Heart vs Head.. Help!

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Undecided

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Hi all!
New here so suppose I should say hello :)

I've had my now 6yo gelding for 3 years and we dont seem to have gotten anywhere. Before I bought him I would jump anything, ride any horse, hack for hours everywhere on my own of with friends. My confidence was on a high and I really enjoyed riding. Bought my boy and over the past 3 years my confidence has hit an all time low. I know that I over-horsed myself but felt like selling him would be like giving up on him which I didnt want to do. I now wont jump because of all the accidents we've had, wont hack alone incase he spooks and I come off (he is pretty spooky due to my nerves passing onto him), we hack out in a group or with another horse every now and then but not nearly as much as we used to. I only lunge and school now. He never does anything to hurt me intentionally, I just feel that he would do a lot better and be a lot happier with a more confident rider. He can jump, he can hack alone as he went out on loan last year while I rode something older to get my confidence back up and the girl was always telling me how good he was.
My head says sell him to a confident rider where he will be able to have more fun and reach his potential and I can get an older, safer horse that I can enjoy riding with again, but my heart says that I would be giving up on him and the thing that is holding me back the most is that I wouldnt know where he would end up, Ive heard of all these stories of people selling their horse and it ending up being passed on numerous times and even being sent to slaughter.

We are having weekly to twice weekly lessons to help and my friend still jumps him every now and then but no matter what I do I just cant seem to enjoy it as much as I used to. We've tried the self help CD's, Bach Rescue Remedy, wearing a BP when riding, riding other horses, doing lots of groundwork but I always end up shaking like a leaf and panicking which I never used to do.

So what would all you lovely people suggest? I think I know that Ive pretty much answered my own question, but would love some input from you guys or perhaps if youve had the same experience, what did you do and do you think you did the right thing?
Ben and Jerrys ice cream on offer for getting through all of that :)
 
Having a horse is a very expensive way to be miserable and admitting you have over horsed yourself is a very hard thing to do l (I had to last year). The weight and relief I felt once I had done and got rid was amazing. I then went and got myself a lad who I'm now having a lot of fun with. I think you know what you would like to do and at the end of the day your the one that has to ride your horse every day and after 3 years you can't say that you haven't tried can you? ;)
 
Personally I would sell / loan... It's an expensive hobby and you've had him quite a while. My friend had a young horse that was just to much for her and she has loaned him to a competition home and loaned herself a been there done it type cob and is very happy with the outcome.
 
I think that selling your horse to a home more suited to him is hardly giving up on him, if he was good away on loan there is every chance he will find a good home that will do more with him than you are and appreciate his character.

You can then move on and find something you can really enjoy, accept that you have tried but that it is not going to get better, you can both have more fun with a change. There is no reason to feel that you have failed, sometimes there is just not that feeling you need to continue when it is no longer fun.
 
Remember we re riding for fun and enjoyment - how much are you getting!?
Also remember theres no reason why he wont be happy elsewhere . We all like to kid ourselves our horses love us , but really they can be moved on to a good home elsewhere , and probably forget all about us! A horse doesnt have to be 'for life '- as I said at the beginning , we re in this for enjoyment .
 
The very same thing happened to me, I was over horsed and my confidence went completely. After 3 months I decided to return him as he was bought off a dealer, I felt quilty for a while but then a big sense of relief. I now have a nice safe cob and my confidence has returned and now I'm enjoying horse ownership again. You will find your horse a good home and then find a new horse that you can have fun with.
 
I'd sell him.

It's better to let someone who can enjoy him have him and you have one you can enjoy, than to 'not give up' and end up putting you and your horse in danger.

I think it takes far more balls to stand up and say that you made a mistake than to bury your head in the ground and let it get worse.

Pan
 
Sounds like you are not suited even though you love him so much.
Do both of you a favour and find the right rider for him, whether its loan or sell. He will be happier with a more confident rider taking charge.
You will then be free ti find a horse that will help you and improve your confidence.
After all you are meant to enjoy having a horse and riding!
 
I was faced with a very similar situation last year.

In the end I decided to sell and I've never looked back.

I made sure to find him the bestest home he could ever want for. Neither of us have looked back and I have now taken on another horse on loan.

Maybe try to find him a home you know he would love and find something you know you would enjoy more. Your heart isn't in it anymore and you know its for the best...
 
Thank you everybody, I thought that the answers would be like that but glad I'm not alone in thinking that. He's a lovely boy, tries hard and learns quickly, I just think we don't suit each other. Now to write the advert.. :( will update soon with how we get on.
 
Hi all, just a quick update. We've been carrying on with our lessons and he is improving constantly although today it was an hour long battle for me to just stay on while he bogged off bucking and bronking around the arena. He settled down afterwards though and did some lovely canter work :) a friend of a friend is coming to see him on saturday so hopefully she'll like him. We're not advertising online yet as we just want to pass the word around locally in case anybody is looking. If we don't get any interest we will then go online. Thank you for all your advice and will update after the visit on saturday.
 
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