for fun, horse dating profile write up :D

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Horsekaren

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i turned my horse out yesterday and all the other horses were in pairs, it made me feel a little sorry for my horse as he hasn't found that special friend. It got me thinking what his dating profile would say.... i came up with

Strawberry, 9 YO male, pink fur 15.3 Hairy Hipster.
About me- I enjoy long lazy days in the field, I like my own company and have many companions non of which i find partially interesting. I am relatively fit and enjoy, dancing, jumping, yoga, boxing, massages and running. I am very much into personal hygiene and enjoy long soaks, getting my hair done in dreds and having a good sprits with citronella. I also enjoy mud bathes and rolling as much as i possibly can.
I enjoy traveling and am excited to visit new places but i am apprehensive of change and new horse... saying that i'm very chatty and enjoy a good old chinwag.
I have been divorced twice which was a difficult time for me as it was out of my control but i left them.
I love my food, all food even if it isn't good for me, however i have a personal nutritionist that controls my diet and keeps my weight under control.
I do have a thang for older, strong, wise ladies that are interdependent and have strength of character.
I have a statement mustache which i will not shave off for anyone, its a big part of my face and i feel very strongly about keeping it.
I am a kind harted fellow with a lot to give but i am picky as to who that special horse is.


:'D

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Ruby:

I am a 13YO going on 4YO mare. I am very much Jekyll and Hyde, so you will get two girlfriends in one! Sometimes I love the attention, in fact I crave it and can flirt my way to any Horses heart! other days I very much need "me" time, the perfect opportunity for you to go out with friends! Very pretty, I have been told many times by different people who lovely I am to look at, In winter I am more of a brunette, in summer I am a beautiful Mahogany color. Interests include: being groomed, flirting, eating bananas, flirting, going out for long strolls (especially in the company of a friend). I often shock people by pulling my moves, I wish to be a in the Spanish riding school, I am ever so good at the leaps. Very spontaneous as I like to keep people on their toes. I have my human very well trained and she could bring us both treats daily! Luckily I am no longer ridden so potential boyfriend must not leave the field at any time, even if I tell you to get away from me, I want you to go less then 15 meters as I am a fragile sort.



Showing my softer side



I own these photos FYI :)
 
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Gelding 1 would probably be struck off any dating sites for sexual harassment. Young and attractive and he knows it, doesn’t take girls on dates only does “Netflix and Chill” and would probably text unwarranted/ inappropriate images.

Gelding 2 would be the guy that uses a picture from a good few years ago, has good chat and seems like fun then rocks up to a date with his beer gut, dirty clothes, comb over and spends the whole night telling his date how amazing he is between stuffing his face and not offering to pay at the end!
 
mcgreggor said:
Gelding 1 would probably be struck off any dating sites for sexual harassment. Young and attractive and he knows it, doesn’t take girls on dates only does “Netflix and Chill” and would probably text unwarranted/ inappropriate images.
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Brilliant!!!!!
 
Well, where do you start? I've always been one for the craic, but although I'm a full-on hot stallion (in me own mind) I've not actually had that much to do with the girls, if you see what I mean. I'd like to meet a lass as enjoyed a bit of biting and boxing, and liked going out for meals, I don't like the fancy food, a kebab or a bit of silage will do me nice.

I like farming too, I like machinery and I like moving beasts. If ye have a nice tractor (over 100hp for choice) send me a photo. I like the engines too I like the smell of them.

I jump lovely, but I would do that, knowing me grand-da.

And me mam taught me to go on the pans, on the gate, I'm good at that when me teas coming. I should say me family are all Republican, it's the way we are in Galway. So no Brit military, if ye don't mind. I spook at them.

But they say I'm a looker, and I've got a lot to give, so why not swipe right?
 
Arty:

I'm fabulous. That's all you need to know. Boring and/or needy equines need not apply.

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Hi.........My name is Apple, I am 6 yrs old and like anything in a rug. I am a very tidy mare, keep my pad very clean and have no dirty habits. I do not have any uneccessary hair ( wouldldn't see me dead with a moustache !!) I seem to attract the older gelding and like to be watered and dined ( paid for of course). I can't stand the type who flaunts his 'goods'......really it is so juvenile...a little nibble on my rear is sufficient to attract my interest. Some of the other mares call me a slapper behind my back but I know they are just jealous of the attention I get. I love pedicures and full facials and would never roll in mud...so not me. My mum tells me I am beautiful every day....but I already know that but keeps her happy. I would be looking for a very smart cob type, not too young with plenty of money in the bank and not a sex pest...thank you.

http://www.horseandhound.co.uk/forums/album.php?albumid=7860&attachmentid=30754[/URL]
 
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Hi,
I’m Mac. I am around 30 years old, but still have some moves in me. I don’t go to work anymore, enjoy living the life of Riley and eating grass. I don’t do dates as such, but I do like being in company. People say I play the fool, and once or twice it’s been mentioned that I should have joined the circus.

Hi,
My name is Dolly. I am 25 years old, and just oh so precious. I live with 2 hideous boys who really get on my nerves. One of them thinks he’s a right Prince Charming, and the other one is just a clown who does nothing but eat and boss us around.

I’m Ollie. I’m 10 years old, and super hot, especially when I go a lovely pink colour in the summer. The lady (if you can call her that) that I live with, plays hard to get, but I know she wants me really. My big brother bosses me about, but I let him do that. I could have him anytime I wanted.
 
I'm a 11 year young cream dun chap! I have a few greys coming through but I'm sure that's only because I'm much more wise and mature now!
I work hard during the summer but my boss gives me most of the winter off so we could spend lots of cosy nights cuddled together!
I'm a super romantic cuddly guy I love nothing more than lazy days relaxing in the field. I do like the occasional long stroll.
I'm looking for a long term relationship and someone who can deal with my grumpy moods.. mainly when I'm hungry. So someone who doesn't eat to much would be great- perhaps a fine small TB that I could watch strut their stuff!

So swipe right for me!!
 
My gelding is like mcgreggors first gelding. He's more of a one night stand type of horse than relationship and has plenty of partners on the go at once. Not even just mares. He's the Joey from friends of the horse world, although he is quite intelligent, sometimes. I didn't agree last night when he kept spooking at his own feed bucket after eating out of it.
 
mcgreggor said:
Gelding 1 would probably be struck off any dating sites for sexual harassment. Young and attractive and he knows it, doesn’t take girls on dates only does “Netflix and Chill” and would probably text unwarranted/ inappropriate images.

Gelding 2 would be the guy that uses a picture from a good few years ago, has good chat and seems like fun then rocks up to a date with his beer gut, dirty clothes, comb over and spends the whole night telling his date how amazing he is between stuffing his face and not offering to pay at the end!
Click to expand...


this is hilarious!
 
Haha, love this!

"Hi, I'm Bruce. I'm a distinguished gelding of 15 - old enough to have plenty of experience (and I was cut late - so I really do know what it's all about, if you know what I mean!) but young enough to still retain looks. I'm jet black with a white star and socks and my summer coat gleams like polished ebony. I'm really rather fine. I should have got the lead role in Black Beauty.
I'm not just a pretty face though! Also highly intelligent and fiercely protective. I will keep those geldings in the next field away from you, by biting them over the fence and throwing some serious shapes so they know their place. If we're out on a hack, I will warn you of any potential danger and keep you out of harm's way by performing the most violent spooks; I can even grow 2 hands and snort like a dragon. (I do look rather dashing when I do this, even though my boss says I'm an idiot.) I'm on high alert for potential threats - like donkeys or sheep - always.
I also have a great sense of humour, my favourite thing is pulling funny faces behind the boss's back. Bwahaha.
I love a bit of mutual grooming but sadly have no fieldmates at the moment so I can only do this with the boss; it's just not the same. If you're looking for a handsome and fearsome but loving gelding to share a shoulder scratch with, message me!"
 
'Hay' ladies, I'm big bad Bob. Tall, dark, handsome and rearing to go, if you get what I mean, Ha ha. I'm only 10 so plenty of fun still to be had by this party animal. I'm not needy, but honestly I do love a good snuggle, lots of cuddles and scratch me in the right places and I'm yours baby.
I do love to bang a lot, the stable door that is. Ooh, you naughty fillies did you think I meant something else?
I should mention, I do love to be naked. Who wants to cover up themselves in fancy rugs and such when you can be one with nature and let it all hang out. Darn humans keep dressing me up in expensive attire and I'm fed up. Ripping such expensive items brings me joy. Silly humans keep bringing me new ones to destroy.
Anyway, I'm seeking an older filly, preferably greying out. I do like a mature companion, one that knows what she wants. And if you're worried about any unexpected surprises, no worries there, I've had the chop so let's get it on.
I have a special carrot waiting just for you.
P.S. Oh and by the way, there is already a two legged lady (i.e the old boiler) in my life so let's keep this a secret. She sadly seems to think we have some sort of bond thing going on, but in all honesty I only pretend to love her as she brings me treats and makes a fuss, not that I'm needy. Did I mention that already?
 
...and doesn't he know it. I have thought about getting him a mirror, but he'd stand there looking at himself like a big budgie!
 
Some of these are hilarious...


Hi ladies,
I'm Juno, first thing don't be put off by the girls name.... I'm 17, and rather handsome (when I've bothered to shower). I like to think I'm a nice guy, pretty laid back, I have lots of friends, don't bother getting into arguments or drama - leave that to the young 'uns! I'm originally from Germany... emigrated over in 2011 so if you like an accent....
I have a bit of a belly going on and have been out of work for a couple of months. Apparently I need to get back into this work thing, shake off those extra pounds, but who's got time for that when there's hay to be eaten??
I also don't like travelling, I want all four hooves on the ground thank you very much. But I do like long strolls where I live and know. New places scare me a bit, but if you hold my hand and take me a couple of times, then they might be ok.

I like to get down and dirty, in the mud. If you don't like mud baths, just don't bother this is my main past time. Sometimes it doesn't even have to be mud, a nice poo will be just fine. I'm a bay horse, stuck inside a greys body...

If you want to meet a nice gelding, with identity issues... get in touch. If you are a grey horse, who has managed to transition to bay, please help me!

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Charming highland gentleman seeks companion for walks in the countryside and long, drawn-out romantic dinners. What he lacks in height, he makes up for in personality, charm and manners. Intelligent, well-informed sort of fellow, likely to be found reclining in a wing-backed leather chair with a broadsheet, sporting a tweed suit, and a tangle of spaniels at his feet. Suit civilised, laid back equine of similar tastes, sex and appearance unimportant.

Small adrenaline junkie seeks willing victim... er... companion... for high octane experiences and possible formation of Bond-villain style world domination schemes. Ability to work automatic weaponry and access to military equipment more important than looks...

Tall, red-headed American cowgirl, seeks handsome English gentleman for shameless flirting and more. Must be tall enough not to need four copies of the yellow pages. Excellent figure, with a backside that puts Beyonce to shame, and a can-do attitude towards life - doesn't need any man to fix her car for her! - but get between her and her dinner and she'll body-slam you into next week...
 
maggie62 said:
Hi.........My name is Apple, I am 6 yrs old and like anything in a rug. I am a very tidy mare, keep my pad very clean and have no dirty habits. I do not have any uneccessary hair ( wouldldn't see me dead with a moustache !!) I seem to attract the older gelding and like to be watered and dined ( paid for of course). I can't stand the type who flaunts his 'goods'......really it is so juvenile...a little nibble on my rear is sufficient to attract my interest. Some of the other mares call me a slapper behind my back but I know they are just jealous of the attention I get. I love pedicures and full facials and would never roll in mud...so not me. My mum tells me I am beautiful every day....but I already know that but keeps her happy. I would be looking for a very smart cob type, not too young with plenty of money in the bank and not a sex pest...thank you.

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My human managed to attach a picture ( not so bright if the truth be told)
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Hmmmph...Apple you are a two timing b**tch. You said you were my girl, you even gave me your 'lick' as a token of our love. I maybe a little bit younger than you but you said I was your special boy.

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shirl62 said:
Hmmmph...Apple you are a two timing b**tch. You said you were my girl, you even gave me your 'lick' as a token of our love. I maybe a little bit younger than you but you said I was your special boy.

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Ha ha ha! I think Mac would love apple :)

Not that much money left in the bank mind you, “Mum” has coughed up a lot making sure I am well.
 
shirl62 said:
Hmmmph...Apple you are a two timing b**tch. You said you were my girl, you even gave me your 'lick' as a token of our love. I maybe a little bit younger than you but you said I was your special boy.

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I never said you were the one and only !!!..........you are 'special'.....Lennon you have to 'let it be' and 'imagine'. Your attention was very flattering but you have nothing, I wouldn't call being taken to MacDonalds a romantic date ! and you didn't have to get so excited about your happy meal toy !!....so embarrassing. I need a mature sort, one that knows how to treat a mare, not some little boy that reads comics and plays computer games all day long. So really what I am trying to say is.......your dumped !!
 
Im a big gal who's not aware of my size. Im nearly six and 16.3hh and looking for anyone who will keep me entertained (gender not specified). I've never met anyone who didn't fall in love with me and my ego matches this. Potential match must not be the jealous type as I flirt with anything. Love someone with pets as dogs are the BEST THING EVER!!(small children are also suitably cute).
I enjoy tanking round the countryside and launching at jumps even though im not very fit yet (my mum is very worried about when I am fit). Other favourite activities involve biting humans I don't know, planting when in season and chewing (read destroying) anything within reach (new flymask, new rug, new tendon boots, over reach boots, leadrein, ETC) If you can handle all this I WILL be interested!
 
Grumpy old man seeks similar to moan about the youth of today. Interests include destroying fences, finding ways of obtaining extra food and begging treats off passing walkers. Must like spending days snoozing under trees and scratching each other.
 
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