Help - am I being unreasonable?

My mare is sort of on loan/share to someone and has been for nearly 4 years now. The deal is sharer pays two thirds of the livery and for the farrier - I pay the other third of livery, all vet bills, insurance, dentist bills, wormers. Sharer gets to ride as often as she wants.

Now the sharer wants to take my mare on a pleasure ride. The horse is quite feisty and if she goes off on one it's very hard to get through to her. I'm not sure the sharer could really cope if this happens. The mare has not done anything like this in a long, long time and she hasn't travelled in 4 years. She has never travelled in a trailer and I have a feeling that the sharer intends to try and get her in one to take her to the ride.

I don't want the horse to go - I am a bit of a worrier. However, I also feel it would be unfair of me to say no just because I'm a bit worried about it all. My sharer clearly feels she can handle it. I don't want to lose a good sharer either.

So, folks, what would you do in this situation?
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reddie

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Could you have a chat with your sharer and explain your concerns? Also what about taking the horse out in a trailer before the event and see how she travels?
 
She knows my concerns, we've had this sort of chat before! (a thousand times) Also, she doesn't actually have a trailer of her own, so must be getting a lift from someone and I don't have access to a trailer to practice loading/travelling.

The horse is insured, but I've had her a long time and I would be devastated if anything happened to her.
 
I think you're just worrying! I mean, after 4 years, it's likely the sharer knows your mare quite well. I understand your concerns (I'm a worrier too!) but I think you should let her go, or maybe if you really are that worried, think of an alternative.

I mean, is there any way you could borrow a horse and go with her? It would be ideal if you could practice loading/travelling beforehand. I see you don't have your own transport but some of the horse transport people are willing to let you practice loading etc if you ask them - a friend of mine at my yard has done this over the winter.

If it's not possible, perhaps you could suggest going for a ride in a different area (which involves traveling - if only 10 mins away) with you on foot. That way, you're there and can see what is going on, your mare will be reassured that you're there and the sharer will have a nice ride too. Good luck
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I know I wouldnt want anyone to take my horse out on a ride, but then I would never share/loan Ellie out, so that isnt really the point....I'm far too selfish and precious for my own good (wont even let Mum ride her
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In your situation, you obviously have enough trust in your sharer to have agreed to share your horse in the first place - was anything ever mentioned at the start about competition/taking the mare out? Or is there some reason she has not competed/been out and about for four years? If you seriously doubt the ability of the sharer to control the horse, then I would say stick to your guns and refuse to let her go - although there may be consequences for you. If your sharer is capable (which she must surely be, if you allowed her to share in the first place
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) then I would think that, as she is paying a fair share and you are not using the horse that day, then a pleasure ride can surely do no harm....

RE: the trailer issue, Ellie had never travelled in a trailer before last year (due to precious owner being paranoid that a trailer 'wouldnt be good enough'
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- circumstances changed, we needed transport other than a lorry, and she travels perfectly fine in the trailer!
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I would assume after 4 years the sharer would be fairly competent with your mare and know all of her various quirks, so unless she has done something to make you doubt her capabilities as a rider I would say let her go. I can't imagine as a sharer she would do anything to deliberately put your mare in danger. Talk to her about it, perhaps she will put your mind at rest.
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Thanks guys! I know that it's just me being a worrier, as usual! It's nice to get impartial advice.

I have another horse and would go with her, but we're on holiday when it's on. And to be honest, my other horse would probably think he was hunting again and be totally out of control! She will be going with someone else, so I guess that's a good thing. And the mare has done it all before, just not for a while.

Will have to bite my lip and let them go.
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at the end of the day if its your horse you have the final say, if your sure the rider can handle her if she goes off on 1, then let them, if not its an expensive animal that is put at risk not to mention the riders safety, you know the horse and rider.
 
TBH, if you don't think she would be able to handle the horse then cancel the share, she is paying her way and exercising the horse obviously to a standard you are happy with so why not let her have some fun. I think you are being mean if you don't want her to go but are still happy for her to fund your horse for you.
 
I think it woudl be very unfair of you to say she can't take the mare on a pleasure ride unless you have reason to think she won't be able to handle her? In which case I would be terminating the share as I certainly whilst I enjoy riding my horse a pleasure ride/competition is a great thing to do and to work towards, and being unable to do this seems unfair whilst paying and riding.
 
She knows your concerns - and is happy that they are not an issue.

After four years riding the horse, I expect she knows it pretty well.

Don't be an old sour puss. They'll have a blast!
 
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I think you are being mean if you don't want her to go but are still happy for her to fund your horse for you.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ooh, Cazza, I think that's a bit harsh!!! She doesn't fund my horse for me, she shares her and pays a contribution towards her keep - and she approached me and asked to do it. For her contribution, she effectively has sole use of the horse, as I have another one. If she gave her up I wouldn't be looking for another sharer.

My sharer is a perfectly capable rider, but lacks confidence on the ground, hence my concerns. I've already decided it would be unfair of me not to let her go and she is making arrangements to practice loading. She is also going with several others from the yard, so I feel a lot happier about it now.
 
Well good on you. I have a lady who shares one of my horses, I don't have the time or inclination to ride it and otherwise it would be sold. I am more than happy for her to take her to parties and I know she can be a handful, but I make sure my sharer is happy as I see that she is doing me a favour by riding the horse as I can't be bothered and have too many others that need my full attention.

I am sorry if I have come across as harsh I don't mean to but I get fed up of reading posts about people who have a sharer just to help fund their own horse and then get arsey when the sharer actually asks to go to an external event. Obviously this is not the case with you and I am sorry if I have offended you. I just feel that if someone needs to get in a sharer as a way of helping with costs of a horse then the sharer should get equal enjoyment out of the horse as the owner.

I hope it all goes well for you and your sharer, and by addressing your concerns with your sharer you are both going to overcome any hesitations or concerns and hopefully she should have a lovely day out.
 
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I have a lady who shares one of my horses

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*Little Britain type voice*

A lay-deee???!!

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I am more than happy for her to take her to parties and I know she can be a handful

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Would that be your sharer or the horse???

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*is not in the mood to post sensible reponses today*
 
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