Clodagh
Well-Known Member
Women on livery yards! Bat do crazy. I mean I’m sure most are normal but the nuts ones tend to make it all seem the same.
Having issues with a woman on the yard! Need advice.
- Thread starter horsemadJane
- Start date
Clodagh
Well-Known Member
And I’d ask Livery B to stop feeding you A’s poison. They are just making sure you hear it all. Get the sharer, enjoy your horse. Good luck.
Boulty
Well-Known Member
Livery A is an arse. She will continue to be an arse whether you take on this sharer or not. If you like & want the sharer don’t let her petty, childish behaviour stop you.
Keith_Beef
Novice equestrian, accomplished equichetrian
It seems to me that your new sharer knows livery A well enough to perhaps find the right words to calm her down.
Lois Lame
Well-Known Member
Absolutely. Why people insist on telling us what others are saying beats me.
shanti
Well-Known Member
Take the sharer, enjoy your horse and carry on as if she isn't there. Shes going to be horrid whether you take the sharer or not. Honestly the best way to deal with people like this is with confidence, even false confidence, pretend that you are completely unaffected by any of it.
Livery B is a stirrer, next time she tries to feed you information just smile and say 'I really don't care or have time for this'
I don't know why people are such as$h@les, but some just are.
Livery B is a stirrer, next time she tries to feed you information just smile and say 'I really don't care or have time for this'
I don't know why people are such as$h@les, but some just are.
sunnyone
Well-Known Member
Seems to me that livery A is one of those who is never happy unless she can find something to moan about. Accept that fact, and get on with what you want to do, when you want to do it.
Peglo
Well-Known Member
I wonder if livery B has been winding both you and A up. LA sounds a nightmare but if LB has been running to you with what A has been saying about you she’s maybe telling A what you’ve said about her making A more unreasonable. (You’ve maybe not said anything bad but some people can twist things to make it sound worse)
Next time LB mentions something like your hay touching her things (
) then just go straight to LA and say “LB said you’re upset about my hay touching your stuff. I’m sorry, I’ve moved it now.”
I agree being direct and completely reasonable with LA will probably throw her and worst case scenario she’s as much a nightmare as always, best case she backs off for being called out on her
Take the share if she’s a good match for your horse. She’s given up LA’s share regardless. It’s a shame if everyone had to miss out because of A.
Next time LB mentions something like your hay touching her things (
) then just go straight to LA and say “LB said you’re upset about my hay touching your stuff. I’m sorry, I’ve moved it now.” I agree being direct and completely reasonable with LA will probably throw her and worst case scenario she’s as much a nightmare as always, best case she backs off for being called out on her
Take the share if she’s a good match for your horse. She’s given up LA’s share regardless. It’s a shame if everyone had to miss out because of A.
Pedantic
Well-Known Member
So normal livery yard then, equestrians, we are all batshit crazy 
, just crack on, have whichever sharer is best for your horse, and totally blank Livery A-sshoooool
, just crack on, have whichever sharer is best for your horse, and totally blank Livery A-sshooooolHollylee1989
Well-Known Member
Go ahead with the sharer, and carry on enjoying your horse. From past experiences on being on a livery yard with petty jealous 'adults', just be friendly and talk to them. They honestly squirm and don't know how to handle it. Always trip themselves up in the end.
Boughtabay
Well-Known Member
Agree - kill with kindness but carry on doing your own thing unaffected by them - if they don’t get a rise they should eventually just get bored of trying!
horsemadJane
New User
Most things I found out directly from the owner of the yard as Livery A had gone to her to complain about me and the owner felt responsible to communicate it to me so it could be sorted out. All I heard from livery B was something along the lines of you wouldnt believe all the stuff I have had to deal with, you should see all the messages I get from her about it. I told Livery B I don't want to know what was said so don't know exactly what those messages contained.I wonder if livery B has been winding both you and A up. LA sounds a nightmare but if LB has been running to you with what A has been saying about you she’s maybe telling A what you’ve said about her making A more unreasonable. (You’ve maybe not said anything bad but some people can twist things to make it sound worse)
Next time LB mentions something like your hay touching her things (
I agree being direct and completely reasonable with LA will probably throw her and worst case scenario she’s as much a nightmare as always, best case she backs off for being called out on her
Take the share if she’s a good match for your horse. She’s given up LA’s share regardless. It’s a shame if everyone had to miss out because of A.
horsemadJane
New User
All I heard from livery B was that she was constantly being messaged stuff about me. I told Livery B I don't want to know what was said so don't know exactly what those messages contained. Most things I found out she'd moaned about came directly from the owner of the yard as Livery A had gone to her to complain about me and the owner felt responsible to communicate it to me so it could be sorted out.I wonder if livery B has been winding both you and A up. LA sounds a nightmare but if LB has been running to you with what A has been saying about you she’s maybe telling A what you’ve said about her making A more unreasonable. (You’ve maybe not said anything bad but some people can twist things to make it sound worse)
Next time LB mentions something like your hay touching her things (
I agree being direct and completely reasonable with LA will probably throw her and worst case scenario she’s as much a nightmare as always, best case she backs off for being called out on her
Take the share if she’s a good match for your horse. She’s given up LA’s share regardless. It’s a shame if everyone had to miss out because of A.
Poingsettia
Well-Known Member
I’d be asking for a meeting with all parties to sort this out. A needs to stop moaning to anyone and speak to you if she has issues. Make it clear where you stand, and you don’t want 2nd hand stories.
Ample Prosecco
Still wittering on
You will not change Livery A. Some people thrive on being miserable, whingers! I hate confrontation but I’d call it out - and then I’d totally ignore it. And I would absolutely have the sharer.
KittenInTheTree
Well-Known Member
Sounds more like a problem with the YO to me. Why are they telling you about any of these petty complaints?
santas_spotty_pony
Well-Known Member
This. Her reactions say more about her than they do about you
Bonnie Allie
Well-Known Member
To buck the trend completely I would make her my new best friend. Silence never solved anything. Talk to her - invite her for coffee, get to know her. She is frightened and insecure. Be kind and help her.
Ample Prosecco
Still wittering on
I agree with this too. It sounds like the complaints to YO have stopped but if they restart, I'd speak to YO to say that this livery seems to be crearting problems, inventing ridiculous things to complain about, and you have no wish to engage with nonsense. So unless the YO feels she has a legitimate complaint then can she please deal with it herself rather than pass it on. Or if she does not want to tell the livery to stop raising non -issues with her, can she at least pleae just ignore it, rather than tell you about it.
Also I'd make it clear that I have no wish to know about what A is saying. You don't care. You are not interested. It's just a non topic. If anyone tries to start saying 'oh she's upset with you again' or whatever just go 'really not bothered' and shut the conversation down. You can;t change her. You can only make her irrelevant in your own life.
MiJodsR2BlinkinTite
Well-Known Member
To be fair to the other livery (livery A); it was YOUR horse that broke out and kicked hers. That wasn't exactly a very good start, not really. But yes this does happen at yards we all know this, however what I'd say is that this mustn't ever happen again! You admit yourself that this was the beginning of the "anti" feeling from her. I can see where she's coming from - her horse could have been badly injured - and it might be that yours and hers need to be separated by being say a field away from each other! You need to speak to the YO about this.
Whilst you should be free to have whatever Sharer you want to for your horse, you are going to fly headlong into a war zone if you have the sharer you are referring to - who was Livery A's sharer before she came to you! Easy to be wise in hindsight but it might have been wise to have made Livery A gently aware at an earlier stage that this was what might be happening?? Yes she might have not been happy about it, but I can understand why she might be feeling angsty about this. Perhaps she is feeling just that little bit "betrayed", somehow?? Something similar happened to a friend of mine - she'd had a reliable person who was coming in to ride hers when she was working, and then someone else "pinched" that person and she was suddenly let down. I was in the middle of that little dispute and it really wasn't pleasant! So I can see where Livery A is coming from - a new person new on the yard goes and takes her Sharer...........
As a YO I'm gonna be honest and say that I just couldn't cope with this level of strife on my yard! I'd need to bring you both together, sit you down (or bang your heads together!), proffer coffee & cakes and say OK so sort your blimmin' issues out NOW or both of you leave...........
Whilst you should be free to have whatever Sharer you want to for your horse, you are going to fly headlong into a war zone if you have the sharer you are referring to - who was Livery A's sharer before she came to you! Easy to be wise in hindsight but it might have been wise to have made Livery A gently aware at an earlier stage that this was what might be happening?? Yes she might have not been happy about it, but I can understand why she might be feeling angsty about this. Perhaps she is feeling just that little bit "betrayed", somehow?? Something similar happened to a friend of mine - she'd had a reliable person who was coming in to ride hers when she was working, and then someone else "pinched" that person and she was suddenly let down. I was in the middle of that little dispute and it really wasn't pleasant! So I can see where Livery A is coming from - a new person new on the yard goes and takes her Sharer...........
As a YO I'm gonna be honest and say that I just couldn't cope with this level of strife on my yard! I'd need to bring you both together, sit you down (or bang your heads together!), proffer coffee & cakes and say OK so sort your blimmin' issues out NOW or both of you leave...........
Ample Prosecco
Still wittering on
Wow that seems very harsh on OP! To threaten to kick HER off because someone else is targeting her.
Plus as I understand it, the sharer was helping out another livery in the first place before moving to Livery A. It would be rank hypocrisy for A to then complain about the sharer doing the same again. This talk of 'pinching' the sharer is offensive. No-one owns her. She can make her own choices about which horses she wants to ride and which owners she wants to work with.
Plus as I understand it, the sharer was helping out another livery in the first place before moving to Livery A. It would be rank hypocrisy for A to then complain about the sharer doing the same again. This talk of 'pinching' the sharer is offensive. No-one owns her. She can make her own choices about which horses she wants to ride and which owners she wants to work with.
Jenko109
Well-Known Member
I would take the sharer, for sure.
She has been a completely unreasonable, toxic cow.
You owe her nothing.
She has been a completely unreasonable, toxic cow.
You owe her nothing.
Hormonal Filly
Well-Known Member
This! I feel like whatever you do OP she won’t like you.
The YO must know what she’s like?! Amazes me people are allowed to stay on yards that behave like this (Livery A) but I’ve been in a similar situation so can totally feel your pain.
Keith_Beef
Novice equestrian, accomplished equichetrian
This isn't exactly want was in the first part of the thread.
According to OP, it was Livery A's horse that broke the fence, showing OP's horse to get into the other field.
KittenInTheTree
Well-Known Member
If as stated in the OP, it was Livery A's horse that broke the fencing, then I have very little sympathy regarding any subsequent injuries it managed to acquire. If the fencing was known to be down, then neither horse should have been left out until it was repaired. As for all of the rest, again if the OP is being wholly truthful, then it isn't her that's causing the strife. It's Livery A and all of those who are stirring the pot. Frankly, in that situation I'd want to move anyhow, so invitations to sit down with cake and coffee would not even be acknowledged by me, let alone responded to.
MiJodsR2BlinkinTite
Well-Known Member
^^^^ Ohhh....... sorry my mistake, misread that part. That does put a different slant on things I would agree.
Can't help feeling sorry for the Sharer: they will probably be feeling very awkward about all of this, I know I would! Being right in the middle of a toxic situation such as this isn't the best place to be for sure.
I STILL feel that if the OP is to stay on this yard then there needs to be some form of discussion between her and Livery A and that the YO needs to be involved. This level of toxicity isn't helping anyone and unfortunately these things have the potential to spread. IME there are three words that are vital and those are "Communication", "Transparency", and Honesty". Discussion needs to happen.
Jellymoon
Well-Known Member
Hhhmn, I think back in the day I would have gone down the nice route and tried to make the person like me. But that only makes them hate you more. Not worth it.
I think I’d just chin up, shoulders back and get on with it. Have the sharer. If she says something nasty to you, tell her what you really think. She’s bullying you, make sure you are not being a doormat and letting her get away with it.
I think I’d just chin up, shoulders back and get on with it. Have the sharer. If she says something nasty to you, tell her what you really think. She’s bullying you, make sure you are not being a doormat and letting her get away with it.
blitznbobs
Well-Known Member
This is the entire reason I wont have any liveries … i left this all behind at school . I cant stand an atmosphere- personally i would leave the yard … i couldnt deal with that everyday