Had a bit of an arguement- am gutted days later!

McNally

McNally

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I have had my horse 2.5 years and tbh its been nothing but problem after problem, he's not really the horse i would love to have- there is so much i cant do with him etc but i am a horse for life sort of person and actually no-one would want him anyway!

Now a few days ago my boss told me he needs to be shot!! This went on for ages and i cant remember it all but along the lines of He's rubbish, he will never amount to anything, he's dangerous I'm just stupid keeping him and that i've never enjoyed riding him and never will because he will always be the same.
He said there are plenty of horses out there i could enjoy riding and do what ever i want with.
There was a hell of a lot more to this lecture than that but like i say cant remember word for word!

I am really quite upset by it!
Maybe in a way to be honest its because i know its true and he has hit a raw nerve??
I always feel like people are almost humouring me with him "oh yes he's got much better" **smirk** that might just be me again being touchy!

This has kind of made me want to go one of either way....
I either give up, try and sell him and buy something i can safely ride alone, jump to a bit of competing on and let everyone say "told you so" but at least i would enjoy riding again??
Or... I prove them wrong and force myself to make him do the stuff we have issues with (and do it secretly) so if it backfires on me no-one will know! but one day just show off what he's learned? I am going to have to really push myself to do this and wont enjoy it but it could be worth it in the end???

Sorry really long winded ranty moment there!
thank you for bothering to read it! xx
 
Must admit that it sounds from your post as if 'proving them wrong' might rather be cutting off your nose to spite your face! If you don't feel you are getting anywhere and you don't enjoy your boy, then I would consider sell/loan and find a horse that you enjoy. Just because he isn't your perfect horse doesn't mean he isn't someone elses.
 
I know you're not looking for advice, but if you were, mine would be - sell him. Life's too short.
Yes they will say 'I told you so' but only for about a week then they'll find someone else to start on, and be looking the other way while you go off and enjoy yourself.
 
Who on earth does your Boss think he is . telling you to get rid of your horse.

He may have your best interests at heart but the way it has been said is clumsy at best and heartless at worst.

Only you should be the judge of whether you wish to keep your horse, no-one else.

If you are on a yard that doesn't offer support then I'd change yards. We all have issues with our horses at some point and no matter how good these other people think their own horses are they'll be better ones out there somewhere.

If you want to persevere and enjoy your horse thats the way to go. You may find he surprises you. Don't be buillied into doing what others say.

Your horse has no-one else to fight for him so don't give up on him.
 
Problem with that right now is that he has a fracture! so i cant sell him.
Also he will need bringing back into work (in 2 months) - This in itself is going to be an absolute nightmare!
He will have had over 6 months off work- joy and back protectors!!

He was actually coming on quite well before the injury which is typical, but i think all the work will be undone by the time he's ridden again.

The other thing is my O/H who is very unhorsey(!) and my daughter both of whom will never ever forgive me it a sell him
And, it feels like failure and giving up?
 
Been there, been told all that!

I did fail as I retired mine at 10 but refused to sell after a couple of failed shares/loans that left him even more nervous and unpredictable so maybe don't take my advice ;)

You have to decide whats best for you and your horse - if he can't realistically be sold, either because of his problems or because you wouldn't be able to live with the guilt. You could retire him if you could afford cheaper/retirement/grass livery somewhere and could still manage to care for him and buy/loan another more suitable horse to ride or continue to work through his issues until you have a horse you can enjoy even if he doesn't do all you want!

You have to remember that you could go and buy a perfect horse tomorrow and have them go lame or have an accident within the year, as we all know there are no guarantees with horses
 
What about putting him on project horses when his fracture has healed?
If your ot happy with him then sell him, horses are meant to be fun and enjoyable xx
 
LHS- he's very "old school" say it as it is!- normally lovely and apparently he mentioned to one of the other girls at work he thought he may have "upset me" umm, yep just a bit!

My yard is supportive to a point- eg I am the only person who gets t/o every day to keep him sane and people are always willing to do quiet rides with me to keep him calm.

No-one will ride him at the yard as he threw the y/o daughter last summer with style so i cant get any help that way anymore!

I like this horse- yes he's a pain in the bum but there is something about him a really like.
 
Wait and see what he's like when he comes back into work?

If he's honestly going to be that dangerous, then have him pts. He won't know any difference, and you will be in one piece.

We don't have the whole story here, so it's a bit hard to comment with any degree of sense to it.
 
CBMTS- apart from that i cant afford 2 if i keep him then thats my horse! I am convinced he could be good- he hasn't been "terrifying" for want of a better word for about 6 months before his break and he loves to work he would be really unhappy out in a field all day.

I have thought about project horses- really dont know if i can do it though!
 
Most of the posts have given good advice,but you as you say will have to wait until horse is mended, write a list of the + and - of owning him and see which one is the longest and that I think will give you your answer.
 
McNally said:
CBMTS- apart from that i cant afford 2 if i keep him then thats my horse! I am convinced he could be good- he hasn't been "terrifying" for want of a better word for about 6 months before his break and he loves to work he would be really unhappy out in a field all day.

I have thought about project horses- really dont know if i can do it though!
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Would you have to sell? Could you loan him so you can make sure he's not passed around - I know that it has it's own risks too.

TBH, it sounds like you want to keep him but other people are putting you off for whatever reason. If that's the case, go for it and remember that you can always change your mind and sell him in the future.
 
It sounds to me as if you want to keep this horse, something about him just floats your boat.

I would wait and see how the land lies when he comes back into work and re think his management if needs be. If you are on a working yard it sounds like he may have to fit in with their routine which may not suit him. I also think for your confidence it would be good to get some support from a remedial trainer. I don't know what your boss does in relation to horses but if he's not being constructive he either doesn't know how to help or the horse really is a nightmare ( most professional riders have seen terrors at some point )

I do think you need someone on your side in this and it may not be someone in your yard.
 
If you think he's going to be good one day, then you have to keep him.

Likelihood is, that with your care and perseverence, he will be a success. If you sell him/give him away/whatever, you will always be left wondering what could've been.

My mantra in situations like this is: 'if in doubt.... do nothing'

x
 
Allover said:
What is wrong with this horse that "no one would want him anyway"?
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Mainly a broken leg ;-) but the vets have given that a really good prognosis.
He's stressy, cant be alone, weaves has random kicky legs (when stressy)

Ridden wise he's probably mainly just green but can become very over excited and bouncy which can lead to bucks (never bucked me off)
If he's being schooled he tries hard but if he makes a mistake or doesnt understand he will buck then- the only reason i've never been bucked off in the field is because i dont push my luck- i know when he's getting close and back off (unlike the 2 people i had to try and school him once!)

He's not all that bad- On a good day a child could ride him- in fact my daughter has walked him out on the road (with me alongside and another pony in front)
 
TBH I've read back on some of your earlier posts, I've had difficult horses when I was younger, TB's and the like, while it can be very rewarding when it all comes together, it can also be really stressfull when you have those (frequent) bad days. I decided, when looking for a horse this time that as I am (cough) approaching 40!!!!! that I prehaps didn't bounce aswell these days, so went out to look for something that wouldn't have been my choice in days gone by!! I found Charlie, and although only 4 so still learning, is the most laid back horse I've ever owned. He really is a pleasure and although he may still need the odd reasurance etc, he is sooo easy. My point being, he has shown me what horse ownership should be, we don't always have to set ourselves these challenges, I know its a hard decision but you need to sit down and think....are you enjoying your horse??
Good luck what ever decision you make!!!
 
My boss is a racehorse trainer! so has seen his fair share of nutty TB's.
Its at a different yard and he has only even seen him a few times (never ridden) but has heard stories!

which of course also tells me people from the my yard talk about him!
 
If he isn't what you want out of a horse then sell him to someone who can live with his problems or PTS.
If your insured then they won't pay out if you PTS though your choice so bare that in mind.
There are plenty of people who will purchase a horse at the right price. Sell him and move on.
Sorry to sound blunt but what's the point of battling everyday for something your not going to enjoy at the end of it?
You know that the YO was probably right and maybe they said what was needed to be said without sugar coating the pill?!!?
Or, you love your horse and yes he has a few problems but you think they are character building and make him what he is.
He's your horse and regardless of what people on here or your YO say it's up to you and only you know your true feelings.
Who's to say that if you sell and buy another that the next one won't be full of problems and accident prone and you'll be back to square one or you could end up with the competition horse of your dreams?
 
You deserve to enjoy riding a safe horse. My advice would be to spend time thinking out a For Sale advert and take the first available opportunity to sell him once he has recovered. This horse is clearly stressing you out and you do not need the aggrovation or heartache. He will no doubt suit someone else very well.
 
McNally said:
Mainly a broken leg ;-) but the vets have given that a really good prognosis.
He's stressy, cant be alone, weaves has random kicky legs (when stressy)

Ridden wise he's probably mainly just green but can become very over excited and bouncy which can lead to bucks (never bucked me off)
If he's being schooled he tries hard but if he makes a mistake or doesnt understand he will buck then- the only reason i've never been bucked off in the field is because i dont push my luck- i know when he's getting close and back off (unlike the 2 people i had to try and school him once!)

He's not all that bad- On a good day a child could ride him- in fact my daughter has walked him out on the road (with me alongside and another pony in front)
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Oy! You appear to have nicked my 'oss:D

On paper- no-one would touch him with a bargepole- he had a broken leg ( fully healed- no problems since)...weaved like a maniac, **** on boxrest- can be sharp/spooky.

But...I've had him so long now and he's much less stressed thanks to a change in diet and management...he will always be a nightmare at shows, so I just don't bother:rolleyes:

I love his nature, he is now good to hack out alone on roads or wherever...he just lacks a bit of confidence and I had to learn to give him a bit of a lead.

If theres something about him you like and you feel 'safe' with him- keep him. I'm not just saying that- I did sell on a horse prior to the current one because he was no good for me and he ended up scaring me......so I don't advocate keeping at all cost- it just seems to me that you do actually really like this horse- so ignore anyone else and do what YOU want.:)
 
If you don't enjoy him, then either sell him or have him PTS. Just because you do not enjoy him doesn't mean no-one will, he might be someone else's perfect horse. And if you can't find a home for him, have him PTS - he won't know anything about it and if he's going to be dangerous to bring back into work it might be the best thing all round.

Forget about your boss, other liveries, etc and what they say about you. It isn't 'failure', you aren't 'giving up', you're acknowledging that you aren't the right partnership and moving on from it. No point battling on for years, spending all the money that horses cost, just to prove a point to your boss!!!

And finally, think of it for a minute from your horses POV - doesn't he deserve an owner who loves him? Who will accept him warts and all and laugh at his quirks? Without meaning any offence to you, it sounds like you are not that person and that is not very fair to him.
 
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i had someone years ago tell me to get rid of my horse as she will never achieve nothing, she is dangerous and would just ruin my confidence as i would get hurt.
i have owned her 5 years and yes it has been tough, there have been tears but now we compete regularly sj at 3ft and have recently taken up eventing (doin 3 day at milton keynes in sept!!). not bad for a horse who wouldnt even go over a single pole on the floor and was branded useless.

i personally would not give up and definately not listen to others and their opinions, it will be more enjoyable for you knowing you have achieved wat others thought you could not!! even if it is a struggle to begin with!! :)
 
My advice? Swallow your pride and get rid. Horses take up too much of our time and money to not enjoy them.

Having said that, my boy was a nightmare for 1.5 years and I got the same lecture as you. Said horse is awesome now are we are winning and getting placed BE :D
 
I would have a long hard look at why you are keeping this horse.

If the primary reasons are that
1) you don't think there is a market for him
2) you would feel guilty
3) you would feel as though you have failed
4) there is some emotional pressure from friends and family to keep him

then consider that none of these factors are of any interest to your horse and he could be just as happy, and possibly doing a little more with somebody else

If you are considering keeping him because you like him or because you genuinely think you have a happy future with this horse then keep him
 
Thing is, a horse can be problem horse to one person and not the other, a horse can be a pain in the backside to some people but not others , some people might be prepaired to run a horse on a bit longer than others and so forth ....you get what I'm saying? so listening to everyone elses comments, suggestions and telling you what to do is just going to confuse you, you won't even know yourself, you'll be all over the place.

If you have faith in this horse, you enjoy him and don't wish to sell him then it doesn't matter what other people think or how long it takes you to do what ever, it's not about proving anything to anyone or about who's wrong or right.

Don't feel pressured, if you do, don't make any decissions until your feeling at ease, confident and happy, then you'll have a nice clear head, feel more focused and positive and then you can sit back and have a good think about things, then decide.

Having a horse is tough, having a challanging horse is even tougher, nothing is ever easy but you get used to it, once you accept that, anything can be thrown at you and after a while it won't get you down, it only makes you stronger and the better times that little bit more special.
 
Hi

I hope you don't think that I am speaking out of turn here, but what is is specifically that this horse does that is so disagreeable. How old is the horse, and could there be reasons unknown to anyone why he does this e.g. saddle problems, back check, dental problems, inappropriate feed, etc. Having a horse PTS is extremely drastic action to take and I think that you should take less notice of what other people say about him, and do all you can to get to the bottom of it and once you have if you really can't sort him out then sell him to someone who might have more experience with these sort of problems. My friends horse bucked several people off, and broke bones in the process of doing this, before she found out her horse had kissing spine.

I got my horse 3 and a half years ago. He is a full blown TB and an ex racer although he had become detached from his original passport and came with a passport which listed him as a TB X (I found out his history from previous owners). His passport went back only two years and in those two years I was his fifth owner.

I had the most horrendous problems with him in the first 6 months and I honestly felt most of the time that I had bitten off more than I could chew. It was only the fact that I honestly wondered what would become of him that made me hang onto him. As I have gone along I have got to know him really well and he is a lovely horse deep down and is very attached to me. However, he is really really sensitive and can only cope in situations where there are lots of horses around him. He won't hack out very readily on his own, and he fares much better at bigger yards with proper boy only herd turnout.

I know instantly if something doesn't agree with him because he stresses out and then becomes really unmanageable. I have had plenty of 'so called experts' tell me he is dangerous yet if he is happy with his environment and feels secure he is like a donkey. I have just found out the hard way that there are certain things that he does and doesn't need or like, and am limited by what I can do with him. As I just hack and virtually always ride with my OH the fact that he won't go out on his own is really not that much of a problem to me.

However, having seen how different he can be in different situations, it leads me to think that he may possibly have a gastric ulcer which activates when he becomes stressed and which sends his behaviour completely out of kilter, hence when he is happy he is like a donkey. Even though he is not my first horse owning him has been the most massive learning curve for me. I know loads of stuff now from having just spent hours on the internet trying to find why my horse was like this jekyl & hyde character.

If you realistically view your skill level as not being up for this sort of thing then maybe as others have suggested project horse might be the right thing to do. But, I just want to say that there are plenty of knowalls out there who will happily dismiss what your horse is doing as 'dangerous' or 'being naughty' without bothering to look at really what is going on in his head or elsewhere. So don't immediately give up on him without trying to get to the bottom of what is going on. Do all you can yourself to establish what his problems are before you decide on a course of action.
 
Speaking as someone who has perservered for far far to long with a horse, and is quite stubborn by nature, always remember - it costs as much to keep a bad one as a good one.
Horse ownership is meant to be satisfying and fun!
 
You have to remember that there really is no such thing as a "bad horse", there is usually some underlying problem that is causing bad behavoiur. Usually it's one of three things 1) Pain or 2) A Bad Past. 3) A confused horse - or a combination of all 3!!

Firstly you need to eliminate the pain issue, obviously he is on box rest, but treat him to a nice sports physio massage. Get all those notty muscles released and relaxed. Can you poss afford a massage pad? Everyone swears by them. Get his teeth checked. Then make sure his bit and saddle fit properly. And also look carefully at his feet, are they well balanced etc.

Once you are happy that he isn't in pain you need to look at his environment, is he happy, does he have a good routine. Even the smallest change can make a difference, ensure he has plenty of turnout once he's able to go out again. Look at his diet, what are you feeding and why? Horses should eat a fibre only diet unless they are 3 day eventing and need the extra energy - check ur feed bags, ensure they are as sugar & starch free as poss. Some horses react very badly on starchy diets. Also look into things such as metabolic syndrome and EPSM.

Then how much do you know about his background? Has something happened that has made him this monster? Are you honest about your own abilities? Are you really able to bring him on? Would it be worth sending him to a professional to bring on? Contact someone like Michael Peace, who is an expert with this type of horse and behaviour.

I hope you dont mind me pointing out all the obvious but sometimes the tiniest change can affect a sensitive horse - one of mine has to have his routing very structured or he throws his toys out of the pram!

Good luck.
 
How about you keep him as a companion and get another horse you can do things with.

Your husband and daughter can keep this one as a pet and still enjoy grooming him and walking him in hand etc but you don't have the stress of having to do the rest with him.

Seriously though if I were in your shoes I would get rid. I had a loan pony that was a nightmare, we simply didn't get on. Several broken bones later I gave up and he is now on loan to someone else and all are happy. Much better for you and the horse.

Good luck. Its horrible when someone says something you don't want to hear but sometimes other people are right even when you don't want to see it.

God I hate being wrong!!! ;)
 
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