Have I been unfair?

[metalmare]

I have been riding a pony for the past three months, once a week and mucking out in return. He has been deteriorating in health over that time and after a particularly bad hack a week ago I made the decision not to ride him again. I told someone on the yard and as this is a big yard (40 horses) by pure coincidence it happened that they needed help with their horse. But she has her problems too so we were unsure whether I would want a regular arrangement and left it that I would have a trial on her last Saturday.
Meanwhile I had spoken to the ill ponies owner and said that I wasn't happy riding him anymore. She protested, saying he had been great for her the other day - the best for a long time! She was pushy and said I should give him another chance. I agreed to muck out on the Saturday as it would give her short notice if I didn't but said I was in two minds about riding him and leaning towards not!!

When I rang last night to say that I wasn't going to ride him anymore but that I was to help with this new pony and therefore was more than happy to muck him out still (even though I wouldn't be getting anything from it) she was awful to me.

Basically she didn't believe that I had decided to stop riding him before I had been given the other offer and she thinks I dropped him for this other pony! She also thinks that I lied about his ill health because I didn't want to ride him anymore!!!! But if he wasn't ill I would still ride him!

It seems to me that she is very cynical, not hugely bothered about her ponies welfare and very unfair to call me a liar on three different counts!!

But perhaps you see it from a different perspective?

To my mind, so long as I did everything that was agreed for her pony on that morning it was none of her business what other arrangement I had made - none of her business if I was riding 40 horses! It was only a trial and I wouldn't tell her I was trialing a horse any more than I would tell an employee I was looking at other jobs - that is your private business until there is a definate change of situation!

 

[Ferdinase514]

She sounds a horrid person who is best avoided.

If she had any integrity she would be concerned about the pony's well being and understand that it is your choice whether you wish to ride for her or not.

It really is not something you should feel bad about as you have by the sound of things gone about telling her you don't wish to ride him any longer, in a very mature way.

 

[metalmare]

That is what I keep telling myself - I have done all I can for the horse by stopping riding him and telling her his symptoms - if she takes offence it doesn't matter because it is the horses welfare that is important. I just hate for someone to think that I am a liar though - it is so unfair!

 

[eohippus]

sorry, but I think the owner would have been quite defensive of her pony after what happened. Basically, it seems that you have handed it back and moved on a bit quicker that she expected? maybe or before you have both looked into it a bit further and offered to help her through it. Give her time to calm down and take time to ask how he is ect.
I fully understand why you felt you were doing the right thing at the time, and to us you was, but we wasnt in that relationship, and owners get very protective of their horses. Maybe you did not know her as well as you thought?
I hope it all works out for you though.
Regards
Dawn

 

[metalmare]

Yeah I do really understand what you are saying and I can see that it seems quite fast to change over. I could say supposing I was already riding both horses? But that would be a bit pedantic. And I have told her things that she does not want to hear about her horses health of course. No-one wants to face the fact that their horse is growing old. It doesn't help that others on the yard have said it behind her back but not to her face - leaving me with that miserable job. Also I know people take negative comments about their horse very personally - I used to. And I suppose there is no way I can say that I don't think he is rideable without inadvertently critisising the fact that she is still riding him. So I can see that I have hit a sore spot. But horses growing old is inevitable. I don't know. I think to some degree it is just one of those horrible situations - I would have told her about the other horse if I'd realised how cynical she would be but I really didn't see it as her business at the time.

 

[jayvee]

To me you have been very adult about this and are not being unfair.
People are always more awkward to deal with than the horse!
I hope it all resolves it's self plesantly and the owner of the ill pony faces facts and deal accordingly with kindness.

 

[metalmare]

Thank you - I was genuinely quite worried that I had done wrong as she called me 'underhand' and I really thought I was doing what was neccessary all round. I can see her point but I just don't think her reaction was justified as I really didn't do anything wrong in my eyes. I don't suppose she will ever believe me about his behaviour on the hack, unless of course the ponies condition deteriorates enough for her to notice it. The poor old boy has arthritis, laminitis and (although she won't face it) back problems. his ribs have suddenly started showing (he is still in a grazing mask in a well cropped paddock) and he looks hang dog like an old donkey.

 

[SpruceRI]

I think people are often ignorant to a pony's health and this woman probably can't see what the problem is with you riding her pony bearing in mind that he's still on all 4 legs! People take things so personally when you suggest there is something wrong with their beloved horse, dog or whatever!

Maybe you did 'swap over' a bit quick, and in some ways in would've been easier if the 'new horse' was at a different yard so you could've told your current lady that you were giving up with her pony and she wouldn't have known about the new horse, but then you would'nt have known about it in the first place!

The reason for her snappiness could be simply that she doesn't like the owner of the new horse you're riding, or that she feels snubbed now you're not lauding over her beloved pony!


Life'e too short!

 

[brighteyes]

Poor old lad. I had my pony dumped back on me without so much as a by your leave and I think, if you have at least explained why you think it is unfair to keep riding him, then the owner should count her lucky stars.

It is the owner's problem if the pony really isn't well and she can't see it. So as long as you honestly have tried to tell her your reasons and still offered to help, she ought not to be cross. I do hope she looks after him properly and accepts he isn't the pony he used to be.

 

[Ferdinase514]

Whether you changed to another pony quickly or not, the owner has to accept that she cannot force you to ride her pony.

Whether you decided not to ride him because he was unfit or whether it was simply because you did not want to, she should realise that in order to keep the peace, she should take it with good grace.

Soome people just prefer to be confrontational. You should just rise above it all, smile and carry on.

 

[Christmas_Kate]

I can see your point of view, but also the owner's. It feels to her like you've just dropped him for something better. It must smart a little for her, seeing as the other horse is on the same yard? big yard or not, people all know each other, and you probably shouldnt have discussed your worries about the 'ill' pony with anyone else but the owner.
As far as she will see it, you've not only talked about her behind her back, but then smacked her in the face by going off and riding the other person's horse and dropping hers.
My mother always told me " nebver sh** on your own doorstep" and I think that could be easily applied here.

I'm afraid if you try and patch this it'll probably make things worse, you've dented this person's pride, so IMO I would just leave well alone.

 

[metalmare]

Yes, I think you have hit the nail on the head there kate26. I do intend to leave well alone now and we can both go and lick our sores privately - for want of a better term!

 

[tashyisaudrey]

I think perhaps you should have given her some more notice and talked to her and pursuaded her to get a vet to look at pony? But I don't think you've been unfair - at the end of the day its your decision if you want to ride or not. But I can see both points of view, and why the owner might be upset. She might be worried she can't find someone like you (who have been great) to help out. And as said, I think she might not want to think there is anything wrong with the pony. She might also feel betrayed, but I don't think there's much you can do now.

 

[metalmare]

She has had the vet out who said he was not to be ridden in the school, but he was in there being ridden the other day. Some people...

 

[eohippus]

Hi
Now understanding a bit more about the situation, I thin you did the noble thing in speaking up for what you think is right and for the horse. Some owners just do not know when they are being helped and think they know best.
reading your last posts, I would have done the same thing and spoke from the heart. Even though it meant p*ssing someone off.
As you have proved, she will not even listen to the vet.
You shoiuld be proud of the fact that you have had the horsemandship and gumption to speak to her face. Sometime the messenger is always shot.
regards
Dawn