Help!! 23 year old rider totally lost confidence

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bushbaby28

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Hi,

Sorry will try not to go on too much; just at crisis point right now and don't know what to d

Ok so i've ridden since I was 13. Did a lot of jumping and mad pony stuff when I was younger, as you do, but have always been a slightly nervous rider.

I got Barney, my 1st horse, coming up to 3 years ago. 14.3 cob x. Amazing little horse and very very safe. Share him with my mum. We've gone to adult jumping camp, gone out everywhere and i've always trusted him more than anything.

2nd Horse Kali- ex racehorse, I got 2 years ago. Ok I admit I've always been a little bit more wary of him as he does have his occasional tb moments. Saying that, we've competed at Intro and Prelim dressage and got some really good scores and we do work really well together.

Anyway, I fell off Kali a couple of months ago and since then my confidence has been going down and down. He'd been out of work for a couple of months and my mum had been riding Barney so to be honest I hadn't really done much, my seat wasn't that secure and it was just one of those things. I've been slowly trying to build my confidence up out hacking (school couldn't be used during summer).

Then was hacking Barney out the other day after my mum had ridden him and he tanked off with me. He's built like a tank so he did take a while to stop. It was understandable (but very naughty) as he was just napping and ran straight for home.

Anyway, I'm not TERRIFIED to get on either of them. I feel stupid for being scared of Barney because i'm a fairly good rider and you couldn't ask for a more genuine horse. I'd put my granny on him!!!! But whenever I get on, i just shake like a leaf, feel very sick and just want to get off constantly, even if somebodys leading me.

What do i do???? I worship my horses, they're my life and I so want to get over this. We get the indoor school back in October and i'm pretty sure i'll be ok once I get back in there as there aren't any monsters to kill us but i'm worried if I wait until then i'll never get back on again :-( Has anybody else gone through this??? I just feel too young to loose my confidence this much- i should still be galloping round like a teenager jumping random logs and all that.

Thanks so much if you got this far!!!!!!!!!! Cookies and Ice cream for all
 
What I did was to go right back to basics. I got some lunge lessons and then slowly built myself up again until one day I realised I was making a load of fuss about nothing.

I still hate riding strange horses though. I will get on but I don't enjoy it as much as with my old boy.

Now I am suffering a confidence loss thats a bit weird. After A died I don't want to ride my old boy in case I "kill" him. Silly but A shouldn't have gone the way he did and I know that there is nothing I could of done about it but even still I blame myself.

What am I going to do about? Get some lunge lessons and go back to basics before I get another and keep getting on for teh odd hack with the old man.

Good Luck - hope you find your nerve again as its the weirdest and most horrible feeling.
 
Yes I understand 100%! In January I was riding youngsters and 2 falls later by March I wouldn't get on a safe cob! My instructor came for a lesson and I wouldn't get on the horse I was totally paralysed by it.
It takes a while which is very frustrating. I would stay off the tb altogether and only ride your cob. I have now got back to hacking out, jumping etc but at one stage really thought that I wouldn't do anything again.
I have built my confidence by riding regularly (everyday if you can) and starting really small. Im still not fully confident but by riding a horse I know isn't going to do anything I can force myself to get on on wobbly days and every ride improves things. I also find that if I have a break between rides the confidence fails so if you can get on everyday for a while even if its going up and down the road for a couple of minutes it will really help. Probably stating the obvious but when you are as nervous as I was and as you describe the horse will sense it and possibly act up so don't even try the tb until you are 100% happy with the cob as you don't want to do what I did and have another bad experience it all needs to be good to get your confidence going again!
Hope your feeling better soon I know how horrible it is xx
 
Just go completely back to basics as others have said, lunging, lessons (once you've got the school back), - I had a similar thing with jumping as the horse I share is pretty strong at showjumps, pulls alot/clocks a jump and charges at it/hard to stop afterwards etc and it got to the point where I was dreading it, and just went right back to one pole, two poles, raising it to a cross etc. And eventually once I realised that I was in control, and that gradually increasing it bit by bit wasn't really that scary, I felt much much better! Still not there entirely but ho hum.

And I sympathise completely about being tanked off with! Not enjoyable. Have you got anyone with a calm, steady horse you could hack out with? in order to try and keep the hack straightforward and simple - this might help you even more with hacking confidence and potentially stop Barney napping?

And agree with Bens_mum about trying, no matter how hard it is, to not let your nerves show - lots of deep breathing and self talk and you will get there! :) Good luck with it all and I hope you feel happier soon x
 
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I think that we all lose a bit of confidence now and again. I think that the idea of having some lessons will help. Give yourself time and don't rush and try not to worry about how long it takes to build your confidence back up.

All the best with it.
 
First of all try not to make a big deal over it, as in thinking that is confidence crisis is a big issue, because the more you mull over it in your head, the more your going to make into an issue.

Secondly, give yourself a break and don't be so harsh on yourself, think about all the years you have been riding, what you have acheived so far and all the good times you've had. You also have to rememeber that at some point through your life of horses and riding there will be times when our horses test us, accidents will happen and we all at some point have our fair share of falls and silly tumbles, sometimes you hurt yourself, other times you'll get up and dust yourself down, you get back on and laugh about it.

I do think as you get older it's more easier to loose your confidence if you have had a near miss, a fall or a horse has taken you out of your confort zone or done something dangerous, but it will come back it just takes time, suppose when you a kid or a teen you've always had someone there telling you you'll be alright, get back on and before you know it your cracking on again and cooking with gas, but when your older you have to tell yourself this and support and deal with it yourself in a way, you start to question your own abillity, your confidence and the trust/bond between you and your horse but you can build this back up again in other ways, it doesn't have to be all about getting back in the saddle.

It might sound daft but just spend a week doing some other thigns that perhaps usually take a back burner, for example ground work, lunging, grooming, taking your horse out for some walks in hand, enjoy doing something that is not putting any pressure on you so to speak. Then ride in your field or school with a friend, someone who will talk to you about other things, take you mind off things, take it turns to ride, even if it's just plodding about, eventually I promise you in a few weeks time you'll feel differently again, then have a lesson to give you that final boost.

But however you feel know, remember you won't feel like this forever, just give yourself time. :)
 
Get yourself some rescue remedy too, either the spray or the lozenges are really easy to use just before a ride if you are feeling wobbly.
 
I think as we become older the fear is more "how much worse it could have been" rather than what actually happened.

I know when I had my smash up (I threw myself of a bolting horse as I didn't fancy the idea of being on him as he attempted to jump a canal and the bugger was heading straight for it with no room to stop) that although I broke bits of myself and had a severe concussion that the biggie for me was it was the very first time ever in my riding career that i felt "Bugger I have absolutely no control here at all" the Imagination then kicked in with all the horrors that COULD have happened (he could have fallen on me in the water and crushed me, I could have been knocked unconscious into the canal, I could have broken my neck, been brain damaged, he could have cleared the canal and ended up bolting down the Motorway running alongside it etc etc etc etc)

You have had some great advice, go back to basics, do something that you know is easy for you, get some lessons, get the instructor to work on something new with you but within your safety zone. The most important thing is be totally honest with your instructor so they know....mine now knows when he can push and when he need to back right off and concentrate on something in my safety zone.

No shame in losing your confidence and I realized you can not rush it (i had a major break through nearly 2 years after my accident in that I actually got out my new horse, tacked it up and rode it all on my own)

The hardest thing about losing your confidence is how hard we are on ourselves you say in your post "you feel stupid for bring scared" now if someone in the same situation posted what you have would you reply to them that "they are stupid to be scared" nope so stop kicking yourself.

Kelly Marks Book perfect Confidence is a great read and some of the visualization exercises’ really helped me.

Good luck x
 
wow, i just want to say thanks to every single one of you for all your amazing responses. It really means a lot to me at a time when I was feeling really lost :)

And thanks for making me realise that its ok to be this worried, lots of people go through it and get it back. It just takes time and yes, its the what ifs (as Chavhorse said)- when Barney ran off with me, he didn't actually run that far, and I stopped him and even if I hadn't, he would of stopped eventually as he's too lazy to go that far :-) but in my head all I keep thinking is oh god what if i'd fallen off, what if he's tripped and fallen on me, what if nobody knew I was up there etc etc. And since then, whenever I get on, all I can think of is "he's GOING to run off with me, i just know it"...when he hasn't done it at any other point in our 3 years together and if i'm now more prepared for it, its less likely to happen anyway.

I've decided not to ride tonight. I've had a stressful day at work and thats not going to help and i'd prefer to simply spend time with both my boys and letting them know that i'm not that scary and sorry for telling them that there's a monster in every single bush....because there isn't hehe. (Thanks Kenzo)

I'm going to tell my instructor and go to the riding school where she works for a fun lesson, no pressure, just fun. I've been trying to hide my lack of confidence from her as I don't want her to make it a big deal (she thinks I shouldn't of brought the tb as she doesn't like their querks and I'm worried she'd blame him and say she told me not to blah blah).

Going to try to ride out with somebody else on the yard at the weekend and be honest that i'm scared, because recently i've been trying to cover it up out of embarrassment because I feel like its wrong to be scared of Barney. But you're totally right Kenzo- what would I say to somebody else who was scared? I wouldn't call them stupid or laugh. I think its just hard for people who are confident riders to understand.

Thanks again for all of your help. I'll keep you posted on how I get on. xxx
 
bushbaby28 said:
Going to try to ride out with somebody else on the yard at the weekend and be honest that i'm scared, because recently i've been trying to cover it up out of embarrassment because I feel like its wrong to be scared of Barney. But you're totally right Kenzo- what would I say to somebody else who was scared? I wouldn't call them stupid or laugh. I think its just hard for people who are confident riders to understand.

Thanks again for all of your help. I'll keep you posted on how I get on. xxx
Click to expand...

Great we have an action plan;-)

And remember any of these so called confident riders have probably at some point also had a loss of confidence or at the very least a confidence wobble...its a bit like being an alchoholic no one likes to admit it but when you do 20 other people will chip in with "ohhhh me too"
 
Thanks :) Feel much more positive with my action plan sorted.

And to prove how much you guys can help (you're going to laugh at this)...I rode my tb up to his field in just a headcollar last night!!! I knew that he's an absolute donkey walking up to the field in the evening as hes not that enthusiastic about going out bless him and my mum was leading Barney in front so i knew he'd just follow.

So why can't i just KNOW that Barney is the sappiest horse ever and I can deal with anything he's going to throw at me!! Grrr its frustrating but think i'm going to get there in time.

But feeling a hell of a lot more positive today and going to go book a few riding lessons to get my position back and me feeling more secure. yey!!! Actually looking forward to it all :D
 
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