Have I been unreasonable about the sharer?

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showqa

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My friend has been sharing one of my horses. Well in fact the horse - to some extent - was bought for her as she can't afford her own, and she was supposed to do the riding/schooling on the whole. I didn't want any financial contribution, or any yard work done, just for her to ride and school the horse 3 times a week (and I would once a week).

Anyway, she has been doing less and less with the horse (who is only 9), to the point where she said today that the next time she would ride would be Wednesday next week! Needless to say, that means that I then have to compensate for this by exercising her myself. Yes, she is my horse and so my responsibility, but we were supposed to have this arrangement.

So, I said today that I might have to look for an additional sharer as I knew that realistically I couldn't give this horse AND my main comp horse the time that they both needed. Well, my friend seems to have taken this very badly. I've explained that I simply don't have the time and energy to do it all alone, and that likewise I can't just neglect her when my friend - for whatever reason - isn't available. Hence why I feel the need to have someone else as well, but I'm not saying that she cannot ride the horse when she has the time.

Do you think I've been unreasonable? I do feel very badly if I've hurt her feelings, but this hasn't just arisen - even during the summer, you could count on one hand how often she rode her. AND I have talked with her before, saying that I felt there needed to be a bit more committment towards the mare's education ( I was more tactful than that!) but nothing at all has changed.

What would you have done?
 
TBH, do you really want this horse?
It sounds like you can't commit the time to her that she needs and you effectively bought her for this friend, so it sounds like you don't actually need this horse?

If she's not willing to put the time in, then I'd sell the horse or do as your suggesting and get another sharer. Do you have a written agreement with her? It may be best to get one if you don't.

If you do get another sharer, write down the days they are both to ride otherwise you may find they both turn up on the same day. She doesn't sound helpful to be honest and you are giving and she is taking as and when she feels like it.

If it was me, sorry but I would sell the horse or loan her out to someone who is keen to work with her.
 
Not in the slightest bit unreasonable. Sell the horse if that works for you. Tbh I'm shocked at your friend - I have a lovely share of a quality horse for which I pay nothing - and I couldn't really afford to, in any case - and I'm so grateful it's probably annoying (always being told to go home and eat rather than tack cleaning again...:D) so to have someone buy me a horse would be heaven on earth... good god, what's the matter with her!?
 
showqa said:
My friend has been sharing one of my horses. Well in fact the horse - to some extent - was bought for her as she can't afford her own, and she was supposed to do the riding/schooling on the whole. I didn't want any financial contribution, or any yard work done, just for her to ride and school the horse 3 times a week (and I would once a week).
Click to expand...

Fancy being friends? :p

I agree with the other posters. Do what is best for you and this horse in the long run, not what is best for you friend. She sounds quite ungrateful to be honest. If a friend bought a horse for me to share with them and I didn't have to put any money towards the horse at all and just ride the horse 3 times a week-I would be over the moon! It's a very generous thing to do and a shame she can't see what a good friend and opportunity she has
 
Not in the slightest!!!!
I share a lovely mare, and I pay nothing - I buy food (and get told off for it) and IF I can get to the vet/dentist/farrier first with cash....!! I am allowed to see her when I want - I go to the yard every day when I am home from uni and I help her owner out by lifts to/from yard etc. I also have the opportunity sometimes to ride owners other mare too :)
Your friend sounds like she is losing interest and doesn't understand what a fantastic opportunity she has (and what an amazing friend you are!!!) - I'd either sell the horse, or loan out, or if you can afford time/space/money to keep her part time get a sharer - I began my share 10 years ago, and I paid initially there are plenty of hard-working, committed and willing to learn sharers out there!
K x
 
I think your friend is being very ungrateful to be honest. I would love for someone to buy me a horse and I just ride/school when I want with no yard work or financial contribution! Sounds fab to me! Though if I was your friend I would most definately contribute in some way be it money or yard work it works both ways at the end of the day.

A friendship is a two way thing I really think she's taking the mick not riding regularly she's obviously lost interest and to be honest if I had a sharer that lost interest in my horse then I wouldn't want her near him friend or no friend. You have to be a bit harsh sometimes if I were you I would either sell the horse as others have said or get another sharer.
 
OK, that has clarified things a bit.

I can't sell her as such because then my other horse would be living alone. The old pony I used to have was PTS sadly, a year ago, and hence when I was deciding whether or not to get another pony companion, I ran the idea of another riding horse by my friend as I knew (thought I knew!) that she really wanted a riding horse but couldn' afford one. Hence me getting this sweet little mare.
 
Agree with the above I think your friend is being ungrateful and selfish. If you have essentially bought this horse for her to ride then she should take that responsibility seriously and effectively treat her as her own. You're doing her a huge favour in letting her ride this horse free of charge and buying it for her benefit, and for her to not appreciate that is irresponsible and quite frankly rude! As a horse 'owner' (essentially) she should take on the responsibility of said horse and ride it when needed. You totally are not being unreasonable! I would be fuming if I offered someone my horse to ride free of charge and for them to completely take advantage of that and treat the situation irresponsibly.

Enforce the fact that you want the horse ridden 3x a week, and if she can't commit to this then you have every right to find an additional sharer. Ultimately she is YOUR horse and thus it is your decision who rides her, who shares her and whether or not you keep her. As much as your friend may be upset about your decision it is her actions that have brought this upon, and she must understand this.

Good luck with sorting it all out :)
 
Agree with what everyone else is saying. She sounds extremely ungrateful! If someone bought me a horse and didn't want payment for it i'd be jumping up and down screaming and every time i saw them i'd be saying thank you! Get another sharer i say, but make sure to set the days between them as i was in a similar situation before but i was the additional sharer, as soon as the original sharer heard that i'm going to come up on x amount of days, she started coming up on the same days and sometimes even coming up before me so by the time i got there she's be riding the horse so i couldn't ride it. Soon got sorted thou. But, if you get a new sharer, you might actualy become friends with a person who commited to your horse FIRST and then became friends with you, that way, they'll be interested in the horse, you'll have a commited friend who you could hack with etc :)
 
No you haven't been unreasonable at all, I think she is probably losing interest slightly. However, it is entirely possible that she is just very busy at the moment and so can't ride as often. Finding another sharer is a good idea, even if they only ride once or twice a week and you can easily put a positive spin on this. Make it clear that she needs exercising more and that this will take the pressure off your friend for the weeks where she is too busy. There is no need for her feelings to be hurt, you just need to kindly explain your needs.
 
I would either get another share as well as/instead of the one you have already. Or sell the horse and get a companion that doesn't require exercise. Alot of people would bite your arm off for a nice home for a companion that can't be ridden!
 
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