Feeling upset

[Dancing_Diva]

Need to get something off my chest, feeling upset. As those who have been following my posts will know I lost my boy last Monday.

He was owned by my cousin but I was a big part of his first three years of life, when he was three years old he was put out on loan by his owner, within that year he had two different loaners. He came to live with me as a four year old, me and my cousin hadn't spoken in about a year when she asked if I'd take him in as she was stuck. A rude, aggressive and horrible four year old turned up, I risked getting kicked on a daily basis with him. I turned him around, re backed him and got him going nicely until he went lame last august. Including I paid everything for him.Anyway his been mine on full loan for the previous couple of years, I wanted to buy him this year before his issues started as my cousin wanted to sell.

I dealt with all vet side of things, I was there for all his vet visits, I arranged his last day, I arranged the cremation and did everything my cousin wanted done with him, his removal I held him when he passed away, I assisted with the removal and loading of his body afterwards as it wasn't straight forward.

The point of this post? I was never asked if I wanted some of his ashes! I made sure I cut tail off for his owner the day before, I made her a lovely photo box for her birthday with his door sign in it, couple of photos and one of his shoes which I sprayed up for her. I got him in for the final time that morning, gave him his last brush the works as his owner would do none of it. What do I get left with? A little bit of tail I took for myself, and one of his shoes. She even had his head collar I gave him.

When my cousins other pony died whilst out on loan she had the ponies ashes split with the loaner seeing as she'd had him on full loan for three years. Bit of a pointless post and maybe I'm just being silly but it's been annoying me for few days now and needed to let it out. He was more my own and I did everything for him, I know I have my memerios, photos etc but would have been nice to have been thought of in regards to his ashes.

 

[alainax]

Don't let the anger towards your cousin cloud the last memories that you have with him. The memories, photos and his little bit of tail are a wonderful thing to remember him by. Of course it hurts, and she may not have been very kind about it, but it wont help you to work through the grief to channel it this way. In 10 years time you don't his legacy to be you remembering how annoyed you were at your cousin, you want your memories of him to be how he was with you.

 

[AmyMay]

Have you asked if you could have some of his ashes?

 

[EllenJay]

The ashes are not him. He is your memories, you have those and no-one can take them away.

Your cousin is the looser- she hasn't got the cuddles you had with him, his snickering to you, or the trust he had in you. All she has is a pile of ashes.

 

[Dancing_Diva]

The ashes are not him. He is your memories, you have those and no-one can take them away.

Your cousin is the looser- she hasn't got the cuddles you had with him, his snickering to you, or the trust he had in you. All she has is a pile of ashes.

I'd not thought of it like that. Your right, I had some stunning photos taken with him four days before he passed where as my cousin has nothing like that. I was last one he see and heard the voice of. Thank you

 

[ROMANY 1959]

Honey, you don't need his ashes to remember him... have a plaque made with the horse shoe in middle with his name and a picture... so you can look at it when you want...xxx hugs to you too

 

[Mule]

I would ask your cousin for some of his ashes. It may not have occurred to her. At least if you ask you won't feel resentment. I think it would be nice to have something made to remember him. Hope you feel better soon

 

[hairycob]

The ashes won't smell of him like the bit of tail will.

 

[Goldenstar]

It's my understanding Unless you pay extra they don't have separate ashes at the places they take them .
You have your memories of the horse that's what matters .

 

[Sugar_and_Spice]

I'm sorry for your loss. Anger is part of grief and maybe you feel worse because of that. It could be that because she's been thoughtless regarding the ashes, the anger of grief is coming out as directed at your cousin. More angry than you'd usually be about thoughtlessness.

Did she have his ashes back? And could she let you have some, if she did? Or did she just have "some" ashes back? in which case it could be anything in the box, maybe not much of your horse at all. Regarding the headcollar, if you bought it, paid for it and you want it back - ask her for it. It sounds as if she's wrapped up in her own grief and maybe has forgotten that you're grieving too.

 

[Sukistokes2]

You had the best of him, you had his life. He will be with you forever in your memories and in your heart. I have never understood the need for the ashes but that's me, because I know that the spirit of my horses lives on with me. Let it go and listen for him in your heart.

 

[Notimetoride]

I'm so sorry. I know your hurting, but he's gone now ( and yes I've been through this twice with horses). The most precious thing he has left you is memories. They are with you 24/7 and you can recall them whenever you wish. Don't get too hung up on 'stuff'. Just be kind on yourself, cry when you need to and the pain will get easier to live with

 

[tashcat]

Think of all the lovely memories you have, and those photos sound lovely.

I kept the ashes of my boy, and I'll sometimes go and sit with him and talk to him, but the ashes aren't him. I'm so pleased I have them - I wouldn't have wanted him to go anywhere else - but they aren't him. I feel most connected to him when I look through pictures and videos of him, and I'm so glad you have some nice photos to remember him by.

I know how awful it is, and I'm sorry you didn't get his ashes but as least if she has him, she has him 'whole'.

Nobody can take those memories away. Thinking of you x

 

[horselady]

I'm really sorry. Think of him and remember his neigh, the sound of his hooves, his snuffles and his sighs. Remember holding him, and brushing him. Remember how he lives forever in your memories. As a physical reminder, why not get a locket for his tail hair. Then you can wear it over your heart.
Big hugs xxx

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Your cousin is thoughtless but really the ashes would be of no use to you, they are not him. Treasure your memories, look at your photos and remember him when he was happy and healthy. He knew that you were the one he could trust to look after him, in all circumstances and you did so right to the end. Take some comfort from that and don't let your cousin's thoughtlessness cloud your wonderful memories of him.

 

[Cinnamontoast]

You had his trust and love, you're the one who turned him round and made him the lovely boy he was. I also kept a shoe, nothing else bar bits of tack.

It's a huge emotional time, look after yourself.

 

[Dancing_Diva]

Thank you all, feeling better about it today.

He knew I was always there for him, to him I was his mum no one else. I was the one at his head along side my fantastic vet who he knew well and trusted when he took his final breath.

I'm so glad I had my friend take some photos four days before hand. Just a couple of my favs below.

http://s1324.photobucket.com/user/glenfiddichlady/media/IMG_0841_zpsz2xgpb9d.jpg.html?sort=3&o=6
http://s1324.photobucket.com/user/glenfiddichlady/media/IMG_0863_zpsve8l347i.jpg.html?sort=3&o=4
http://s1324.photobucket.com/user/glenfiddichlady/media/IMG_0875_zps6kpltgyu.png.html?sort=3&o=1
http://s1324.photobucket.com/user/glenfiddichlady/media/IMG_8556_zpsaypad0fs.jpg.html?sort=3&o=0

And my last two photos of him I took whilst awaiting the vet to arrive.
http://s1324.photobucket.com/user/glenfiddichlady/media/IMG_0987_zpseaqedosl.jpg.html?sort=3&o=3
http://s1324.photobucket.com/user/g...93_zpsshb5dacd.jpg.html?sort=3&o=2?sort=3&o=2

 

[Pearlsasinger]

What a gorgeous boy he was! Lovely photos.

 

[Gazen]

Beautiful boy. Remember the fun times you had with him.
It will take a long time to get over his loss. It has been over six months since I have my horse PTS and I still haven't been able to look at the photos from the photoshoot I had done the week before.

 

[Dancing_Diva]

Thank you Gazen. His the fourth horse I've lost so know the feeling well sadly. It does get easier in time, but they feeling never goes away fully.

It'll be a year in may since my third passed and still feels like it happened recently.

 

[horselady]

It really is awful, but it will get better.

 

[MrSmith]

Thanks for sharing those photos, he's lovely.
It's 20 years since we lost our horse, I can get tearful even now when I think about him (which I often do) but I'm sad for me, because I miss him.

When you think about the life and love you gave him and all the special times - that's so much to treasure and our amazing brains that we can remember and enjoy those times... Ashes can't take them away or add to them. So while I'm not taking away the sentimental value, as others have already said, what you have had with him is priceless.

Take care