Has bullying on yards got worse or better in people’s opinion?

[18hhOlls&Me]

I have been lucky enough not to experience this for many years but I think this is down to how I pick yards and also I’m a mum with a thick skin and at work most of the time so don’t have time to chat! I remember a campaign against yard bullying a couple of years ago has anyone noticed any change? Or are people still getting unnecessary grief? A girl at my last yard despite keeping her head down etc got targeted I couldn’t figure out why but didn’t get involved apart from making sure I said hi and bye to her, as well as taking some photos for her of her on her pony. And is it worse on ‘mixed’ yards with teenagers loaning and sharing amongst competitive riders, or on exclusively competition yards?

 

[Roasted Chestnuts]

Nope seen it on any yard. Currently on a yard of 80% middle aged women and it can be bitchier than a high school.

 

[Laafet]

The irony on our nice yard, is that the one bully/chief shit stirrer is also the same person who shares the yards against bullying/#bekind post on Facebook etc. The rest ignore her, she waged a war on me for a bit, I just ignore her and I have now been blocked on all social media platforms. The increase of the victim mentality has not helped IMO.
On other yards, the bullying I think it worse in the last 10 years ago than it was when I was younger but then maybe I just notice it more now!

 

[Auslander]

No bullying on my yard, and I'd come down on the perpetrator like a tonne of bricks if it ever happened.

 

[sam72431]

I recently moved from a yard after two months because it was so so bitchy I wouldn't say I was bullied because things like that don't get to me but I think they were probably trying to but didn't work because I am thick skinned. I've never ever experienced anything like it in my nearly 20 years of having horses. People pretending to be nice to you and then anything you say twisting it to suit their own agenda and making drama. The yard owner was probably the biggest culprit trying to turn everyone against each other constantly. Two days before I left she was screaming and shouting at me accusing me of trying to get people to move to new yard with me which was the exact opposite they had been asking me and I had said new yard full! This was a yard of mainly older women I think I was one of the younger ones and I'm 32! I was constantly asked for my help as they weren't too knowledgeable obviously only gave my help when asked I even helped one lady bring her horse back into work for free and they still turned on me! One new girl moved in and out in two days and another girl they accused of not looking after her horse and one other livery actually rang up her old yard up and asked if she looked after her horse properly! So yes bitchy yards are well and truly alive here in Hampshire ? pm me if anyone wants to know what yard this is and want to avoid it!! Current yard is honestly one of the nicest yards I've been on everyone helps each other and is just genuinely nice. I've never actually really dealt with bitching previously as kept my head down and I've been good at trusting gut on where to go!

 

[Roxylola]

Its difficult, I just do my thing, but we have a facebook livery group where folk sometimes put up if they're going for a hack etc. Then there is a couple of snapchat groups, then messenger groups etc etc. To me, every new form of communication leads to possibly people being left out added to that, if something or someone just rubs you up the wrong way you notice everything I think sometimes it's just people being people but it seems like folk get left out or singled out for things without it being deliberate.

 

[jnb]

Bullying is alive and on most yards I have been on, mind you I have probably got a victim mentality (!)

however I don't think I was making up that my horse was the only one not fed on Christmas morning, my rugs left to get wet as the barn doors were deliberately left opened in torrential rain (My stable was nearest the doors aka right next to them) - despite it being a yard rule they were kept closed in such weather, being walked into my someone repeatedly carrying haynets, left out of yard messages group, snarky messages if I so much as left a strand of hay outside my stable, yet others never swept anything up. Someone drew on my horsebox paintwork with permanent marker, wiped my school bookings off the board (I started taking photos of it after that)
Needless to say, I paid my bills on the dot in full, turned off lights, didn't make a mess, etc (like any normal person would) but the more I did to avoid being bullied, the more I got picked on.
Eventually I lost my temper (It was the not feeding my cob when everything else had been fed - pick on me but not my poor horse!) and verbally gave them everything (quietly, with a low voice) - I said if I ever, found anyone messing with my horse , stuff or me again then I wouldn't be responsible for my actions. It got a bit better and I avoided the worst bully the rest of the time I was there.

I will never willingly keep a horse on a yard again.

 

[ForeverBroke_]

Very fortunate that I've never experienced it on any of the yards I've been on.

 

[Skib]

I was bullied at my first riding school. Not since.

 

[TPO]

I dont think I've ever seen bullying first hand but definitely loads of b*tching

One yard had two middle aged Yard Witches who did nothing themselves but criticised everyone and everything. They didnt bother me but one lovely woman ended up in floods of tears because of them.

She refused to ride at the yard when they were there and they were always there because they had nothing better to do than sit about all day drinking coffee and talking about everyone else. Thankfully nice lady bought her own place and had her horses at home after that.

When I left the yard someone I had been friendly with messaged me to ask why I had been telling people that she hit her horses and how Yard Witch 1 had been right to have a go at me in a shop and "put me in my place". I had no clue what she was on about and hadnt seen either witch since leaving the yard. Thankfully got it straightened out with the livery but that was just one example of what twisted, trouble making liars those witches were.

Again I wasnt there at the time but a YO told me that there was bullying on her yard before (& she let it happen!) where the opposing forces would leave wheelbarrow in each others way on purpose and ram into each other with them.

I was on a yard where there was a really nice seeming quiet lady. She wasnt so much outwardly bullying as much as a master manipulator. She would change yard rules to suit herself and everyone went along with her new version to keep the peace but then she would use people not sticking to the original yard rules (in contradiction to her new set) as a reason to run to the YO.

She was the queen of silent treatment and creating an atmosphere along with wrapping YO around her finger. It was all very, very strange. She would also change her mind in the blink of an eye and the person she was ostracising would become her new BFF and she would target someone else. Everyone just accepted these changes of allegiances and YO would just follow her. It was really weird to see an adult/mother behave in that way.

A big yard I was on had a kitchen/viewing gallery attached to the indoor so that was a haven for cliques and slagging people off.

I think anywhere with coffee making facilities (& chairs) is a catalyst for trouble. If people have nowhere to stop then they have less opportunity to run their mouths!

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

The irony on our nice yard, is that the one bully/chief shit stirrer is also the same person who shares the yards against bullying/#bekind post on Facebook etc. The rest ignore her, she waged a war on me for a bit, I just ignore her and I have now been blocked on all social media platforms. The increase of the victim mentality has not helped IMO.
On other yards, the bullying I think it worse in the last 10 years ago than it was when I was younger but then maybe I just notice it more now!

That’s really interesting she sounds like a pain...people don’t see it in themselves sometimes probably! Looks like you have it in hand.
I think it has got worse for younger people due to pressure to have the right horse, the right kit etc...x

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

I dont think I've ever seen bullying first hand but definitely loads of b*tching

One yard had two middle aged Yard Witches who did nothing themselves but criticised everyone and everything. They didnt bother me but one lovely woman ended up in floods of tears because of them.

She refused to ride at the yard when they were there and they were always there because they had nothing better to do than sit about all day drinking coffee and talking about everyone else. Thankfully nice lady bought her own place and had her horses at home after that.

When I left the yard someone I had been friendly with messaged me to ask why I had been telling people that she hit her horses and how Yard Witch 1 had been right to have a go at me in a shop and "put me in my place". I had no clue what she was on about and hadnt seen either witch since leaving the yard. Thankfully got it straightened out with the livery but that was just one example of what twisted, trouble making liars those witches were.

Again I wasnt there at the time but a YO told me that there was bullying on her yard before (& she let it happen!) where the opposing forces would leave wheelbarrow in each others way on purpose and ram into each other with them.

I was on a yard where there was a really nice seeming quiet lady. She wasnt so much outwardly bullying as much as a master manipulator. She would change yard rules to suit herself and everyone went along with her new version to keep the peace but then she would use people not sticking to the original yard rules (in contradiction to her new set) as a reason to run to the YO.

She was the queen of silent treatment and creating an atmosphere along with wrapping YO around her finger. It was all very, very strange. She would also change her mind in the blink of an eye and the person she was ostracising would become her new BFF and she would target someone else. Everyone just accepted these changes of allegiances and YO would just follow her. It was really weird to see an adult/mother behave in that way.

A big yard I was on had a kitchen/viewing gallery attached to the indoor so that was a haven for cliques and slagging people off.

I think anywhere with coffee making facilities (& chairs) is a catalyst for trouble. If people have nowhere to stop then they have less opportunity to run their mouths!

I would almost find the manipulative quiet one more difficult!! Sounds a bit sociopathic to me....and getting the YO on her side as well.
That poor lady you mentioned I’m so glad she escaped! The nonsense they exposed you to shows they probably have lost track of who they are being two faced about ??? must be pretty bored about their lives to still be messaging even though you weren’t there x

 

[Dyllymoo]

Its alive and well unfortunately. There is ALWAYS a queen bee on a yard, and its never normally the YO.

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

Nope seen it on any yard. Currently on a yard of 80% middle aged women and it can be bitchier than a high school.

Wow that’s sad....what is it that makes people do it? If it’s a woman thing we should be supporting each other and it’s supposed to be fun and a recreational activity albeit an expensive one.....have you managed to stay out of it??

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

Its alive and well unfortunately. There is ALWAYS a queen bee on a yard, and never normally the YO.

That is so true! And as seen in another post people can get YO running around for them...

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

Very fortunate that I've never experienced it on any of the yards I've been on.

That’s fantastic have you been on the same yard for a long time?? I haven’t since early twenties but it’s always something I ask about when looking at yards....

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

No bullying on my yard, and I'd come down on the perpetrator like a tonne of bricks if it ever happened.

?

 

[SEL]

The worst yard I was on (& left) was where the YM was the bully!

 

[dorsetladette]

The worst yard I was on (& left) was where the YM was the bully!

Yep me too.

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

The worst yard I was on (& left) was where the YM was the bully!

Then you are really screwed ? yup bailing was probably a good idea....

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

Yep me too.

Crazy...not good business either

 

[dogatemysalad]

Yes, bullying is alive and well. Perpetrators are usually middle aged women who see the yard as a day care centre. Spend hours at the yard, rarely ride and so have plenty of time to gossip. The only positive is that they are often yard hoppers. Once they've alienated enough people, they tend to move on, leaving a filthy stable behind them.

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

Yes, bullying is alive and well. Perpetrators are usually middle aged women who see the yard as a day care centre. Spend hours at the yard, rarely ride and so have plenty of time to gossip. The only positive is that they are often yard hoppers. Once they've alienated enough people, they tend to move on, leaving a filthy stable behind them.

That’s interesting so not the teen girls or boys but older women, maybe boredom? But seriously they should know better. And leaving a mess behind emotionally and physically is a bit pathetic. So looks like things are worse if anything....

 

[Annagain]

I've been on my small (max 12 liveries, usually around 10) yard 17 years and there's never been any bullying. YO isn't around much so we're very much left to our own devices but she is good at picking the right people and isn't desperate to fill boxes so will wait for them. There's been the odd disagreement but they've been sorted by the people involved talking to each other.

Those of us who ride our horses (a few of them have either retired horses or don't ride them for other reasons) do have a what's app group to organise riding together so we don't derail the main livery group with things the others aren't interested in. Everybody knows about it and knows they can join it if they want (one girl who didn't ride for ages due to some stuff going on in her life has recently started riding again and is now on the group) so I hope that isn't seen as us being cliquey, it's certainly not the intention.

 

[samleigh]

You can tell the bad yards, they usually have a reputation for gossiping and a high turnover of liveries.

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

I've been on my small (max 12 liveries, usually around 10) yard 17 years and there's never been any bullying. YO isn't around much so we're very much left to our own devices but she is good at picking the right people and isn't desperate to fill boxes so will wait for them. There's been the odd disagreement but they've been sorted by the people involved talking to each other.

Those of us who ride our horses (a few of them have either retired horses or don't ride them for other reasons) do have a what's app group to organise riding together so we don't derail the main livery group with things the others aren't interested in. Everybody knows about it and knows they can join it if they want (one girl who didn't ride for ages due to some stuff going on in her life has recently started riding again and is now on the group) so I hope that isn't seen as us being cliquey, it's certainly not the intention.

Sounds like you guys have it really well arranged! I think as long as people feel they can join social media etc if they want to and don’t get isolated from the bunch they can be as involved as they want which is the ideal x

 

[cowgirl16]

I dont think I've ever seen bullying first hand but definitely loads of b*tching

One yard had two middle aged Yard Witches who did nothing themselves but criticised everyone and everything. They didnt bother me but one lovely woman ended up in floods of tears because of them.

She refused to ride at the yard when they were there and they were always there because they had nothing better to do than sit about all day drinking coffee and talking about everyone else. Thankfully nice lady bought her own place and had her horses at home after that.

When I left the yard someone I had been friendly with messaged me to ask why I had been telling people that she hit her horses and how Yard Witch 1 had been right to have a go at me in a shop and "put me in my place". I had no clue what she was on about and hadnt seen either witch since leaving the yard. Thankfully got it straightened out with the livery but that was just one example of what twisted, trouble making liars those witches were.

Again I wasnt there at the time but a YO told me that there was bullying on her yard before (& she let it happen!) where the opposing forces would leave wheelbarrow in each others way on purpose and ram into each other with them.

I was on a yard where there was a really nice seeming quiet lady. She wasnt so much outwardly bullying as much as a master manipulator. She would change yard rules to suit herself and everyone went along with her new version to keep the peace but then she would use people not sticking to the original yard rules (in contradiction to her new set) as a reason to run to the YO.

She was the queen of silent treatment and creating an atmosphere along with wrapping YO around her finger. It was all very, very strange. She would also change her mind in the blink of an eye and the person she was ostracising would become her new BFF and she would target someone else. Everyone just accepted these changes of allegiances and YO would just follow her. It was really weird to see an adult/mother behave in that way.

A big yard I was on had a kitchen/viewing gallery attached to the indoor so that was a haven for cliques and slagging people off.

I think anywhere with coffee making facilities (& chairs) is a catalyst for trouble. If people have nowhere to stop then they have less opportunity to run their mouths!

So true about the coffee making facilities! - a previous YO ordered the closure of the "tea room", as certain people spent the whole day sat on their backsides drinking, smoking and bitching! Things came to a head and he blew his top and said there was to be no more hanging around - you did your horse and went home. Things calmed down a lot after that!

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

So true about the coffee making facilities! - a previous YO ordered the closure of the "tea room", as certain people spent the whole day sat on their backsides drinking, smoking and bitching! Things came to a head and he blew his top and said there was to be no more hanging around - you did your horse and went home. Things calmed down a lot after that!

That is brilliant! Very good tactic, they haven’t got anywhere to gather in a comfortable place to carry out their nasty deeds ?

 

[cowgirl16]

That is brilliant! Very good tactic, they haven’t got anywhere to gather in a comfortable place to carry out their nasty deeds ?

Sadly, that was his one and only good idea! It was (and still is I understand) purely down to his complete disinterest in the running of the yard that the situation was allowed to develop!

 

[ihatework]

There is definitely an undercurrent of it on most yards I've found. Thankfully, mostly just the odd bit of idle non-malicious gossip/mild bitching which I don't think it unique to the horsey world, just general life - and in my opinion is something individuals just need to learn to manage as part of life skills. Shame, but that's how it is. No different to office life, gossiping in the pub, chatting to neighbours etc.

That said of course there are examples of proper bullying. Yes teenagers are frequently the culprit, teenage girls in particular can be bitches. But if you see what goes on in school then I don't think what you see at yards is much different. I think back to when I was that age and there were definitely cliques and mild bullying going on, immature behaviour that hopefully most grow out of and regret.

The nastiest are generally a small % of what are middle aged women, bored, often jealous, little else to occupy their minds. Old enough to know better but can be vile and manipulative. The downfall of most yards that have these types are the management, mix them with a feckless YO that can't manage and it goes south rapidly.

Less frequently, but just as bad are some parents who thinks the sun shines out of their offsprings derrier, often even when offspring has reached adulthood.

But in general, no I don't think its getting any worse.