Video Having a confidence crisis!!

ImmyS

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I posted a bit about this in C & T but thought I would post here as more foot fall. I am having serious confidence crisis and I don’t know why and I don’t know how to get over it!

It’s totally irrational and I can’t figure it out. I grew up always dreaming of being able to have a horse I can take out and do stuff with. I finally have a horse I can do that with and a trailer so all these opportunities have opened up but struggling to make the most of them due to my nerves.

My horse Arlo is only 4 but he is brilliant and has never done anything to knock my confidence. I’m completely confident and relaxed out hacking but as soon as we do anything new or different I turn into a complete wimp and I feel like it’s holding us both back. For example instead of building on experiences to gain confidence I seem to go two steps forward and five back. A couple of weeks ago I went to a XC clinic and it went really well, by the end we were jumping a sequence of fences and left feeling great and excited for our sponsored ride the week after, planning to build on the xc clinic by jumping some fences on the sponsored ride but I completely chickened out. I popped a couple on teeny tiny logs and couldn’t bring myself to do anything else despite Arlo being foot perfect and just generally a saint.

I had a nasty accident about 6 years ago where my previous horse fell and My leg was crushed, maybe this has knocked my confidence more than I thought? Even though it was just a freak accident.

I also know I am not an amazing rider, I am mostly self taught and until Arlo I only had ever really hacked. I feel I am very ‘aware’ of my riding if we go out anywhere which as result makes me ride even worse and the cycle continues!! Ahh!

Here’s a couple of videos today from my first ever jumping lesson, where we built things up slowly. You can see Arlo is just so honest and such a trier. It went really well today but I know come the next ‘outing’ I’ll be back to square one. Anyone else had such a confidence crisis and how did you get yourself out of it?! It’s so depressing having a lovely horse to enjoy, but my nerves are holding us back. Sorry for the ramble, any advice/experiences gratefully received!!

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MotherOfChickens

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if it is that incident thats holding you back then some sports coaching might help-or consider something like TFT with Jo Cooper (who got me over various issues including mounting hang ups after a horse going over with me as a teen hacking alone and public speaking!). I sound a little similar to yourself and the best thing (other than the TFT) is to keep doing it, if I stop doing something its doubly hard to do it again.
 

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Is it mainly jumping where you confidence takes a knock?

I hope you don't mind me saying but you do seem to lean forward quite a bit - which I tend to think means feel are nervous. Could you get a good few flat work lessons, working on balance, technique and rider position. If you feel confident that you are riding better, it may help you feel more confident trying new things?

But unfortunately the only major thing that will help is as MOC said to keep doing it.

Hope you start feeling more confident soon :)
 

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I love him Immy, he's a poppet! when I say keep doing it, I mean getting him out and about-I wouldn't worry about not jumping jumps you think you should be jumping in a different environment. If you feel safer jumping in a lesson than in a sponsored ride then thats fine-especially if you are still doing the sponsored ride-where's the fire?
 

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if it is that incident thats holding you back then some sports coaching might help-or consider something like TFT with Jo Cooper (who got me over various issues including mounting hang ups after a horse going over with me as a teen hacking alone and public speaking!). I sound a little similar to yourself and the best thing (other than the TFT) is to keep doing it, if I stop doing something its doubly hard to do it again.

I agree with MOC, and have to also say that you look super riding Arlo. He looks FAB.

I would also go easy on yourself. He is a baby so an unknown quantity, so it is natural to feel nervous. Would it feel better to see someone else doing stuff with him and seeing him behave, then taking over when you have gauged his reaction to stuff ?
 

ImmyS

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I love him Immy, he's a poppet! when I say keep doing it, I mean getting him out and about-I wouldn't worry about not jumping jumps you think you should be jumping in a different environment. If you feel safer jumping in a lesson than in a sponsored ride then thats fine-especially if you are still doing the sponsored ride-where's the fire?


Thank you, I hoping it will be a case of the more I do the more my confidence will grow. It does seem to be jumping that is my main sticking point, I am more confident in flat work lessons. I guess because I am least experienced with jumping and generally getting out and about as it’s all still fairly new.
 

ImmyS

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Is it mainly jumping where you confidence takes a knock?

I hope you don't mind me saying but you do seem to lean forward quite a bit - which I tend to think means feel are nervous. Could you get a good few flat work lessons, working on balance, technique and rider position. If you feel confident that you are riding better, it may help you feel more confident trying new things?

But unfortunately the only major thing that will help is as MOC said to keep doing it.

Hope you start feeling more confident soon :)

Thank you it is mostly jumping. I know that I ride very defensively and lean forward and I’m sure it’s the nervous. I have regular flatwork lessons with a fab instructor and I think I ride ‘better’, but still much to work on, so will continue with this 😀
 
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ImmyS

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I agree with MOC, and have to also say that you look super riding Arlo. He looks FAB.

I would also go easy on yourself. He is a baby so an unknown quantity, so it is natural to feel nervous. Would it feel better to see someone else doing stuff with him and seeing him behave, then taking over when you have gauged his reaction to stuff ?


Hi thank you for your comment! I do think this is part of the problem that is he is so green and therefore I worry how he might react to things, even though he’s never given me a reason to doubt him. I do think it would be useful to see someone else on him, I’m just a bit ‘precious’ with him and it would have to be the right person as if you’ve seen any earlier threads he was quite nervous when I bought him and I’ve worked hard to get him confident. Unfortunately my instructor would not be able to ride him as he is too small. But I could probably nab an experienced family friend to come to an ‘outing’ one day and she can ride him as would be nice to see him from the ground.
 

HEM

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Thank you it is mostly jumping. I know that I ride very defensively and lean forward and I’m sure it’s the nervous. I have regular flatwork lessons with a fab instructor and I think I ride ‘better’, but still much to work on, so will continue with this 😀

I used to do the same until I met my fab instruction who would shout at me to lie on the horses back (not literally but to me it felt literally) and it has really helped not only my perching but how secure I feel riding.

I would practice your flat work skills but over poles (don't think of flat work and jumping as 2 different disciplines) and then up it to small jumps
 

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With my old horse, noone rode him other than me after I bought him (backed and ridden away by someone else) and I was pretty precious with him too-I was also worried in case they got on and were like 'holy carp this horse is so awful/trained so badly etc etc or were harder with him than I would like. Let an instructor on him-it was amazing ( I cried a bit) as she loved him so much, couldn't stop cantering him lol and told everyone he had a mouth like silk.

riding a lot in two point will strengthen your lower leg, a bit of rising trot without stirrups will get you sitting up :)
 

ester

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I was going to say I suspect the more you do the better you will become, always the case with me. And there are enough differences between XC schooling and fun rides :p.

I have genuinely always found it useful to put someone better on top though, and if I were to buy a youngster (unlikely) I would certainly be doing so.

(Though getting my dressage instructor to jump frank when I was laid up was hilarious, his rebel don't tell me where to take off side came out ;) )
 

ILuvCowparsely

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I posted a bit about this in C & T but thought I would post here as more foot fall. I am having serious confidence crisis and I don’t know why and I don’t know how to get over it!

It’s totally irrational and I can’t figure it out. I grew up always dreaming of being able to have a horse I can take out and do stuff with. I finally have a horse I can do that with and a trailer so all these opportunities have opened up but struggling to make the most of them due to my nerves.

My horse Arlo is only 4 but he is brilliant and has never done anything to knock my confidence. I’m completely confident and relaxed out hacking but as soon as we do anything new or different I turn into a complete wimp and I feel like it’s holding us both back. For example instead of building on experiences to gain confidence I seem to go two steps forward and five back. A couple of weeks ago I went to a XC clinic and it went really well, by the end we were jumping a sequence of fences and left feeling great and excited for our sponsored ride the week after, planning to build on the xc clinic by jumping some fences on the sponsored ride but I completely chickened out. I popped a couple on teeny tiny logs and couldn’t bring myself to do anything else despite Arlo being foot perfect and just generally a saint.

I had a nasty accident about 6 years ago where my previous horse fell and My leg was crushed, maybe this has knocked my confidence more than I thought? Even though it was just a freak accident.

I also know I am not an amazing rider, I am mostly self taught and until Arlo I only had ever really hacked. I feel I am very ‘aware’ of my riding if we go out anywhere which as result makes me ride even worse and the cycle continues!! Ahh!

Here’s a couple of videos today from my first ever jumping lesson, where we built things up slowly. You can see Arlo is just so honest and such a trier. It went really well today but I know come the next ‘outing’ I’ll be back to square one. Anyone else had such a confidence crisis and how did you get yourself out of it?! It’s so depressing having a lovely horse to enjoy, but my nerves are holding us back. Sorry for the ramble, any advice/experiences gratefully received!!

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Have you thought about trying this?? https://www.lovecbd.org/product/500mg-dutch-cbd-oil-spray/


I posted recently on here and was advised to try it and I must say it has made a huge difference, after I had two serious fall,s and started to second guess even hacking, which was ridiculous considering nothing phased me with my last mare, but this one is a stress head and it was making me worse. Now I am feeling much better as it is for stress, anxiety, and epilepsy and more
 

ImmyS

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Have you thought about trying this?? https://www.lovecbd.org/product/500mg-dutch-cbd-oil-spray/


I posted recently on here and was advised to try it and I must say it has made a huge difference, after I had two serious fall,s and started to second guess even hacking, which was ridiculous considering nothing phased me with my last mare, but this one is a stress head and it was making me worse. Now I am feeling much better as it is for stress, anxiety, and epilepsy and more

Hi thank you for the suggestion, will have a look into it.
 

ImmyS

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I was going to say I suspect the more you do the better you will become, always the case with me. And there are enough differences between XC schooling and fun rides :p.

I have genuinely always found it useful to put someone better on top though, and if I were to buy a youngster (unlikely) I would certainly be doing so.

(Though getting my dressage instructor to jump frank when I was laid up was hilarious, his rebel don't tell me where to take off side came out ;) )

Haha sounds like Frank! I will try and get my family friend I said about earlier to get on him, she’s a super rider and super confident, she would be perfect.
 

Michen

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Yep. If we don't get rain in the next few weeks I doubt I'll be running at Broadway on hard ground, and holding off on Millfield entry until last minute re forecast
 

JFTDWS

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He's rising 5 - it's not your nerves holding you back (or it shouldn't be!) - it's his age. He's young and you should be taking things nice and slow. Not jumping on a sponsored ride is a perfectly reasonable "young horse" adjustment - they're often complete carnage at fences anyway, I'd always rather jump in the confines of an XC clinic!

My mare is a bit older than him, but I still find myself wobbling about "new" things, or certain things which are triggers for me (the mare is fine!). I don't have confidence problems though - I'm perfectly capable of doing what needs to be done - the nerves are there make sure I set her up to succeed, and don't overface her / rush her beyond her capabilities. There is no shame in saying "not today", provided it's not "not any day"!

It's sort of like a "nervous rebrand"! :D
 

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I sympathise, having had a serious fall some years ago I now have a very negative imagination and have become very risk adverse. However, I find that by taking small steps and focusing on the positives (rather than the negatives) I can move myself forward. I also have no problem in a more experienced rider "test driving" for me if I am unsure. Once I've seen that Rose is OK with something, I find I can get on and do it myself. Your horse is lovely and looks very genuine but is only young, no need to push yourself or your horse, you have all the time in the world.
 

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wrong thread ;) but Millfield does get very hard :p


Oops not sure how I did that. Actually, Millfield has some of the best ground XC I came across all season last year despite a dry period. They worked really hard on it. But there’s only so much any venue is able to do against Mother Nature!
 

Michen

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Sorry op posted in wrong threads. Pea brain! For what it’s worth I have the exact same problems as you and think you look great on your boy.
 

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you sound like it is only jumping that you are worried about. just keep having jumping lessons and dont pressure yourself to jump higher than you feel comfortable with. there is no shame in keeping to small jumps or not jumping at all, its all about having fun, there are many riders who never jump but they still enjoy their horses, the horses dont care if they jump or not... if you keep having lessons you will slowly get more confident and your horse looks like a lovely boy and nicely forward going...just remember its supposed to be fun :)
 

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It sounds as if you are pushing yourself too quickly. Break down what you want to do into smaller steps. Take Arlo, who looks lovely, out in the trailer for something very low key, maybe an in-hand show and build up from there. Can you travel to very safe hacking without jumps?
I think going to a clinic is different from a sponsored ride with jumps because at the clinic the RI is 'in charge' and only asking you to do what you are capable of. When you are doing a sponsored ride you are responsible for yourself and Arlo - and it sounds as if you are overwhelming yourself with the responsibility, iyswim.

I'm sure you will be fine, just take it steady and build up slowly. This time next year, I bet you'll look back and wonder what the problem was.
 

ImmyS

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It sounds as if you are pushing yourself too quickly. Break down what you want to do into smaller steps. Take Arlo, who looks lovely, out in the trailer for something very low key, maybe an in-hand show and build up from there. Can you travel to very safe hacking without jumps?
I think going to a clinic is different from a sponsored ride with jumps because at the clinic the RI is 'in charge' and only asking you to do what you are capable of. When you are doing a sponsored ride you are responsible for yourself and Arlo - and it sounds as if you are overwhelming yourself with the responsibility, iyswim.

I'm sure you will be fine, just take it steady and build up slowly. This time next year, I bet you'll look back and wonder what the problem was.


I’m sure you’re probably right. I’m not too worried about doing more as such, I’m in no rush to be out competing or anything like that. I think my main worrry is despite getting out and about I never seem to feel any ‘better’ each time I go, even though all outings have been successful. I think I just need to chip away, I mostly hack anyway, but need to keep getting out and about to low key things and hope the confidence comes with experience.
 

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Maybe you are overthinking it too much? just do what you want. I am quite nervous jumping and I only jump very small, I am constantly trying to push myself to jump bigger and be more confident about it because I feel like such a tit jumping small at my age! I went to xc recently with an aim to try to do some bigger ones and my horse who generally overjumps anyway, threw herself over the jump in a silly way and I broke my nose on the back of her head. This knocked my confidence massively and I ended up pootling round the minimus with wads of tissue up my nose. I felt like I'd 'failed' but I've been thinking though what is it I actually enjoying doing and why is it so important to push myself out of my comfort zone? What I find easy is actually more relaxing and enjoyable for me. Do what you enjoy and don't put too much pressure on yourself.
 
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Husky damage is spot on.

You’re a great combination and look fabulous together.

Take the pressure off yourself, and just enjoy.
 
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