having a good cry for myself *not horse related*

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comet&joe

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sorry for the big groan, be prepared !

Went to school as normal today. My friend went home yesterday early from school. She was very pale so taught she was just sick. She wouldn't tell anyone whats wrong. I knew her dad has had cancer since before the year had started. Found out that she went home yesterday as he was in a coma. This morning my best friend came up to me and told me her dad passed away this morning.

the shock i got was unbelievable :eek: it didn't register till later that day when my German teacher said was anyone talking to G. Some of us knew but others didn't and she set the whole class in tears as she was in our class :'( All day long I was hugging people, in the prayer room in school. God it was awful :(

My friend G didn't show any pain or anything. I've never EVER seen her not smiling tbh! just yesterday we were having a normal happy convo. My bestfriend texted me a few mins ago saying G is coming over to her house as she needs someone to talk to. Just set me off in tears once again and this time i've none of my friends to hug or anything so I was wondering if anyone here would like to give me a computer hug! :)

It's always the innocent people, isn't it? G is such an amazing friend. I just can't imagin what she is going through right now. My friend was talking to her earlier and she called her a freak messing! and she was even on facebook being her normal self. She is so strong :(

Sorry for the big essay. I feel better now as I have it all written down.

R.I.P :( x
 
She seems strong because she has had to live with the sight of her poor Father slowly dying in front of her. When it's as bad as that it becomes a relief when finally they are at peace and you know they no longer have to fight or suffer any more. She will be hurting inside, and she will need all her friends to lift her out of it, so now you all have to be strong for her and as normal as you can. If she wants to talk then listen, and give her a hug but if she wants to put a normal face on then respect her for it. Some people cope by having two faces (and I don't mean by being two-faced lol) she might save all her sadness for home and find it easier to be happy and normal with her friends.

Poor girl has a lot to cope with, she is lucky to have a friend like you to talk to. Go talk to your parents about it, death isn't easy to cope with and you need some support as well. xx
 
Ladyinred said:
She seems strong because she has had to live with the sight of her poor Father slowly dying in front of her. When it's as bad as that it becomes a relief when finally they are at peace and you know they no longer have to fight or suffer any more. She will be hurting inside, and she will need all her friends to lift her out of it, so now you all have to be strong for her and as normal as you can. If she wants to talk then listen, and give her a hug but if she wants to put a normal face on then respect her for it. Some people cope by having two faces (and I don't mean by being two-faced lol) she might save all her sadness for home and find it easier to be happy and normal with her friends.

Poor girl has a lot to cope with, she is lucky to have a friend like you to talk to. Go talk to your parents about it, death isn't easy to cope with and you need some support as well. xx
Click to expand...

thanks x
 
Hugs - Death is something everyone deals with in there own way, just coz she smiles on the outside doesn't mean she isn't hurting.
 
She may also trying be being 'brave' for her mum and brothers/sisters if she has any... cancer and death and talking about both can make people feel very uncomfortable, so she may be not wanting to make the people around her feel uncomfortable.
Just be there for her when she needs you, you don't need to come up with things to say, just be able to listen, really listen.
 
When my children lost their dad, their grief was very deep but they so much needed normality. I am still indebited to their friends who were fantastic, supportive but so normal around them. Together they cried,laughed and did all the ordinary stuff that kids do.
I do hope your friend will be ok, the time ahead for her is tough, but she'll need her friends around more than ever, even if she wants to withdraw for a while. For her to know that you are there for her if and when she needs you, will be more help than you can imagine.
Best wishes L.
 
Often when someone has watched a person go through a long and drawn out illness, the end, although horrific, is actually a release?

Totally different but when my nan died, she'd been in ITU for 2months, originally started off being able to speak but then had a ventilator so couldn't speak could only mouth, then eventually on to full life support.

When she fell ill, I cried. I then didn't cry again until the night they turned the machines off - bawled my bloody eyes out when I said my goodbyes and told her how much she meant to me. Then, no more crying, even when she actually passed away and my dad told me when I was back home again.

The day the grief truly hit me was the funeral. I read a poem, which ends basically saying that we'll all laugh at us crying when we meet again. Read that line, had total hysterics.

People's grief comes at funny times. You'd be amazed how strong the human is for coping.

Just be there, be normal (I went out to a friends birthday the night she died!), and hold her when she needs support. I'm sure the school will also be helpful. xxxxx
 
I lost my grandad in april this year of cancer (seems like yesterday)...but he was more like my dad than grandad - he brought me up and the most greatest memories ever include my grandad. Not a day goes by that I dont think of him and the wonderful times we had..taken too soon..every now and then I fall apart, but since april I have been a robot, no emotions, just cracking on with 'normal' stuff..my grandad's illness was long, painful, upsetting and worst of all he knew he was going to die. It was the most awful thing in the world and I dont believe I will ever, ever get over it...time has completely flown by since april it only seems like yesterday..and I just can't believe that I havent seen my happy, smiling, wonderful grandad since april...I miss him so much.and now I'm crying writing this..xxxxxx
 
Lost my mum when I was 18, I knew she had cancer so cried then but when she did die I had done my grieving and she was free of pain, I can remember my lovely stepdad telling my OH to take me out for the evening and I laughed too, but there isn't a day when I don't think about her and I'm in my 60's. We all grieve in different ways please be there for her when the wall comes down. It will not yet but it will.
 
I can't really add to the very good advice people have already given but I have been in your situation. My best friend lost her dad suddenly to an aggressive cancer in April, and as her friend I felt totally powerless to help - which was horrible.

For myself I was very sad, I also knew her dad well, and I was so frustrated that I couldn't do anything to help her and to make her happy again. I had to remind myself that the best thing I could do was make sure she knew I was there for her, if she wanted me. And if she didn't that was ok. Sometimes she wanted to pretend nothing had happened, sometimes she needed a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear, and sometimes she just wanted to be left alone.

Your friend needs to grieve, and she will do this in her own way, but it will take time. Just make sure she knows you're there for when she needs you. Take care of yourself too though, make sure you can talk to your parents or other friends about it all. You all will have a bit of grieving to do.

((Hugs))
 
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