Feeling guilty after having pony P.T.S.

minesadouble

minesadouble

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Is this normal? Had my daughter's old pony P.T.S. on Monday (you may have heard, daughter is thedunthing - pony Shorty).
I suppose I am lucky that I only had to make this decision once before despite having horses all of my life. First time there was little choice - pony was on operating table for colic surgery and we had made the decision that if when pony was opened up it looked bad we wouldn't try to save her.
This time however pony just wasn't very well and got progressively worse, had vets out numerous times, all tests, bloods etc. taken came back normal, it must have been related to an allergy as over the 3 years we had him he would deteriorate over the summer then pick up in the winter.
He had suffered increasingly over the 3 summers we had him, filled legs, weight loss and intermittent colicy symptoms. This summer he really went back, over the space of 10 days and went from being thin to looking like an advert for grass sickness, his hind legs were hugely filled to the point where the front of his hocks were oozing serum. We had considered having him P.T.S a week ago but then he really picked up mentally and was just like his happy old self. Last Sunday however he started with the colicy symptoms again and was up and down, when we left he was eating the grass quite happily as normal, but we made the decision to call that if nothing further could be done we would have him P.T.S.
Vet came out and could not think of any further action to take so he was put to sleep by injection, he went quickly and peacefully, but now it is done I keep having huge pangs of guilt, wondering if there is something else I could have done or whether he would have been happier left as he was. Is it normal to feel this way? Before he was put down I really thought I would feel sad but relieved as I spent so much time worrying about him, but now he is gone I just feel guilty for taking his life away.
 
Huge hugs xx It's normal to feel guilty - it just means you cared about him. It sounds like you did as much as you could do, he isn't in pain anymore or suffering.
 
So sorry to hear about your daughter's pony, but you made the right decision.

Although you have nothing to be gulity about, these feelings are a normal part of the grieving process. However they can become overwhelming and make it difficult to move on. Try and make yourslef switch thoughts if you catch yourself dwelling on negative thoughts. Think of positive scenarios instead, like the happy times you and your daughter shared with Shorty. It may help to get out some old photographs of when he was younger, and make a collage or something to remember him by. Don't be afraid to grieve.

I do hope things get better for you soon. I had my old dog PTS last Autumn and had terrible obsessive feelings of guilt, so I know what you are going through. It will get better, it does just take a little time.
 
Please don't feel guilty minesadouble. You've done everything humanly possible to keep your elderly ned well and happy and enjoying a reasonable quality of life. You've said yourself how up and down he was so though he may have perked up and been eating happily, you know that in an hour, a day, a week, he would have been back struggling again. It's been said many, many times on this Forum, by thinking, caring people like yourself who have also agonised over similar decisions, that "better a day too soon than an hour too late". Your ned went peacefully and with dignity and I think that if they could speak, they'd thank us for that humanity. Remember him in his favourite field with the sun on his back and maybe your daughter could light a candle and post a memorial for him in hoofbeats-in-heaven xxx
 
So sorry you had to make a decision
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Your feelings are quite normal so don't beat yourself up. ((((hugs))))
 
You did absolutely the right thing for your daughters pony. A wonderful old horseman once told me "Better a month too early than a day too late" which has stuck with me ever since. We owe a duty to these wonderful animals who give us so much enjoyment.

I really feel for you having to make this tough decision. I wish peace of mind and happy memories to both you and your daughter.
 
Please dont feel guilty, I agree with the better a month too early, I nearly cried at my yard earlier when I watched a horse try to trot across the field (he really looked like he was going to fall over completley lame) he was diagnosed over a year ago with degenerative nerve condition so he will go down one day and never get up and from what I saw today it wont be long, I wish she would do the kindest thing!!!
 
Agree with all the other posts, it takes a braver person to make the right decision than to let a horse or pony drag on for our benefit. I had my old girl PTS last november, having postponed it from the end of August, as she really could not have coped with another wet winter. You made the right decision for your pony, I wish they all had such caring owners.
 
I totally agree with all of the other posters - it is natural to feel guilty if your cared about the pony. But you made the right decision, which ultimately has saved said pony from deteriorating any further - it was a kindness to PTS before he hit rock bottom. At least he will not have to suffer a long a drawn out end this way. That doesn't change how awful you feel though I am sure - it is such a horrible situation to be faced with
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((((Hugs))))
 
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A wonderful old horseman once told me "Better a month too early than a day too late"

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This is so very true and a very good motto to live by I think. You have to remember that once the pony is gone, he's gone. He won't be wishing he had lived out the summer - its only us left behind that feel the pain.

You should congratulate yourself that you did everything possible and that the time was right for him to go before he suffered any more.

Hugs to you - its the most awful decision to have to make and the empty feeling left behind is gutting.
 
Without a pm no-one knows what could have been wrong, and whatever it was, it wasn't going to go away.
You did exactly the right thing under the circumstances, you have to balance their quality of life against any chance of recovery, and this pony sounds to me as if he was starting to feel miserable being subject to bouts of severe pain.
If you feel guilty try thinking about two of the horses who live here, on Tuesday both are being pts because their owners can no longer afford to keep them; it's sheer hell seeing two healthy animals ggrazing knowing they will not be here in a couple of days time.
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As an owner you did your utmost and that's all you can do.
Your daughter has had to learn a tough lesson but given time will understand there was no option if you care about an animal, you sometimes have to make unpleasant decisions.
I reckon he had some sort of blockage or growth and would have ended up in severe pain and been pts under far worse circumstances. Well done for doing the right thing.
 
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
A wonderful old horseman once told me "Better a month too early than a day too late"

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This is so very true and a very good motto to live by I think.

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Totally agree. You made a very difficult decision for the love of your pony. xx
 
At the beginning of this year I had to have 2 animals put down in just a few weeks. The first was a horse who was very ill, first thought to be a respiratory infection, & not responding to treatment. I had him on loan & although the owner made the final decision she didn't come to see him as we didn't really know what was wrong & there was an outside chance she might carry something back to her sisters horse. The vet was suggesting a referral to Newmarket but we he didn't travel well & we worried the stress might finish him off as he had got so weak & thin in just a few days. Afterwards the vet told me that vets hate to give up until they know what is wrong but on balance felt we had made the right decision for he horse. If your vet was guiding you in that direction I'm sure it was the right thing.
The second was a cat who we knew didn't have long left & we decided to give him a last couple of weeks of being spoiled. We woke up one morning to find he had lost control of his back legs and was vomiting frequently. That is the decision I will always regret.
 
Many thanks to all who have replied, it really has helped. I hadn't heard the saying 'better a month to early than a day too late' but it does make sense. I can't believe how hard it is, if he had been flat out on the floor, or had a broken leg or something definitely final I don't think I would feel like this. Trying to weigh up a pony's quality of life and make the decision to end it is so difficult, I have tried to look at it from a third party perspective as I know if he belonged to someone else I would think they had made the right decision but when it's your own much loved pony it's a horrendous dilemma.
Henryhorn I know where you're coming from with your 2 healthy OAPs, a friend of mine is considering this option as her daughter can no longer ride her old pony, he's perfectly happy out in the field but she wants a new one and can't afford to keep 2. I don't know how anyone have something P.T.S. simply because it's an inconvenience, but I digress...
Thanks again everyone for your responses I do feel a little better this morning.
 
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Before he was put down I really thought I would feel sad but relieved as I spent so much time worrying about him, but now he is gone I just feel guilty for taking his life away.

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I had my horse PTS a year ago now. I suffered really badly afterwards. I kept telling myself i had murdered him, taking his life away from him. I just could not get over that i had taking somethings life.

After a week, just out of the blue something hit me. I felt at peace with myself. I know he was happy and no longer in pain.

I know he would not last the winter, so it would be best to do it before he went down hill. I had it done on a September morning, the sun was shinning. I had turned him out in the paddock where he was going to be buried. I had picked to spot but it was almost like he know what was going to happen, he went out in the field and stood in the corner of the field and did not move from there all morning. It was the resting place i had chose for him.

I never spoke to anybody else about how i felt, but now i have read your post and seeing your replies it's reassuring to know it's probably normal to feel that way afterwards.

As every one has said you have done the right thing by your pony so please don't feel guilty. I know easy enough to say at the moment, but it does get easier i promise you.

 
So sorry, its the worst decision to make, but you made it for the right reason.

Guilt is part of the grieving process and it is a normal way to feel. You have nothing to feel guilty over, you did everything you could for Shorty. The vet would not have done it if it wasnt the right thing to do.

As somebody said its better to go a month too early, than a day too late. Not that Shorty went too early, it was his time.

My cat was pts in June and although it hurt me, it was right for her.

You did Shorty a kindness and kept his dignity.
 
im sorry henryhorn that is the most vile thing i have ever heard if they cant afford to keep them why are they not selling them?

sorry to highjack the post

but seriously why are 2 perfectly fine horses been PTS due to lack of finance surely the rational thing to do is sell them or even give them away rather than kill them.
 
I think the feeling of guilt is perfectly normal. We had a 34 year old pony pts in October 2005. She was very arthritic and I knew she would struggle through another winter, but when she was pts she was fairly well. I beat myself up about it for quite a while, feeling I had robbed her of a few weeks, but eventually I realised that I had made the right decision. She had been struggling to get to her feet and it would have been far worse had she gone down and been unable to get up again. So sorry to her of your loss but sounds like you made the best decision for Shorty.

Regarding Henryhorns post, we have a 20 year old pony who is fit and well . She is also a very difficult pony to handle sometimes and is not an easy ride. If for any reason we were unable to keep her I am afraid she would be pts, far better this than notknowing what happened to her. Without knowing the full circumstances surrounding the horses hh mentions I don't think you should instantly condemn the owners.
 
I am sorry, but without hijacking I think re henryhorn that's dispicable. If those horses are healthy then I think having them PTS is pretty disgusting, there are other options. you should not IMO enter into horse ownership without having a plan of what to do if financial problems arise etc and having a horse PTS is NOT IMO the only way! I am also appalled any vet would do it!

Re OP you did the right thing and yes you will feel guilty, we all do I think and I don't think you'd be normal not to but you know when they've had enough in my mind and you don't now have to agonise over when to do it and have to watch the pony go up and down health wise now.
 
i will no doubt get jumped on for saying this but whats so bad about having them pts?
IF all other avenues have failed, for all you know the owner has tried and failed to sell, then surely its better than them being passed from pillar to post, and maybe ending up some place unsavory.
i know that if for one minute i thought my girl would end up in a life of misery i would pts without a moments hesitation.

OP dont feel bad, you did the RIGHT thing by yor pony.
 
Minesadouble; perfectly normal to be feeling all these emotions. Many of us have had to make the decision a number of times and it really doesn't matter how many times you make this decision (in you rational mind you know it is the right thing to do) it never gets any easier. The aftermath is generally, you feel guilty regardless of what has been done or what the problems were. Beforehand you can think rationally, afterwards emotions come into it and that is where it gets all confusing.

Try to remember back to what you thought and felt before you had to do the deed - I'm sure you thought it through carefully and with compassion, but without the after-effects of sadness and emotion - well there is your answer.

As for HH's situation - cr4p situation but nothing HH can do about it, and most definitely not our place as mere Internet forum users to make judgements on!
 
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