First lesson in years: feeling meh

Caol Ila

Caol Ila

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In May, I did a clinic with Mark Rashid, which was motivating and inspiring and made a huge difference in how my horse was going. Enough of a difference that she's now built enough muscle behind her withers to require a visit from the saddler next week.

A trainer has been coming to the yard who everyone rates, and I decided to have a lesson with her, hoping to build on what I did with Mark. I suppose nothing was helped by the fact that the day before the lesson, I had been playing Irish music until 5am that morning, then had to drive like a maniac for two hours to get to the lesson on time. Even so, one of my lovely friends on the yard had to tack up my horse for me. A bit of a scheduing fail. I was knackered and hassled. Got on, noticed we had an audience of a few liveries and the yard owner. Cue me thinking, "Aw, man, this is why I quit showing!"

I explain to trainer our background, that we've ridden up to American Second Level, which is sort of Elementary/Medium in British money. Trainer says, "Warm up as you normally would," which is an interesting instruction given that was never going to happen, with trainer and liveries all watching me ride, and I don't do pressure well. Hence the quitting showing. I harried my horse through a quick warm-up, and she responded to my anxious chivvying the way she does: by going around like a donkey (no offense to donkeys) instead of an Elem level horse. The bad habits I am well aware of and that I compensate for, to a degree, when in a better frame of mind were out in full force. They are pernicious; the more flustered and discombobulated I am, the worse they get, and the horse trundles around on the forehand with her nose poking out. "Come on, mum, I know you can ride better than that!" I wasn't, so we spent the hour working on those habits.

I was a bit disappointed with myself, really. Obviously the trainer can only respond to what they see, especially if they have never seen you or your horse before. I would have done the same thing in the trainer's shoes, which I guess is the trouble. I don't need to spend money on an hour-long lesson to know I need to sit up and aid the horse with calf instead of heels. Trainer didn't give me any brand new exercises to change it, either; she explained how and why they interfere wth the horse's movement and how I should sit on her. I am not unaware of those things; but the incorrect habits come and go depending on how I am feeling when I get on the horse that day.

I envisioned being able to get the horse going well, then work from there and learn something new. Oh, well, maybe try again when the trainer is back in a month or so.
 
Oh how annoying. I feel for you as my last lesson was exactly like that. My horse refused to really soften and felt like she was fighting me the whole time. So we spent 40 minutes just working on that - no real exercises at all. Fortunately in my case it was my usual trainer so she knows how we can be on a good day, although no less infuriating. When we did finally get her working nicely we called it a day and I felt like we had achieved quite a lot as we'd worked through the 'problem' and got her back onside. Sometimes it's the small victories! Try to see the positives, and try again - once the trainer knows you and your horse it's much easier...and maybe leave a bit more time to get there ;)
 
How disappointing. I'd have asked for exercises to help with the issues you were having. Unfortunately the trainer can only work with what they see in front of them, like you I know how to ride and how to correct my issues but can't always translate that into 'action' which is frustrating, I also go to pieces when being watched and get flustered which doesn't help.
Maybe try a different trainer? one that can offer a different way of looking at your issues and a different way of resolving them as well as giving you new and varied exercises to do as 'homework'.
I've had lots of success with a RWYM instructor, might be worth you having a look at the Mary Wanless books as the way they are written seems to appeal to analytical types.
 
If you liked the trainer otherwise then book another lesson. Without that stress.

I find with dressage instructors unless you say "I want you to show me how to" then you will spend the entire lesson working on flexing the horse or something. I know my horse isn't flexible enough. But I want to learn something really good, not just variations on what I was already doing by my self.
 
That had occurred to me, FfionWinnie, but I talked myself out of it. I had considered saying, "I would really like to improve on our lateral work," but was concerned that the trainer would say, "We need to go back to basics first." "But I *can* ride" is not much of an argument when you are utterly failing at riding that particular day.
 
Caol Ila said:
That had occurred to me, FfionWinnie, but I talked myself out of it. I had considered saying, "I would really like to improve on our lateral work," but was concerned that the trainer would say, "We need to go back to basics first." "But I *can* ride" is not much of an argument when you are utterly failing at riding that particular day.
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I’d try and set yourself and your horse up for success.

I would go to bed sensibly, eat and drink sensibly for a clinic lesson. Personally dressage lessons are an investment, and I travel to mine, and try and get as much as I can out of them. This also means doing my homework, planning time to start the lesson calm, focused, settled, with horse warmed up.

I might also discourage the rail birds – handing people your video camera / asking to film you if they have spare time puts some off ;-) Or mention to the trainer watchers were making you anxious and ask them to keep your brain occupied, so you forget them. Every rider has bad days, and if the watchers aren’t supportive, then shame on them.

You might need to work on riding when others are watching. It is a skill you can improve.

I do agree with your surmise that no good trainer will let you work on lateral work, if the horse and rider, haven’t warmed up showing the basics on a particular day. Think is down to you to set yourself and your horse up for success to get what you want out of lessons.
 
I was talking about it with a barn friend today and coming to the conclusion, I don't know what I want. I had such a positive experience with the Rashids, making big improvements in the mare's way of going without completely rearranging my position and starting from the basics.

I'm not that unhappy with how she goes. She is 22. We are not going to move up the levels. But we have no major behavioural issues, riding issues; she more or less does what I ask. I mean, she *could* be rounder, more "dressagey," but she is 22 and sound, so we are not doing too badly. It would be nice to improve her, sure, but at this stage, I feel I have better things to do with her than go back to square one with my riding. The Rashids achieved that with us: improvement without having to change everything about my riding.

I had no intention of taking a lesson after an all-nighter session. When I scheduled the lesson, I thought the music thing was Friday and Saturday. It turned out the music thing was Saturday and Sunday, but I didn't want to be a flake and cancel the lesson.
 
Yes, I think it's often like that with a first lesson/new trainer situation, because you really, really want to impress the trainer and it never goes like that, does it? I know you didn't have time and were flustered, but it really pays to do a FULL warm up before you go in to do your lesson (this would be required/normal in Germany, say), after all you're not looking for a lesson on how to warm up. Better luck next time, and you can be assured the trainer has seen far, far worse :-)
 
I'd ideally like to squeeze in at least a short hack beforehand, which would be a bold move. Most people here don't warm up before the lessons. It was the same when I was doing more teaching myself. It does not seem to be the done thing, whereas it was in the US unless you had asked the trainer specifically to help you warm up. I agree, it would be much better because we always look like crap during the warm-up. If I get grumpy and flustered at horse during the warm-up, she stays looking like crap.
 
Normally I'd say book another lesson and give the instructor another chance. You know why it went wrong and can take steps to try and prevent it happening next time.

However... I'd say this depends on your personality. There may be an element of additional pressure as you want to "prove" to the trainer that you can do X, Y and Z then that self imposed pressure may put you back in the same position?

I know watching lessons happens on yards but generally no one should park up to watch your lesson without your permission. Even more so when it's a contributing factor to you not enjoying the lesson or being able to get your money's worth. Can you book a lesson when the yard is quiet/dead or speak to the other liveries and explain how much it affects you and your riding?

If you liked the trainer enough to try again with them then try to book a quiet time and give BOTH of you a clean slate; don't go in with something to prove.

Are the Rashid's due back any time soon?
 
Was it something specific about this trainer that made you feel like you couldn't explain that you weren't riding at your usual standard? Unless you were being so hopeless that you really think you couldn't have done lateral work (or similar) and learned anything, it seems like that would have been a more productive way for you to spend the time. I would expect a trainer to suggest you crack the basics first, but I would also expect them to be flexible if you explain that you think you would learn more by focussing on something different at this time. Then you can go back to basics at a time when you feel like you are already doing the basics at the best of your ability and will actually learn something. I would try again one more time and see how the lesson goes when you let the instructor know what you want. You can't expect every session with a trainer to go perfectly, but you should be able to expect a trainer to work round the bits you know are bad and give you new and useful insight into something else.
 
Maybe the trainer isn't right for you.
I have spent months with some trainers flopping around feeling useless and everyone getting frustrated at the lack of progress (and this has been with very high rated trainers).
Then there has been trainers who I clicked with and frankly worked miracles in an hour. One girl after two lessons got my scores up from low 50's to mid 70's. She explained everything so well I just 'got' it and then instead of picking apart my riding she gave me exercises one after an another that worked my horse through his issues so I could sit pretty without effort and I felt that I could ride!
I had one lesson with a Danish guy here in the US. He doesn't normally teach plebs like me but a regular rider pulled out of his clinic. He told me to do my normal warm up and I probably looked awful but then he got me doing tons of transitions, got me to get really sharp with my horse and then had me doing intense lateral work to get my horse to bend round my leg and he made me do the whole thing in sitting trot!
I complained like hell but actually found riding in sitting trot helped me so much and I didn't find it nearly so bad as I thought I would.
At the end we were unrecognisable and he was shouting and jumping up and down saying 'YES NOW THAT IS DRESSSSSAGE' lol. He finished by saying 'you have good horse and good seat, you can go up levels' and it was frankly inspiring.
So different to the sweating pulling hopeless mess I had felt in other lessons. Sadly this teacher then went back to Denmark and that was that.
The funny thing was the lady after me who had a lesson didn't get the same from her session and told me 'it was alright not the best'. So it goe to show it comes down to personality, riding style meshing with teaching style and how your brain interprets how the person explains things.
SO if I was you I wouldn't feel too down, blame it on the trainer ha ha.
 
Frank's 22, I ALWAYS go for a hack before our lesson (trainer visits yard and does a few) and/or work at the other end of the arena if ok with previous person. Otherwise I would want to spend 20 mins warming him up on a looseish rein first.

Actually, not quite always, I didn't the very first time because I thought it would be useful for instructor to see us from the beginning once but we get so much more out of it if we are warm and ready to go :). In fact this week because I felt bad his sharer took him for a full hack first and he went amazing! :D

I would also tell everyone to sod off/that they really aren't helping.
 
My horse believes it's part of her union contract to not have to go on the bit until I start sitting the trot. As the trainer had me spending 99.9% of the trot work rising, my attempts to get the horse on the bit were futile as she believed it was therefore within her rights to strike on those grounds. So there was that as well. This is clearly our 'thing' (my horse and I have worked out rights and responsibilities of both parties; she is like a lawyer about making sure all conditions are followed, while I do the best I can). I tried to explain that the horse was better in sitting trot, but trainer looked at me like I was crazy and explained how it's easier to establish good leg and seat position in rising trot. It is. And when I have taught, I of course worked on establishing students' rising trot before sitting. But this is what Gypsum and I have agreed upon, even if it makes no sense to outside parties. Like a marriage.
 
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