Grieving horse

tatty_v

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So we are two days past the horrible events of Saturday and my boy seems to be coping ok. He’s eating and drinking, lying down at night in his stable as normal and is mostly sensible to handle. However, when turned out with his new companion he is spending a lot of time stood at the gate calling towards the stables.

I am trying not to anthropomorphise the situation, but it does seem that he is calling for his lost friend.

My plan is just to continue with his routine as normally as possible, including riding, and just be patient and hope that time will help. We are also in the process of acquiring a Shetland-shaped permanent companion (god help us!) which could be here as soon as the weekend.

I just wondered if anyone had any experiences of this situation? I’m a bit out of my depth here and want to help him without making a fuss!
 

SpotsandBays

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It sounds like you’re doing the best you can. I haven’t had any experience with this so can’t offer any advice but I would keep doing what you’re doing. One of my liveries had her horse put down early this year, and her field mate (who had been kept with her for many years) didn’t even call. We thought she’d be “upset” but she wasn’t. We moved her into the field with my lot a day later and she slotted in fine. It’s funny how they react. I expect that when the time comes for my elderly pony, her little shetland friend will be down, as they are inseparable.
 

J&S

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I have experienced sudden losses on three occasions. First one was very upset when BF was taken and did not return, despite living in a small herd. When this same mare was PTS herself her BF saw the body, sniffed the area as she passed the next day and just carried on as normal with her field mates.
When this mare suffered the loss of her companion she had the body with her for the night and was quiet but curious, when the little body was taken this mare was absolutely stricken with anguish. She quietened down within a few days but was not really settled till her new friend arrived. So all different reactions. You are doing what you can to make things go easily for your horse.
 

Shilasdair

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So we are two days past the horrible events of Saturday and my boy seems to be coping ok. He’s eating and drinking, lying down at night in his stable as normal and is mostly sensible to handle. However, when turned out with his new companion he is spending a lot of time stood at the gate calling towards the stables.

I am trying not to anthropomorphise the situation, but it does seem that he is calling for his lost friend.

My plan is just to continue with his routine as normally as possible, including riding, and just be patient and hope that time will help. We are also in the process of acquiring a Shetland-shaped permanent companion (god help us!) which could be here as soon as the weekend.

I just wondered if anyone had any experiences of this situation? I’m a bit out of my depth here and want to help him without making a fuss!

Does your horse know his friend is dead? It is always helpful if you can let them see the body so they understand what has happened, but if he doesn't know that might be why he's looking for him. You could let him search the yard - if he knows he is gone, he may stop calling.

Aside from that, all you can do is wait, and hope he becomes friends with his new companion over time.
 

PapaverFollis

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I think just carry on as normal. I can't really remember how Beast reacted to the loss of Granny horse, I was so sad myself. I did spend a lot of time sat in the field with Beast (in the snow!) and I think that helped us both.

She got iced into the field so her routine changed too which wasn't helpful and she only had neighbouring horses not a field companion. I'd change those things with hindsight but I did the best I could at the time.

Them seeing their friend's body is usually helpful.
 

Errin Paddywack

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My sister's gelding didn't really see his sister put down as she was in sight but a couple of fields away. When I led her out to be put down they whinnied to each other then he was quiet. However he had seen three other horses put down and taken away including his mum. He reacted badly when the hunt arrived to take his sister because he knew then what had happened and he went screaming round the field. He then settled into depression which didn't lift for several weeks even when we got him a companion. He did eventually get over it thank goodness.
 

cobgoblin

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A lot depends on how long they've been together. When one of our old boys was put down, his pal of over 20yrs grieved terribly and was depressed for weeks.
 

Squeak

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My mare seemed to have accepted the loss of her friend (also suddenly lost to colic) and was ok grazing in a new field sectioned off from two others but when I put her back in their old field with a different horse (who she'd been grazing in the strip next to) she went beserk and just ran round and round and round. It was heartbreaking.

I used one of the syringe calmers on her for a few days as I didn't know what else to do and it did seem to help and I also put her out for less time as she was also happier in the stable.

I don't know if it would be worth trying a calmer to help for a couple of days and I'd possibly be tempted to stable more if that's where he's happier. If you're going to be replacing the current companion with another fairly soon then this may help lessen any dependence or ties with the current one too and you could leave out for longer with the new companion.

Time was the ultimate healer though and she's now pretty much accepted the new boy but it did take a while.
 

Reri1826

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I let my boy see his “brother” had gone, but he didn’t seem to register and did similar to yours. If he was in the field, he called to the stables, in the stables he called to the field. They were so closely bonded, my fault, they did very little separately for 10 years.

We both really struggled and his behaviour was difficult. I ended up with both of us taking rescue remedy and just working on things a little at a time, we got there in the end. Sounds like you’re doing all the right things.
 

NLPM

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So sorry to hear about the loss of your horse's friend.

One of mine was devastated when his favourite mare died. I've had him 25 years and never known him like it - it was so, so sad. I ended up crying more for him after she was gone than I did for her! He seemed to lose all confidence, becoming incredibly clingy, getting in my space as soon as I entered the field and never moving more than a foot away. He was already retired by then so didn't have any distractions of going out for a ride etc.

Time helped - he is far more settled now, although I did end up buying a few youngsters to give him his sense of purpose back! It is interesting though - he rounds up his little herd much more than he used to and they no longer seem to spread over a couple of acres to graze; they're always very close. I could be reading too much into that though, as it might just be the change in herd dynamics.

One of those youngsters grew to a massive 7hh and has been truly wonderful for my gelding's mental health, so I hope your little one does the same for your gelding!
 
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Spottyappy

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My daughters mare grieved for several weeks after mine was pts with colic. She saw her after too.
we have another mare too, who was not concerned about the death, but my daughters one was absolutely distraught, it broke my heart again hearing her call for her, and continually going over to where she last saw my mare, on the ground.
lit seemed to take her about 8 weeks to come out of her grief.
 

tatty_v

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Thank you for your comments, it’s helpful to hear that others have been through the same thing and come out the other side. He was stabled next to his friend whilst he was unwell so he knew something was up, and we did take him out to see the body once the vet had PTS. He went a bit crazy at first but then settled and grazed next to him. It’s probably just a matter of time. I’m just a bit sensitive with him because he has bad separation anxiety at the best of times!

He’s had a better afternoon - he was moping at the gate (never normally does that) but his big companion came on over and gave him a little nudge as if to say “look mate I know you’re feeling low but why don’t we go and have a bit of grass in the sun over there”. Seemed to work ? Thank goodness for this 17hh gentle giant I’ve managed to borrow!
 

HobleytheTB

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When one of the horses at my yard was PTS it took his friend a few weeks to settle, even though he had the other companion with him still. He was off his feed, pacing the fence etc. It was a small herd of retired horses, so they were together 24/7 in the field for a good few years.

Very sad, but he is now happy with the remaining gelding. I think it just takes time - the same with humans. I'd keep his routine the same, maybe an extra carrot or two x
 

BBP

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Mine took ages to get over the loss of his ‘auntie’, an older haffie mare who he had paired up with and looked to for reassurance in life. I had let him see the body and he seemed ok but I also let him see the wagon collect her (not intentionally, it was just out in the field and I didn’t think). At that point he lost it and started attacking his other field companions. He would charge at them across the field, ears pinned and jaws wide open, even chased one through a fence. It was awful as he was always so overly friendly to any horse he met and just switched instantly. He was very polite and quiet to handle and with people but just miserable. He would stand at the spot she died for ages, and when he cane in to the stables he would bury his head in her rugs that were on the door and stand there with his head pressed into them. It was heartbreaking. I kept his routine the same but to be honest he wasn’t really himself until a year later when we brought in an alpha mare. He loved her instantly and they have been firm friends ever since. He went right back to being his happy, friendly, horse loving self.

I’d say just keep the routine, act as normally as possible but also just have a little empathy and try to find things he enjoys (May sound silly). But grazing in hand, hacking, learning tricks. Something that he doesn’t find taxing or stressful.
 
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