Getting back confidence?

J

JenR

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I recently was at a show jumping clinic which was amazing, but on the last day we did the last ride in a show format with a competitive edge. I've always had problems competing and it really got to me and I basically had a break down.
I'd never felt so unsafe on a horse (and this was one I'd had SO much fun on just hours before). I felt like we were flying out of control and that one of us would get seriously hurt. Turns out the round was consistently in a good rhythm but that's really not what I felt.

I was expecting that because of the competitive edge, however when I went back to ride the horse again, the same thing happened all over, but worse. I couldn't get myself to do more than walk, and I got on twice but was crying so much, could barely breathe and was on the verge of just passing out when I finally got off.

I left it for a week, and this time rode one of the safest horses in the world, and one that I would die for. This guy is a saint. He was lovely but he misplaced his foot and tripped over in trot, and it gave me a shock, and then the feeling came back.

Thing is, I know I can ride (not in a bragging way, but I have faith that if they bucked I could stay on you know?) and I haven't ridden in about 3 weeks now. I am SO desperate to ride but as soon as I get on it all falls apart. In 10 years of riding I have literally never been this scared.

How can I deal with this?! Riding keeps me sane. I've been chilling with both horses, I have no problem on the ground, its only once I'm on, but I'm going insane not being brave enough to ride.

Thanks for any replies i get xx:(
 
do you have your own horse?

If not and its feasible i would suggest that you buy a schoolmaster and gain your confidence back.

I have had some nasty serious falls but i always had my first pony to go back to the regain my confidence.

xxx
 
Lunge lessons really helped me get my nerve back with a very good instructor on what felt like the safest horse in the world.

Not sure if this is possible for you but when I lost my nerve I would quite happily ride anything under 12.2 (because of my size this is fine) and I gradually started working up to bigger horses.

Also once your back in the saddle what gets people nervous is the thought that they are not in control. I found that by having control over something even something so miniscule it helps. What I did was say between K and M I will take 6 breaths and when I take these breaths they will be proper ones, breathing from your core it also relaxes you which in turn will relax the horse.

This sounds really silly aswell but I would plait my ponies mane as we walked around, would totally take my mind off the fact I was riding and again I was in control of something.

Best of luck getting your confidence back :)
 
I can really relate if that is the word to you and your situation, and the main thing you need to do is get back on asap because the longer you leave it, the harder it is. I would start by getting on a saint of a horse and working in walk with an instructor. Have a goal for each lesson. I do believe that motivating yourself and being positive (I am a very negative person when it comes to riding due to my confidence, hence I kick myself into it!) does help. Even if you only do small things such as able to do walk in different rhythms so working and then medium walk? Circles etc. Lunge lessons are amazing for confidence as they help with your seat and make you feel a lot more secure (I know I can sit to a buck, doesn't mean I want to have it done!) so even these help you feel a bit more sure of yourself as someone else controls the horse and you focus on what is important to you.
I also know I sometimes dislike having someone there telling me all will be fine etc and think they can become annoying, but when you need that support it is vital. Get someone to sit with you while you ride occasionally when you go a bit further in your goals for the first time, praise does help when needed :)

I wish you all the best and really do hope you can get your confidence back as it is a HORRIBLE feeling. I would suggest using a few schoolmaster/mistress and gradually working up to slightly sharper horses. The more variety of horses you ride the less you will think "what if" as you don't know hence you just end up going with the flow.

Hope that all makes sense and from me: I know you can do it. :D:D:D
 
Thanks guys :)
I have a coach (Ernest Dillon?) who I'm trying to get my mum to call but its hard because she thinks I'm just being silly and over reacting - the last horse I rode is one who is used to give actors lesson: meaning he is one of the safest horses in the world literally!
Deeday is quite big so maybe I will switch to something smaller, since I usually ride on our own farm, do you think maybe going to a riding school will help? There are a couple where the teachers know me so do you think that environment will give me a bit more confidence?
 
What do you feel more comfortable in when you think of where you ride now and a riding school?
For me I feel more confident in the school but my pony behaves better in the field when hes been going out in it quite a bit.
That website looks very good and when I finally have a bit of money, might give her a ring :)

Also just so you know: I find people that haven't lost confidence or aren't very sympathetic to lack of confidence tend to be very odd/iffy over someone losing theirs thinking it is just a "phase". This sometimes happens with people I know who go "just get on with it" when its not so simple. Ignore them and do what YOU feel YOU need to do to get YOUR confidence. End of the day they don't have to feel the churn of emotions in that situation. Best of luck and if it all goes well let us know :)
 
Pony_Puzz said:
What do you feel more comfortable in when you think of where you ride now and a riding school?
For me I feel more confident in the school but my pony behaves better in the field when hes been going out in it quite a bit.
That website looks very good and when I finally have a bit of money, might give her a ring :)

Also just so you know: I find people that haven't lost confidence or aren't very sympathetic to lack of confidence tend to be very odd/iffy over someone losing theirs thinking it is just a "phase". This sometimes happens with people I know who go "just get on with it" when its not so simple. Ignore them and do what YOU feel YOU need to do to get YOUR confidence. End of the day it isn't them that has to feel the churn of emotions. Best of luck and if it all goes well let us know :)
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I'm paying in installments. I think it's just do what you can, little and often, and also when it's all going well, big pat, and get off. Not traditional riding advice but better than than losing more confidence. So have someone on the ground and say you will get on and walk for 5 mins. Chances are you will stay on for 10 mins. There's no harm in going right back to basics - on my first hack, on a new horse (ex racer) I was so petrified my Dad had to put me on a lead rope

"Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway"

and someone else once told me - it takes more bravery to say no, than to say yes when it's not what you want to do. This was after I refused to get on a horse, and felt like a fool
 
I didn't know that, thank you! Will definately look into it then after christmas (shame on all these people needing pressies! :P).

And yes it does take more bravery to say no, I agree with that. It can be slightly annoying when your mum won't let you get off after 1 good bit of riding :P
 
Pony_Puzz said:
Also just so you know: I find people that haven't lost confidence or aren't very sympathetic to lack of confidence tend to be very odd/iffy over someone losing theirs thinking it is just a "phase". This sometimes happens with people I know who go "just get on with it" when its not so simple. Ignore them and do what YOU feel YOU need to do to get YOUR confidence. End of the day they don't have to feel the churn of emotions in that situation. Best of luck and if it all goes well let us know :)
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Sadly I cannot agree with this more. Unless someone has lost their confidence in one way or the other really just does not understand. I used to be very confident and thought anyone without it was just pathetic and then I lost it badly. What comes around goes around I guess.

Try riding in safest enviorment you can aswell and a horse that 'feels' slow. Sometimes you get on horses and they feel fast but don't look it but if you get on one that feels slow it will help you a lot :)
 
Set achievable goals, build up a bank of good experiences and push yourself only when you feel comfortable and with the help of a horse and trainer you trust. I had a bad fall from my horse in the summer and we are building up our confidence in eachother, setting up exercises, hacks etc where we have the best chance of succeeding and having a positive experience. We started off small and simple, but with the help of a great instructor we've got the confidence to push things a bit further now. It's taken time though, be patient and set realistic, achievable goals. Good luck!
 
I agree with Lucy-Ally: don't push yourself hard, set little goals, and celebrate them when you achieve them.

Elaborating on this thread I can do, from my own experience of loss of confidence in the most severe way. PM me if you want or ask me: I don't mind elaborating on a public forum, it's about time it was "out there" so to speak.
 
JenR said:
Thanks guys :)
I have a coach (Ernest Dillon?) who I'm trying to get my mum to call but its hard because she thinks I'm just being silly and over reacting - the last horse I rode is one who is used to give actors lesson: meaning he is one of the safest horses in the world literally!
Deeday is quite big so maybe I will switch to something smaller, since I usually ride on our own farm, do you think maybe going to a riding school will help? There are a couple where the teachers know me so do you think that environment will give me a bit more confidence?
Click to expand...

It doesn't matter if you ride the 'safest horse in the world' every day. What you have is a real fear for which you need professional help with. I suggest you go to a registered hypnotherapist for your nerves. Here is a link to the register of qualified hypnotherapists. http://www.hypnotherapistregister.com/

I went to one and had cognitive therapy for my competition nerves. I was so white with nerves whilst waiting in the holding area for my show jumping round one day even my partner noticed (normally I would have to walk in the room with two heads and a moustache before he noticed anything amiss).:D

I went to this chap round the corner from where I lived and paid I think it was £40 for one hour and 50 mins. After that my nerves were controlled and it really helped me. I've suffered with panic attacks and nerves for a few years now and sometimes my adrenalin levels get seriously out of control. On Sunday for example I put a head collar on a pony, led it in from the field but when in the stable I tried to take the headcollar off and for some reason the head collar had got extremely tight around the pony's throat, I tried to take it off and couldn't and my heart was racing and my legs went like jelly and I felt myself dizzy. The more I panicked the harder it was to rid the pony of the headcollar. I thought the pony was going to suffocate as it was so tight around his throat nd I was very frightened. I told myself not to be stupid, relaxed my mind and worked out a way to get the headcolllar off. For about an hour or so afterwards my heart was hammering in my chest and I felt light headed and weak. This is how I was like before the hypnosis, so my fears were very genuine to me. I have to say it did really help.

I still get nervous now but not to such an extent. Sometimes when I feel nervous I think it is actually excitement as I truly believe there is a very thin line between excitement and anticipation of an event and actual fear, and sometimes the two can become confused in your mind.
 
I will send you a more detailed PM later as just rushing out, just to say I have been where you are, its horrible but you can overcome it & I have every sympathy. I agree, people just don't get it if they haven't felt like you are at the moment. Try not to worry, will be in touch later xx
 
I had a serious loss of confidence a couple of years ago due to riding a horse that was too sharp and spooky for me.This was not helped by the people around me at the time.I did go back to riding school and it did help me.I changed horses with the help of my v. good instructor and this one has helped me regain my confidence over time.He is very quiet to handle as well as ride and this also helps.
When things were very bad I would tack up, tell myself I was only going to get on and then straight off again.The theory being that nothing bad could happen in that short time.I usually stayed on longer than that, as I felt better once there.Even now if I have a wobble, which happens occasionally still, I tell myself that I will only do what I want to do.So if I only want to walk that is what I will do.Usually I do a lot more but its a good start and gets me where I want to be, on the horses back.
I have a very good but kiind and sympathetic instructor.
Confidence takes time to come back.Only do what you feel confident to do.I still stick to the school, someone else hacks him out for me.Maybe next year that will change, maybe not.
My riding school insructor hated targets with a passion.Said you either pushed yourself when you are not ready or felt a failure.Neither helps.
Finally!!!! People who tell you that you are over reacting, stupid, whatever are often, whisper this very softly, a bit nervous themselves and rather ashamed of it, hence the attitude.
 
everyone thank you so much! you know how sometimes just reading from other people who have had the similar thing can help? well it has at least inspired me to give a better try and do the right thing this time, will look into the hypnotherapy thing and yeah thanks :)x
 
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