Getting strings of well to do owners?

[SpottedCat]

This morning I competed someone else's horse for them (let's gloss over that part, horse had not been out for two years, is 17 hands plus (I am five foot), owner is a taller, better rider than me and horse was ridden once in the last week by me yesterday because owner is ill - hence me competing it. He did warm up nicely though

).

It was most civilized to arrive, be handed a tacked up, clean, plaited up horse, get legged up onto it, warm it up, ride the test, get off it, hand it over to the owner and then get bought a cup of tea and cake for my troubles. I was done and dusted by 10am and am now back at home.

I have decided this is clearly the way forwards in horse riding and competing terms, it is great. I therefore need at least one well to do owner who doesn't know enough to know that I am not very good and who will happily pay the bills then pat the pony and not mind when it is all a bit rubbish. It is much less stressful than trying to do it myself. Really, marrying someone rich would have solved this nicely, but I'm engaged to someone who isn't.

So I think the combined brain-power of HHO should be able to come up with a fool-proof way of me kick starting this new lifestyle in 2010 for me - any ideas?

PS. It pains me a little to have to add this, but I feel compelled to, because someone will, inevitably, take this seriously and write me an essay on how actually, you have to work really hard and be really good and really lucky to get to have owners like this. I do know that. This was a tongue in cheek thread that I thought might be funny. If you were about to write a serious reply, don't bother, it will be wasted on me.

 

[Shipley]

Thats sounds a great way to do things!

How did you do adn what competition was it

 

[MistletoeMegan]

Ride in a bikini

 

[SpottedCat]

It really is a nice way to compete, especially in this weather!

Hmm, as I said, we'll gloss over the actual competing, it was an unaff prelim dressage test at possibly the nicest venue I've ever been to down in Somerset. Really smart and really well run with amazing surfaces. I am a bit disappointed they are not starting BD there until April 2010 as I have eventers BD membership which will have run out by then

 

[SpottedCat]

[ QUOTE ]
Ride in a bikini

[/ QUOTE ]

PMSL I am completely bemused as to how that would help - you've seen me, right?! How very Jilly Cooper of you. And in THIS weather?!

 

[Baydale]

You know the saying "bullsh1t baffles brains"? Maybe lots of that about how wonderful you are, how you riding the horse will treble its value etc etc would be a good start.

However you'll then need to double the amount of bs when you don't get the results you'd "promised" - perhaps specialise in dressage as you can always blame the judge's questionable eyesight.

 

[Shipley]

All ours are cancelled due to the weather but well done on finding another venue - well run these are hard to come by Just need more pracrtice at riding others to learn to say how wonderful they went and what would the judges know !!!

 

[MistletoeMegan]

I can only think that the weather would help

In all seriousness, a neighbour of mine wants to buy a horse. He knows nothing about horses, would keep it on livery and isn't particularly bothered about riding it, just wants something to pat every now and again - marvellous, I'll help him buy one and I can ride it

So, find yourself a moderately wealthy man, taking early retirement, who likes horses. And ensure that, like mine, he has a very scary wife to ensure that he wouldn't even consider any funny business

 

[SpottedCat]

[ QUOTE ]
I can only think that the weather would help

In all seriousness, a neighbour of mine wants to buy a horse. He knows nothing about horses, would keep it on livery and isn't particularly bothered about riding it, just wants something to pat every now and again - marvellous, I'll help him buy one and I can ride it

So, find yourself a moderately wealthy man, taking early retirement, who likes horses. And ensure that, like mine, he has a very scary wife to ensure that he wouldn't even consider any funny business

[/ QUOTE ]

That sounds perfect - just what I need!

In actual fact, the horse went very nicely today when he wasn't going 'arrrrgh, whiteboardspeoplemovinginthegalleryandWHOPUTTHATJUDGESBOXTHERE?!'. The bits in between were very lovely.

 

[ajf]

Love it!

When you get a que send some my way

 

[ester]

knew I should of wandered down there to watch, I had bought Frank fairy lights and everything

but didnt enter as planned to hunt yesterday.

Had the removed the inflatable santa and snowman that was there last week?

as for techniques for gathering owners. umm. struggling on that one, I am still relying on the finding a rich man to marry method

 

[SpottedCat]

[ QUOTE ]
knew I should of wandered down there to watch, I had bought Frank fairy lights and everything

but didnt enter as planned to hunt yesterday.

Had the removed the inflatable santa and snowman that was there last week?

as for techniques for gathering owners. umm. struggling on that one, I am still relying on the finding a rich man to marry method

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes, no inflatables, I think that would actually have caused his brain to melt.

It was really quiet - people were being a bit precious about the 'ice' (in inverted commas as I drove back roads for 45mins and it was fine) and some said they couldn't get their horses out of the yard - hmmm, so you're entered into a competition and it doesn't occur to you that having had a few days of sub-zero temps that buying some grit might be smart?! So lots of withdrawals.

 

[kerilli]

sounds like a fab idea S_C, please can i be the first disciple when you work out a fool-proof way of getting stupendously rich non-judgemental owners who just love the sport and don't care if they don't get many red rosettes!
tbh sometimes i've watched some riders at BE (other amateurs) and they really aren't much cop at all, but seem to have quite a few nice rides for good owners, and it does make me wonder...! they must have the gift of the gab, or a real knack for being in the right place at the right time...
making HUGE promises about how brilliant a young horse is, etc etc, what it's going to win, how much it's going to be worth, etc etc, seems to be part of the deal in some cases. A few years ago a friend (lifelong horseman who should know better!) had a 4 yr old with a top name who said it was "the best he'd ever sat on", "definite for 2012", yadda yadda, strangely enough it did one Intro and was never heard of again... (wasn't injured either.)
of course, there's the old "casting couch" method, as employed (allegedly) by a few top riders in the past (allegedly, allegedly) but i think i'm a bit too old (not to mention too boringly principled!) for all that stuff!

 

[ester]

damn it should have thought about that and come anyway, was going to do the music and would prob have been able to fit me in!

We are only 5 mins away in truck, 15 mins hack. Its not exactly far off the main road and most of our roads are so dry there isnt any ice. I am looking forward to them starting some BD too. thought about going to badgworth to SJ today but popped up yesterday and outdoor was like concrete so dont know where they were warming up.

Beach again!

 

[carthorse]

Fantastic, Claire used to ride one for a friend who did most of the getting fit and paid for everything and got the horse ready. We did Harpbury 3 day on him and he was a joy .
Now its bl***y hard work,lol.

 

[LEC]

Thank god there were no inflatables as horse HATES white things (swans, sheep, gritters bags etc) so I think that would have caused him to faint. He was enough of a git bag anyway. It is a super venue.

Unfortunately/fortunately I know some very people who believe their own BS and have owners. If you tell enough people how wonderful you are it seems that in the end you will find people who believe you.

 

[diggerbez]

its defnitely all in the BS- i know someone who is always getting nice horses to ride and the owners give her lifts to shows and IMHO she's an ordinary rider. in fact i think jumping she's too gung-ho (will put a horse at anything but can't see a stride for toffeee, never knows when to call it a day type) but apprantly has a nice eventer for next season....its all the crap she talks about 'competing at X level' (doesn't mean she does it well now does it

) so on that line of reasoning i'm after 4* rides for next year please....

 

[brighteyes]

Could you possibly grow a bit taller?

 

[Eventerlad15]

If I knew I'd be doing it!

 

[TableDancer]

[ QUOTE ]

In actual fact, the horse went very nicely today when he wasn't going 'arrrrgh, whiteboardspeoplemovinginthegalleryandWHOPUTTHATJUDGESBOXTHERE?!'. The bits in between were very lovely.

[/ QUOTE ]

You see, you're halfway there already

This is exactly the patter you need to perfect to ensure unhorsey owner is kept in the dark as to the REAL reason horse is not progressing as you initially promised

I know many eventers who have it down to a fine art: "Oh, once we get over that bit of tension in the dressage his marks will get better" "It's just a bit of tightness behind the saddle which is making him hit the odd fence" etc etc But the real experts are racehorse trainers who, after all, wouldn't have a business if they didn't know how to nurture their owners' natural inclination towards the triumph of hope over experience

 

[Chloe_GHE]

I think you should hang around the race courses and proposition owners whose nag has just come last with sentences like 'he would make a lovely eventer' 'have you ever been to badminton' then let them in on the secret that althought eventing is £££ it's nothing in comparison to racing and we have better hospitality tents! Then when you have bamboozeled them into giving you the ride rest assured they are racing types and will have no clue as to if you are doing well or not!

 

[bigboyrocky]

"it was an unaff prelim dressage test at possibly the nicest venue I've ever been to down in Somerset"

can i ask where that was?

Thanks

 

[SpottedCat]

TD/Chloe, I think you are onto something - that is clearly the answer - nab unsuspecting racehorse owners, who lets face won't know the first thing about eventing, and convince them I am a good prospect.

Excellent, I'll be the one hanging around the enclosure at Cheltenham/Wincanton

 

[Rosiefan]

Blackmail. But the owners would have to be rich and have a guilty secret which only you would know - back to the drawing board I think

 

[Gamebird]

[ QUOTE ]
TD/Chloe, I think you are onto something - that is clearly the answer - nab unsuspecting racehorse owners, who lets face won't know the first thing about eventing, and convince them I am a good prospect.

Excellent, I'll be the one hanging around the enclosure at Cheltenham/Wincanton

[/ QUOTE ]

Ah, but they'll be expecting racehoirse-owner levels of hospitality too! I don't think a warm plastic tumbler of white wine in the lorry park at Ponitspool will cut it....

 

[SpottedCat]

That's ok GB - they will be paying the bills so I will only compete at events such as Longleat (lovely owner hospitality tent), Barbury Castle (need I say more?) etc. Plus of course they will have enough cash that I will not have my scuzzy-but-reliable (not been driven for 2 weeks, started first time yesterday morning, oh yes!) wagon, but instead a Lehel so there will be Krug on tap for them. Obviously.

 

[Gamebird]

OK so your owners will be easily spotted as the ones all doing a 'pile-on' at the prize-giving in the expectation that a model with a short skirt, flashy smile and Tote sponsored jacket will be handing out the silverware and they'll all get their faces on the telly

.

 

[SpottedCat]

[ QUOTE ]
OK so your owners will be easily spotted as the ones all doing a 'pile-on' at the prize-giving in the expectation that a model with a short skirt, flashy smile and Tote sponsored jacket will be handing out the silverware and they'll all get their faces on the telly

.

[/ QUOTE ]

You seem to have missed the point - have we not already established that I am not actually any good? Thus needing owners who know nothing about eventing and so will believe me when I say it was the dressage judge's poor eyesight or we were blinded by the sun hence 5 down SJ? There will not be any need for them to be going to prize-givings, perish the thought! In 4 seasons of competing I have won £16 by coming second with 4 faults in a discovery and got 1 rosette for coming 9th at an intro coz the XC was so damn hard most of the other competitors died on the course (or something). There is no danger of any owner of mine being exposed to this thing you call 'prize-giving'.

 

[Chloe_GHE]

prize giving? what's that???

 

[zero]

One big problem with your idea GHE, after the horse has trailed in last and you've sweet talked the owner he'll prob give you the nag, and go off and spend another fortune on another horse to try and go to the festival with.