First horse bought... 5 days later break my leg

[Spartan1996]

Hi everyone, just looking for some advice and general reassurance

been saving for my first horse for ages, found my dream horse about a month ago now he’s a stunning 16.2 ISH and I’m in love. Fast forward to 6 days post bringing him to new yard, we are in a lesson and I end up falling in a complete freak accident (he did absolutely 0 wrong) I lost my balance and stirrup, came off - end up dislocating my shoulder, fractured arm, broken femur, brain bleed and nerve damage through my right arm.

femur has been fixed by op and nerve damage getting better, but in a sling for 6 weeks and not sure when I’ll be off crutches.. been told 6 months before I can ride!!

how would you cope?
I feel heartbroken, my dream heart horse I’ve had a week is now being ridden by others and looked after by others and my family won’t take me to yard to even see him as they are being over-protective and think I’m “not ready” I’m losing my mind. He’s my first horse (I’ve loaned before) but never had “that bond” and wanted to grow this with him and now he’s going to be with people I’m paying to ride him. I don’t know what I should/shouldn’t be doing and family are being really critical and horrible now and I’m finding it hard to cope.

what should I do?

 

[scats]

So sorry to hear about your accident. Your family are probably just very worried and will be associating that horse with the position you are in, regardless of whether he did anything wrong or not. Are you able to sit down with your family and explain how you are feeling and that you think it would be helpful at the moment to go and see the horse?

As for the horse, do you trust the people riding and looking after him for you?
If this had been an accident caused by the horse or it had done something dangerous, I would be suggesting sending it to a sales livery to sell on for you (fully disclosing everything, of course). But if you are happy to continue with this horse once you are healed, then you need to make sure you have someone you trust riding him until you are better.

 

[FinnishLapphund]

Sorry to hear about the accident. I can sort of understand both yours, and your family's feelings, and can only suggest that you give it some time. In a few weeks time, presumably, either they'll have calmed down, or you'll be well enough to take yourself to the yard to visit your horse, whether your family like it or not.

Not the way you wanted it, but I'm sure you'll be able to bond with your very handsome looking horse later, once you're able to spend time at the stable again. Waiting is annoying, and boring, but as they say, it could've been worse.
{{{{{{Vibes}}}}}} for an uneventful recovery.

 

[muddybay]

So sorry to hear about that! I understand where you and your family are coming from! Maybe get in contact with whoever's riding him at your yard so they can tell you his progress, when the initial shock of your injury dies down a bit have a word with your family and talk to them about their worries and concerns. It's hard I've been in a situation where I couldn't see a new horse before (not due to injury) and it drove me nuts! At the end of the day they're only trying to protect you but hopefully if you tell them how much he means to you they'll let you go to give him a carrott!
Hope you have a quickish recovery!

 

[Midlifecrisis]

Holy money...well first of all concentrate on being a good patient and get well. Try to look at it as if you were still horse hunting and you ll “find” your horsey partner ready for you when you are fit and well. Its a disappointment for sure but you ll be back mucking out, stuffing haynets and poo picking before you know it!

 

[Spartan1996]

Thank you for all your replies, just to clarify:

- he’s an angel; he did nothing wrong and it was just me losing my balance and landing badly due to the arena being really hard from all the ice and flooding.
- the people riding him are my instructor and someone else who has been recommended so he’s being well looked after.
- I more just feel gutted that all these new experiences we wanted to try with him it’s going to be someone else and I’m not gonna have a bond with him when I can get back to riding?

 

[ITPersonnage]

Bad luck on your accident, sounds really nasty. I'm sure you've thought about this yourself but your family probably don't "get" the horse thing at all and always had those concerns that this big, frightening animal was always going to end up with you getting hurt (!) As horse people, we tend to forget that Unfortunately all those (wrong) fears have been "proven right" in their eyes!

It will no doubt take time but you will get there, once you can get out & about again try just going to the field with your family and not getting close, then gradually build it up until they see how lovely your horse is. At some point they will see that he's no threat after all....

Don't worry about your horse, I'm sure he will be well looked after and ready to restart your experiences together in no time at all.

 

[splashgirl45]

it takes a long while to get a bond with a horse so dont worry about that side of things as you will have years to bond with him. perhaps your instrictor could send you some little videos of him in his stable or field so you can see he is happy..its a shame you are laid up, try and keep positive....

 

[Cortez]

Gosh, that is bad luck, hope you are not too sore and wishing you a speedy recovery. Re horse - don't worry about "bonding": being a practical (and experienced) person I can assure you that this is the least of your worries at this point. Again with practical hat on, if I was you I would sell this horse and buy another when fit and ready to begin riding again. You don't need the expense of keeping a horse that you barely know, and I would save that money towards buying another.

 

[smolmaus]

my family won’t take me to yard to even see him as they are being over-protective and think I’m “not ready”

Good grief what luck! First off best wishes for your recovery. Heartbreak aside that really is the most important thing!

I had 6 months off with a head injury as well about 10 years ago, it was a very frustrating time. I didn't (and still don't) have my own horse but I was able to go down to the yard with my sister and do some grooming and potter about to keep me sane. I ended up really bonding with a young horse who had come from a rescue situation, just chatting to him, giving him a scratch and a brush. Didn't need to be a saddle involved at all! We both just needed a friend at the time. Once you're off the crutches there's no reason you can't do the same with your boy. It'll make the time go in easier.

My mum was petrified of me hurting myself again as well. If you let them confiscate your hat and boots so they know all you can do is potter about a bit would that make them feel better? ? If you're an adult and you're following all medical advice, they don't really have the right to tell you that you can't at least go to see him. I know COVID makes it harder depending on where you are but you can call a taxi or a friend to give you a lift.

 

[Spartan1996]

Gosh, that is bad luck, hope you are not too sore and wishing you a speedy recovery. Re horse - don't worry about "bonding": being a practical (and experienced) person I can assure you that this is the least of your worries at this point. Again with practical hat on, if I was you I would sell this horse and buy another when fit and ready to begin riding again. You don't need the expense of keeping a horse that you barely know, and I would save that money towards buying another.

I don’t have the heart to sell him, he’s a dream come true and just the most amazing boy. He’s only young - 4yo so I know in the future we have so much time together. I’ve also spent a ridiculous amount of money on him that I don’t think I’d get back but he’s worth it to me

 

[Spartan1996]

[QUOTE="FinnishLapphund, post: 14535248, member: 53950"Waiting is annoying, and boring, but as they say, it could've been worse.
{{{{{{Vibes}}}}}} for an uneventful recovery.[/QUOTE]

It definitely could of been worse, I feel fine I’m not in any pain since leaving hospital where I’ve been for just over a week. Back at home now and all I’ve heard is “I’m impatient” and don’t need to go back when he’s now on full livery/being ridden and well looked after. It’s just sad and feel heartbroken

 

[EnduroRider]

Sorry to hear about your accident. Could you look to turn him away on grass livery somewhere that will do daily checks and then once you are ready to get going again you can start to gently return to fitness together? It might save a bit of money and the 'fear of missing out' whilst you rest and recuperate.

 

[Meowy Catkin]

What would I do if this was my horse? Well you have made it clear that it wasn't the horse's fault, so I will accept that.

If I didn't want to sell, I would turn him away for 6 months. He's only four so some time off will do no harm and I certainly wouldn't be trusting the instructor to ride. The flooded and frozen arena played a big part in your injuries, it clearly wasn't a safe environment to have a lesson in and I wouldn't want him to be continued to be ridden there.

It should be noted however that I have been stung before with people treating my own young horses badly so I am very biased and untrusting.

I agree with forgetting about a bond. Once you are better and handling/feeding your horse daily they will learn who you are.

 

[muddybay]

On the bright side when you get back to riding him he'll be older and more experienced and that can only be a good thing especially when you've had so long off! Will your trainer be working on specific things with him while you're off?

 

[Gloi]

Once you can get back to the yard I'd make sure I regularly watch him being ridden by your trainer and talk to her about him and how he was going. I might also let him have a bit of time turned out to relax and mature during your time off, maybe once the grass comes through.
Sorry you have had this bad luck. I have twice had strokes which have stopped me driving and getting to mine so I appreciate your frustration. The time will pass though and you can continue your journey.

 

[Equi]

What rotten luck! You’ve two options, turn him away to mature even more physically and mentally then bring him back in in 6 months (so you are then taking the bonding from that) or let whoever’s riding tick him over as long as you can confirm they are doing things how you plan to be doing them yourself when you go back.

I assume your family are blaming the horse rather than the situation which isn’t fair on the horse but for a non-horsey person understandable. Is horse people never blame our horses. I hope you recover fast and without complication.

 

[millikins]

I'm with your family on this one, crutches and an icy surface are a disaster waiting to happen. I am surprised though that you've been issued crutches with a broken arm, however does that work?

 

[IrishMilo]

I more just feel gutted that all these new experiences we wanted to try with him it’s going to be someone else and I’m not gonna have a bond with him when I can get back to riding?

Your injuries sound horrific! Hope you mend quickly. Just wanted to say that your horse doesn't share the same dream of bonding with you and experiencing 'the firsts' with you, so don't worry about that. It actually sounds like it will be really beneficial to have two experienced riders on him for a while - it's a great foundation for him and will mean they iron out any bad habits he might have in time for you to get back on board!

 

[Coblover63]

Eek, sorry this has happened but I'm definitely in the "turn away" camp. Give him three months in a field, which will do him no end of good at his age. In three month's time you will have a better idea of how you are healing and what the future is looking like. If all is going well then you could ask your instructor to start bringing him back into work and keep him ticking over for you.

 

[honetpot]

I agree you have to reassure your family you are not going to ride. Turning it away till spring will do no harm, and riding a horse on a frozen school is dangerous. In April, start again, if it needs to be sold it should be easier, and I would suggest you have some lessons on a schoolmaster.
Riding young horses is a bit like standing on a very wobbly board, you need to have really good balance, and often they end up it a totally different place than you expected in an effort to balance themselves with the riders weight.
Forget dream horse, forget bonding, to get the best results you have to see the whole picture, even if it's not the picture you want to see. You have had a nasty fall, and no matter how long you have ridden, sometimes it takes a while to become mentally as well as physically repaired. A horse can be replaced, but your parents can not replace you.

 

[Spartan1996]

I'm with your family on this one, crutches and an icy surface are a disaster waiting to happen. I am surprised though that you've been issued crutches with a broken arm, however does that work?

I’ve only broken the one arm so my right side is out of order (broken leg also on this side) so I’ve got one crutch. But my leg break has been repaired surgically and I’m walking and weight bearing on it 1 day post op.

 

[Meowy Catkin]

I don't mean this harshly - I have had a bad accident myself - but it would be wise to be honest with yourself. Confidence is fragile and hard to repair (this can be a long road with many bumps on the way) and what was your dream horse may not be the right horse for you after you recover from your accident.

You may find that all you need is some lessons on a schoolmaster/mistress and for your young horse to be schooled professionally, but with your level of riding in mind. It may be that a young horse will just not be a good fit at all for you post accident. You might need something shorter (16.2 plus as he may still grow) is a long way to fall. You might be one of the lucky ones who gets better and then carries on as before.

It is worth thinking about in case loaning or even selling this horse becomes the right thing to do. You don't need to decide this right away of course.

 

[Auslander]

Whats the timeline here? It seems to me that the accident was very recent, if you only found the horse a month ago, and had the fall a week after he arrived. If it's as short a time as I suspect it is between you sustaining a brain bleed, nerve damage and broken bones that required orthopaedic surgery I'm afraid I'm on your families side! You need to do what your medics have told you, and rest up and heal.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Sorry to hear about your accident. Could you look to turn him away on grass livery somewhere that will do daily checks and then once you are ready to get going again you can start to gently return to fitness together? It might save a bit of money and the 'fear of missing out' whilst you rest and recuperate.

This what I would do, or you risk the horse being a lot fitter than you are when you are ready to ride again. At 4 a period of being turned away won't hurt him, at all, especially in this weather. as some HHO'ers know, I fell and broke my leg in October. my leg is in a frame and I can't get to the horses. They live at home so I can see them through the window but as I have become more mobile, so the weather has got worse. I am not rising further damage by going out skating on the ice.
My advice is to turn him away and then plan your own recovery. In the past I found a mechanical horse excellent for rehab.

I would also question your instructor's judgement about using a frozen school to have a lesson in, unless, of course, your lesson was all in walk.

 

[gallopingby]

Whats the timeline here? It seems to me that the accident was very recent, if you only found the horse a month ago, and had the fall a week after he arrived. If it's as short a time as I suspect it is between you sustaining a brain bleed, nerve damage and broken bones that required orthopaedic surgery I'm afraid I'm on your families side! You need to do what your medics have told you, and rest up and heal.

I agree, the combination of injuries sound bad / ? you broke both a leg and an arm as well as the brain bleed, and this happened quite recently. You’re lucky to have someone to ride your horse while you recover and hopefully he’ll be going nicely by the time you’re able to climb aboard again. Pretty sure this isn’t going to be sooner than six months with the injuries you describe. How fast were you going or was it a spook? Also you don’t sound very old so plenty time for things to heal. ? sorry but you’ll just have to be patient, small steps.

 

[ownedbyaconnie]

Another in the turn away camp. I also wouldn't be trusting my horse, let alone a youngster to an instructor that thought a frozen school was a good place to have a lesson.

 

[Spartan1996]

This what I would do, or you risk the horse being a lot fitter than you are when you are ready to ride again. At 4 a period of being turned away won't hurt him, at all, especially in this weather. as some HHO'ers know, I fell and broke my leg in October. my leg is in a frame and I can't get to the horses. They live at home so I can see them through the window but as I have become more mobile, so the weather has got worse. I am not rising further damage by going out skating on the ice.
My advice is to turn him away and then plan your own recovery. In the past I found a mechanical horse excellent for rehab.

I would also question your instructor's judgement about using a frozen school to have a lesson in, unless, of course, your lesson was all in walk.

the arena was fine on the day and was checked, the ground was just harder than usual. My instructor is brilliant and would never put someone in harms way.

 

[Spartan1996]

Another in the turn away camp. I also wouldn't be trusting my horse, let alone a youngster to an instructor that thought a frozen school was a good place to have a lesson.

It wasn’t frozen, I said it was hard from being frozen over the past month.

 

[Spartan1996]

Your injuries sound horrific! Hope you mend quickly. Just wanted to say that your horse doesn't share the same dream of bonding with you and experiencing 'the firsts' with you, so don't worry about that. It actually sounds like it will be really beneficial to have two experienced riders on him for a while - it's a great foundation for him and will mean they iron out any bad habits he might have in time for you to get back on board!

That’s what we thought, keep him at the level that he’s at so he’s being worked, he’s a really good boy and I’m also worried that I’m not going to be fit enough to bring a 4yo back into work when I come back from potentially 6 months + off riding for the turn away crowd.