Hello - I need help (going mental)!!

L

lisab30

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5 December 2002
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Hi Guys,

I just wanted to say hello and let anyone who was wondering what happened to me that I am fine and well. Rupert and Minnie and both well, but Minnie has been diagnosed with cushings disease but is being treated with pergolide which seems to be helping.

I have not been on thsi site for ages coz I have some mental health problems. I wanted some advice really. I have developed OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) over my horse Rupert. It was affecting my normal everyday life, but I am controlling it better now. Basically, just over a year ago, Rupert went slightly lame in trot, I rested him for a few days and he was fine, and has been fine ever since!! But because I never got a vet out to investigate it, I became convinced it was gonna come back, though I am slowly getting over this now seeing as it was well over a year ago!! However, I am still having problems. He is 16 now, and I am worried that as is now an official 'veteran' he is going to develope problems. I am terrrifed of arthritis but feed glucosamine to try and stave off theis, I am also terrified he is going to get lamintis, navicular, ringbone, pedal osteitis, you name it I worry about it. Everyday I wake up expecting to fond him lame, which of course I don't, but I seem to have developed a fear of lameness, which I think is linked with the fact that my friend lost 2 horses to lameness (one had navicular and the other had rotation of the pedal bone). I constantly worry about him when out riding too, and if he trips or takes and odd stride, I think its the start of something sinister. I just don't know what to do any more. Over that last 6 months, I have plummeted from a size 12 to a size 8, and the other day I got into a size 6 pair of jeans!! Its spoiling my enjoyment of him and I am at the end of my tether, I know only I can stop this, but how. I don't want to go to the doctor's and get medication coz I don't want to rely on it. I do attend an OCD self help group, but it doesn't seem to help with the fears I have over rupert's health.

Can anyone suggest anything, maybe hypnotherapy or something, anything you can recommend.

Thanks
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Hello,

First thing I would do is write down all the things I feared would go wrong and next to them I'd write down what the result of these things happening to my horse would be.

I would also keep a diary (or a blog!) and write in it everyday something positive that you (or your horse) has done that day.

Write down 'My horse might be lame today, but it's not the end of the world if he is' and put it on your bedside table. Read it evey morning as you wake up.

When you get to the yard and you discover he isn't lame, wirte down on another piece of paper 'My horse isn't lame today', then screw it up and throw it in the bin. By doing that you are then allowing yourself to enjoy the rest of your time with him.
 
Firstly, you're not going Mental

Secondly, as TP above said, keeping a diary and looking back on it will help. Little and often seems to be the key here.

Don't be worried to go to the Doctors about this condition. Dr's are less likely now to go the "medication" route than before ~ and will probably try to get you to see a trained counsellor.

Eat well and regularly. Take a course on effective breathing exercises as this can help control emotions.

Good luck, keep strong xxx
 
Let me tell you a story.
Many years ago I had a very nice cob, one evening I put him in his stable..he seemed fine and there was nothing unusual..the next morning I returned to let him out and he had died of colic during the night. To this day I suffer real panic attacks if I pull up at the yard and my horse isn't looking over the door at me and it took me a long time to get over the fear that any subsequent horse would die suddenly in the same way.
So I completely understand your fears and to be fair, with any veteran horse there is the potential for occasional lameness..it doesn't mean that the lameness is permanent, or serious.
However if these fears are impacting on your daily life to the extent that is affecting your health and daily enjoyment of your horse that is quite a different thing and you really need to be referred for counselling. Is anything else going on in your life that has been causing you to worry or stress (or was something happening when your horse briefly went lame?)..sometimes you need to speak to a professional to establish the real root of what is concerning you.

You give the impression that this is all wrapped up in some sort of guilt..relax, many of us would not call out a vet for some minor intermittent lameness, and it did clear up so you did nothing wrong. It may not have been as bad as you imagined at the time
 
Going to the doctors is one of the best things you could do (they won't immediately want to give you medication if you don't want it), though I understand you might not be ready for that at the moment.

A couple of self help things people can find helpful are http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/ and a book called Mind Over Mood, both concentrating on how your thoughts come about and how they affect how you act and feel.
 
Lisa its wonderful to see you here again (I have missed you!) but so sad that its under these circs.

Please please dont feel like you are going bonkers, you arent. Sometimes we do fixate on things and they just wont get out of our heads. I have been through similar with Tom. I would put off leaving the yard at night for longer and longer and would constantly go back and forth to the stable door convinced he was going to be colicky. I couldnt sleep for wondering about him and wouldnt go on days out in case I got a call and needed to go and get the vet.

This stuff passes once you take a step back and realise that the worst isnt happening but you get so caught up in the OCD that you cannot take that step.

Can I suggest that you see your gp and then speak to Jo Cooper about some Thought Field Therapy, Im sure this would help you, its done wonders for me (loads of anxieties, some horsey some not).

Me, Tom and Jack (did I tell you about him - thats for another day) are
sending you some enormous hugs and love, some for you and the rest to pass on to the gorgeous Rupes and Minnie.

Spans
xxxx
 
Hello Lisa,

I work for the local goverment specialising in mental health and I have also suffered from depression. There is a lot of help out there - MIND is a mental health charity we often work with that may be able to provide some support.

I want to reasure you that you are not alone in your worries. Maisey, my cob went lame last year and in 2 months I had 4 vet visits, 2 new saddles, 2 farriers, an osteo and various different regimes. Everyone on my yard thought I was nuts. In the end Maisey was diagnosed with arthritus and I was devastated at first and couldn't bring myself to ride her (she's only 11) but on advice from my vet I started to hack her out again and I can see a really positive future ahead. She's more sound and supple than ever.

Your fears aren't irrational - these things can happen but you need to focus on the positive things you have in your life - 2 beautiful horses that you love and care for very much.

How is your supportive network? What I found helpful was having a 'horsey' friend who I could confide in about Maisey's problems.

Holly x
 
Hello stranger! Sorry to hear about your problem - I think Spaniel is right that something like TFT could help, or you could try to find a NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) practititioner to help you overcome your anxieties. Alternatively you could try and find a NLP self help book.
 
Hello gorgeous!! I cannot add to the fantastic advice that has already been given but I wanted to say a huge hello and I hope you find some peace ASAP and please do not be a stranger - you are missed!

Lots of love to you honey

Weezy - AKA louiselamb xxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
Lisa hunny ((((HUGS)))))

Ive missed you, and so pleased youve come back
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even tho under difficult circumstances.

I really really cant recommend Jo Cooper enough! really do speak to her she was fantastic for me and loads of others on here.

Have you got email now? please keep in touch!

Love to you, minnie and Rupie!

Vix, Winnie, Bertie and Snoopy
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I am so sorry to hear of what an awful time you have been having.
Great advice from everyone here, i cannot really add on whats been said, but your not alone and definately not going mad. My new farrier only said to me earlier "Is 'worry' your last name?!" My girl had lammi whilst out on loan last year and i am so paranoid she will get it again or something worse like navicular etc so i always ask lots about how her feet are and just generally worry
Just take it one day at a time,never feel that your alone, you can never control all that happens in life so you must try to learn to let go of the worry ( wish i could take my own advice!)
All the best x
 
Hi there, I am a Social Worker in a Community Mental Health Team. please do go to the GP for a referral to either a CMHT or a Primary Care Mental Health Team, your weight loss is a worry, the other thing I would suggest is a book in a series, Overcoming OCD, available over the net or from good book shops, hope it all comes right for you.
 
Hi, firstly, as an ex-OCD sufferer (SEVERE OCD in my case...I was on TV about it), I want to tell you that I know it feels like you'll never erase this 'thing' from your mind, but trust me, you will. If I could do it, anyone can. It just takes time.
I can't offer any advice re psychologists etc, as I went through them all, including Dr King, one of the best in the country, and nothing helped. It was purely getting along with time and slowly realising my actions affected nothing, and that nothing bad was gona happen, and even if it did i couldnt waste away my life doing rituals etc to stop it.
Mainly, my thoughts are what are the chances of the thing you worry about happening? You can't really stop it happening, only via normal prevention.
I would recommend a group called No panic, as they helped me heaps.
Stay away from the medications that doctors seem to think help OCD, as they don't work.... well, only in the short term.
10 years on, I'm still 'funny' about certain things, but a mixture of relaxation and being honest with friends and family about things, I can laugh at my little rituals, and in being able to joke about it with people, they start to be able to help you. They need to understand that OCD is a very real illness, and that you need to be able to trust people.
TBH I would start to think about moving livery options, and with a very good YO perhaps allow her/him to care for your horse every other day to start with, and then aim for having him/ her on full livery for a week. The idea being that then you are sharing this worry out, that it takes the 'responsiblity' from you and eventually you'll learn that you cannot control or determine if anything bad happens.
 
Hi Lisa
My husband has OCD and living with him with it I can really understand where you are coming from. We have a laugh about it now and I know every thing is locked coz he has been checking for an hour !!!lol I hope you have a good network of friends you can lean on, you certainly have here!. I really feel you should see your GP so he can refer you and happy pills arent so bad you know. Its not like the old days and you can have a short course to clear your head whilst in therapy . It will shock you to find out how many people are on them !!! My OH is on a low dose of anti anxiety pills that keep the edge off. you sound like you are struggling and there is no need. there is help out there!!!
Good luck and SEE YOUR GP .
 
You have been given some fantastic advice.

I have nothing to add apart from wishing you all the best.

You are very brave putting this up here. It must have taken a lot of guts even though you probably knew you would have nothing but support.

I am sure you are well on the road to recovery even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

All the best hun
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Do go and see the doctor - as everyone has said the pills aren't the end of the world. They can help so much - just take the edge of things. Anxiety and worry are horrible to live with - they are crippling. You have my total sympathy. And it looks like you have a lot of friends on here who are willing to give you support - take advantage of that.
 
Hi
Just wanted to try to allay your fears a bit about Rupert reaching veteran status and being worried about his health - I think this is perfectly normal for most of us on here.

I think most horse owners worry about their horse getting old and that fear of lameness or a slippery slope to ill health. I suppose my lameness worries boil down to the fact that could I afford the expense if things really went wrong? But several of my friends have got really elderly ponies 30yrs +, and they haven't suffered ill health.

My girlie is 14yrs old this year, and I've owned her since she was 2, so her decline into her twilight years does worry and upset me because I want her to stay young forever! But then I think back to all the fantastic times we've had together and look back at all the photos, and know that if she went lame tomorrow, I still want her to live until she's 35 because I love her to death.

So what I'm saying is that you're not alone with your fears, 16 isn't all that old really, and horses don't get poorly just because they're old. Maybe they they feel their bones a bit more, but then so do we.


Best wishes
 
Hi Lisa, Can't give you any advie & it sounds like there are some people with relevant experience who can talk to you here. It's great to have you back though, stay around, you have always been so helpful, taks some help from other people on here now.
Best of luck.
 
Hi Lisa its great to hear from you, but sorry you seem to have been under the weather recently.
Please don't worry about Rupert just because he is 16 now. My welsh cob is 24 now, and as hale and hearty as ever. He twisted his knee really badly about three years ago and was lame for six months, and vet thought he would not get better. However he did and is now as good as new.

When I think back to that time (we had just moved house so could keep horses at home, but both were lame, one with knee the other with unbalanced feet), it seemed like everything was happening through a fog of depression. I can see that now but at the time I thought that things would never improve.

Rupert has been sound now for over a year, so please try to start and look forward again with him, and perhaps take up some of the good ideas suggested here about TFT etc.

Great to hear from you again.

Fiona
 
Lisa,

It's so lovely to hear from you again on here, I often wonder where you went!

I'm sorry to hear you've been having problems. I'm not really sure what to suggest, I can just offer support that's all. I know a lot of people swear by the TFT - I think that's what Jo Cooper does, the lady some people have suggested, so that may well be worth a go - you've got nothing to lose anyway.

I must admit though, since losing Kir and having him going sound with treatment then back lame again as soon as anything the vet did wore off, I too have become extremely paranoid about lameness and I swear I quite often imagine lameness in horses now just because after a year of Kir being lame on and off, I have come to expect it in a way.

I worry constantly about my new pony and like Spaniel said, I have to keep going back to check her in the field even once I have left her for the night, and often still go to the yard when I don't have to (ie. if someone else is doing her for me when I don't have time because of work)

I panic every time I get a call from anyone at the stables, even though it's always something 'normal' and nothing to do with her being lame or ill.

I'm normally always the last to leave the yard in the evenings and I even have to check over every horses door to see that everyone elses horses are ok too!

I think to an extent that it's only natural to worry about our horses, they're like our children in a way. And in the horsey world we always hear of injuries, illnesses and bad things happening which makes us afraid it's going to happen to our horses too, and most people have experienced something bad happening at some point during horse ownership.

I'm sorry I can't offer any constructive help but I'm sending big hugs to you sweetie and I hope things improve soon. Feel free to PM/e-mail if you want to chat, I don't get to come on here much any more but still browse occasionally and check my messages.

Love to Rupert and Minnie too.

Caz xxx
 
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