, now I really wish I had insisted on ultrasound treatment. We never realised how bad the damage was at the time, and as it is theres no other treatment my vet could recommend, so thats pretty much it.

My parents are non horsey and are convinced that the loaner pushed her too hard, causing the injury, I don't believe this as my loaner was great with her but I've now got niggling doubts in my mind about why/when it happened-I guess we will never truly know. It has caused lots of debate and discussions and I know they're sick of me talking about it. My sister has a pony but is so selfish about letting me ride her occasionally that it just ends up being a huge row.

The fact that I live in Bristol and my horse is kept in Leicester (where I'm originally from) doesn't help either-I feel eternally guilty that I am not there enough for her, and end up overcompensating by making sure she is treated like a queen, I feel like no-one can look after her as well as I can. During the week I have 2 sharers helping, who I really hope will stick around even if she does go on/off lame, and at weekends I am usually there. All the driving is exhausting though and it can't go on forever. For financial reasons I can't have her down in Bristol, I'm miles away from decent yards, also I am not sure I will stay here much longer at this rate.

I can't afford another horse, but desperately want to ride again. I've looked into shares in Bristol but everyone seems to want about £80 a month, which I know is reasonable, but I feel like I may as well put that money into bringing Angel down here instead.

I feel like I'm in a catch 22. I have tried to make the most of the fact that I still have a horse that is able to hack, but its causing me so much worry, upset and guilt, I don't seem to be coping well at all.

Sorry for the essay, I just need some outside perspective on this and maybe a kick up the arse.
 
Consider breeding from her? Is this an option?
You could even keep her at stud on grass livery.........she'd love it!
Horses make us feel guilty all the time ((((((hugs))))))
 
It is very usual to feel this way. Jesper has been retired since February this year with collateral ligament damage, and was retired to hacking a year before that. He's only just 11 yrs old. He was my dressage star who had so much potential. Like yours he was on/off lame for ages when retired to hacking but we called it a day because it was more heart breaking to see him on off lame than to finally make the decision.
I still get days when I cry about it. I'm lucky we have a yearling for me to concentrate on but similarly I have nothing to ride, except my friend is a gem and lends me hers at weekends for hacks.
I'm afraid I have no practical suggestions, but time does help. I also find focusing on how happy just owning him makes me works wonders. *hugs*
 
Can you afford to keep her on grass retirement livery and to get another riding horse? There are good places offering this service as long as you keep paying for it.
 
Thank you everyone. I think we are probably heading down the same road to full time retirement if she keeps going lame.
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I have thought about breeding her, and the vet suggested it too, but I got a bit of a reaction on here when I mentioned it! I know absolutely nothing about foals, breeding, have no idea about her bloodlines and also worry about it being a confirmation fault, the extra weight on her tendons wouldn't do her much good either.

Flame_ my parents do actually have a big field that isn't being used, so the plan is to give her to the end of this year and then make a decision on retiring her. With them being non horsey though, I wouldn't want to force them into looking after Angel when I'm not there if its not something they want to do. I also wouldn't keep her on her own so would have to get a companion, so 2 for them to look after. Its all pointing to me having to move back to Leicester, which, for career reasons, I don't really want to do just yet.
 
My horse is lou but iv been lucky as now rideable but i think its a good idea to breed her if you can keep the foal or find a very good home gives her the rest and if the unthinkable should happen to her you will have her baby your lucky to have a mare and more choices
 
I think you are sensible in holding the decision off til the end of the year. You are very fortunate in that your parents have land at home, so perhaps you could tie in moving her there when the time is right for you to move bac?
On the companion front, ppl are tripping over themselves looking for companion homes.
On the breeding front, it is not something that needs an immediate decision....have a good think as the pleasure of breeding your own is so rewarding and raising the foal for yourself to rear and ride is such a lovely experience. Please do not let your lack of experience prevent you from doing this and don't let anyone put you off as they all had a first foal once...I must admit i would be reluctant to suggest it for you if i thought you would move the foal on, but i know it would be for your pleasure alone. As for the tendon injury during pregnancy, your vet would not suggest it if it was unwise. There are many unsound mares who breed, its a natural occurance.
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I felt exactly the same when my horse of a lifetime had ringbone that was progressively getting worse. I could only afford one horse and the prospect of a field ornament for years was awful.
It was wierd really as one day I just accepted that she wouldnt be ridden again, she was only 8 yrs old and for how bad I had felt previously I suddenly felt fine about it all. We had decided to see how she went as winter was approaching and I had one last quiet ride which I loved. She really was fantastic. A few days later I went to the stables early morning and my poor mare had colic but really bad. Vet came said it required surgery but didnt give a good prognosis so we decided to have her PTS. Considering a few months earlier I was so down at retiring her I was absolutely devastated that she was gone.
How you are feeling is normal.
 
Oh wow, I know just where you are coming from - my irish cob also tore his DDFT. I too went through agonies blaming myself, that is so normal going over the past and I think just part of the process when you care for something and it breaks! After 4 years I have come to the conclusion that the confirmation of the horse massively contributed to the problem and it really isn't something you can see coming. You have to foucs on the fact she has been a lucky girl to have such a good life and good owner. Lots of horses don't get that.

Regarding the future, my Irish Cob has settled down very nicely to being a field horse (which some horses dont). He does work though, I use him to keep other horses company as he is a calm influence, teach the youngsters manners, and I let the kids ride him bareback at walk because he is so safe!

So why not advertise him as a companion horse - but offer to contribute say farriers fees/insurance/holiday cover/whatever you can, if you can continue to have an interest in her. You have nothing to lose by putting up an advert and seeing who comes along. When I was looking for a companion horse, I would really welcomed something that came with a person to look after it and allow me to get away occassionally!!

Good luck, I do know how distressing it is.
 
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I think you are sensible in holding the decision off til the end of the year. You are very fortunate in that your parents have land at home, so perhaps you could tie in moving her there when the time is right for you to move bac?
On the companion front, ppl are tripping over themselves looking for companion homes.
On the breeding front, it is not something that needs an immediate decision....have a good think as the pleasure of breeding your own is so rewarding and raising the foal for yourself to rear and ride is such a lovely experience. Please do not let your lack of experience prevent you from doing this and don't let anyone put you off as they all had a first foal once...I must admit i would be reluctant to suggest it for you if i thought you would move the foal on, but i know it would be for your pleasure alone. As for the tendon injury during pregnancy, your vet would not suggest it if it was unwise. There are many unsound mares who breed, its a natural occurance.
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Yes I'm really really lucky to have the use of a field if I want it. I just don't want to burden my parents with 2 horses to look after! I'd definitely take on another companion pony if I went down this route, as theres so many out there who could do with a home for similar reasons to Angel.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I wouldn't breed from her unless I was going to keep the foal myself, there'd be no point otherwise. I'll have a think about it, I already know she's a good mum as she actually had a foal when she was 6-she arrived over from Ireland pregnant!
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Oh wow, I know just where you are coming from - my irish cob also tore his DDFT. I too went through agonies blaming myself, that is so normal going over the past and I think just part of the process when you care for something and it breaks! After 4 years I have come to the conclusion that the confirmation of the horse massively contributed to the problem and it really isn't something you can see coming. You have to foucs on the fact she has been a lucky girl to have such a good life and good owner. Lots of horses don't get that.

Regarding the future, my Irish Cob has settled down very nicely to being a field horse (which some horses dont). He does work though, I use him to keep other horses company as he is a calm influence, teach the youngsters manners, and I let the kids ride him bareback at walk because he is so safe!

So why not advertise him as a companion horse - but offer to contribute say farriers fees/insurance/holiday cover/whatever you can, if you can continue to have an interest in her. You have nothing to lose by putting up an advert and seeing who comes along. When I was looking for a companion horse, I would really welcomed something that came with a person to look after it and allow me to get away occassionally!!

Good luck, I do know how distressing it is.

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Thank you, I'm glad to hear its normal. I just hate feeling so down about it, I'm not the type to cry easily but I get emotional just thinking about her!

I would never sell her now so would be reluctant to advertise her as a companion horse, even if it was just for loan. I'd move her to my parents field if it came to that. As it is she's not a huge financial burden anyway-she's kept at my aunt's riding school on free grass livery which is handy.
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My mare sounds very similar in temperament to your Irish cob! I could also trust her with kids on and she's happy to plod around when it suits her. Luckily she is the type that isn't bothered about
being a field ornament, she's happy to eat all day, otherwise I'm not sure what I'd do. last winter when she was on complete field rest my loaner and I did think that she felt a little bit left out though. I have no idea when it comes to confirmation and if its related to that, but would be happy to post pics on here if anyone is an expert in that field and could tell me if its a possibility.

Louby-sorry to hear about your horse, that must have been devastating. Kind of puts it into perspective really.
 
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