Feeling tired, one thing after another..

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

I would like to preface this by saying that I love my horse dearly and will always do right by him and he is insured - but I have to say I am now just feeling overwhelmed and tired with it and I'm wondering whether I need to just call time and he can live out retired (despite only being 11).

I have owned him since January 2020, in that time he has had one serious bought of Lymphangitis, two less serious bouts but all requiring vet treatment, a puncture wound in the sole of his foot, 1 x abscess, 1 minor lameness thought to be a knock and one rather large knock in Jan. He did have OCD as a 5yo and had a small operation to remove something from his stifle, very vague history given and I'm not entirely sure what OCD is.

In the last 4 weeks he has had lumbar soreness which then turned into a general sore back, some sort of reaction to something and today he has come in head bopping lame in trot - no heat or swelling to be seen, no reaction to farrier hoof testing all four. And I have had a niggling feeling that he has been off behind, but he is such a wonky mover it could be something or nothing and is never consistent. I have spent out on a spinal/wither xray (all fine), 2 x Osteo, 1 x Vet Physio, 1 x saddle fitter visit, 1 x dentist visit and I have run out of money, and I'm feeling tired of constantly wondering if he is sound. He isn't a straight mover, he has grown too big to be a sound horse (19hh in shoes), did too much too young (not with me) and I am paranoid all the time, and skint.

Sorry, not sure of the point of this post but feel better having gotten it out - so thanks for reading!

 

[Pearlsasinger]

I can see why you are feeling tired. I think if I were you, I would turn him away for a year and re-assess. That will give you both a rest and time to relax and heal.

 

[tristar]

yes turn him out, go off and do something else, ride different horses, have some fun out of life, then look at things later

 

[ycbm]

You're having no fun, definitely turn him away and see how you feel in a few months.
.

 

[Dexter]

I hate to say it, but big horses just dont tend to stay sound, and he is enormous. And yes I know some do just fine, but a large proportion dont. They just arent designed to be that big sadly.

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

I was thinking of turning him away as an option, having gotten him field sound of course, but the only issue with that is that DIY livery spaces near me are like hens teeth so I definitely don't want to lose mine; but the grazing at the yard I am currently at isn't anywhere near enough to turn him away, he would need to come in every day for a belly full of hay.

It's definitely an option I will explore - I'm not sure my current yard is ideal for him really as 99% of our hacking is up a huge hill to get on the Downs, and the school gets really deep in the summer which can't be good for soft tissues on a horse which isn't prone to being sound, but there isn't a DIY space which has AYTO within 25 miles of me, and I have had an eye out since November!

 

[SatansLittleHelper]

Would 12 months at a retirement livery work..?? I don't know how much these places cost so it might not be an option. I absolutely love big horses but sadly they just don't seem to stay sound long enough

 

[PurBee]

19hh in shoes! wow! He’s gorgeous...presuming the horse in your avatar?
Im in awe of big horses, but have never owned one so am not familiar with their size specific issues.

I’d be feeling drained too, having gone through what you have. The concern running alongside numerous issues keeps us constantly humming on a note of stress..and thats not good for your health either. A rest for you both sounds called for, so i agree with others if you could find a retirement 24/7 grass livery, for 6-12 months - see how he does?

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

Sorry, I somehow completely missed the extra replies!

UPDATE: I had the vet out Friday and he is lame on left fore and bilaterally lame behind. The acute lameness is coming from the front leg and the vet thought it would be suspensory as he was more lame when it was the outside leg on the lunge circle, which is apparently quite unusual. So he nerve blocked the fetlock thinking he would be lame still and would then nerve block sound to the suspensory on the second round, however he blocked sound to fetlock. So the vet is coming again today to do it in smaller increments to pin point exactly where below the fetlock it's coming from.

Re: the behinds the vet said that he isn't super lame but is lame and moving incorrectly and that I can either look into it or I can accept that he is happily and willingly (apart from the lameness in front currently of course) doing the work asked of him and I could leave it at that, or open up the can of worms and start investigating. So that is what I will do, I couldn't knowingly ride a lame horse, and I am tired of constantly thinking 'is he off?', 'was that a stumble or an ouch' etc etc, as I explained above. So vet coming back out tonight to block front again and once front blocked sound then we will block the hinds and figure that out. Previous OCD in fetlock as a 6yo (ETA: The info I had when writing OP was wrong, it wasn't in his stifle as I clarified with old owner, so my bad on that one!), so thinking it probably starts there (although I actually still think it's either hock or stifles from looking at him).

19hh in shoes! wow! He’s gorgeous...presuming the horse in your avatar?
Im in awe of big horses, but have never owned one so am not familiar with their size specific issues.

Thank you! He is a very handsome beast (but I am totally biased) - horses above about 16.2hh just aren't supposed to exist, it's man made breeding choices that have resulted in it and they don't have the soft tissue structure or the build really to be super sound at this size, unless you get a Shire type build with a bit more bone and strength. Some are lucky, some aren't but they are much more prone to soundness issues, which I knew when I bought him.

Would 12 months at a retirement livery work..?? I don't know how much these places cost so it might not be an option. I absolutely love big horses but sadly they just don't seem to stay sound long enough

I think I have decided that this is the way to go, with a view of permanent retirement. He is never going to be sound enough for long enough to really do any work I don't think, he did too much too young (not with me) and is too big. He owes me nothing really he has taught me a lot about riding in a short space of time I have owned him, so I will find out what's wrong and then make the decision from there. It's looking to be about £250-£300 per month to do this, it depends on how well he winters out really.

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

Another Update (sorry guys, it's more for a timeline for me should I need to look back): Blocked sound to near fore hoof - having that xrayed as soon as they can come out, need to book it tomorrow morning.

Blocked near hind at fetlock, improvement on unblocked but not by any means sound. I was actually quite shocked at just how bad he looked behind when we started blocking there, and it has made me feel awful that I haven't looked into it sooner. Blocked that same leg to just above the suspensory and some improvement then too but still not sound. Plan is to xray that fetlock and scan the suspensory branch. I have also asked vet to xray both hocks as I have a gut feeling they are involved to some degree.

Horse is 100% retired having seen how he really moves behind once the blocks took effect, I just need to try and get to the bottom of it and get him sound enough to be a field ornament.The vet said that he thinks he has been compensating for a dodgy movement behind likely for years and the likelihood of getting him sound is minimal - but I will try. You wouldn't have thought it to look at him prior to now, it's always been known that he isn't anywhere near a straight mover being big, lacking muscle and comformationally challenged, but I have had many many professionals see him and not one has ever said bilaterally lame behind.

Onwards with fingers firmly crossed.

 

[Trouper]

Am so sorry you are having to cope with all this but it sounds as if you are working towards the right decision for both of you.

 

[Gloi]

*hugs*

 

[Jayzee]

Mine was bilaterally lame behind and so I understand where you are coming from when you block and can suddenly see it, bit of a shock. Best of luck in finding a solution!

 

[milliepops]

Sorry you're having to deal with this OP but i hope you get a good outcome.

Don't beat yourself up re the hinds, I think bilateral lameness is often missed tbh, esp when there's a front leg involved too.

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

Thank you everyone, just have to do what I can and see how it goes!
You start joining dots together once you start too I think, he has always had an angular behind and lacked muscle there, this is likely why.

 

[Dexter]

Being a warmblood there's a strong chance PSSM 2 is also involved. But given everything, I don't think that's a rabbit hole I would want to go chasing down, especially given its something with no cure and it degenerative, and just maintaining them is expensive.

 

[SEL]

Another who is going to say don't beat yourself up. I had multiple vets - inc osteo & horseback vets - & no one spotted the right fore lameness. I knew mine was 'wrong' behind (although scans x rays have never really found the cause) but it was only when she had steroid into her SI which helped the rear end the front end became obvious. Now I know I can see how she compensates by twisting which gives the illusion of soundness.

 

[ihatework]

A horse that size and you are generally on a hiding to nothing, especially with known OCD as a youngster. Not your fault at all, just biology and physics. I’ll also warn you that horses of that size generally don’t do well out of work, muscle is lost quickly and they look blooming ropey.

Sorry you have got to this point. I’d try not to go to far down a financial hole on this

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

Being a warmblood there's a strong chance PSSM 2 is also involved. But given everything, I don't think that's a rabbit hole I would want to go chasing down, especially given its something with no cure and it degenerative, and just maintaining them is expensive.

That's interesting, I didn't know that there was a link between warmbloods and PSSM 2 - I will have a read up on it. I don't think it is something I would chase at this point but it would be interesting to see if the shoe fits.

Another who is going to say don't beat yourself up. I had multiple vets - inc osteo & horseback vets - & no one spotted the right fore lameness. I knew mine was 'wrong' behind (although scans x rays have never really found the cause) but it was only when she had steroid into her SI which helped the rear end the front end became obvious. Now I know I can see how she compensates by twisting which gives the illusion of soundness.

I hadn't considered that we won't easily find the cause of his lameness but I suppose that's something I should prepare for - I don't think I will take it as far as MRI's etc at this point, I will evaluate it at the time. IHW's comment rings very true so it's a very considered process at the moment. It sounds as though your horse and Jacob have some real similarities! It's so easy to miss things until you 'fix' something else!

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

Looking through videos today and thought I would post in case someone in the future has a horse that presents the same and could take some ideas from the thread:

I took one on Monday which shows just how lame he currently is. I know it looks like his hind end is the least of his problems here, but once the front was blocked it looks a hell of a lot worse.. Sorry it's sideways, I don't know how to turn it.

And then this video is from March 2020, and I can see that what I had a niggling feeling over is the early signs of it. I know he is full of adrenaline, but to me he looks uneven behind in terms of the rise and fall of his hips, and stride length and he also looks like what the vet called 'almost Alsatian like behind'. He looks super stuff in the hocks but super flexed through them at the same time - and he was full of adrenaline in this video too. (he was playing up as the horses in the field next door were having a hooley, so please excuse the last minute lunging get up).

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

Update: The vet came today for Jacob's x-rays, unfortunately they are both inconclusive yet conclusive. I don't yet have the full report, but there is nothing immediately obvious to cause either the front foot x-rays or the chronic hind end lameness. The vets thought is that the front foot lameness is soft tissue, which we will be unable to diagnose without an MRI.

The x-rays showed that Jacob has ringbone in his coffin joints present in both front feet, it is fairly early but is clearly present. He also has degerative changes to both Navicular bones (worse on his right foot, but acute lameness is in his left). Something was also said about his pedal bones but I've had a long day and I can't remember exactly what was said. Re: his hinds they found that he has changes to both sesamoids.

The vet said that if it were just the front foot, he would advise resting Jacob for a couple of months and MRI'ing if he wasn't then sound, however due to the degree of chronic, long term lameness he has behind, and the compensatory issues in other parts of his body he thinks I should go away and have a think - implying that it may be the point at which I call it a day. I am looking at several likely degenerative conditions here, and that is without really delving deep into disgnosis re: soft tissues/stifles/spinal x-rays.

I have therefore made the decision to have him PTS. I am absolutely heartbroken, but I am equally heartbroken that he has likely been in a degree of pain for a long time, and has stoically carried on without much visually wrong. He owes me nothing, I have learnt so much from him since I bought him, and he makes me laugh everyday.

 

[milliepops]

I'm sorry you've come to the end of the road, I'm not surprised you are heartbroken, they really do become such a huge part of our lives x

 

[Mrs. Jingle]

I am so sorry AShetlandBitMeOnce. I have followed your highs and lows and total dedication to doing the right thing for your beautiful horse. For what its worth I think you have made the right decision, I can only imagine how difficult that has been for you.

 

[misst]

Reading through this is like stepping back in time for me. One of ours was like this and all I can say is you have done all the right things and unfortunately come to the only right conculsion. I am so sorry. What I can say is there is a degree of relief from knowing the "is he isn't he lame" paranoia was not for nothing and unfortunately you were right. Lots of people would have carried on until he reared or did something awful so well done for persevering. I think sometimes they just have too many things go wrong from compensating for different small injuries and it just builds and builds.
Sending you a huge hug and a try not to feel guilty vibe. We turned our boy away for the summer with a view to PTS in the autumn - he went hopping lame again in July that summer and we called it day without even investigating the cause that time. Sometimes it is just out of our control. xxxx
He is a beautiful boy and lucky to have you x

 

[ester]

So sorry for you, they are heartbreaking. x

 

[HollyWoozle]

So sorry for you but well done on a brave decision.

 

[Clodagh]

I’m sorry to like your post, it was for support.
I bred a giant, he was meant to be 16hh and went over 18.2. He was beautiful and a lovely boy.
PTS at 7 with so many issues.
I’m so sorry and it is heartbreaking.

 

[Ditchjumper2]

Gut instincts are usually right as yours was. You are totally making the correct decision as sad as it is. Big hugs x

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

Thank you everyone for such kind replies. I know it's the right and only decidion I can make right now, but when I look at him mooching in the field it feels impossible to even think about it as he looks so well - so reading what you have all said is really getting me through.

 

[Pinkvboots]

So sorry xx