For those of you that pay to have someone ride your horse

[ycbm]

Wow how to stir and cause as much trouble as possible out of something so innocent. Thanks for that.

I am, stupidly, trying to help you and save you future pain. Believe it or not I have a soft spot for you, I don't like seeing you cause yourself issues.

I hope Lari is good at his next assessment and that you find the right rider to help you both.
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[Red-1]

https://www.facebook.com/thegallopinghousewife/photos/a.405497630047664/1042949786302442/?type=3

 

[Rosemary28]

Birker, maybe you need to just step away from the forum for a bit. Nothing that ycbm has said is stirring, she is just trying to help, as is everyone else on the thread.

Unfiortunately, this is the pattern that repeats itself every time someone disagrees with you - and it isn't good for you.

 

[Wishfilly]

Hi, I have probably ridden three other horses since buying Bailey in 2004. So no, I'm not used to riding other horses. But I certainly don't want to give up on my horse as I am very attached to him. I just need some help from someone and need to know the best way to approach an arrangement/communication.

That is completely valid, of course!

Feel free to ignore this, but I know my confidence has been all over the place for the last couple of years (probably longer than that, to be honest). There have been times when a single horse has really killed my confidence, and as soon as I got on something else, I felt a lot better. Equally, there have been times when I have generally lost confidence, and getting on the kindest horse in the world hasn't helped.

If it were me, alongside having someone to help me with my horse, I would try to find a confidence giving horse to ride (I know this isn't always easy, either). This is for lots of reasons, but it would help my own confidence, and also I know in general when I have had a break from riding I'm more anxious.

For me, I'd perhaps be looking for someone who both rides and teaches to help with your current horse? And I'd try to book in regular slots with them, and stick to those weekly if at all possible. I imagine it might take trying a few people before you find the right person for you/your horse- and I think when I'm feeling anxious it can be harder to be assertive within a relationship like this. But I'd just treat it as a professional relationship with set days and times, and a set plan of action in place- and if you feel it's not working, then try to address those issues head on with the person, and don't be afraid to try and find someone else.

Equally, if you can afford it, a schooling livery type set up with the option to go for lessons there as well might work really well?

It sounds like there is some weirdness at your yard- slightly personal question, so feel free to ignore, but do you feel anxious about going up there separately to everything going on with the horse?

 

[milliepops]

It's not about saying anything offensive. You didn't say anything offensive last time either yet you reported that someone had caused trouble by telling her about it.

Have you said anything critical? Yes, you have, you have criticised a professional rider for being uncommunicative. And as well as showing photos of her you've now also told us all that she is based at the livery where you keep Lari. If I was a pro rider and that was my livelihood I'd be a mite cross with you by now.

My advice to you would be to beg FAT to withdraw this thread and go and talk to the woman face to face.
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yep, i think this is fair, and the thing about starting a thread to ask for help is that you will get different perspectives from your own - that is the entire point i think.. in this case, this is one perspective that - from the events so far - seems to be potentially in line with how your rider felt about it all. So it is useful to think about things in this way, either in terms of how to resolve the issue with the previous rider and try to resolve the situation, or how to prevent the same thing happening again.

when you are in the thick of it, it's hard to imagine how thing might come across to someone else, i think, because you are so busy dealing with your own issue. It's not always comfortable to hear someone else's POV but it is important to do so, if that kind of mis-communication is at the root of the problem.

 

[Birker2020]

That is completely valid, of course!

Feel free to ignore this, but I know my confidence has been all over the place for the last couple of years (probably longer than that, to be honest). There have been times when a single horse has really killed my confidence, and as soon as I got on something else, I felt a lot better. Equally, there have been times when I have generally lost confidence, and getting on the kindest horse in the world hasn't helped.

If it were me, alongside having someone to help me with my horse, I would try to find a confidence giving horse to ride (I know this isn't always easy, either). This is for lots of reasons, but it would help my own confidence, and also I know in general when I have had a break from riding I'm more anxious.

For me, I'd perhaps be looking for someone who both rides and teaches to help with your current horse? And I'd try to book in regular slots with them, and stick to those weekly if at all possible. I imagine it might take trying a few people before you find the right person for you/your horse- and I think when I'm feeling anxious it can be harder to be assertive within a relationship like this. But I'd just treat it as a professional relationship with set days and times, and a set plan of action in place- and if you feel it's not working, then try to address those issues head on with the person, and don't be afraid to try and find someone else.

Equally, if you can afford it, a schooling livery type set up with the option to go for lessons there as well might work really well?

It sounds like there is some weirdness at your yard- slightly personal question, so feel free to ignore, but do you feel anxious about going up there separately to everything going on with the horse?

Thank you for your help, you have been really kind.

Its just a big transition going from something you've loved and ridden for 17 years to an unknown. Its all the issues I had to start, with the saddle not fitting properly and him reacting and its just stayed in my head.

Just having someone on the ground has really helped. Friends at the yard have helped me and I've been really grateful for their support. It feels like a luxury to have someone to ride my horse for me, something I've never had before. I'm not the best at aritculating myself and feel some people (not at the yard) take advantage of this.

I can't afford a schooling livery set up, besides I love the yard I'm at. It feels like home.

 

[Wishfilly]

It's not about saying anything offensive. You didn't say anything offensive last time either yet you reported that someone had caused trouble by telling her about it.

Have you said anything critical? Yes, you have, you have criticised a professional rider for being uncommunicative. And as well as showing photos of her you've now also told us all that she is based at the livery where you keep Lari. If I was a pro rider and that was my livelihood I'd be a mite cross with you by now.

My advice to you would be to beg FAT to withdraw this thread and go and talk to the woman face to face.
.

Actually, to be fair, regardless of what had been said about me- even if it was all super complimentary, this would make me deeply uncomfortable. There are a couple of reasons why, which aren't things that people in my day to day life generally know about.

Is the rider aware you've posted so much identifying information about them on a public forum? Are they comfortable with it?

If/when you speak to them, I would offer to get all the threads about/referencing them removed if they would prefer that.

I know it's habit to post everything these days and assume people won't be bothered by that, but it can be a real problem for some people.

 

[Wishfilly]

Thank you for your help, you have been really kind.

Its just a big transition going from something you've loved and ridden for 17 years to an unknown. Its all the issues I had to start, with the saddle not fitting properly and him reacting and its just stayed in my head.

Just having someone on the ground has really helped. Friends at the yard have helped me and I've been really grateful for their support. It feels like a luxury to have someone to ride my horse for me, something I've never had before. I'm not the best at aritculating myself and feel some people (not at the yard) take advantage of this.

I can't afford a schooling livery set up, besides I love the yard I'm at. It feels like home.

I totally agree having someone on the ground is super helpful. Bar the last 18 months or so, I've always ridden a range of horses, so I can imagine it must be very hard to go from a horse of 17 years to something new, and then not having the best start to that new relationship.

If it were me, as I say, I'd look for someone who could both ride the horse and teach you, and mix and match a bit if you can?

I do hope it all works out.

As I just said in my other post, I would try to remove the identifying information about the other rider, unless you 100% know they are happy for it to be up!

 

[Nasicus]

Have I said anything offensive?? I don't believe I have. I have actually come on here to ask for help in finding another rider and where I can avoid going wrong in future.

If people want to cause trouble they will cause trouble as they already have. I am at a loss to know why people feel an incessant need to try and create trouble for others.

Whilst you haven't said anything overtly offensive, there's things that can be gleaned from what you've written. I didn't see the initial explanation, but from your posts it seems to suggest the rider had poor communication, ignored your requests that she didn't ride after dinner and bedtime (you mention you were concerned about colic after Bailey, suggesting you didn't have full confidence in her husbandry/judgement) and then cut you off abruptly without a discussion.
She's identifiable as being a pro rider on your yard, so people with the right info can connect the dots and figure out who it is.

 

[Birker2020]

Actually, to be fair, regardless of what had been said about me- even if it was all super complimentary, this would make me deeply uncomfortable. There are a couple of reasons why, which aren't things that people in my day to day life generally know about.

Is the rider aware you've posted so much identifying information about them on a public forum? Are they comfortable with it?

If/when you speak to them, I would offer to get all the threads about/referencing them removed if they would prefer that.

I know it's habit to post everything these days and assume people won't be bothered by that, but it can be a real problem for some people.

I haven't. The photos I posted had the persons head cut off. I've always been extremely complimentary about them. No one knows what yard I am at, and I've never mentioned the riders name.

Its only because someone has now brought it to the forefront. I will probably get thrown off my yard. Oh I do love this forum.

I have asked admin to get this post closed down.

 

[Birker2020]

As I just said in my other post, I would try to remove the identifying information about the other rider, unless you 100% know they are happy for it to be up!

How can I now? Its already been copied.

 

[Nasicus]

I haven't. The photos I posted had the persons head cut off. I've always been extremely complimentary about them. No one knows what yard I am at, and I've never mentioned the riders name.
Its only because someone has now brought it to the forefront. I will probably get thrown off my yard. Oh I do love this forum.
I have asked admin to get this post closed down.

Trust me, people have no issues identifying yards from the background of a photo. How many times do you see someone post a photo of them riding in some non-descript school to have someone comment 'Oh is that XYZ yard?'. And a few dodgy dealers who try to avoid detection with different names are easily ferreted out from the background of their photos.

 

[Birker2020]

Trust me, people have no issues identifying yards from the background of a photo. How many times do you see someone post a photo of them riding in some non-descript school to have someone comment 'Oh is that XYZ yard?'. And a few dodgy dealers who try to avoid detection with different names are easily ferreted out from the background of their photos.

Okay.

 

[Wishfilly]

I haven't. The photos I posted had the persons head cut off. I've always been extremely complimentary about them. No one knows what yard I am at, and I've never mentioned the riders name.

Its only because someone has now brought it to the forefront. I will probably get thrown off my yard. Oh I do love this forum.

I have asked admin to get this post closed down.

You'd be surprised what people can work out from random posts you make. Say, in one post you mention the rough location where you live, in another you mention the turnout situation at your yard, in another you post a photo of a local hack... someone local to the area can easily work out which yard it is.

It's something I am actually a bit paranoid about due to a situation a friend had (nothing to do with horses, but she was identified on another niche forum and it ultimately had some negative real life consequences for her- nothing to do with what she'd written on the forum).

I am sorry about your loss of confidence, because I know it is rubbish, and I know you have not meant any of this maliciously. I think asking admin to remove the post is a good idea.

 

[Birker2020]

I am sorry about your loss of confidence, because I know it is rubbish, and I know you have not meant any of this maliciously. I think asking admin to remove the post is a good idea.

thank you.

 

[ihatework]

What is done, is done, and it's sad this relationship has broken down because it sounds as though the rider was really helping.

FWIW I think you have been doing everything right for Lari so far and you really deserve for things to come together, get your confidence back and have fun.

I know what I'm going to say next is unasked for and you will probably deflect/argue/not accept it - but there is a huge trend in everything you post that leads me to think you really could benefit from some therapy. It will help with your general confidence, your insight into your own behaviours, anxiety management etc.

Take it or leave it.

As for the next rider - I'd go for someone who both teaches and rides, so you can do a bit of both per session, at least some of the time. I'd also refrain from posting anything about them on the internet - you have to be so careful and I'm not sure your style or your ability to manage negativity is robust enough to deal with unasked for opinions (I do see the irony in this btw, given its exactly what I'm doing).

I'm now drawing you back to paragraph 2 - read it again. You are doing a great thing for this horse.

 

[Gallop_Away]

Birker I say this with kindness and sincerity - I really think you may benefit from stepping away from the forum for a while. I frequently see you become very upset over small and sometimes perfectly innocent comments, and I question whether you are doing yourself any good by remaining to engage here when it clearly causes you much upset and frustration. No one has said anything unkind or stirring. People really have your best interest at heart.

 

[MuddyMonster]

I haven't. The photos I posted had the persons head cut off. I've always been extremely complimentary about them. No one knows what yard I am at, and I've never mentioned the riders name.

Its only because someone has now brought it to the forefront. I will probably get thrown off my yard. Oh I do love this forum.

I have asked admin to get this post closed down.

The thing is, you can still identify someone even without their head or the yard name.

I probably wouldn't be that difficult to tell in real life (not that I have anything to hide) which is one reason why I don't share many pictures or talk about people, yards using real names or examples - as you just never know who is reading.

I (think) I've worked out who a couple of people I know by association or knew are on the forum over time - not from any one post but just their regular postings over time.

I'm not a stalker with nothing else to do or an axe to grind, either!

I just don't think you (and anyone you include a photo of) is as anonymous as you think - which is clearly causing an issue.

 

[scats]

Could you patch up the relationship with the pro rider you had? If she was someone you really liked, trusted and felt that Lari was improving with, I would do everything to try and make amends with her. Obviously she may have already decided she doesn’t want to be involved anymore, but if you feel there is a chance, maybe give it a go?

 

[AmyMay]

I’ve lost my rider for reasons I don't want to go into.

So I’m looking for someone else to come to the yard and think I’ve found someone so what do you do when arranging for someone to ride your horse? How do you communicate? Do you have set days? How do you deal with someone who doesn’t get back to you?

I really want to get this right this time. I need to get it right if I am going to keep Lari. Just until I get myself sorted.

I had a wonderful girl help exercise my horse through a winter one year. She’d been hired by the YO to help with the hunters. She rode my horse three days a week after the YO’s horses. We met initially to discuss what I wanted and then she just got on with it.