Feeling like your not good enough... anyone? ** bit of a downer **

[Bustalot]

Am having some real down times of late about my riding ability. Its not great, i am far from one of these 'natural' riders that find it easy. My main problem being my brain says the correct thing to do but i can not seem to translate it so my body does the right thing! soooo frustrating. I know what i have to do I just can't do it!

I feel like I am making my horse worse rather than improving him and one problem frequently quickly moves into another. He is only 5 and still alot to learn has lots of potential but i feel i am still yet to get any of it out of him in the 4 months i have owned him. Where as someone else, a better rider, would have tapped the majority of it out of him by now.

I have weekly lessons with him as I am aware that I still have a lot to learn but just feel my head keeps getting full of one thing then the next and everything sort of blurs into one and i get lost again with what i am supposed to be doing. Feel like you have to have an educational degree to actually understand and piece together what you have to do all at once!

Before anyone starts to jump at me as to why I ended up with a 5 year old in the 1st place... its just one of those things. I have been riding and around horses since a young age and have another older Gelding whom taught me alot as he knew the lot. But now having something to teach rather than teach me is proving harder than i ever imagined

Just want to see that I am not alone in the way I feel and that it is perfectly normal???

Cup of tea and cookies if you made it that far listening to my hard life!

 

[wench]

Is your instructor good? Or would you benefit from a different one?

How about lots of hacking and hunting to enjoy him a bit more?

 

[Copperpot]

I feel that way sometimes too. I've had my boy since he was 5 as well. He's 9 now. I've done bits as bobs with him but I know a better rider would have done more.

He's happy though and that's all that matters and we plod along together nicely.

 

[holzrokz]

I can relate to this as have had the exact same feelings recently! I am no good rider and although have improved recently I have such a long way to go. I share a lovely mare who is 18 and a schoolmistress with jumping but not so much dressage. After a year of sharing her I still cannot ride her in an outline yet this spring found myself suddenly able to ride a couple of horses (and youngsters at that) in a nice outline first time of riding them! I have so many bad habits that are holding me back. She's a clever little horse and find it so hard to be completely black and white with things, especially with her habit of after cantering once she always assumes I am going to ask for canter instead of trot. It is very difficult I think if you don't have natural ability and things take soo much longer to achieve.

 

[millitiger]

I feel like this a lot!

I'm never worried about falling off or getting hurt etc as that doesn't bother me, but my confidence in my actual ability is very fragile and I constantly worry I am not producing Vinnie the right way and that I am ruining him.

Can you have some schoolmaster lessons?
That can help you get really clear in your head the correct aids and what it should feel like when everything 'clicks' and that can then transfer to riding your own horse.

Also, it can be good to keep photos/videos charting your progress- it can seem very like groundhog day with youngsters and you feel like you aren't improving at all but if you can look back at photos and videos and compare to recent ones you will see the improvement much more clearly- that's what I have found anyway

 

[Sarah_Jane]

I can relate to this so maybe whilst not 'normal' (what is normal ) it is not that uncommon. I find myself comparing myself to pro's and coming up short and then getting down about it. Try and look back at the improvements you have made, at the end of the day there is no hurry and your horse probably enjoys life more with you than it would someone else.

Make sure you set clear goals with your instructor and that your instructor is realistic yet positive.

 

[Bustalot]

Is your instructor good? Or would you benefit from a different one?

How about lots of hacking and hunting to enjoy him a bit more?

I have had the same instructor for around 3 years now with my other horse also. I always understand what she is saying just can't seem to apply it!

Hacking is a work in progress as he can be quite spooky and takes hold of the bit out hacking, something we have been trying to work on in the school so it wont be so much of an issue out hacking. Although would love to just get out and go for a blast on him, just thinking we will probably come home seperately.

I feel that way sometimes too. I've had my boy since he was 5 as well. He's 9 now. I've done bits as bobs with him but I know a better rider would have done more.

He's happy though and that's all that matters and we plod along together nicely.

Yes, he is happy, I am happy with him. Just not with myself. Just have so many things that I want to do with him that i never really got the chance to do with my other horse. So maybe putting a little to much pressure on myself?

Holzrokz -Glad to have some company in my boat

 

[Ali16]

All the time!!

I constantly worry that I am letting Morris down and that a pro could have had him flying around a 3* (and beyond!) now, maybe I should have sold him when I was offered money for him.. blah blah blah, I could go on for hours about how inadequate I feel.

However, I try and keep a diary (bit rubbish at it, but write in it whenever I have time) of how I'm feeling about Morris & our progress (or not as the case may be!). Then when looking back through it I can easily see that there are many more HAPPY progress entries, than unhappy ones. Puts it all into perspective.
Having someone video you riding helps... it often doesn't look as rubbish as it feels. I'm forever making mountains out of mole hills with Morris (not with any other horse I ride though FWIW).

Also, remember that it's a new partnership and these things take time to build. And keep smiling, it's meant to be fun

 

[LEC]

The only way you can get better is through practice, correct repetition and from being coached.
Riding is not easy and yes a pro could probably get on your horse and achieve what you want in half the time but its all about your path and not someone elses.

In your situation I would write down in detail your goals - What do you want to achieve? Then you break each one down into detail and plan how you are going to achieve them. Make them realistic and they have to be positive steps to achieve them. So instead of improving my rubbish hands you should have something like being able to keep a still and consistent contact.

I actually think I am a pretty positive person but riding will occassionally bring out the worst in my obsessive and controlling side! Its not that I am never happy but I do like to feel I am making progress and sometimes this aspect can take a long time which can be frustrating. The fun comes when you get that breakthrough or you see the results of something you have been working on.

Personally I would try some other coaches - look for one with a UKCC3 as they can help with this mental side and I think you might prefer their system of coaching.

 

[Supanova]

You are not alone. I have often not felt good enough and like i'm damaging my horse, however things have massively improved in the past 12 months. In some ways the feeling of not being good enough is actually self fulfilling. One of my instructors once told me that they see so many riders who are not technically very good but they believe they are and because of that their horses go for them. It is therefore important when you are riding to be confident and convinced what you are asking is correct. Obviously you also need to have lessons etc to make sure your technique is improving over time as well.

I've had a few sessions with sports psychologists that have actually helped - really made me realise that negative self talk is actually self fulfilling. Also, dwelling on mistakes is a terrible habit. If things don't go right in a session think once about it, think about what you need to do differently and then focus on doing it differently the next time and it going right. The brain doesn't know the difference between what has actually happened and what is imagined, so you can actually train yourself to do things right off the horse by just visualising it and trying to feel with your body. I was sceptical about all this to begin with but it does makes a difference!

You also say that your body doesn't translate the things your brain is telling. Have you seen a chiro or similar? Both this and doing yoga have helped me to translate the brain to the body. Another thing is trying to relax when you're riding rather than trying too hard.

Hope some of that helps.

 

[jenbleep]

I feel like this a lot!

I'm never worried about falling off or getting hurt etc as that doesn't bother me, but my confidence in my actual ability is very fragile and I constantly worry I am not producing Vinnie the right way and that I am ruining him.

This is how I feel with Zeb, and I worry that his owner will think I am ruining him. Which is actually really stupid thinking about, she wouldn't let me ride him if she thought I was crap! But like yesterday we went in the field and he was plunging all over the place being excitable and I thought god I must be crap because he was starting to make me nervous....even though he didn't gallop off when a friend fell off and her horse galloped off. God I thought I was going to have to bail!

OP - Why not chart your progress for a while and see if you can hit small targets? Even something as simple as learning shoulder in by the end of September, or October etc etc...this might help you look at the bigger picture? Instead of focusing on one a bad schooling session, it might help you to see what you can achieve in larger blocks rather than focusing on the small stuff? If that makes sense.

Also - videos. I bet you are not as bad as you think you are! We are our own worst critic.

Reading this post makes me feel like I'm not alone

 

[Pink_Lady]

Can relate to this a lot too .... the feeling (and knowing) that someone else can do far far much more on your horse is hard. Its a catch 22 situation - to have someone else to ride him at a show to get him used to surroundings etc kind of reinforces your belief that you in the same situation you can't get the same results.

I know horses don't "know" what they are missing and as long as they are happy it doesn't matter what you do together or what anyone else says.

Sometimes I find it hard listening to all the others on the yard chatting about their hacks, jumping shows, beach rides etc and very much wishing I could be brave enough to join in.

I think it helps to realise that a lot of people are in the same situation ...

 

[dafthoss]

Yep! I constantly think about how much better he could be doing with a better rider, get upset then get a kick up the backside about how far he has come. I think its fairly common but it doesnt make me feel any better about it.

 

[Scarlett]

The only way you can get better is through practice, correct repetition and from being coached.
Riding is not easy and yes a pro could probably get on your horse and achieve what you want in half the time but its all about your path and not someone elses.

This. We all feel crap bout ourselves at certain points, its about being able to deal with it and move on.

If you really think it's affecting you that much then I would suggest speaking to a NLP practicioner/Jo Cooper/Sports phycholgist or similar and devising a way to deal with it.

 

[FabioandFreddy]

I bought Fabio as a 4 year old and have had to teach him everything - and myself along the way! I had regular lessons with him and although i'm sure a pro would have him at a much more advanced level now as an 8 year old, he's well schooled, mannerly, great to hack, jumps. So although i sometimes feel we should be a bit further on, i don't beat myself up as he's turned out a great horse. I never plan on selling him so it doesn't really matter anyway! He's happy, i'm happy and we've still got things to work on and aim towards.
We also had our old horse Miro when Fab was 6 who was great at schooling and dressage. I used to ride him first if i was unsure of anything as he knew how to do it - if he done it correctly then i knew i was asking correctly to then go and do the same with Fabio! Did help a lot. Also, if you're feeling a bit rubbish about ability, just hack for a while and have some fun. Then come back refreshed to start on schooling another day.
Don't worry - you'll get there, we all have wobbles about our riding! Its hard work bringing on a young horse, but also very rewarding when they do something new to know that you've taught them that!

 

[peanut]

He is only 5 and still alot to learn has lots of potential but i feel i am still yet to get any of it out of him in the 4 months i have owned him.

Please don't get down as 5 can be a very difficult age - they are starting to find their strength and balance but are mentally very young and testing. What's more, you've only had him for four months.

I often feel like you do having had my horse for years!

Keep up the lessons, keep your chin up and let us know how you get on

 

[Tempi]

Why don't you have lessons every other week so you have time to think about and digest what you have done in your lesson and work on it before your next one.

I only have 1 client that I teach on a weekly basis, the rest are generally every 2/3 weeks.

 

[wench]

Do you enjoy riding him, or are you thinking every time you get on... I dont want to do this, or I need to achive "X" by the end of this evening's schooling session?

What about taking him on a couple of pleasure rides at an Endurance event? I did one on my previous horse, and it was quite enjoyable. I am guessing they are better organised than some other "fun" rides, and they will pair you up with someone if you ask. Also if he's spooky, he may be slightly better in a different environment, as he doesnt know whats normally there, and whats not! (This worked with above horse, as he could be spooky if the mood took him!)

 

[jenbleep]

Why don't you have lessons every other week so you have time to think about and digest what you have done in your lesson and work on it before your next one.

This is a good idea. Don't forget OP to go out and have some fun too, and try not to obsess!

 

[Bustalot]

I feel like this a lot!

Can you have some schoolmaster lessons?

Also, it can be good to keep photos/videos charting your progress

Schoolmaster lessons would be good. Not sure how i would go about finding out where offers this though?

I have attempted the videos/photos progress but I don't often have others around to do this for me. I have a videos/photos from when i originally viewed him. And then a video from a lesson a few weeks ago where he did appear to be pushing more from his back end but the contact seemed to have gone. So we gained one thing lost another

Make sure you set clear goals with your instructor and that your instructor is realistic yet positive.

Yes, going to sort something out. I have my main goal set but it is a looonnnggg way away from where we are now. So think need to see about setting smaller ones to achieve that.

However, I try and keep a diary (bit rubbish at it, but write in it whenever I have time) of how I'm feeling about Morris & our progress (or not as the case may be!). Then when looking back through it I can easily see that there are many more HAPPY progress entries, than unhappy ones. Puts it all into perspective.

Yes, I have a diary that i try (as you say, a bit rubbish at it!) to keep updated. Just detailing what we worked on and what i thought went well and what didn't. I try to put a good and bad (something that can be worked on) thing in there each day. But lately I have really filled anything in as its all been bad!

The only way you can get better is through practice, correct repetition and from being coached.

Personally I would try some other coaches - look for one with a UKCC3 as they can help with this mental side and I think you might prefer their system of coaching.

If at 1st you don't succeed, try, try and try again. Practice and repeat, Practice and repeat.

I'm hoping when i get transport arranged (hey a goal of mine ) We will be able to get out and about to a few different clinics and try out a few different trainers to see what style of teaching suits both I and the pony.

Have had alook on the BHS website though and there are quite a few instructors around the essex area with the UKCC3. Maybe i do just need a different approach to things?

You also say that your body doesn't translate the things your brain is telling. Have you seen a chiro or similar? Both this and doing yoga have helped me to translate the brain to the body. Another thing is trying to relax when you're riding rather than trying too hard.

Hope some of that helps.

It has helped, thank you. I have thought about a chiro or physio as i swear i have a few mis-alignments and I do get tense muscles without even doing anything, just sitting down etc.. I ache some days in places that shouldn't ache and I have no rhyme or reason for it.

Again not sure where i would start looking for a chiro/physio etc though... Any ideas?

OP - Why not chart your progress for a while and see if you can hit small targets? Even something as simple as learning shoulder in by the end of September, or October etc etc...this might help you look at the bigger picture? Instead of focusing on one a bad schooling session, it might help you to see what you can achieve in larger blocks rather than focusing on the small stuff? If that makes sense.

Also - videos. I bet you are not as bad as you think you are! We are our own worst critic.

Reading this post makes me feel like I'm not alone

Yes, concentrate on the one thing at a time. get that then move on. I do tend to dwell on one bad schooling session. It stays with me until the next one then you kind of already set your self up for a fail.

Having peoples advise and comments makes me feel like i am not alone as well. Thank you

I think it helps to realise that a lot of people are in the same situation ...

Definately!

Yep! I constantly think about how much better he could be doing with a better rider, get upset then get a kick up the backside about how far he has come. I think its fairly common but it doesnt make me feel any better about it.

Least I know i am now not alone

If you really think it's affecting you that much then I would suggest speaking to a NLP practicioner/Jo Cooper/Sports phycholgist or similar and devising a way to deal with it.

I am hoping it isn't effecting me to much... just need to be put back on the right track. Thanks for the advise

you'll get there, we all have wobbles about our riding! Its hard work bringing on a young horse, but also very rewarding when they do something new to know that you've taught them that!

Yes, true. Must keep thinking of the positives

Please don't get down as 5 can be a very difficult age - they are starting to find their strength and balance but are mentally very young and testing. What's more, you've only had him for four months.

I often feel like you do having had my horse for years!

Keep up the lessons, keep your chin up and let us know how you get on

Thank you Nancie.

Why don't you have lessons every other week so you have time to think about and digest what you have done in your lesson and work on it before your next one.

I have tried lessons every couple of weeks as i thought it would give me more time to work on things and understand them before the next thing was thrown in. But I found that I struggled to get it right by myself and by time the two weeks were up to my next lesson what started off ok at the beginning of the two weeks was now a mess! But then weekly lessons do tend to be to much for me to take in. No happy medium Maybe aim for fortnightly but then if I feel i have lost everything have a lesson when needed in between.

Do you enjoy riding him, or are you thinking every time you get on... I dont want to do this, or I need to achive "X" by the end of this evening's schooling session?

What about taking him on a couple of pleasure rides at an Endurance event? I did one on my previous horse, and it was quite enjoyable. I am guessing they are better organised than some other "fun" rides, and they will pair you up with someone if you ask. Also if he's spooky, he may be slightly better in a different environment, as he doesnt know whats normally there, and whats not! (This worked with above horse, as he could be spooky if the mood took him!)

I do enjoy riding him. Some days it is really hard work though and after a tough day at work I sometimes just can't face it. I don't tend to go into my schooling session with a 'plan' because it never ends of sticking you alwasy end up doing something else. But maybe that is my problem?

Haven't thought of endurance rides in place of the 'fun' rides. Always thought they were more for the people whom actually compete at endurance. Something for me to have a look at.

Don't forget OP to go out and have some fun too, and try not to obsess!

Great advice! Think I am maybe getting a little obessed with achieving something but just not sure what!

 

[Firewell]

Welcome to the club!
I always feel like I am ruining my horse but hey ho.
I think finding the right instructor helps. Iv'e recently found a new jump one and in 2 lessons my riding has improved so much, this new guy gives me the confidence to believe in myself .
Good luck, remember its meant to be fun. Its easy to forget that sometimes!

 

[Supanova]

It has helped, thank you. I have thought about a chiro or physio as i swear i have a few mis-alignments and I do get tense muscles without even doing anything, just sitting down etc.. I ache some days in places that shouldn't ache and I have no rhyme or reason for it.

Again not sure where i would start looking for a chiro/physio etc though... Any ideas?


!

Where abouts are you based? I am sure if you put a thread on here stating where you are based and asking for recommendations for a human chiro / Mctimoney practioner there will be people who will reply. If you are feeling stiff and sore then I am sure this will help.

 

[holzrokz]

I think I need to do everything on here people have given you advice to do! You mention you're in the essex area, would be happy to come and video you/ take pictures etc if you ever wanted to. I think my instructor also has her UKCC 3? And she's in the essex area

 

[WestCoast]

Hi from a genuine class 'A' numpty who bought a four year old Friesian after a 27 year break. But on the upside for her I got her dental and foot issues sorted immediately, she has the best stable and yard ever and is having a custom fitted saddle. Oh and I am taking lessons with no stirrups on another horse until I sort my seat out so I do not bump her back when she shies or loses her balance and have someone more experienced ride her regularly.

Looking after a horse isn't all about your rising ability - much of it is about how you care for them and treat them day to day. There's a lot to be said for a willingness to take things one at a time and a knowledge of your own limitations.

Paula

 

[kirstykate]

Welcome to the club!! My OH is one of these amazing, gifted As*****s who gets on looks perfect doesnt move and yet every single horse goes beautifully :. He tells me to stop over analyzing everything and stop trying so hard, think what you want the horse to do which does help! xx

 

[imr]

often! i frequently feel that my baby horse is so talented and i am letting her down, then i have better days where i feel its gone so much better and then those where i feel it has been such a struggle and she just does not want to cooperate.

 

[sarahann1]

Am having some real down times of late about my riding ability. Its not great, i am far from one of these 'natural' riders that find it easy. My main problem being my brain says the correct thing to do but i can not seem to translate it so my body does the right thing! soooo frustrating. I know what i have to do I just can't do it!

Just want to see that I am not alone in the way I feel and that it is perfectly normal???

Yep feel much the same way. Really thought I was getting my riding mojo back (I suffer really badly from nerves), then I watched a video of me riding, it was awful, I honestly thought I was better than I really am and seeing how bad the reality is has really knocked me

I'm at the point now where I feel it would be unfair to the horse to get on at all unless I have an instructor on the ground. Which is silly because I can't afford weekly lessons, so really I should be getting on and using the video as a kick up the butt.

I want my mojo back!!

Fingers crossed you find yours again sooner rather than later

 

[Star_Chaser]

never mind we all feel like that at some point or another just remember the only person you should be comparing yourself to is yourself and your gains and losses not other people they will be struggling themselves if you ask them none of us are perfect!

Do you keep a training diary? I have a dreadful memory so much so that I write down everything that I have done, i colour code it so that I know if it is general advice, training, something to work on or something achieved. It really pays off later on when I need to look back on how I;'ve done something. I do a lot of dog training so its really helps to make little diagrams take photos or little videos of how I've done it and how not to do it.

Makes it so much easier to see progress sometimes if we don't have something to compare it to we don't feel like we are achieving anything when the reality can be that we just don't remember how far we have come.

Good luck

 

[rach81]

Keep your chin up and have fun - am currently in the same position have a lovely 5 year old and I won't lie we've had some major lows ( been bucked off on our drive was not our finest moment) but the highs make it all worth while. (she is currently 1 month into box rest and won't be allowed out till December so am fully anticipating having to start all over again) I know you said you get your instructor but does he/she get your horse ? I had one instructor who was fab but totally wrong for my next horse . Also I've found giving my horse a few days off every four weeks or so helps her. My best moment was bursting into tears when I did my final salute in a dressage test and knowing I'd done that and all the blood sweat tears and self doubt had been worth it . So keep your chin up and enjoy your horse it will all be worth it

 

[charlimouse]

Can I join the club?

I think the major crux of the issue is finding the right trainer for you and your horse. Unfortunately I have yet to find that trainer! I have felt like this in the past during lessons

I have weekly lessons with him as I am aware that I still have a lot to learn but just feel my head keeps getting full of one thing then the next and everything sort of blurs into one and i get lost again with what i am supposed to be doing. Feel like you have to have an educational degree to actually understand and piece together what you have to do all at once!

What I found useful was to get somebody to take notes for me during the session. The exercises we did and why, particular areas of weakness both in the horse and rider. Then condense this into a 5 point check list, which covers the most important points. This keeps me focused on what I should be working on without overloading my brain whilst I am riding.