Giving up? (long)

brighthair

brighthair

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Preston, Lancashire
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Just a thought for today really. If you had horses most of your life, and something happened, and you no longer had one, and couldn't afford one what would you do?
Would you give up or ride at a riding school or other??
Bit mardy today, it's coming up to the day my boy was PTS 8 years ago, I can't believe how long it's been
Originally I gave up, but I started again and realised how much I missed it. It's a bit of an odd thing though as even though I love it, sometimes being with horses kind of reminds me of what I lost, and it's a bit heartbreaking

I'm having so many people say to me, oh just buy a horse, but I've sat down and worked out and worked out and I can't do it. It wouldn't be fair on the horse, and I would want to have enough to not be scraping around, and also to know if any emergencies came up I could afford them
I do buy stuff that I could cut back on (clothes, make up etc) but even taking away all that, I can't do it
I'm actually finding it really upsetting at the moment when people are saying oh just buy one, as I would love to, but I can't, and as I am paying off some debts, not for a very long time!

I guess my thoughts are do I just give it up as a bad job? or carry on fighting for something that I haven't got, and can't have? Ok that just made me cry. I think I have realised I need to get some help somewhere, it can't be normal to still cry over him, and I wish I hadn't taken for granted what I had when I had him, and all my horses before him

Dairy Milk if you get this far
 
Just heading to bed and read your bit. You sound so sad.

Easy to say, but try to look at the positives. You obviously gave your horse, and others before him, all you could. He's at rest, and if he could speak he wouldn't want you to be like this.

Horses are expensive, but what about finding one to share, or helping a friend. I've done it both ways, and it can work. Some busy person might be hugely grateful for you to exercise their horse and perhaps share a bit of the work, especially in these hard times. You could be the difference between them being able to carry on - or not.

It's the start of the new week. I hope it brings you some peace of mind and a new horsy perspective. And don't forget. Talk! Communicate!You may be amazed at what comes up! Good luck.
 
Oh brighthair really I'm too drunk to be of much help it being 01:40 but be brave can you not borrow a horse?
Years ago when I was in real dire straits financially I rode the road sweepers horse, honestly. He was a grey cob and not the TBs I was used to but he was a horse who needed mucking out and caring for and in return I got to ride and hunt him.
In spite of everything glass half full I say.
 
you made me lol at the drunk bit!!

I've had horses to share since, but I struggle as I work shifts (on a 3 week rota) and I am experienced but I am also very nervous. In my moment of self pity I have just emailed very randomly about a horse for sale/loan. I have a feeling the price is wrong being under £500 but worth a try.......
 
Oh dear. This reminds me of the horse I gave up long ago before I learned to fight for what I have..:(

I made a decision some time ago to put my horses before all else, and somehow I get by but it's bl***y hard.

Couldn't you look into sharing with someone to keep the costs down?
I think if I really couldn't keep my lot anymore, I would look into volunteering at a horse rescue; I can't think of anything more rewarding than that..:)
 
I do so understand where your coming from. My darling lancelot caused me so many problems but I couldnt live without him yet when he died I had to .I cant afford another horse and have to make do with "the kindness of strange horses".
 
Ah, I'm sorry about your old boy.

There's no way I can afford a horse, but I've found a really great place that does long hacks out, and has wonderful, happy horses, is really friendly etc. It's my "fix". What about doing a horse-based holiday every year if you can't get a share?
 
What lots of people may not realise is that when you lose a horse, you not only lose your best friend, but also a whole way of life; a routine of going to the stables, mucking out etc, friends, riding, the social aspect etc which is why its so hard. I am sure you are grieving still for both your horse but also the whole life that goes with it.

I wish you lived nearer to me - as I'd happily let you come and ride my horse whenever you wanted to just enjoy being around horses again.

I'd definately look for a share - there are lots of people who want help and are willing to be flexible. Put a loan wanted advert out and explain honestly your situation and what you can / can't do. I put an advert out last winter when I decided to give my pony the winter off - offering help with riding and chores but explained I didn't want a traditional loan and couldnt afford to contribute due to having two of my own. 2 days later I had about 20 responses!!!

It sounds like you are being very sensible with your finances - and as you know horses are not cheap. Everything will go up in price again this winter again, so I reckon sharing is the most sensible option.

x
 
Could you be depressed and not just about horses?Perhaps a visit to your GP may be in order.After that definately advertize for a loan.Some riding schools do part loans and that may work out well especially as you say you are nervous.It would be a start anyway.
 
I think Eahotson is right.You just sounded generally so sad, not just about your horse.Carefully consider all the replies you've been sent. The horse fraternity is a very kind, supportive and wise one and everyone seems to think sharing is the way to stay in the horse world till your circumstances improve - and volunteer work at a horse rescue would be brilliant.
 
I'm in a similar situation as you OP.

I still have my 2 but they are at retirement livery 70+ miles away. Because I'm still paying for them I can't afford another, in fact even a share would be stretching finances and certainly lessons are just too expensive.

I'm also a nervous rider and while I've been offered rides on other horses, they've all had issues or been very young and tbh I won't do them any favours.

It's only a couple of months since I've had to retire my boy and I'm lost - I've had horses for 30+ years except for a few years when I was at college/starting work (and then I was much braver and would hop on anything when I got the chance) but since then I've had a few nasty injuries and aged. I'm trying to come to terms with not riding and not having the routine and interest that I've had all these years. But my god it's difficult, I never thought I'd miss mucking out or hanging round waiting for the farrier but I do!

Sorry, no answers but lots of understanding!
 
Sorry to hear about your boy, Would you be interested in sharing something?? then you could basically have a horse of your own for 1/2 days a week maybe??
 
Hi, i don't post that often but thought I'd just let you now my situation.

It's a bit different to yours as I've just put my horse out on loan. I told myself I'd keep him forever and so feel guilty even about putting him out on loan but finances and a new job, mortgage etc meant it was the most sensible thing to do. Already i miss him and the routine and everything that goes along with owning a horse and i'm already thinking about sharing and have already started having lessons at a riding school to keep me in with them. It's not the same at all as having your own but it does give you that flexibility which you don't have when you buy one. It's really hard coming to terms with losing a horse but just don't rush into anything if you're not sure, as a way of replacing him. Other than that i'm not sure i can help, but you're not alone in going through this.
 
Find a share horse! there are usually loads of people looking for part time help/riding and some dont even want any money.
 
I know how you feel. I had to give up when I went to uni and could not afford to get back into it for 10 years I had a five year course and following graduation huge student debts to pay off. Looking back now that luckily I have my horses again, it did affect me in many ways I never realised. I lost a lot of my confidence and was not really quite myself. It is not silly to associate the loss of a whole way of life as a cause of unhappiness.

I think you really need to look for a share. School horses see so many people that is difficult to get a proper bond with them which is often the essence of what you miss when you loose your own. If I hear of any in your area then I will let you know.
 
I agree look for a share, you know its funny how much better it can make us all feel getting out and doing something even remotely related to a hobby we love, then hopefully in time circumstances will change so you can get another. I do hope you feel a bit better today
 
Keep perseverring, look out for shares the right one may come along despite the hours you work. I was so so lucky when I found Dollar, I'd been out of horses for 5 years and wanted back in, I started at a riding school which was awful, horses tacked up for you and very expensive just to sit on a horse for an hour! I started looking in freeads and that is where I found Dollar. I shared him with the owner initially and she fitted in with me, then I had him on full loan but she paid for everything! So amazing shares are out there now and then. Sadly he suffered colic and had to be PTS about 4 years ago, worst day of my life. I was far too quick to jump in to buying another horse and she was left out in the field for a good few months and I couldn't bear her not being Dollar, however I did persevere with her and grew to love her just as much!

Hope you work things out
 
I agree that looking for a share is a great idea, not everyone expects regular days or a financial contribution. Be honest about what you can offer and you might find something that suits you perfectly.

I'd virtually given up horses while I was at uni and didn't think I'd be able to afford to get back into riding until I finished my post grad and my on the job training and got a proper salary. But I found a lady who wanted a bit of help with her horse, she didn't expect regular days or a financial contribution, she just wanted someone who could help her out with the horse and cover for her if she couldn't get down. I was so grateful I was quite happy to help out even on days when I couldn't ride on the basis that other times I'd get free riding and even so I was doing horsey stuff.

If you can't find a share, look out for opportunities to work with horses, lots of riding schools take on part time staff to help with their horses and will either pay you in cash or in ride vouchers. This would enable you to get back into horses and get a better bond with them than you can in a riding lesson without spending any money, in fact it might even help you pay off your debts a little quicker!

Or think about volunteering with a charity, either a horse sanctury or riding for the disabled.

Or look at opportunities that don't involve riding or caring for horses but might help you feel more involved in teh world of horse and help you make horsey friends. Volunteer to help out at pony club, or fence judge at BE, stewarding or writing for a judge at shows is good experience and gets you out and about with horsey people. Volunteer with your local riding club, you could suggest that you join them and origanise non-mounted events for them. Join the BHS and volunteer with them, they are often looking for regional reps, rights of ways officers and welfare officers.

There is loads you can do to get back into the world of horses, get more contacts and improve your confidence. Eventually you will be in a position to have your own horse, but until you do keep building your experience.

Don't write off riding lessons either, find a good riding school with opportunities for experienced riders. You'll be surprised how many people are in your boat, we have had a few in our group at the riding school. One of the regulars used to be an instructor and has had various horses over the years but due to work and health can't any more so she judges working hunters in her spare time and has fortnightly riding lessons to keep her hand in!
 
Just found this post and thought I'd update - oh how things change in a month!

I realised I was very down, and about everything and was struggling to stop crying as I was so exhausted. I've taken some holiday from work, to just do nothing and relax a bit.

I also have a new ride, thanks to _jetset_ on here, she is a Elementary/Medium dressage horse who is teaching me a lot (or trying to!). I'm really enjoying riding again, and have started back up with having regular lessons to help me improve

:-) :-)
 
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