Feeling down

Sossigpoker

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Long time reader but not so much of a poster here.

I had a serious riding accident 9 months ago in which I fractured my spine. I have now bought (about 6 weeks ago) a new horse , a 6 yo cob gelding. He is kept at a yard where a pro rider is bringing him on and helping him.

I'm feeling a bit low because in the last week or so he's bolted twice, both times apparently due to being frightened of something. The first time I fell off but thankfully due to wearing my Hit Air I wasn't hurt. Today he did it again out hacking, something in the hedge (maybe cattle or a deer) spooked him and he bombed off. I managed to do an emergency stop but then I panicked and had to get off.
I just feel like everyone else gets a new horse and the horse is perfect and they have a lovely time . And I keep buying these wrong horses and things keep going wrong for me. Obviously that bolting has really frightened me, although I have to try and stay positive and recognise that I stopped him and actually wasn't even close to coming off. But I just feel like shit, like I can't ride. Like I keep buying shit horses and like everyone else has a nice time with their horses and I keep having accidents. I basically just want to cry .
Not sure what I'm after here, guess just wanted to air my feelings anonymously- I find Facebook so bitchy I wouldn't share these things under my own name there.

Thanks for reading ?
 

blitznbobs

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If you’re nervous always buy older... at 6 a horse is still learning and despite what sellers and others might say just don’t have the miles on the clock... a sensible 6 year old Won’t put a toe out of line for a confident rider (also what a confident rider and a nervous rider views as a spook is very different so the confident rider doesn’t lie when they say it doesn’t spook because in their eyes It doesn’t) having been an incredibly confident rider in the past and lost my nerve having something “brain dead “ for a while is a good thing.
 

Julie Ole Girl

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I'm sure once the regulars read this you will realise YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I bought my first horse as a grown up (pony as a kid) when I was nearly 60. An ex pointer, 'complete gentleman' from people I knew. I never got back on him after the trial, he couldn't bear a GP saddle and nobody else could get on him either. I persevered for 4 months and gave him back...no money returned (don't ask!). Then I got an ISH, beautiful looking but a little bastard, he bucked me off, reared and bolted, kicked me so bad I had to go to A+E, he had no respect for me. I cut my losses and sold him. I'm on my third now, she's 20 and absolutely lovely but with minor health issues due to her age. My suggestion is if you are not happy and have not 'felt the love' yet, then find someone who will sell that horse for you, and will find you something suitable.
 

Sossigpoker

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I'm sure once the regulars read this you will realise YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I bought my first horse as a grown up (pony as a kid) when I was nearly 60. An ex pointer, 'complete gentleman' from people I knew. I never got back on him after the trial, he couldn't bear a GP saddle and nobody else could get on him either. I persevered for 4 months and gave him back...no money returned (don't ask!). Then I got an ISH, beautiful looking but a little bastard, he bucked me off, reared and bolted, kicked me so bad I had to go to A+E, he had no respect for me. I cut my losses and sold him. I'm on my third now, she's 20 and absolutely lovely but with minor health issues due to her age. My suggestion is if you are not happy and have not 'felt the love' yet, then find someone who will sell that horse for you, and will find you something suitable.
Until he bolted in the school the first time I was totally besotted with him. He's very sweet , he's just nervous. Maybe because I'm tired and my back is hurting I'm just having a woe is me day. It just seems that everyone else only has great times with their new horses , that's what's getting to me.
He bolted because something frightened him not because he's a shitbag, im sure of that.
 

stormox

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Maybe he wasn't bolting? Just tanking off after a spook because he can!!
If you look at people walls and pages it is very easy to think everyone has a perfect horse, jumps in a perfect position, rosettes at every show.
That is far from the truth - people just tend to post successes never failures. We post what we want the world to see, not the embarrassing falls and eliminations.
If he is genuinely nervous put spooks in the school or up your drive and lead him pasta few times before you ride past. If hes being naughty, short reins kick on positive and whichever way he spooks pull him the other way head towards it.
Dont be upset life is full of ups and downs.... and the downs help us appreciate the ups.
 

Pearlsasinger

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If you think he is the wrong horse for you, you could ask the pro to sell him on for you. He just sounds as if he needs to get his confidence from the rider

Next time buy a horse that you can ride yourself from the word 'go'. If you need someone to school it/bring it on for you, it really isn't the horse for you. atm. I would put 'confidence giver' into search engines.
 

gallopingby

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Sousi what a shame, l hope you’re ok. I agree, if you’re not happy and having fun ask someone to sell the horse for you. It’s not nice if you can’t go out and have a nice time.
Ask someone to help you find another horse, Ignore everyone that tells you that X is an ugly horse - if he’s going to do your job then buy him! I know people who have sold the ugly schoolmaster and lived to regret it, there will be one out there waiting for you and hopefully you’ll soon be able to enjoy riding again.
 

Cortez

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No, everybody else isn't having only perfect, great times with their new horses, horses aren't like that. At six he's still a young, green horse and probably not the horse you need right now. There is no shame in acknowledging that and selling him on. You need a genuinely bombproof confidence giver, he needs a gung-ho rider that will be up for all his baby moves.
 

Sossigpoker

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Maybe he wasn't bolting? Just tanking off after a spook because he can!!
If you look at people walls and pages it is very easy to think everyone has a perfect horse, jumps in a perfect position, rosettes at every show.
That is far from the truth - people just tend to post successes never failures. We post what we want the world to see, not the embarrassing falls and eliminations.
If he is genuinely nervous put spooks in the school or up your drive and lead him pasta few times before you ride past. If hes being naughty, short reins kick on positive and whichever way he spooks pull him the other way head towards it.
Dont be upset life is full of ups and downs.... and the downs help us appreciate the ups.
He tanked off and he's definitely not doing it because he's naughty. The first time it happened I came off because I just carried on pulling in a panic and gripping with my legs which made him go faster and then my saddle slipped ?. With him you need to pull him up and then go soft and reassure him. When he jumped forwards today for the second time I managed to do that and he was fine.
I don't know what's up today, until today I adored him, now I just want to cry and feel sorry for myself.
 

Winters100

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Poor you, it is a difficult position to be in. I do agree that it sounds like a lovely schoolmaster or mistress would help you as a confidence giver, and also would be the safest way to bring back the riding fitness after such a long break. You have a few options, but maybe one would be to let the pro bring him on for a while and look for a lovely older horse to loan or share for a year or so in the meantime, if of course this is do-able from a financial perspective. Do also keep in mind though that at 6 he would be easy to find a nice new home for, and this would avoid the cost of training etc, you don't need to make a decision right now, but you might want to think about that at some point.

I am really sorry that you are in this position, but you are not alone. Every long term horse owner has had their successes and also the ones who just were not the right horse. Only you can say if this is the case, but if it is moving on and finding your perfect horse is entirely possible,
 

Sossigpoker

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Thanks Winters. His schooling is coming along nicely with the pro rider, she obviously doesn't find him challenging only nervous. And he is quick to learn too and clearly intelligent. He's a nice personality, bit tricky to catch ATMbut otherwise very pleasant to handle and polite.
Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow, maybe today is just a crap day. My coach says to give it 6 months and then if after 6 months he isn't up to doing the things I want to do then sell him, but chances are I will feel differently by then.
Maybe this is teething problems as he's only been with me for 6 weeks ? Maybe I'm just being too hard on myself?
 

irishdraft

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I think 6 weeks with a new horse is a very short time frame young cob needs time to settle ,probably everyone who buys a horse has things they need to get to grips with. I think it takes at least 6 months to get to know a horse . You are understandably a bit nervous but you managed to pull him up and didn't fall off which is a win . Just keep positive and keep your coach helping you and hopefully all will be fine
 

Sir barnaby

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Were you out alone or in company, I had Barney for quite a few weeks on loan before I decided to buy him, although I’d know him for quite a long time with previous owner so I knew his history, which really helped, I went over to pay for him and get his passport. The following day I took him out and he bucked me off and bolted home, it shook me up a bit but I got back to the yard got back on and out we went again I rode him more positive and took him quite a way before I brought him back. I really thought I’d done the wrong thing but 6 years on I still have him after that day he hasn’t really put a foot wrong. He’s blind in one eye so can spook quite quickly, I recently bought a acavello gel - in seat saver and gosh it sits me so well in the saddle that when he does have a spooky days shying at his own shadow I don’t move in the saddle and just send him forward confidently. If you were out on your own I would recommend that you maybe ride with a friend for awhile.
we all have these sort of days so don’t worry too much.
 

Sossigpoker

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I think 6 weeks with a new horse is a very short time frame young cob needs time to settle ,probably everyone who buys a horse has things they need to get to grips with. I think it takes at least 6 months to get to know a horse . You are understandably a bit nervous but you managed to pull him up and didn't fall off which is a win . Just keep positive and keep your coach helping you and hopefully all will be fine
Thank you. Once you reassure him he accepts it and calms down he is very genuine in that respect. I just feel like a failure for panicking, although when he shot forwards today for the second time I stopped him after a few strides and had the presence of mind to take my leg off, soften and reassure. And it worked!
I'm a perfectionist so I guess I'm just beating myself up for not being as capable as my coach, an intermediate event rider and her husband who used to SJ for England . ?
 

Sossigpoker

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I don't ride on my own ATM so yes my coach was with me. She teaches me as we hack and she is absolutely fantastic!
In a way I'm pleased to hear , Sir Barnby, that you didn't get to the best start but are now having a great time. Glad it's not just me! I had my previous horse for nearly 15 years , guess I need to remember that it wasn't great to start with him either but what a lovely hacking buddy he was in the end.
 

Dyllymoo

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Gosh you have been through it.

I've a 6 year old cob and did a woe is me post a little bit ago so completely feel for you.

Its taken around a year for J to properly settle and for us to hack out confidently and happily.

He is the sweetest boy who doesn't bat an eyelid but has previously bolted home when I long reined him out.

6 weeks is nothing for him to settle especially if he is being schooled a lot. Ive left mine to mature and hacked a lot over the past year. Not saying this is what you need to do but it might help him.

He may not quite be right for you if you are nervous and he is nervous. I was nervous when I got J but on my viewing I rode in the school, hacked out solo past Arctic lorries and cantered in a field (something I hadn't done in 2 years!).

Also re: everyone else.... social media is always the rose tinted view of things. Try not to take it to heart
 

Sossigpoker

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Hey! Sorry to read you're having a rotten time. I have a nervous pony, he tends to shoot off sometimes & sometimes I fall off.
There's no shame in deciding he's not for you, but you could also look at getting some outside help in.
Big hug. I totally feel your pain.
Thanks good to know there are other nervous ponios out there! My coach rides him more than I do ATM, just seems every time I ride him something goes wrong ??
 

Bambelina

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From what I’ve learnt over the years, nobody has that perfect horse, and if it is it has either taken a lot of work to get to that point or is only perfect for one thing in particular. For example, a few years ago before getting my mare I loaned an utter saint of a horse. Safe as houses to be around on the ground, and out hacking was brilliant. So for a happy hacker he was a dream. But the more I got back into riding (had previously had a few years break after selling my childhood ponies) the more I wanted to do and this horse wouldn’t and couldn’t jump, and had hardly ever been in a school in his 20 years on earth, so whilst he was perfect for his owner, for me he was not, in the end! (Although still special to me!)
My childhood ponies were both not easy and I was always the one getting dumped at a show or arriving back from a hack 20 minutes after my pony who had bucked me off and bolted back home. My mare now is not easy at all, and is still very much a work in progress, I don’t ‘enjoy’ every ride still. What I mean to say is please remember that social
Media is all very much smoke and mirrors, people only put the best versions of their life up! Also there is no shame in admitting you don’t have the horse you want or currently ‘need’!!! X
 

asmp

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The horse I’ve owned for 13 years scared the life out of me the first year (along with a couple of expensive vets bills). His speciality was spinning and I went out the side door numerous times. He turned out to be a brilliant all rounder. Still spooks at a flower but is great in heavy traffic.

However, owning a horse is supposed to be fun so if you decide he isn’t the right one for you, don’t feel bad about selling him.
 

doodle

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I got Robin 4.5 years ago. I was initially anxious about hacking him but told myself I just had to do it. We have a lovely big field on the yard and I decided that would be perfect. Plan was just to have a nice walk round. First day he was very tense but nothing too bad. I thought I just had to keep repeating till calm. So next day off we go. He had an utter melt down. Exploaded and leapt all over the place. Made myself carry on with him and me soooo tense. He spotted a dear. He froze and I got off. Led him round field and he was lathered sweat by the time we got to gate. Yo took over, got on him and cantered him round 3 times. He was perfect. She then started eventing him, then another girl evented him. All singing praises, he had the odd moment but was great and nothing better than going for a canter round the fields. I was terrified to hack him. I would get on and walk up and down the drive. Would occasionally do a longer road hack. I was terrified of going in a field with him.

beginning of last year I had another sharer. It very quickly went wrong and she was very nasty to me. I didn’t deserve a horse like him, he was too good for me and I didn’t treat him right by not riding enough. I decided I needed to sell OR learn to ride him myself. I decided I couldn’t sell.

I realised I was riding him wrong. With Minto and soli you had to sit very very quietly. I did the same with robin. The more wound up he got the more I darent move. This scares him. I was making the situation a million times worse and he couldn’t cope. I learned I needed to RIDE him. Best bet for a field was to put leg on, take a contact and trot. He likes his hand to be held and he panics if he feels you have deserted him.

I started very slowly. I would walk along the side of a certain field to a strip of set aside. I would ride a large circle in trot and come back. Whole thing would take 10mins max. I ignored the comments from the yard about not riding for terribly long. I slowly slowly built up. Pushing my braveness but having seen him out eventing I knew he wouldn’t do anything toooo wild. Initially made the circles bigger and going further down field. But always making myself take control and riding him. I would go out alone as I didn’t have to worry about another horse setting him off.

I have just been for a hack. Cantering round stubble fields for an hour and having the best time. I can’t imagine being scared to ride him. He is bold and forward. And yep they were right having a canter round a field IS the best feeling ever. People are now commenting how happy we look and how confident we are. And in fact have now been the nanny to nervous people!!!

He still has the odd bounce which makes me laugh. He does occasionally see something that makes him anxious. The thing now is if he does I put my leg on and tell him he is ok and he believes me.
It’s not been plain sailing. Last summer he had a different sharer who was too scared to hack him out which actually made me feel better.

So what I am trying to say is it is not easy for everyone with a new horse. I really struggled with him. I said I would never hack him again. I didn’t even much like riding in the school. But again getting to know him better means I know he is perfectly happy to go in the school but day in day out he gets bored and then he gets backwards which makes him spooky and silly. We now hack out all the time and can’t wait to ride again. I did take great pleasure hacking out with nasty sharer on her horse. She was the nervous one and we were leading her up the field in canter. And. Is she has booked us to nanny her as she dosnt think her horse will be ok going a certain route.

So it can be done. 6 weeks is no time. If he is feeling anxious try changing how you ride him. If I ride Minto the way I ride robin I would be in orbit. But riding robin the way I rode Minto also had us in orbit.
 

Summit

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Nervous horse plus nervous rider doesnt work. Sorry to be blunt. I’ve seen it many times. I would advise to move him on now and find your dream horse xx

I agree with this. I had a break for a few years and two years ago bought another horse. A 6 year old who turned out to be too much for me to manage. Totally shot my confidence :oops:. I accepted he wasn’t right and too young for me to just hack so I sold him - he’s now point2pointing.

I then bought a 19 year old much more fitting to my requirements and confidence levels
 

canteron

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We all have a tendency to boast about our successes and keep our failures quiet, so you aren't alone.

My failures have made me really enjoy ground works and 'spook busting' work so that if I don't want to ride I have heaps to do. Look at horse agility and similar - it really makes a huge amount of different to a horses (and therefore your) confidence. I am also currently looking at the 'Adventures with Junku' stuff - he is a top dressage rider who likes to have a confident horse, look at the 'Scatterproof' series if you want inspiration, and he also teaches other dressage stuff in hand. I think he is really good at explaining that you always reward relaxation and exactly what to look for (that makes the difference between horse confidence building and the dreaded desensitisation).

Deep breath and find the right way forward for you!
 

Sossigpoker

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Kamikaze thank you for sharing this. My coach is teaching me how to ride him, as he is quite forward it's easy to not use leg on him and what he needs is to feel your leg, so that's a challenge for me.
My problem is that I can't sit still enough , again what he needs is a rider who is balanced and doesn't move too much.
I'm hoping he will relax with time, he's having a chiropractor to see if there's tension behind his ears and top line (pretty sure there is). He grinds the bit which appears to be anxiety related. His teeth were bad on arrival but they've been sorted out.
I'm so pleased you learned how to enjoy him, gives me hope yet!
 

thefarsideofthefield

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I would say be a bit kinder to yourself ! Have you considered that you may be suffering from PTSD following your serious accident ? Nine months is no time at all - no wonder you froze/panicked when your horse behaved unpredictably and then felt so stressed and anxious afterwards . Rather than beating yourself up and dwelling on the negatives , you should be looking at the positives . At the end of the day you dealt with the situation - perhaps not perfectly , but you DID deal with it . Well done you !
 
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