Feeling like leaving the horse world !

[Mary3050]

Hi guys ,
Been having a low point at the minute and it’s all because of the people in the horse world. I still enjoy my horse riding , grooming etc but I wonder if all the stress is worth it. Over the last few weeks I feel like the horse world is a horrible place right now. I mean people have always been bitchy but this seems unreal at the minute.

I mean even my riding instructor is being horrible and started charging me more because they says I require more work than other riders and she could have better clients than me in the time I take up. I am not the most confident rider especially when jumping. I also don’t fit with there usual clients as most compete and I am recovering from an injury. My flat works okay but I don’t have the confidence jumping. I spoke to them about this they agreed to just take it steady and not do anything I didn’t feel happy with. This lasted one or two sessions. Then this session she put so big jumps up like double the heigh jumped previously, awful lines, fillers and combos. No pole work before either . She just chucked them up and told me to get over them. Just stood shouting at me, telling me the horse can do it so I need to get a grip, kept saying it was a waste of time and wouldn’t put any of them down. The horse refused the same jump serval times she said it was all my fault . Then started saying the kid that has one lesson a week is a better rider for my horse than I am ! I am looking to move the horse so I can have lesson with someone else but it’s a slow process. But I felt so upset i didn’t ride for several days.

Then I have issues so this “friend”on the yard ask if her child could have a few lesson on my horse as there is off with an injury and the other pony the kid won’t ride as it chucked her off and she lost her confidence. I stupidly said yes but it had to on a day that I wasn’t riding. I like the kid she will help me out when I need brings the horse in if I am late from work and grooms which is a help. But the mother is driving me mad . So the other week she booked a lesson on my day off and didn’t ask me. Then when I found out she said I should ride him as well ! Then there’s all the comments about how her kid jumps him better. Now there expecting me to tell them my plan to ride for two weeks prior . Which I don’t know with work. The mother is wanting more and more all the time. So they where wanting to know if they can borrow the horse to go to a clinic on Sunday else where. When I said I may be taking him to hire a school else with friend she wasn’t happy. She spat the dummy out big time because the days I said they could ride this week don’t work for them. Then I have a Christmas assisted clear round booked at the yard Saturday everyone’s doing it. There having a bit of a day food, drinks socially distanced, Christmas dress up etc , then the clear round. They have opened it up to external people to do the clear round so it’s booked all day now. I am looking forward to it they will be what ever height the riders want and then later on there doing a chase me Charlie ( which I won’t be doing ) . The mother turned around and went are you even gonna make it over a jump with out having a melt down. Which I can do as long as the jumps aren’t over 40cm. She then said that her kid would do a better job. She basically trying to bully me into letting the kid ride my boy and not me cose all the slots are booked. I know the kid really wants to ride so I said that she can help decorate the horse and she can use some of my glitter and stuff to do her pony to. I said I would let the kid take my boy for a hack up the lane as there’s a nice spot for a photo and I would lead her pony and get her some nice pictures. The kids more than happy however the mum isn’t. I have had enough just want to say no more but I feel bad for the child.

Then I am sick of all the comments about my riding. My decisions with my horse. How I don’t ride one and don’t jump high on the other. How I am not helping out enough I pay for everything to be done etc. I am just so fed up

 

[LEC]

Just grow some balls and tell people to f**k off.

Ditch your trainer as clearly you are both annoyed with each other and its not working. Ditch the mother and do what you want. You pay for this, so do what you want. Who cares? You are spending far too much energy worrying rather than just staying in the present and enjoying what you do.

Who cares if people say you are s**t? What are you going to do about it? Let it paralyse you and give up riding or just get on with it and actually enjoy what you do?

Only YOU can make the change in how people treat you. Only YOU can change other peoples behaviour towards you.

 

[Ownedby4horses]

Get rid of your instructor. Tell the mother you are sorry but the arrangement is not working and therefore you’re unable to help them out anymore.

Get yourself out and about on your own, be it a quiet hack, a walk in hand, enjoy your horse and stop listening to negative comments.

You need to keep your distance from anyone that talks rubbish and makes you feel down and like you can’t do anything.

Do you need lessons? If you want to continue then you need to find a new instructor who will be patient with you.

Don’t give up hope but cut all current ties and just go back to enjoying your horse yourself for now. x

 

[Mary3050]

Just grow some balls and tell people to f**k off.

Ditch your trainer as clearly you are both annoyed with each other and its not working. Ditch the mother and do what you want. You pay for this, so do what you want. Who cares? You are spending far too much energy worrying rather than just staying in the present and enjoying what you do.

Who cares if people say you are s**t? What are you going to do about it? Let it paralyse you and give up riding or just get on with it and actually enjoy what you do?

Only YOU can make the change in how people treat you. Only YOU can change other peoples behaviour towards you.

Well I will give that a go. I just feel I have lost all confidence since my injury. I will remember there not worth the energy. Yer I know thing is I can ride I just lack confidence now. I need to move before I can get a new trainer as they won’t allow other on ! Thanks

 

[9tails]

Your horse, your rules. I agree with every word both LEC and Ownedby4horses has written. Something needs to change and that is you. I've seen it happen so often, somebody offers their horse to another as a one off and the other person thinks they have a God given right to demand the use of the horse forever more.

Your instructor is a terrible bully. Go to external clinics run by other instructors and vow to never give her another penny of your money.

 

[SEL]

wow there are some nasty people out there. Your horse your rules.

You don't want to jump? That's 100% fine - any decent instructor can do a flatwork lesson or a polework lesson. If you can't find one or you are locked into using one the yard uses then take a break from lessons.

I know what I'd want to say to the evil mother but instead I'd smile sweetly and say the arrangement isn't working any longer and only you are riding the horse.

 

[Sir barnaby]

Take a step back from everything and all the negative people, concentrate on your horse and what YOU want. Do some downtime riding like hacking. If you want some lessons and you have transport have a day out somewhere away from your yard, use different instructors till you find one that is constructive with comments about your riding, then hopefully you will start to enjoy horse ownership again. Be polite to people but do your own thing. If you need help with your horse you can still ask for help and repay by helping them or buying a small gift or paying them a small fee then you are not committed to them for anything.

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

I'm not surprised you're feeling fed up! Definitely ditch the instructor, you don't need to be paying someone to make you feel awful, you're paying them to teach you - if they can't find a way to do that in a way that fits with you then it's time to find someone who can. It sounds like you're trying to be really kind towards the girl at your yard, but the mum is making things which shouldn't be your problem, your problem. Consider permission given from me (and others on here I suspect) to put some boundaries in place! Be really clear in your own mind about what you are and are not okay with, and try not to get pulled in to the nonsense.

 

[maisie06]

Just grow some balls and tell people to f**k off.

Ditch your trainer as clearly you are both annoyed with each other and its not working. Ditch the mother and do what you want. You pay for this, so do what you want. Who cares? You are spending far too much energy worrying rather than just staying in the present and enjoying what you do.

Who cares if people say you are s**t? What are you going to do about it? Let it paralyse you and give up riding or just get on with it and actually enjoy what you do?

Only YOU can make the change in how people treat you. Only YOU can change other peoples behaviour towards you.

This!! You have to make a stand, I'd look for another yard, don't jump if you don't like doing it, and just focus on having fun with you horse with no pressure.

I gave up horses. mostly due to the wet winters making me ill, have to say Idon't really miss it, although I help friends with the odd day here and there I wouldn't own one again, i hve gundogs now and the camaraderie and support is amazing.

 

[Mary3050]

Get rid of your instructor. Tell the mother you are sorry but the arrangement is not working and therefore you’re unable to help them out anymore.

Get yourself out and about on your own, be it a quiet hack, a walk in hand, enjoy your horse and stop listening to negative comments.

You need to keep your distance from anyone that talks rubbish and makes you feel down and like you can’t do anything.

Do you need lessons? If you want to continue then you need to find a new instructor who will be patient with you.

Don’t give up hope but cut all current ties and just go back to enjoying your horse yourself for now. x

Thanks you I will remember that and will politely put it as you have that the arrangement isn’t working. Yes I need lessons but i know shouting at me isn’t going to work. My old trainer would have taken it steady taken the fillers out put the jump down I was struggling with and then when I got over it built it back up. That’s what I need but sadly she out of the industry now. Sadly I need to move before I can as your not allowed to have other instructors and she doesn’t like you going to other clinic but that kids allowed to go PC ? I will try and get sorted ! Thanks

 

[Mary3050]

Your horse, your rules. I agree with every word both LEC and Ownedby4horses has written. Something needs to change and that is you. I've seen it happen so often, somebody offers their horse to another as a one off and the other person thinks they have a God given right to demand the use of the horse forever more.

Your instructor is a terrible bully. Go to external clinics run by other instructors and vow to never give her another penny of your money.

Yep I will try to stop pleasing others I never used to take any crap but my accident has left me feel in a bad head space my confidence has gone my trust in my riding ability has gone . Yep I think I have to put a stop it it . I think I felt sorry for the kid after having a confidence crisis after an accident like me. But now it’s add more stress. There one of the worst I have had tbh but I she doesn’t want to teach me . It’s her yard and we aren’t allowed people on for lesson she basically said she doesn’t see the point in teaching me . We aren’t allowed to clinic unless in PC !

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

she doesn’t like you going to other clinic

If you have the ability to get to a clinic and you want to do it, go for it. She doesn't need to like it. Again, this is something that doesn't need to be your problem.

 

[Elf On A Shelf]

Wow that sounds like one hell of a controlling yard if they won't let an outside instructor in nor like people having lessons away from the place! I'd leave the yard asap!

 

[Mary3050]

wow there are some nasty people out there. Your horse your rules.

You don't want to jump? That's 100% fine - any decent instructor can do a flatwork lesson or a polework lesson. If you can't find one or you are locked into using one the yard uses then take a break from lessons.

I know what I'd want to say to the evil mother but instead I'd smile sweetly and say the arrangement isn't working any longer and only you are riding the horse.

Trust me this is only part of it like the ones in the last week or so. I feel compared to 5 years ago all my close riding friends have drifted away no longer ride. I feel I only meet awful people in the horse riding world now. I enjoy the jumping up until like 50 cm and my horse does too . I need to focus on getting my position better giving more with my hands etc . I feel If I sorted this out I would feel more confident. But the instructor doesn’t care . Yep I know I have to do it !

 

[canteron]

Just imagine where you want to be by the Summer and then work backwards how to get there!

You are going to have some difficult conversations and some people are going to be mightily pissed off and bitchy and it will be a bit turbulent - but it’s just a process and you don’t need any of those people in the long term anyway.

 

[Archangel]

The instructor is a bitch and is probably in cahoots with Mumzilla.
Get rid and find a trainer who will enable you to grow as a rider.

Mumzilla is a total bitch. Get rid of the witch.

They have run rings round you and trampled every boundary there is.

Deep breath, chin up.
Restore the equilibrium by saying no, remembering no is a single sentence.

 

[smolmaus]

You've gotten better advice than I could offer already but I have to say the AUDACITY of that kid's mum has my blood pressure spiking. The NECK ?

 

[9tails]

Sadly I need to move before I can as your not allowed to have other instructors and she doesn’t like you going to other clinic but that kids allowed to go PC ?

She doesn't allow YOU, not other people, just you. Because she's a nasty bully. Get away as soon as you can, but make sure you're not jumping out of the frying pan into the fire.

 

[Caol Ila]

You're not "allowed" to clinic? If you have some way of taking your horse to a clinic, you go to a clinic. It's your bloody horse.

Time to find a new yard, methinks. Trust me, if you find a good yard with nice people, you won't feel like leaving the horse world anymore.

 

[Elf On A Shelf]

And as for jumping - jumping isn't the be all and end all! I couldn't tell you the last time I jumped anything! I have never been taught to jump properly so I am more of a point, aim and close my eyes kind of person over a wee cross pole and hope it works out ok! I don't know why a lot of people are so obsessed by jumping big jumps!

 

[Mary3050]

Take a step back from everything and all the negative people, concentrate on your horse and what YOU want. Do some downtime riding like hacking. If you want some lessons and you have transport have a day out somewhere away from your yard, use different instructors till you find one that is constructive with comments about your riding, then hopefully you will start to enjoy horse ownership again. Be polite to people but do your own thing. If you need help with your horse you can still ask for help and repay by helping them or buying a small gift or paying them a small fee then you are not committed to them for anything.

Thanks I will try to do this. I have a important dressage test coming up in the in January. But I am instructor less well I don’t want to be accused of wasting time. We aren’t allowed to go for lesson/clincs else where or we get kicked off the yard. As it’s in the contract. I can’t even risk it because I do have stables at home but I have one that needs work and I don’t have a school. Also part of the field is flooded as per usual so that’s a not go ?. I am trying to find somewhere else that can accommodate my needs thanks

 

[Muddywellies]

This simply cannot go on. You deserve far far better and are too good for these people, who are abusing your kindness. You need to get out of this truly awful situation right now. Sorry if that sounds strong but I absolutely can't abide controlling people.

 

[Mary3050]

I'm not surprised you're feeling fed up! Definitely ditch the instructor, you don't need to be paying someone to make you feel awful, you're paying them to teach you - if they can't find a way to do that in a way that fits with you then it's time to find someone who can. It sounds like you're trying to be really kind towards the girl at your yard, but the mum is making things which shouldn't be your problem, your problem. Consider permission given from me (and others on here I suspect) to put some boundaries in place! Be really clear in your own mind about what you are and are not okay with, and try not to get pulled in to the nonsense.

Thanks I am going to now. I am looking for another yard but no
Where can accommodate my needs or if they can it’s a hell of a dive away !

 

[BronsonNutter]

Tell the mother straight - you like her kid, don't mind the kid riding your horse *on your terms*, but that her (the mother's) attitude is making you seriously reconsider the arrangement. And wouldn't that be a shame for her daughter if her mother keeps making things so difficult for her? Might just make the mother sit up and shut up!

And I'd start looking for a new yard to move to - there are friendlier places out there (tbh, it sounds like anything would be better)

 

[Mary3050]

This!! You have to make a stand, I'd look for another yard, don't jump if you don't like doing it, and just focus on having fun with you horse with no pressure.

I gave up horses. mostly due to the wet winters making me ill, have to say Idon't really miss it, although I help friends with the odd day here and there I wouldn't own one again, i hve gundogs now and the camaraderie and support is amazing.

I will do I am looking for somewhere else but there few that can accommodate my needs if they can there full or a long drive away. So just got to wait for a spot else where. I know that feeling I can’t stand winter now because of all the mud and wether. I am terrified of slipping in the field and doing my injury again. Then it hurts far more in the cold . Enjoy the doggies

 

[Mary3050]

If you have the ability to get to a clinic and you want to do it, go for it. She doesn't need to like it. Again, this is something that doesn't need to be your problem.

It’s now in the contract that they can only go for PC or if she give approval. If we do she could kick us off and she is the type to do so. I can’t risk it as my field at home is part flooded and my oldies are on a small part that’s not and having to come into the stables now because of how poor the ground is this year ?

 

[LEC]

Yep I will try to stop pleasing others I never used to take any crap but my accident has left me feel in a bad head space my confidence has gone my trust in my riding ability has gone . Yep I think I have to put a stop it it . I think I felt sorry for the kid after having a confidence crisis after an accident like me. But now it’s add more stress. There one of the worst I have had tbh but I she doesn’t want to teach me . It’s her yard and we aren’t allowed people on for lesson she basically said she doesn’t see the point in teaching me . We aren’t allowed to clinic unless in PC !

I would look at joining a RC then as should be the same rules......

 

[Mary3050]

Wow that sounds like one hell of a controlling yard if they won't let an outside instructor in nor like people having lessons away from the place! I'd leave the yard asap!

You're not "allowed" to clinic? If you have some way of taking your horse to a clinic, you go to a clinic. It's your bloody horse.

They changed the contract a bit back I signed it as I was injured and couldn’t do anything about it ie move at the time . But it’s stupid you can go if she says so the kids go PC etc.

Time to find a new yard, methinks. Trust me, if you find a good yard with nice people, you won't feel like leaving the horse world anymore.

I know I hope it goes back to how I used to feel. I am looking but nothings about at the min thanks

 

[Keira 8888]

You poor thing! My heart goes out to you!

You sound like a lovely, caring and kind person. Unfortunately sometimes the kindest folk get taken advantage of and bullied.

Shoulders back my girl - time to ditch the horrid mother and out yourself first. Agree with all the advice above.

But just wanted to stop by to say - you should be proud of how kind and patient you have been with these vile people. Your karma jar will be filling to the brim while theirs is running below empty!

Big hugs xxx

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

It’s now in the contract that they can only go for PC or if she give approval. If we do she could kick us off and she is the type to do so. I can’t risk it as my field at home is part flooded and my oldies are on a small part that’s not and having to come into the stables now because of how poor the ground is this year ?

Hmm, well that is tricky (and also ridiculous to get rid of people for going to clinics if they are otherwise good livery clients). I do hope you can find somewhere better soon, and in the meantime remember it's okay to just do what you enjoy with your horse and you don't have to 'buy-in' to people treating you badly. I think I would struggle in your situation too tbh but I definitely wouldn't be paying extra for lessons to make me feel awful.