Head over heart decisions

alsxx

alsxx

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This is a hard post to write. How on earth do we make those tough decisions that are really head over heart. Right now I'm really struggling.

Context - 2 retired, 1 23yr old mare and 1 8yr old gelding. Both owned since foals, and very much a pair. I'm at that point where my head knows I'm just throwing good money after bad now, and knackering myself out juggling them all.

The mare has been retired a number of years and now has a few minor ailments, nothing that in isolation I'd call it a day over, but she's getting grumpier each winter and last year it really crossed my mind as to whether I should let her go.

The gelding I retired end of last year as a 6 year old. He'd never been right but took at least 4 or 5 vets to finally believe me that there was an issue with his stifles. Sound to trot up, after flexion etc but just not quite right on a surface. Arthroscopy showed severe chondromalacia in all compartments of the joint. He's had time off, I found a companion loan home for him so he could live out but sadly that fell through after only a few months. As he was sound in a straight line, with vets agreement and keeping him on a very good joint supplement and boswellia, I've tried to bring him gently back into hacking this winter, but he's unbelievably anxious and has bolted with me twice now on the lane so I've reaffirmed he IS retired as his behaviour is clearly pain driven. He also experiences facial sensitivity (which vets never quite got to the bottom of) and he can be difficult to get a headcollar on if he's having a bad day. Otherwise though, he looks fantastic and is generally settled, but I acknowledge he needs to be out and I don't have enough grazing to enable that. He can also be pain so I'm limited in terms of who I can turn him out with, so he goes out at night with the 23 year old mare while the others are then out during the day and I'm swapping them around morning and night 🤦‍♀️

I've considered retirement livery, grass livery, but the reality is while yes I can afford this, my head is wondering why on earth I'm considering throwing more £££ at them. They are all at home so no livery fees to pay currently, but I have a busy full time (remote) job, taxi service to the kids etc and I'm really at this low point now where I just think maybe I should call it a day and save myself the heartbreak and exhaustion every day. My heart of course.... slightly different story.

A bit of a ramble, hoping airing thoughts might help.... 😕
 
I'm sorry you're in this situation. It would not be wrong to put both to sleep. Both have unfixable issues, both are ion pain to some degree or another and its hard on us as owners both monetery wise, physically and emotionally.
I think the weather changes we have had don't help either. I'm not so sure that living out plastered in flies in the heat we get in summer is any more enjoyable for them as the constant downpours or solid ground the rest of the time. That was a fairly big factor in my lovely 15 y/o I had pts not so long ago.
He was kind of ok, but never right, never particularly happy and i fould every time I looked at him he looked a bit miserable which then bothered me.

It's really hard and horrible to make these decisons but I think you'd not be making a bad call if you did.
 
I agree with the above. It is so hard when they are your horses and you love them. But someone who is not involved can take a more distant view. It is even more hard when one is young, but if you kept him he is going be doing nothing, living in a field for the next 15 or so years.

I think it would be OK to have both PTS, it is the thinking about it which is harder than when it is done. It would be a relief too, you know where they have gone, you won't be worrying about them all the time. It is sad, I'm not denying that, but I think it would be the right decision for all of you.
 
I'm so sorry you are such a difficult situation.

Your old mare is clearly struggling now, and whilst your gelding is a lot younger, he does have a lot of pain issues, which is clearly impacting him and you in daily life.

Your post is so obviously full of the love you have for both of your horses, but in your situation, I would seriously consider having them PTS together.

It is always the kindest decisions that are the hardest to make. A lot us us have been there, and I don't think for one minute anyone on this forum would judge you for calling it a day for them both.

<<Hugs>>
 
I am so very sorry you are dealing with this. I know it is far easier to say than to do, but I do think that PTS would be a perfectly reasonable call. They both have issues which are not going to improve and I would be worried about how bad things could get, especially with pain/sensitivity for your gelding.

Sending hugs, you clearly love them both very much x
 
At one point I had 5 old horses. What I've learned from that is that they all go eventually and you can keep putting off the inevitable, but it will still come one day. These days I only have two shetlands. They don't 'do' anything to earn their keep, but make me smile and give me something to do. I won't ever again put myself in the position where I make myself ill worrying about my animals, or keep them going if they aren't making me happy. It's just not worth it, as the outcome is the same.

In summary, you should do what's best for you. They won't know or care either way.
 
Thanks everyone. Definitely shed a tear reading all these replies.

I've always said, if she goes, he goes. And I said last year that I certainly won't run him on to an old horse, but I also needed to give myself a little more time from the heartbreak of his ridden career ending diagnosis. But I won't lie, I did go into that surgery with part of me knowing it wouldn't be a good outcome and maybe if he didn't survive the anaesthetic it would be a blessing in disguise.

Which I know says it all really.

They would absolutely go together.

It IS a terrible time of year and everything always does feel much worse. But I'm not getting any enjoyment out of them right now (the string of bad luck I've had is honestly ridiculous....).
 
alsxx said:
This is a hard post to write. How on earth do we make those tough decisions that are really head over heart. Right now I'm really struggling.

Context - 2 retired, 1 23yr old mare and 1 8yr old gelding. Both owned since foals, and very much a pair. I'm at that point where my head knows I'm just throwing good money after bad now, and knackering myself out juggling them all.

The mare has been retired a number of years and now has a few minor ailments, nothing that in isolation I'd call it a day over, but she's getting grumpier each winter and last year it really crossed my mind as to whether I should let her go.

The gelding I retired end of last year as a 6 year old. He'd never been right but took at least 4 or 5 vets to finally believe me that there was an issue with his stifles. Sound to trot up, after flexion etc but just not quite right on a surface. Arthroscopy showed severe chondromalacia in all compartments of the joint. He's had time off, I found a companion loan home for him so he could live out but sadly that fell through after only a few months. As he was sound in a straight line, with vets agreement and keeping him on a very good joint supplement and boswellia, I've tried to bring him gently back into hacking this winter, but he's unbelievably anxious and has bolted with me twice now on the lane so I've reaffirmed he IS retired as his behaviour is clearly pain driven. He also experiences facial sensitivity (which vets never quite got to the bottom of) and he can be difficult to get a headcollar on if he's having a bad day. Otherwise though, he looks fantastic and is generally settled, but I acknowledge he needs to be out and I don't have enough grazing to enable that. He can also be pain so I'm limited in terms of who I can turn him out with, so he goes out at night with the 23 year old mare while the others are then out during the day and I'm swapping them around morning and night 🤦‍♀️

I've considered retirement livery, grass livery, but the reality is while yes I can afford this, my head is wondering why on earth I'm considering throwing more £££ at them. They are all at home so no livery fees to pay currently, but I have a busy full time (remote) job, taxi service to the kids etc and I'm really at this low point now where I just think maybe I should call it a day and save myself the heartbreak and exhaustion every day. My heart of course.... slightly different story.

A bit of a ramble, hoping airing thoughts might help.... 😕
Click to expand...
Others have said what I would say…you have done your very best by both of them,now do what is best for you…
 
In your position, I'd ask myself these 2 questions - "is today the best they can be, considering their issues? Are they going to get better/improve over time or get worse?" The answers you honestly give to yourself will tell you what is right to do for them in a guilt-free pragmatic way.
Two horses with health issues, very well looked after by you but neither with good prognosis for the future, it's not too early and they'll go peacefully and while in relatively good painfree health.
(Been there, done that, back in Sept with my old horse) so gentle hugs to you.
 
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