Having Kids, Horses and Working

[C123]

Hello,

Feeling a bit overwhelmed atm. I’ve just had my first baby, he is now 7 months old (Can’t believe it)
As all mothers I love him to absolute bits but I also have a love for horses as well. Unfortunately I lost my last horse back in March before my son was born.
I’ve been back having a few lessons at my local riding school and I can do shows there as well on the riding school ponies. I also have an amazing friend who lets me ride and care for her TB on a Saturday, sometimes a Sunday as well. It is hard going back to a riding school and looking after a horse that’s not yours but I think it’s the best thing to be doing right now.
Am dying to get another horse but I know my son is still to young atm.
I also work 8-5 Monday, Tuesday and Friday.
My am stressing as am scared I won’t be able to ever have a horse again in my life and that breaks my heart but on the other hand maybe I should just accept it as I have my lovely son.
Am just wondering if anyone else was maybe in the same position as me and could maybe give me some advice as am wrecking my head!

Thank you for reading

 

[Widgeon]

It doesn't have to be either / or. I have several friends who have successfully juggled a baby / very young child with a horse and a full time job. You need a setup that works for you, whether that's grass livery very near your home, enough money for a good full livery yard, or a flexible employer who doesn't mind you finishing early to do a horse on DIY then work again in the evening. So it's not easy, and might not work for you yet, but there's no law that says because you have a young child you cannot also have a horse. If it's your dream then don't give up on it - personally I think it's good for kids to have parents who model dedication and hard work for something they love and enjoy doing.

 

[C123]

It doesn't have to be either / or. I have several friends who have successfully juggled a baby / very young child with a horse and a full time job. You need a setup that works for you, whether that's grass livery very near your home, enough money for a good full livery yard, or a flexible employer who doesn't mind you finishing early to do a horse on DIY then work again in the evening. So it's not easy, and might not work for you yet, but there's no law that says because you have a young child you cannot also have a horse. If it's your dream then don't give up on it - personally I think it's good for kids to have parents who model dedication and hard work for something they love and enjoy doing.

Thank you. Am luckily enough that I work in the family business so I can be a bit flexible

 

[Widgeon]

Thank you. Am luckily enough that I work in the family business so I can be a bit flexible

If you change your mindset so that another horse is a "near future goal" - e.g. maybe once he's off to nursery a couple of days a week (assuming the finances stack up) - does that help you feel less despairing about it? Because on the one hand, go for it now, you can do it all with enough determination (etc)....but on the other hand cutting yourself some slack while he's so small and hard work is not a bad idea.

 

[Traks]

It’s really really hard!! Mine is now 10, she’s at an age she can do everything herself with her own pony with supervision so I did get my own this summer (after a long gap of 25 years ) it was lovely to ride with her but I’ve just sold my boy last week. I just didn’t have time to ride him often enough plus I work 4 days a week long hours…and also needed to be flexible with my daughter and her pony. They were on fully livery so we were lucky that the day to day stuff we didn’t need to do but still it was a struggle as we did end up doing a fair bit of the work when we went up (even though technically we didn’t need to).

I’d only get my own again if we have our own place and can keep them at home… and I’m not working so much, 2 is hard and unfortunately she needs to come first really, she wants to be out doing stuff with her horse and mine just took a back seat.

I do know people who have their own and are lucky they can leave the kids with family to ride etc but it’s a challenge and once they get into toddler and older realm it’s a whole different ball game!

 

[ponyparty]

Yep I recently sold mine because I just couldn’t balance working full time in a demanding job, the dog(s), being a single mum having my child 50% of the time (the other 50% being child free but trying to claw back lost time on other things, house maintenance and so on). Constantly chasing my tail, not getting to work my horse consistently (and she really needed that consistency), feeling like I was failing at every aspect of my life, spreading myself too thin.

I also won’t have a horse again unless I get a property where I can keep them at home (unlikely to ever happen tbh on my single salary). Not just for the above reasons of life being too hectic, but also I’m just sick of livery yards and (a lot of) other horsey people. There’s always a compromise, often at the expense of the horse, and I just cannot be bothered with it. I would have to have my own land, and be able to have things how I want them. So yeah probably never gonna happen!

The weight off my shoulders not having a horse is amazing. So much less stress. Maybe I was unlucky but my horses have always been stressful types and life is stressful enough for me without a horse to worry about too!

 

[Traks]

Yep I recently sold mine because I just couldn’t balance working full time in a demanding job, the dog(s), being a single mum having my child 50% of the time (the other 50% being child free but trying to claw back lost time on other things, house maintenance and so on). Constantly chasing my tail, not getting to work my horse consistently (and she really needed that consistency), feeling like I was failing at every aspect of my life, spreading myself too thin.

I also won’t have a horse again unless I get a property where I can keep them at home (unlikely to ever happen tbh on my single salary). Not just for the above reasons of life being too hectic, but also I’m just sick of livery yards and (a lot of) other horsey people. There’s always a compromise, often at the expense of the horse, and I just cannot be bothered with it. I would have to have my own land, and be able to have things how I want them. So yeah probably never gonna happen!

The weight off my shoulders not having a horse is amazing. So much less stress. Maybe I was unlucky but my horses have always been stressful types and life is stressful enough for me without a horse to worry about too!

Oh my goodness I can so relate to this!!! I feel the same with my boy gone, I miss him of course but the relief is immense!!! And now when we go to the yard I don’t constantly feel I’m chasing my tail and can just be there for my daughter and her pony.

I’m not sure we will ever get our own place either but that’s the only way I’d be able to do it now I think also. Or I might get one once my daughter is living her own life and totally independent etc provided I’m not working as much!

My friends with kids generally do not ride any more, I do have friends with their own farms or land who have a horse too but they very much are on the side lines, the kids needs and wants come first, they tend to ride etc when the kids are at school but that is because they don't work much themselves or run the family farm etc so have more flexibility. In honesty it’s actually easier when they are tiny, you can leave them with people and in buggies etc! I think it’s harder to keep riding as they get older, so make the most of it now!

 

[Widgeon]

The weight off my shoulders not having a horse is amazing. So much less stress. Maybe I was unlucky but my horses have always been stressful types and life is stressful enough for me without a horse to worry about too!

I'm glad you feel you made a good decision for you - I found the recent threads about "would you have another horse" really interesting. Quite a few people saying they were loving the cash and independence that comes with not having a horse! Personally I would feel bereft without them, but (touch wood) my two are easy types and I currently have a cheap setup to keep them in. It's so personal isn't it. No one can really answer the question for you, you have to decide for yourself.

 

[C123]

If you change your mindset so that another horse is a "near future goal" - e.g. maybe once he's off to nursery a couple of days a week (assuming the finances stack up) - does that help you feel less despairing about it? Because on the one hand, go for it now, you can do it all with enough determination (etc)....but on the other hand cutting yourself some slack while he's so small and hard work is not a bad idea.

Thank you. I really struggle at changing my mind site. Maybe it’s due to my autism, am not sure but it’s something am working on. Just readying your message has really helped.