Help and advice with wording about my Horse

[burtie]

This really is not an ad!! For starters it is for a loan horse, secondly I will only loan her local to me, so this is not relevant for most people!

I have advertised her locally for loan but am getting loads of calls (she is a nice mare!). I spend about 10-15mins going through the same things and this makes most of them realise she is not for her. She is a serious horse for a serious rider so I have decided to set up a whole web page for her, that I have linked from her advert. My aim is to get across clearly what she is and has done, what I expect of a suitabel home, but not completely put everyone off . So if you can read this and see what you think. Am I completely pie in the sky with my wants or is it not clear what she can/can't do or could I word things better?!?


Thankies vey much for any contructive critisism!!

Hannahs Web Page

 

[S_N]

Sounds good to me!

I could just see two spelling errors

Opening sentance Hannah is a very experienced showjumper, who <span style="color:blue">jumper</span> affiliated

Penultimate sentance Access to good <span style="color:blue">of</span> road riding

 

[Bess]

It does explain things clearly, I presume you've put her size eg 15 hands in your ad, maybe you could repeat it in the bit about her being only suitable for a rider under 12 stones?

A couple more spelling mistakes; Line 3 She if.. should be She is, and near the bottom of the page the line that starts References form a suitably qualified intructor should be References from a suitably qualified instructor.

 

[tashyisaudrey]

seems like a good website - spelling mentioned already. Perhaps you could highlight the age, height, breeding etc again, just to head it and clarify it a bit more. Otherwise, fab

Hope you find the right person

 

[burtie]

Thankies, hopefully spelling now fixed!

 

[burtie]

Ta, those spellies now fixed as well I hope

 

[burtie]

Hi Audrey, those details were mentioned in the add, but won't hurt to add them here for good measure too, so now done

 

[Blackhawk]

Good luck!!

 

[Moggy in Manolos]

sounds good to me

good luck

 

[Lynz25]

She sounds just like my horse. How much has she won BSJA? <span style="color:black"> </span>

 

[burtie]

[ QUOTE ]
She sounds just like my horse. How much has she won BSJA?

[/ QUOTE ]

Well according to the BJSA website £206 notional, but there is loads of stuff missing from 2001, according to my records she has won £313 notional and over £450 actual, but I have no way of proving that now other than my spreadsheet!

 

[Lynz25]

Would you want her to be kept locally when she went out on loan?

 

[burtie]

Yes, ideally.

If I don't find anyone near me, I may consider further a field, but they would have to persuade(sp) me that it was the most perfect home, but the bottom line is I don't need to loan her, she can stay in my field, just seems a waste!

 

[cariadssogreat]

Sounds fine to me - at least you are being straight with people. For a serious horse like that would it not be worth putting an ad in H&amp;H - probably well worth the £140 expense!
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13hh 6 yo allrounder childs 2 nd pony for sale - PM for more details

 

[burtie]

[ QUOTE ]
For a serious horse like that would it not be worth putting an ad in H&amp;H - probably well worth the £140 expense!

[/ QUOTE ]

At the moment I am only considering people local to me, so it would be a waste. I've advertised on a local website, and she will be going in the RC newsletter and local tack shops shortly. If I don't find anyone I may consider looking further a field, but given all the horry stories I am very wary of that route!

 

[FadedFantasy]

Grdd Luckk!

 

[Happy Horse]

Sounds great. If only I lived near you I would jump at the chance - she is fantastic! I just spotted one spelling you have Lamgford, which I assume is supposed to be Langford?

Good luck!