shamrock2021
Well-Known Member
I thought this is very interesting https://www.intelligenthorsemanship.co.uk/the-bullying-culture-that-exists-in-some-stable-yards/
Has anyone seen this
- Thread starter shamrock2021
- Start date
Bernster
Well-Known Member
Had a very unpleasant experience at my last yard. Fortunately I left quickly and am much happier now, but it was really upsetting and has stayed with me. I like to think I’m a confident strong minded person so that experience was a shock. I can’t imagine how it would be for someone who didn’t have the options I had to move quickly and distance myself from toxic behaviour.
dogatemysalad
Well-Known Member
Its an important issue that doesn't get enough attention in the horsey media and yet, on different levels it's far too common. The worst case happened to a lady on a previous yard and she notified the police before leaving very promptly for her mental well being. it absolutely broke my heart. After losing her horse of many years, she'd started again with a young cob and came to our yard. Instead of receiving support and encouragement, a couple of bullies saw her as a vulnerable target and easy prey. The next few weeks were an absolute disgrace. I tried to be friendly and supportive, but she shut down and retreated into herself. I left a month later, just didnt want to be around people like that.
onemoretime
Well-Known Member
OMG that's sounds dreadful. I read somewhere, could have been here or Facebook cant remember, that one yard owner got rid of the tea room and that stopped the gatherings and all the bitchyness. So glad I have my own little yard, I dont think I could cope with the unpoleasant behaviour I hear about on some yards.
Miss_Millie
Well-Known Member
I used to get bullied by a particularly horrible teenager at my childhood riding school. When I was 12, I did 2 weeks of free work there over the summer holiday - mucking out the stables and such. Said teenager was a paid yard worker. At the end of the two weeks, I got one free ride (which to me, a horse-mad little girl, was a dream come true). I went into the school with the other girl who had been volunteering.
Said horrible teenager let herself into the school on foot, came up behind my pony and wacked it on the bum. My pony bolted off, bucking like crazy, and ultimately threw me over her head. Although I was wearing a hat and body protector, I cut my side open really badly. Yard owner's daughter saw everything - came down screaming at the girl and then called my dad to pick me up.
They didn't tell my dad what really happened, and it took me several weeks to feel brave enough to tell him. Needless to say, we never went back there. I still have a massive scar on my hip from the fall, so it's hard to forget what happened.
I often wonder if that horrible person is bullying other people now, it would not surprise me.
Said horrible teenager let herself into the school on foot, came up behind my pony and wacked it on the bum. My pony bolted off, bucking like crazy, and ultimately threw me over her head. Although I was wearing a hat and body protector, I cut my side open really badly. Yard owner's daughter saw everything - came down screaming at the girl and then called my dad to pick me up.
They didn't tell my dad what really happened, and it took me several weeks to feel brave enough to tell him. Needless to say, we never went back there. I still have a massive scar on my hip from the fall, so it's hard to forget what happened.
I often wonder if that horrible person is bullying other people now, it would not surprise me.
Pippity
Well-Known Member
I hear about other people's experiences and wonder if I've just been incredibly lucky. I've never been on a yard where I felt bullied, and I've never seen bullying happening. And, believe me, I'm not one of those effortlessly popular people who've never experienced bullying.
There will always be somebody on your yard who you like less than everybody else. There will always be somebody who likes you less than everybody else. Equally, there'll always be somebody you like more than everybody else and, hopefully, somebody who likes you more than everybody else.
I just avoid the people I don't like, hang out with the people I do like, and never, ever bitch about anybody because it WILL get back to them.
There will always be somebody on your yard who you like less than everybody else. There will always be somebody who likes you less than everybody else. Equally, there'll always be somebody you like more than everybody else and, hopefully, somebody who likes you more than everybody else.
I just avoid the people I don't like, hang out with the people I do like, and never, ever bitch about anybody because it WILL get back to them.
milliepops
Wears headscarf aggressively
I've been on yards where there is bullying and yards where there isn't. the ones where there has been, it's mainly been because everyone is too invested in each other's lives and finding a way to keep them at arms length was the way to extract yourself from it. the horse world is a funny one, we all have the same interest but other than that, there's often nothing to say you'd be friends if you didn't meet on a yard - it's all just different people chucked together and expecting to get along like a house on fire. Last yard I was on I made a friend who I still see even though I'm not there any more, and that's nice. but I don't keep in touch with many others from the past.
Bernster
Well-Known Member
It’s true that there are lots of different folks but fortunately the shared interest of horses keeps conversation going for a long time! I’ve been very lucky and made friends at each yard I’ve been at, and am still on good terms with all previous yard managers, exc for the last one. That was my first and hopefully last negative yard experience!
scats
Well-Known Member
I was on a huge yard for over 20 years (my whole childhood and into adulthood). I was never bullied, but I witnessed a lot of bullying happen to others over the years. It tended to be among the people who had not much else going on in their lives other than horses, particularly those with no jobs or who spent all day, every day there.
We are careful who we have on our yard now. It’s a small yard and we aren’t full, YO always says she would rather have empty stables than the wrong people. She’s had some bad apples over the years who have caused a lot of trouble. We all get on fantastically. 4 out of the 5 of us are from the original yard I was on (I brought them with me!) and the other lady is absolutely lovely and we are all good friends and very supportive of one another.
I’ve kept in touch with pretty much all of my friends and fellow yardies from over the years, even a lot of the people who no longer have horses. I still keep in touch with people on the old yard and there’s still drama going on there between people, but I think that’s just what happens when you stick over 100 horsey women together!
We are careful who we have on our yard now. It’s a small yard and we aren’t full, YO always says she would rather have empty stables than the wrong people. She’s had some bad apples over the years who have caused a lot of trouble. We all get on fantastically. 4 out of the 5 of us are from the original yard I was on (I brought them with me!) and the other lady is absolutely lovely and we are all good friends and very supportive of one another.
I’ve kept in touch with pretty much all of my friends and fellow yardies from over the years, even a lot of the people who no longer have horses. I still keep in touch with people on the old yard and there’s still drama going on there between people, but I think that’s just what happens when you stick over 100 horsey women together!
OrangeAndLemon
Afraid of exorcism
The thing is, the strongest teams are those that bring variation and diversity. Diversity of thought, experience, approach and mindset.
If someone does something you wouldn't do, it doesn't lessen them, it makes you stronger together by understanding and learning.
If someone does something you wouldn't do, it doesn't lessen them, it makes you stronger together by understanding and learning.
Flicker
Well-Known Member
It was only after moving to a very supportive yard, with a YM who didn‘t put up with bullying, that I realised what a toxic environment my last yard had become.
There were basically a couple of long term liveries,who also gave lessons, who pretty much lorded it over everyone else. In the evening they’d sit in the office with wine and basically rip the back out of everyone else. The real problem was that, if you happened to be in the vicinity of the conversation, they roped you in and were very charming and actually could be very funny. It was only in hindsight, thinking, ‘how would I have felt if that had been me or a good friend they were talking about like that,’ that I started to feel really uncomfortable about it.
The other thing they would do would be very picky about who they gave lessons too, so you felt like a second class livery if they wouldn’t teach you. Like you were too stupid and useless to teach, basically. I had lessons with one, then she just stopped. The effect on my confidence was enormous.
The yard had very weak management which meant this pair were allowed to do as they pleased. Coupled with the fact that they were actually very knowledgeable and competed at quite a high level, so they were seen as a draw for the yard. It is really sad, because they could have given so much and really promoted and encouraged young and amateur riders. But instead, unless your horse was either a very talented warmblood or a sports horse out jumping every weekend, they just sl*gg*d them off (including their pupils).
The yard I am on now is a breath of fresh air. We watch each others’ lessons, there is loads of encouragement and the YM is really on it. My confidence has come on so much and I am just so glad to know that there are yards out there with genuinely lovely people.
There were basically a couple of long term liveries,who also gave lessons, who pretty much lorded it over everyone else. In the evening they’d sit in the office with wine and basically rip the back out of everyone else. The real problem was that, if you happened to be in the vicinity of the conversation, they roped you in and were very charming and actually could be very funny. It was only in hindsight, thinking, ‘how would I have felt if that had been me or a good friend they were talking about like that,’ that I started to feel really uncomfortable about it.
The other thing they would do would be very picky about who they gave lessons too, so you felt like a second class livery if they wouldn’t teach you. Like you were too stupid and useless to teach, basically. I had lessons with one, then she just stopped. The effect on my confidence was enormous.
The yard had very weak management which meant this pair were allowed to do as they pleased. Coupled with the fact that they were actually very knowledgeable and competed at quite a high level, so they were seen as a draw for the yard. It is really sad, because they could have given so much and really promoted and encouraged young and amateur riders. But instead, unless your horse was either a very talented warmblood or a sports horse out jumping every weekend, they just sl*gg*d them off (including their pupils).
The yard I am on now is a breath of fresh air. We watch each others’ lessons, there is loads of encouragement and the YM is really on it. My confidence has come on so much and I am just so glad to know that there are yards out there with genuinely lovely people.