Has anoyone given up horses for health reasons?

Leo Walker

Leo Walker

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I'm physically screwed and despite trying my hardest its just not getting any easier. I have been borderline too heavy to ride for a couple of years, but now I AM too heavy and thats that for riding for me. I could keep pretending that I will lose weight, but I've put 5 stone on in 3 years due a little bit to inactivity but mainly due to metabolic problems. They arent going to go away. To lose weight I'll have to eat so very little and thats very hard when you are so restricted with what you can do generally and are therefore bored and miserable a lot of the time.

Its never crossed my mind before as the horse is what keeps me going. I dont ride anymore but I do enjoy seeing him doing stuff with other people usually. However thats lost its shine for me in the last few weeks, not sure why, probably because hes coming on so well that the people riding dont need my input anymore. I keep seeing pictures of people having a lovely time riding and then watching my lovely little horse coming on leaps and bounds and going so well for other people, and its niggling!

Coming home on the train tonight knowing I had to go and turn him out etc actually made me cry. I was in a lot of discomfort and the thought of the physical work involved just suddenly seemed too much. In the end my lovely OH drove me up and I sat in the car and he went and sorted him. I didnt even get out of the car to go and see him as the few hundred yards to his stable seemed like a marathon. Its not usually so bad pain wise and even if it was I would make the effort to go and actually see him.

I'm having a bad time mentally at the minute, I had to have my old dog PTS and my new job isnt going well, so I've got other things going on. But I keep coming back to the fact that I just didnt want to be there tonight.

Hes rising 7yr old and is a lovely, lovely boy who is going so very well at the minute that I would have my hands snapped off if I sold him. I'd miss him a lot, but I'm not sure how different selling him and seeing him come on with someone else would be to keeping him and seeing him come on! But there are days I wouldnt leave the house if I didnt have to go and sort him, so that is invaluable.

My head really hurts thinking about it and the thought of not having him makes me feel sick to my stomach, but it would also free up a fair chunk of money that I could use for other stuff like doing up the house etc, and I wouldnt have to force myself to do things I physically struggle with massively. But then I wouldnt have my boy and I've had him since he was 2.5yr old. My OH who is pretty anti horse is adamant I shouldnt sell him as on the whole I get soo much from having him and when he was on loan I was utterly miserable. But hes also not horsey and thinks it will be ok if I just ride him for the odd 20min walk hack, but at 17 stone that is a no go for me. So I think his opinion is coloured by thinking I'm being silly and will go up tomorrow and hop on for a ride. I'm pretty sure that even if I did a 15min walk hack wouldnt make me feel any better anyway, physically it definitely wouldnt!

I dont even know if what I've written makes any sense or if I will take any advice, but I think I need some outside advice right now!
 
I did, last year although was borderline for a few years before that (quite a few threads on here from me!). I was pretty miserable to be honest, after 20 years just walking away was really tough even though for months before that he was on full grass livery and I rarely saw him. A year later I now have a share pony and there is no pressure on me to ride as owner has another horse there so is up anyway, I haven't sat on him for 2 weeks now but he'll still be there when my flare up settles down again. It's great because I know I don't *have* to go to the yard and my sanity is much better. I'd suggest selling up but staying in the horsey scene if possible :)
 
I'm so sorry that you are in this situation.

I wouldn't make a decision one way or the other while you are in such a bad place. You need to get the pain reduced so that you can think clearly again and then you can make a decision that you can live with. I've had a spinal injury myself (IIRC, you had one too) and it can be really hard just to be alive at times, let alone do anything else. When my pain is high and my movement is restricted because of that or other reasons (neurological) my mental health is immediately effected.

I don't really like talking about this stuff in detail on the forum, but if you ever want to talk about it via PM I'd be happy to do that.
 
You sound exhasted. Any chance you can go part time in work to alleviate some of your stress or give up work altogether? Pain is stressful and debilitating. I'd get a sharer in the first instance, until you can find other ways to reduce the things around you that are such a burden.
 
I did, after a neck injury. Sold up for almost 5 years. OH knew me, and made me keep most of my kit.

Once I had started riding again I bought another, and now have them at home. For those 5 years I thought I was just fine, but OH says I was miserable, and was better once more when I got another. From my perspective though, I was miserable with a horse that I could not even groom or tack up, and don't regret selling.

For me the rest allowed healing, and once I got another I got stronger.

In your situation I would perhaps put on loan, unless you need the money. Especially as your horse sounds the sort that would attract a loaner easily.

Good luck.
 
Not yet, but the time will come,and it could be next year or 10yr as I have rhuematoid arthritis which at the moment is the best it's been since I was diagnosed 20 odd yrs ago. But there is ALWAYS significant pain.

Can I ask what causes your pain? You mention metabolic issues and weight but not the pain. (Sorry if you do t wish to say that's fine)

Do you not worry if you give up the lack of exercise will make everything worse? I just wondered der as I know with RA if I stop then thing get worse..

As someone else said it's never a good idea to make decisions when you feeling low. Especially as OH says don't do it

Hugs as it must be so hard
 
I wouldn't yet as you are in a bad place mentally and you would probably end up regretting your decision. You want to be the one riding him that much is clear from you being upset that others are doing well on him. Maybe put him on loan again until you are getting better.

I don't know fully what your situation is or what happened to cause this but don't give up yet. It would be great if in the future we see an update from you having managed to beat this and get back on your boy and be smiling.
 
Can you get more help so that it no longer matters if you do not go to your horse when you are too bad to cope with his care? It would take the pressure off you and might mean you would enjoy the times you are up to going to the yard? I had to stop riding several years ago and my horse has been at full grass livery since. Like you I did my sums and it seems silly to pay several thousand pounds a year to keep a rideable horse you can no longer ride yourself, especially as it means making financial sacrifices in other areas. However our mental health is worth any amount of money and I know I would be desperately upset to let my best friend go to an uncertain future with other people if I sold him so he stays.

As others have said, you are in a bad place right now and in no state to make a rational decision. I am glad you OH is being supportive, my OH is the same. They know us best and I know mine would get very worried if I decided to sell. Lots of hugs, be patient with yourself, sending you lots of be strong vibes. xx
 
planete said:
Can you get more help so that it no longer matters if you do not go to your horse when you are too bad to cope with his care? It would take the pressure off you and might mean you would enjoy the times you are up to going to the yard? I had to stop riding several years ago and my horse has been at full grass livery since. Like you I did my sums and it seems silly to pay several thousand pounds a year to keep a rideable horse you can no longer ride yourself, especially as it means making financial sacrifices in other areas. However our mental health is worth any amount of money and I know I would be desperately upset to let my best friend go to an uncertain future with other people if I sold him so he stays.

As others have said, you are in a bad place right now and in no state to make a rational decision. I am glad you OH is being supportive, my OH is the same. They know us best and I know mine would get very worried if I decided to sell. Lots of hugs, be patient with yourself, sending you lots of be strong vibes. xx
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Sorry u are going through all this. when i slipped my disc i couldnt muck out for weeks or ride. luckily my Dad was in good health at the time ans so helped me out. i also caught a virus at the time and felt so low i could easily of just rung the vet and said pts my horse ive had enough. i also felt at the time i could have junped off a tall building. i went to the doctor in the end and was put on prozac which helped. it was an awful situation compounded by the fact it was in the depths of winter my horse was unsttled in his field and spent the whole time running up the fence line and had an injury at the time. things really got on top of me and i had never felt so low. like others have said now is not the time to make major decisions. i hope u get your pain management under control. i really feel for u as its vile when u are caught under a black cloud of hopelessness and despair.
 
Is there any chance you could put him on full livery for a few months and just enjoy going to see him without the worry of the physical work? Then you can have a good think.

You'd loan him easily too - it wouldn't have to be forever and he's young! Very likely to be in your life for many years so there's no harm in letting someone else have him for a while! I'd be able to put you in touch with someone I'm certain would have him.
 
Sorry, I forget everyone doesnt know the tiny details of my life :lol: I had a catastrophic spinal injury which has deteriorated massively over the last couple of years. I'm waiting for another MRI then probably some sort of surgery but I've been waiting a while already and its not going to happen over night and actually I wont know what, if any the options are until I finally get to see the consultant. Its hard because I have almost no pain when I sit or lay down. Standing is painful quickly and walking cripples me. I can only manage a few hundred yards before I have to stop. So my life is much less painful the less I do.

I'm not loaning him out. Apart from one fantastic loaner for a previous horse, every other one has been an unmitigated disaster. If I give him up I'd rather sell him. I dont need the money but I have started thinking about what I could do with the it,not that hes hugely valuable but it would still be some money that I could use for other things. Something thats never crossed my mind before.

Whoever said I sound exhausted, I am, I always am. I need to go and have some blood tests run as even for me I feel terrible at the minute but I do have periods where I'm better and then periods where I'm worse. I think with the other things going on its all gotten too much for me. I've been trying to walk about more at work, walking round the office every couple of hours etc, and I think its made me worse rather than better.

Normally on a Saturday I go up with my friend and she rides him. I normally love going with her. Shes a lovely little rider and shes really brought him on. She jumps him and we have a chat and its something I enjoy doing. Shes just been and I've given her the tack and sent her up on her own. I dont want to go.

I've booked an emergency weeks holiday from work to rest and give myself a break which will hopefully help, but actually long story short, I dont think I want to do this anymore and thats not something I have ever seriously thought before. I've been waiting to get better for nearly 3yrs now and fighting to carry on until that happens, but realistically I'm getting worse so I'm not sure what the point is in keeping going like this anymore
 
Hes on assisted DIY and I do get a lot of help with him from the YOs but I dont think I can justify spending anymore. I could chuck him out somewhere for the winter and pick him back up in the spring but hes going so well at the minute it just seems stupid to do that. He is so happy working and doing things. Its the first time I've ever really gotten him in consistent work like this and hes thriving on it.
 
I think selling him is probably your best option, you have gone round in circles for some time, loaning does not completely resolve the problem and can bring a new set if you are not able to see him regularly, full livery didn't work before you may find this yard is different but again it brings other issues into the equation, it is more expensive and while a few weeks of respite would be beneficial now long term it may not be viable or even what you want out of being an owner.

I would sell, either keep the money in case you decide in a year or two that you want another, or spend it on something you really want, for your horsey fix if you need one there are plenty of options from helping with RDA, not necessarily hands on but fundraising or something, to getting a rescue later on, a youngster that is fostered could give you an interest without the riding side, there are numerous other options for you if you really need to stay involved, just being on here keeps your link into the horse world.
 
So sorry to read this :( I am in a similar situation too. There is more to it than health, but I have Crohn's disease and Rheumatoid arthritis.

I am constantly exhausted and in pain. Without TMI, riding more than a steady trot upsets my stomach, so fast work, long hacks, jumping etc are all out of the equation now. The thought of winter and all the chores, the cold, early morning etc is just horrifying to me. Money is tight too and I am already stretching to part livery when they start to come in, but what if I end up in hospital again? I cant afford full livery :( What if I get an unexpected vet bill? I don't have savings to fall back on. I am scraping by, but all the time I am not enjoying it anymore at all. I love my pony but he is very forward and a bag of energy and riding him is far too difficult these days.

I have advertised him for loan (and had my first inquiry this morning). I have mixed feelings but I know it is for the best for both of us. I have thought long and hard, and posted on here and in my situation it is the right thing to do.

Please PM me if you ever want to chat. x
 
I have lupus, fibro and a sleep disorder (as yet un-named- but linked to the lupus- it mimics narcolepsy in many ways).

I have 2 horses on DIY and work part-time. A few years ago I was in a really, really bad way- mentally also, due to my conditions and the strain on my body. I take a lot of medication just to stay upright and my pain levels really affect my riding now. I am unable to ride for much longer than 20 minutes, and that has to include a lot of walking breaks. Basically i struggle to trot one circuit of the school.

I have now accepted this new way of living (I was initially mis-diagnosed with something else at the age of 11 but made a partial recovery and then relapsed badly in my twenties) and I know my limits. I was an extremely competitive and gutsy rider who was always flying around courses, but now I can just about manage a walk-trot dressage test and this does cause me major problems in the days following- for instance, I competed on Sunday- Intro C- and I have spent the majority of the week lapsing in and out of sleep when I've been at home.

Mentally however, I am stronger than I've ever been. For the first time ever I feel really happy with my lot, because it could be so, so much worse. Yes I've had a rubbish year in some ways- I have damaged kidneys and bladder as a result and average an infection at least once a month, but my horses give me something to focus on and something to keep going for.

About a year ago, some of my medication made me put extra weight on- nothing extreme, maybe a stone over my ideal. I felt horrendous and it really affected what I could do. With the agreement of my consultant, I reduced the drug and got the extra stone off and it made a real difference to my pain levels. It was amazing what just an extra bit of weight did to my joints and muscles.

I have a blog that I can message you the link to if you are interested. Or feel free to PM for some advice or to chat xxx
 
I keep thinking about giving up, but won't as they keep me sane. I'm sat here typing with one hand with a broken wrist, second time this year. I have MS still fairly mobile but slowing down and I'm unsteady on my feet (hence falling over for no reason) I only ride my old mare as my reactions/balance aren't good enough for youngsters. I'm thinking about doing more carriage driving again!
 
really feel for you but would advise you to wait a while before you sell your boy....you have just lost your dog and this will be having a huge impact on your mental state(i dont mean you are looney just emotionally drained)..i lost my old horse on 13th sept and my dog who was almost 13 less than 2 weeks later. my family of 4 is now 2......i went to see a horse belonging to a friend as she thought she would suit me as a hacking horse(which is all i can cope with physically) and although she was ok and would be a good horse for me i cant seem to make any decisions. my brain feels scrambled and i am wallowing in misery as i miss both of them but my dog was extra special to me....so what i am trying to say is you are not alone with feeling bad and give it some time before doing anything that you may regret.. i really feel for you and hope things improve soon..
 
Sending virtual hugs.

Can the person who rides him take over looking after him for a bit, alongside the assistance you get from the yard? Just to give you a bit of a break for a while. See if the feeling of not wanting it any more persists, once the pressure is off for a while?

More hugs.
 
I think you need to have the week of rest and see how you feel when you are in your normal way of thinking and feeling as its not a good idea to make that sort of decision when you are feeling so down. have you thought about having sharer who pays a bit towards him and (on their days) is responsible for doing him? that would free off a bit of time for you. help you have a bit more room financially and hopefully still give you the need to do him on the non sharer days and also give you the contact with him and be able to control how he is kept. also have you thought about about having him broken to drive so that in summer you can take him out yourself without feeling you are too heavy for him? even if you just set up cones in a field or paddock you could have a lot of fun with it but with your injury you would probably need to be a bit careful what sort of vehicle you have so that you do not get jarred. have a look at driving for the disabled as they will have people there who need a smooth ride so will have vehicles especially for them
 
I have been bed/housebound with ME for the last two years. I had to sell my pony as it just wasn't feasible. I'm holding out hope that one day I will be able to ride again, but atm walking would be good!

I guess you work out your limitations and adapt. I know I'll never be able to own a horse or dog, as it's too much physically. My two cats keep me company and make me laugh though.
 
They can do a lot more than they used to in surgery too so while it might take a while you could still end up with a good solution by the end. Can you get private health care through your work? Might not cover this but maybe worth a look at.

I am not overly sure how possible this option is but as you are better when sitting why not have him trained to drive and drive him? It's an extra skill set for him and then you can still do something. Getting onto the carriage might be a problem though so that might not work out.
 
Listen to your OH! He says your mental/emotional health gets worse when you do not have the horse. I know that he isn't horsey but are you absolutely certain that your horse couldn't cope with carrying you for a few minutes?
I have a friend with health issues who sometimes rides my mare, never for more than 30 mins, mostly walk and we have set a weight limit of 18st, although I think she would probably be OK with a bit more. How big is your cob, FC?

I really do think as well that you need to push for more medical help. Do you attend a pain clinic? What is being done to get to the bottom of your metabolic issues?
 
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My thought would be to send him to be broken to drive sooner than you had planned. It is something that you and OH cn then enjoy doing together if he is up for it even if anti-horse ;). If that doesn't work out then re-evaluate but you'd have your hand snapped off even more for him then.

Certainly don't make any snap decisions when life is tough otherwise with your dog and the job etc, sometimes OH's can be right ;). You have far too much stuff going atm to make a decision to sell him, you will always have that option, it doesn't have to be right now though.
 
I probably have hyperparathyroidism (brain fog, memory issues, tiredness, extreme fatigue, bone pain, tingling, shakes, IBS, headaches, mood swings, amongst other stuff). And now osteoporosis in my spine. My horses are young. I don't know yet if I'll ride any of them. Will I give them up? No, probably not. They make me smile.

Some days I don't go to the field even if I have time. Sometimes it's just too much, so D goes. I've stopped questioning myself over it. It just is as it is. I've tried being horseless before and it doesn't suit. I get down and I don't feel like me. I have four and they all live out. Even when two are in work they'll still live out. It costs less per week than D and I going out for a meal would cost.

All that said, you have to do what's right for you. Would your young rider be able to take on more of his care and work?
 
Hes got a sharer who hacks him 3 days a week. Shes been brilliant and I'm glad I found her :) My friend who jumps and schools him cant really commit to anymore. Shes going to do a bit more for me over the next couple of weeks to help me out. Yet another person I am glad I have around.

Pearl hes only 14.2hh, hes a proper HW but its still too much for him. Well to be honest he'd probably be fine with heavier than I am, hes phenomenally strong and vets and physios all said 16 stone was fine, but there has to be a cut off point.

I was supposed to be referred to a pain clinic but it never came through. I need to chase it again. Its difficult because if I dont walk or stand for long then there is no real pain, so its easy for me to avoid doing anything and for nothing to really hurt. I've just changed doctors as mine were worse than useless, so I'm hoping these ones will be a bit better!

Ester he is long reining out on the roads twice a week in his harness and he loves it. Nothing has ever been an issue with him. One of the other liveries stopped me the other day to tell me she'd been watching him work and he was going beautifully and wasnt he lovely :) Hes probably not far off being ready now. Its just finding and committing to spending hundreds on a suitable carriage for him. I've just bought a car and am finally learning to drive and then I spent what he cost me to buy on a puppy so I'm supposed to be reining in the spending until the new year.

I really dont want to sell him. The stubborn part of me doesn't give up on things just because they are hard, but I dont know how long I can keep going when things are getting worse rather than better. It all just feels like its too much for me at the minute and like its been this way for far too long!
 
I think your mental health is suffering a bit, but then all of us 'spoonies' (google spoon theory) know that our mental health is definitely affected by physical issues, especially when they seem never ending. I think losing your dog will be having an impact as well. It's a bad time to make decisions as you're not thinking in your usual manner so any decisions will be affected. Are you on any anti depressants? I take duloxetine/cymbalta which is also really good for nerve pain (I have sciatica) and have found it a big help, I was put on it last year following a mental breakdown and the difference between now and then is huge.

I'd personally hold off for a couple of months - we're coming into winter so the market will be slow/dead anyway - and see how you feel in the spring. If you do end up selling him then maybe look at a share, even if it's just a small pony which needs a bit of love, that way you'll still be around them. Also look at helping your local RC, I've been jump judging and am dressage writing later in the week.
I'd also chase up pain clinic, may I ask what your spinal issues are? I also have serious spinal damage following a collision with a fence a few years ago so may be in a similar position to you.
 
am in a similar place OP, metabolic issues (PCOS and associated insulin resistance) which has contributed to significant weight gain. The IR leaves me exhausted while carrying the extra weight only makes that and the pain from two herniated discs. I sat down and wrote the pros and cons of selling and keeping. That turned into pouring my heart out into a notebook and in the end giving myself 12 months with a set of criteria - what I must be able to do, say, feel etc... by the time next winter rolls around. I think you could really use a short break, be it loan or full livery and have that heart to heart with yourself, be honest with yourself and set your own criteria and timescales rather than making a snap decision xx
 
Friend lost her horse and so gave up, she had severe back pain the whole time had the horse, hadn't ridden much in last few years but did all the chores. Saw her 6 months later and her back had massively improved but she was lugging wet hay nets etc. She looked so much healthier and pain free!

If you don't think you will miss horse I would sell although I would leave it a fortnight or more as shock of losing dog may make your judgement skewed, doesn't mean you have to give upforever but until you have op and get self sorted you can then take it easy.
 
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Firstly Big HUG . Your in a bad place at the moment. 4 years ago (it still seems like yesterday) I had a very bad fall a life changing fall. The problems will always be with me but my coping strategies have improved. I gave myself a year to see if I could ride again. It wasnt easy and perhaps I tried too soon. My ISH other half ,was horrified to discover that nis joking play bucks and cart dad up the racehorse gallops had me in tears (not easy for a man to admit).I didnt have to tell nim,he just never did it again. When I am in distress (lack of oxygen) he slams on the brakes like one of those trains in a western movie!My horse has learnt to cope too. I couldnt be without him. I have a great sharer,who loves him to bits and gives him his chance to let off steam.WE all have to adapt and play with the cards we have been dealt. You can lose weight ,just dont try so hard .Thats why people fail . Lose a stone in six months and you have lost it for good. Loose it in one month and your body will just put it back on . You dont say how big your horse is but at 17 stone, well I am delighted to say that I have just dropped into the (rather High ) 17 stone bracket. Having lost 2 stone. No fancy diet ,just watching the hidden calories and cutting out the junk. I have signed up for the Wobbleberry challenge and am going to try to do something . I may well fail ,but I will go down trying.
 
Having agonised over this I'm going to give it one last go. I've got nothing really to lose by doing that, I'm miserable and exhausted already anyway. My sharer rides him 3 times a week, my lovely friend rides him at least once and the yard is long reining him in his harness on the other days so there is no issue other than me being a bit of a brat about not riding him! Hes also changing over to living out now winter is nearly here and I dont have to stress so much about grass.

I'm going to get some of the lovely opiate painkillers I used to take to try and get me through very slowly increasing my exercise and hopefully that will get me over what seems an insurmountable hurdle at the minute! My puppy arrives in 2 weeks so hopefully I can tie in doing more walking with getting the puppy out for tiny walks. Nothing will motivate me mre than socialising my puppy! And thanks to a lovely PM from someone on here I am going to look at my diet again, not so much from a weight loss perspective, although thats sorely needed! but clearly I have absorption issues and I think its having an impact on an already damaged body!

Thank you for all your comments, every single one of them has helped me. Sometimes I get so inside my own head I dont know whether I am coming or going, and it wouldnt be unheard of me to have a huge dramatic meltdown when that happens :lol: I do have VERY valid reasons to sell him but I have always had those and I have always carried on regardless. Its the thought of it being like that forever thats bothering me I think, but I havent totally exhausted all the options yet. I'm very down, but I'm not quite out yet :)
 
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