Feeling terrible

pistolpete

pistolpete

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Considering giving rescue lurcher back. :-(. She’s lovely but... Has separation anxiety. She bites me. She barks at me. She chases the ponies. I know all these things can be fixed but the biggy is my other half hadn’t gelled with her and she sleeps on the bed so he’s moved into spare room. It’s all a bit too much. I’ve never given up on a dog before. Really feel terrible but life without her would mean we could get back to normal. She’s whining now. It’s not a happy home. She’s only one. I’m sure she’d be perfect for someone who can take the clinginess.
 
pistolpete said:
Considering giving rescue lurcher back. :-(. She’s lovely but... Has separation anxiety. She bites me. She barks at me. She chases the ponies. I know all these things can be fixed but the biggy is my other half hadn’t gelled with her and she sleeps on the bed so he’s moved into spare room. It’s all a bit too much. I’ve never given up on a dog before. Really feel terrible but life without her would mean we could get back to normal. She’s whining now. It’s not a happy home. She’s only one. I’m sure she’d be perfect for someone who can take the clinginess.
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Yes, return her.
 
The one line is enough for me 'It's not a happy home' no idea how long you have had her but a clingy dog with separation anxiety will pick up on the negative vibes instantly and it sounds as though she isnt really feeling the love and in view of everything else you have going on around you I doubt things will change with her sadly. Yes send her back there will be more suitable homes I am sure.
 
Don't feel bad, it sounds as though you have given this your best shot, but sometimes these things are just not meant to be. Don't beat yourself up about this. Tiahitti is so right, just being honest with the rescue will help them find her the perfect home.
 
Not saying you shouldn’t return her and I don’t know what you’ve tried but the first few months with my 8 month old rescue were exhausting and stressful and I thought I’d made a big mistake. After about 4 months it began to significantly improve and year on I’ve a lovely obedient dog who is happy to sleep downstairs. He was crated from the outset at night and if I was out and I was absolutely black and white about behaviour. I had to crate him sometimes for an hour or so when I’d had enough and then go and lie down upstairs to get away from him at it’s worst. However he is a biddable type despite being quite anxious and I may not have had the same result from a less trainable dog.
 
I'm stuck on why anyone would regard a dog that bites them as "lovely" - do you perhaps mean that she mouths at you, or tugs at trouser hems, and so on? Because those I could see beyond, but actual intentional biting would be a three strikes and we're off for a final trip to the vet type scenario in this house!
 
I think we need more information- what sort of exercise, sitmulation does she get? Have you gone to /going to training classes?
It sounds like she has been allowed to get away with blue murder and is insecure, so needs some boundaries- which is not suprirsing with a youngish rescue lurcher. Perhaps a bit of help, a bit of talking the other half into trying would be helpful? Why is she biting you? How does this arise?
 
In my defence she wasn’t terribly clingy to start with. The bed thing I totally admit was a big mistake. Yes it’s mouthing rather than actual biting but still hurts. After talking to my other half last night about taking her back he’s made a much bigger effort to entertain her and she’s been loads better today. If we can all get along I don’t want her to go.
We’ve had a behaviourist out I’ve been doing clicker training with her. She gets an hour a day off lead. Sometimes a little less sometimes more. I’m looking into more training classes for her starting next week. She is lovely just unruly. OH’s answer is to smack her which makes me cringe. She does however get so annoying I lock myself in the bathroom sometimes. Bungalow! I’m too soft I know and yes more firm boundaries are required but see other threads for what’s been going on and perhaps you’ll forgive me a little for not being more thorough with her training. She’s got the potential to be a great pet we just need to be consistent with her.
 
Others will disagree, I’m sure - but my Bichon gets about three hours exercise a day, often more and mostly off lead. So apart from anything else, if she’s only getting out for an hour a day I’d say that’s not enough.

But - if you’re resorting to hiding, and your oh hitting then please, please, please return her on Monday. Neither of you seem set up for a dog (sorry).
 
I’m imagining a lurcher like my Millie - who is like Tigger on speed at all times, loves to play, with absolutely no ‘off’ button. She also still tries to mouth (at 3 years old!) Hopefully yours isn’t as bad as that (!!!) but having had a quick look at your other posts it seems you have a lot going on horse-wise.

Perhaps this just isn’t the right time for you to be getting to grips with a needy and demanding rescue dog which needs a lot of time and attention devoting to her?

I’d send her back, there is no shame in it, the circumstances just aren’t right for you at the moment
 
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If your oh is hitting her and is not going to stop, then return her.
If you can both agree on training - and being consistant then all dogs will improve - but you need to be prepared to put the time in.That means constantly praising acceptable behaviour and changing unacceptable behaviour.
Step 1: Move her either behind a stair gate or downstairs so you have your own space.
Step 2: get a positive trainer in to the house to help you.
But as I say if oh is going to continue to hit her, stop, give dog back and don't get another one.
 
If she's being hit with you she should be returned asap. I doubt the rescue would be happy she's being physically abused and to be honest if that's what happens to a dog in your care you shouldn't have one.
Also if she wasn't clingy to start with what does that tell you?
This won't be popular but you don't sound like the right home for this dog.
 
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Sounds like you need something you all can focus on.

I got a little terrier 2 and a half years ago. She was terrible when we got her. But lots of walks and training us how to help her worked well. Dog training classes gave us a focus and we ended up joining a flyball club. She was very reactive when she first came and very scared of other dogs.

She was the naughty dog in the class but after 6 months she changed and became a different dog.

It's never easy but having a rescue never is.
 
pistolpete said:
In my defence she wasn’t terribly clingy to start with. The bed thing I totally admit was a big mistake. Yes it’s mouthing rather than actual biting but still hurts. After talking to my other half last night about taking her back he’s made a much bigger effort to entertain her and she’s been loads better today. If we can all get along I don’t want her to go.
We’ve had a behaviourist out I’ve been doing clicker training with her. She gets an hour a day off lead. Sometimes a little less sometimes more. I’m looking into more training classes for her starting next week. She is lovely just unruly. OH’s answer is to smack her which makes me cringe. She does however get so annoying I lock myself in the bathroom sometimes. Bungalow! I’m too soft I know and yes more firm boundaries are required but see other threads for what’s been going on and perhaps you’ll forgive me a little for not being more thorough with her training. She’s got the potential to be a great pet we just need to be consistent with her.
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This sounds positive. Why don't you set a date and make a real effort for it - even if it is just a week, if you are both consistent with her you may see a massive difference. Is she crate trained? I would do that slowly as well if not and let her sleep in a crate in your room at night. Dogs on the bed are a PITA, it means no shenenigans to start with, which my OH gets the preemptive hump about!
 
Anyone who thinks hitting a dog solves anything, probably shouldn’t have one, especially a rescue. It sounds a shame as you want to do the right thing, but if he’s not on board with training, it’s just making the problem bigger.
 
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