wkiwi
Well-Known Member
When you havent been out to a competition for a year and have put on weight
Day before = firstly be organised: get jacket, breeches, and boots and chaps out of cupboard, dust off, and take downstairs to hang in a prominent place.
Try on jacket. Suck in gut to get done up. Reassure yourself that it will fit better by tomorrow. Put boots, chaps, and jacket in horse truck ready.
Get riding hat. Go back upstairs and have extensive search for hat cover, which you remember seeing somewhere some time ago. Put hat in truck.
Go back upstairs to get hairnet and gloves which are also somewhere. Remember that gloves will be hot so go back upstairs and hunt for thinner gloves. Put in truck.
Next day: Remember to load horse, saddle, and bridle, horse treats and water/hay for horse. Feel impressed with organisational skills. (Find out later in the day that you forgot brush or sponge for horse).
Grumble under breath at effort to tack up horse (somewhat excited as it hasnt been out for a year).
Grumble out loud at trying to get breeches on. Remember that you were going to try them for fit yesterday but didnt.
Contemplate lying on back on floor to get zip up as know this works but then decide it is not worse the risk or embarrassment of not being able to get up again. Stretch fabric to maximum all over the bulges and finally get zip up. Feel mildly sick (from squished bits) but reassure yourself that it will be better in a minute. Or ten.
Put on boots with difficulty as new breeches act as corset and restrict bending. Remember that you were going to try on the chaps and put larger ones in if they were too tight.
Realise they are too tight. Wrestle for some time getting zips done up. Wonder why one leg is fatter than the other but pleased you bought chaps with elastic in. Stand up and consider range of movement still available then realise that this not helpful.
Feel relief when find that jackets are not compulsory because the tightness around the arms was becoming a concern. Get help to take off jacket (which has stuck on the fat rolls in places why dont they make stretch jackets?).
Contemplate excited prancing horse. Remember that mounting block is still in the yard and that horse is unlikely to stand next to the ramp. Borrow stool from kind person to use as mounting block.
Have trouble bending legs to get on rather high stool. Have more trouble bending legs to reach stirrup and realise that stool isnt that high after all. Make big effort to launch into saddle as realise that prancing horse is not going to stand for another second.
Sigh with relief as the bulges seem to sort themselves out once mounted and can breathe and function after all.
Resolve to lose weight and be more organised before the next one
Day before = firstly be organised: get jacket, breeches, and boots and chaps out of cupboard, dust off, and take downstairs to hang in a prominent place.
Try on jacket. Suck in gut to get done up. Reassure yourself that it will fit better by tomorrow. Put boots, chaps, and jacket in horse truck ready.
Get riding hat. Go back upstairs and have extensive search for hat cover, which you remember seeing somewhere some time ago. Put hat in truck.
Go back upstairs to get hairnet and gloves which are also somewhere. Remember that gloves will be hot so go back upstairs and hunt for thinner gloves. Put in truck.
Next day: Remember to load horse, saddle, and bridle, horse treats and water/hay for horse. Feel impressed with organisational skills. (Find out later in the day that you forgot brush or sponge for horse).
Grumble under breath at effort to tack up horse (somewhat excited as it hasnt been out for a year).
Grumble out loud at trying to get breeches on. Remember that you were going to try them for fit yesterday but didnt.
Contemplate lying on back on floor to get zip up as know this works but then decide it is not worse the risk or embarrassment of not being able to get up again. Stretch fabric to maximum all over the bulges and finally get zip up. Feel mildly sick (from squished bits) but reassure yourself that it will be better in a minute. Or ten.
Put on boots with difficulty as new breeches act as corset and restrict bending. Remember that you were going to try on the chaps and put larger ones in if they were too tight.
Realise they are too tight. Wrestle for some time getting zips done up. Wonder why one leg is fatter than the other but pleased you bought chaps with elastic in. Stand up and consider range of movement still available then realise that this not helpful.
Feel relief when find that jackets are not compulsory because the tightness around the arms was becoming a concern. Get help to take off jacket (which has stuck on the fat rolls in places why dont they make stretch jackets?).
Contemplate excited prancing horse. Remember that mounting block is still in the yard and that horse is unlikely to stand next to the ramp. Borrow stool from kind person to use as mounting block.
Have trouble bending legs to get on rather high stool. Have more trouble bending legs to reach stirrup and realise that stool isnt that high after all. Make big effort to launch into saddle as realise that prancing horse is not going to stand for another second.
Sigh with relief as the bulges seem to sort themselves out once mounted and can breathe and function after all.
Resolve to lose weight and be more organised before the next one
