Finances - living together

[Crazy_cat_lady]

Also those who have mortgages- do you declare you have a horse when applying for one? I presume you have to as they will want to see all your bank statements etc but I swear I've read someone on here say don't? Most of my expenses are the horse and I worry we would get turned down for a mortgage because of it

 

[splashgirl45]

when i got my mortgage many years ago these things were not asked so that wasnt a problem. now the financial institutions ask to see a breakdown of your spending. you will need to be honest but you could maybe not mention things like vet visits, shoeing etc on your average weekly/monthly outgoings to keep the figure a bit lower...if you do go for a mortgage you will need to cut down as much as possible so maybe turn horse out on grass livery for a while so costs are cut, and even little things like buying a magazine or paper regularly can burn money... hope all goes ok

 

[Red-1]

It was many years ago, but I asked the bank manager about this as we stretched our finances to buy this place (stables etc). He said that it did not matter about the horse bills as the horse was not necessary, so if we were skint we could just sell the horse.

As long as we could afford mortgage, car (necessary for work), any other loans, cars, food, electricity, insurance etc etc etc he was happy. We had to be able to cover what he saw as essentials.

Many years later he became a friend and I think he realised that just selling the horse was not as likely as he thought.

 

[meleeka]

When I first moved in with OH he earnt a lot more than me. He paid bills and I bought food. After a while it just seemed easier to have a joint account. We will run expensive things by each other but generally don’t ask each other before spending small amounts. My horses have never come into question as I had one before we met.

 

[meleeka]

Also those who have mortgages- do you declare you have a horse when applying for one? I presume you have to as they will want to see all your bank statements etc but I swear I've read someone on here say don't? Most of my expenses are the horse and I worry we would get turned down for a mortgage because of it

I haven’t taken out a mortgage recently but I was only asked about loans, credit cards, etc. What you spend your disposable income on is nobody else’s business I would have thought.

 

[Clodagh]

I have been married to my OH for nearly 20 years and we still don't have a joint account. (Both had messy divorces first time!).
When I had a horse I paid for that completely, he doesn't like horses, it was my hobby and I didn't see why he should fund it. Now that I work dogs it is the same (although he too has caught that bug).
He earns a lot more than me so pays most of the household bills, I pay anything that pertains directly to me (he pays Sky, I pay Racing Channel for example). We go 50/50 on food. I pay for all the dogs but if I am short he helps (big vets bill or similar).
I would never have a joint account for everything, imagine explaining you need a new haynet...(or whatever).

 

[AdorableAlice]

I haven’t taken out a mortgage recently but I was only asked about loans, credit cards, etc. What you spend your disposable income on is nobody else’s business I would have thought.

Not so sure about that, young man at my office has just bought his first home with his girlfriend. The bank that supplied his mortgage went through both his and her bank statements with a fine tooth comb. He gambles a fair bit on racing and has accounts with various online bookies. The bank didn't like it and turned him down. The loan was 180k and although he finally sourced a mortgage it was a struggle.

 

[MotherOfChickens]

Also those who have mortgages- do you declare you have a horse when applying for one? I presume you have to as they will want to see all your bank statements etc but I swear I've read someone on here say don't? Most of my expenses are the horse and I worry we would get turned down for a mortgage because of it

no, you don't have to specify what you are spending it on, yes they want bank statements (mostly to prove your salary) but if your regular outgoings don't leave much disposable income it doesn't look great. When I was improving my credit rating etc years ago for a mortgage I just paid cash for everything horse from a savings account that I paid into monthly-no DDs to yards etc.

OH and I are married, no joint accounts -I'm not to be trusted (I am really not lol). I pay him mortgage and CT, we split the other bills (he pays more as he earns a lot more) and I pay for all the animals although he'll buy food if he sees its low etc.

 

[oldie48]

When first moved in with my now husband we used to keep a tally of what we spent on our daily joint living expenses and at the end of each month we added it up and paid up or not depending on who was in credit. He earned rather more than me but I caught up, he owned a house and I had a mortgage, it just became too difficult to keep it completely fair and tbh I was the one who didn't want to be dependent. Long story short, with trust and committment we changed slowly, bought a house together, had a child together, built a life together. I think you have to find your way through this, someones else's experience is their experience, not yours. Talk, discuss the things you are worried about, raise the difficult issues and find your own way through. We are both quite old now, we still don't have a joint bank account, we've always kept our separate bank accounts but it's never been a problem because we operate as if our accounts belong to both of us, which in effect, they do. good luck and I wish you both the very best. If someone truly loves you, they want you to be happy and fulfilled and if they are married to a rider then they know that includes the horse and all the epense that this entails.

 

[McFluff]

This is very interesting and just shows that this is about getting the right set up for you, and knowing that this will change as the relationship develops. Talk, talk and talk. No secrets. That’ll come back and bite you.
Me and OH have fully joint finances, but waited until marriage and our second house to do that. We’d been together for lots of years before I got a horse, and my top tip would be to make sure they have an expensive hobby, then no guilt. I feel very lucky to have such good support for my hobby, but I do also support his.
Over the years we’ve both had times of earning more than the other, but things balance out in the long run. A partnership isn’t all about monetary contribution.

 

[kathantoinette]

I’ve lived with OH almost 10 years. Definitely no joint bank account, I’m fairly certain there never will be which suits both of us. He pays when we go out, I buy all of the food to eat at home. No children in the mix; his are grown up and have families of their own. It’s a company house so no mortgage, bills etc. It’s a fairly straight forward arrangement!

 

[Bellaboo18]

For us it all goes in to one joint bank account. We're a team. We have plans for life that we save for together. I can't get my head around married couples that have seperate accounts but it obviously works for some. We discuss big expenses like holidays but are on the same page. We're both relaxed and I've never felt guilty for buying anything. We share goals and work towards them together. For me it's such a big part of our relationship.

 

[sport horse]

Probably much older than most of you but I was married for 30 years and have been widowed for 16 years. We retained single bank accounts but my husband also opened and funded a joint account. I worked on the basis 'whats mine is mine' and what is yours is also mine' and it worked well (for me!!!) However, he was also a competitive rider - we met at a show jumping show - so we actually wanted the same things out of life which is a huge advantage. If you all listen quietly you will be able to hear him shout from time to time 'what on earth do you need all those horses for and with my money....'!!!!

 

[Identityincrisis]

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply. We are going to hash out finances this weekend i hope. 1 major thing I forgot to mention, his teenage soon lives with him, so again that is something we need to consider. This is why i edge more to the side of pooling all money together after a while as it gets messy......

 

[Theocat]

Also those who have mortgages- do you declare you have a horse when applying for one? I presume you have to as they will want to see all your bank statements etc but I swear I've read someone on here say don't? Most of my expenses are the horse and I worry we would get turned down for a mortgage because of it

Yes, you will be asked to declare it. They want to know exactly what you do with your disposable income (horses, holidays, socialising, gym memberships) and how easily you could remove that outgoing if you had to.

It's in their interests - and yours! - to be sure you can genuinely afford the repayments. They aren't looking for reasons to turn you down; they're doing due diligence to make sure that you aren't at risk of defaulting.

Source: one application five years ago, and two last year. The horse was not a problem in any of them.

 

[Translationsneeded]

Only joint account for bills. 50/50 split.... no way would I share all money even though we’ve been together 20 years. I pay for horses out of my spending money.

 

[AmyMay]

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply. We are going to hash out finances this weekend i hope. 1 major thing I forgot to mention, his teenage soon lives with him, so again that is something we need to consider. This is why i edge more to the side of pooling all money together after a while as it gets messy......

It doesn't have to be messy. You would pay 1 third of all bills, including rent.

 

[Shoei]

We pay half or the house/utility/food costs each.

Everything else gets left in our own personal accounts to manage as we see fit... he buys tractors and scrap.... I spend on the horses.

We are married but have decided to keep it this way. I earn more but probably spend more on the horses, it means he can't moan at what I have spent and equally I can't moan that he has bought more scrap (he doesn't think it's scrap by the way )

 

[pansymouse]

I've never had a joint account and never would. I was in an abusive relationship in my early 20's and vowed never to be in a position where I was not in control of all aspects of my life ever again.

 

[mums the groom]

Joint bank account for Bills and living with a % of both incomes going into it then separate accounts for yourselves that is your spending and a saving account for luxuries like holidays, the most difficult conversation is when a non horsey partner sees all the bills over a month. luckily my OH has just got used to it

 

[Hallo2012]

i think with horses and kids, a joint account will work best.

you cant be dividing everything by 3 to take in to account his son and then him having to work out whats horse related. recipe for massive stress and resentment imo

 

[D66]

We have a joint account, he earns the money, I get to spend it. I look after the savings and shopping end, he sorts out paying the electricity and phone bills though most are on DD. Big items we discuss, but mostly just get on with it.
I do have a separate bank account he can't access that I used to have the child benefit paid into, I keep a couple of hundred pounds in there for emergencies like my bank card not working at the garage or supermarket.
When I had a horse I bought what i needed, OH wasn't keen but he likes buying tickets for music and going to football matches.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

OP, are you moving into a house he already has? Is it owned/mortgaged or rented?
I would be tempted to leave the house arrangements as they are, at least until the lease, if there is one, comes up for review. You won't ever have any financial interest in the house if OH owns/is buying it. I would pay jointly for household bills and keep everything else separate to do with as you please. You might want to review your financial arrangements after the son has left home and is independent.

 

[paddy555]

For us it all goes in to one joint bank account. We're a team. We have plans for life that we save for together. I can't get my head around married couples that have seperate accounts but it obviously works for some. We discuss big expenses like holidays but are on the same page. We're both relaxed and I've never felt guilty for buying anything. We share goals and work towards them together. For me it's such a big part of our relationship.

I'm married and totally agree with you. We both accept that animal costs come first and we have what is left. We also work as a team. We discuss what we want and prioritise what would be best to buy. I just make sure never to tell him if there is a horse for sale or needing a home as I have learnt from experience to keep quiet otherwise it will have arrived before I know it! It did help that we had only been going out for a few days when we bought our first horse together so that gave me a good idea of what was to come. We had to get married as we would never have been able to split the horse. Neither of us would have been able to give him up.

 

[MotherOfChickens]

Its a little insulting to insinuate married couples without joint accounts don't have a shared plan or that they don't work as a team. My OH couldn't be more supportive of me riding (he has bought me two horses!) and was a key player in me keeping riding when I came close to jacking it all in 2 years ago. And we save and plan for the future-we just don't have a joint current account. I pay for my animals keep (mostly) and he pays for his kids, I think thats fair.

 

[milliepops]

have to agree MOC I don't forsee that me and OH will end up with a joint account just because we are different - I am employed, he is self employed, it's probably something that we will keep separate for ease of accounting as much as anything else etc but I definitely see us having a shared life and shared expectations together until one or other of us dies
Like a PP he buys scrap and tractors, I have horses... he sponsors said horses generously and I just ignore the tractor thing different strokes & all that.

my parents have a joint account... and think we are weird. but I think theirs came out of necessity, mum was the main breadwinner and they were exceedingly poor so having one pot probably made decisions really simple.

 

[paddy555]

Its a little insulting to insinuate married couples without joint accounts don't have a shared plan or that they don't work as a team. My OH couldn't be more supportive of me riding (he has bought me two horses!) and was a key player in me keeping riding when I came close to jacking it all in 2 years ago. And we save and plan for the future-we just don't have a joint current account. I pay for my animals keep (mostly) and he pays for his kids, I think thats fair.

not insinuating at all, just simply agreeing with bellaboo's comments. I suppose as my parents always had everything joint (even tho my mum didn't work) it never occurred to me to do otherwise.

 

[Clodagh]

not insinuating at all, just simply agreeing with bellaboo's comments. I suppose as my parents always had everything joint (even tho my mum didn't work) it never occurred to me to do otherwise.

But have things not moved on since the days of mothers being given an allowance, or 'pin money' to do things? I do not feel unloved, or demeaned, by having my own bank account. Surely it is what suits different people? Would be odd if we were all identical in our lifestyles, hopes and aspirations.

 

[Bellaboo18]

not insinuating at all, just simply agreeing with bellaboo's comments. I suppose as my parents always had everything joint (even tho my mum didn't work) it never occurred to me to do otherwise.

Yeah both mine and OHs parents had joint accounts so it came naturally to us.

 

[Bellaboo18]

But have things not moved on since the days of mothers being given an allowance, or 'pin money' to do things? I do not feel unloved, or demeaned, by having my own bank account. Surely it is what suits different people? Would be odd if we were all identical in our lifestyles, hopes and aspirations.

Having a joint account is very different to an allowance/'pin money' if you've got full access to it. It's definitely what suits each individual couple but it's a joint account for me.