Help, confidence crisis/sharing dilemma - advice please

Rana

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Sorry, this could get long!

I currently share a friends horse, 1 day a week. I've been riding her for the past few months, and was getting on brilliantly with her - she was safe, ploddy, exactly what I needed, and my confidence grew. She was always quite nappy, especially in the school, but gave me a lovely safe feeling.

She has now moved to a new yard, and is a lot more forward going than she was. She's also even more nappy. She constantly feels like she's going to tank off with me, has p'd off a few times, and bucked several times. Not quite the horse I got to know! I also don't particularly like the new yard - it's very busy and competitive.

I'm quickly losing my confidence with her. To the point, where I rode her on Saturday, got on, walked her up to the arena, walked a circle, got off and burst into tears
Fortunately my OH was there, so he hopped on her and rode her instead. She bucked with him, tanked off, and napped. He didn't enjoy it, but did stay on and wasn't overly bothered.

So, ultimately, I want to give up sharing her - she's too much for me now she's moved, and I don't like the yard. I'm also short of money and time, but I could find both if I was enjoying her. I don't want to let my friend down, especially at this time of year, but I am shaking and feeling sick at the thought of hacking this horse on Saturday.

What do I do? How do I tell her? I know she won't understand the problem - we had a brief conversation about it a few weeks ago - she said "What's the problem? You can canter, can't you? She'll only take you back to her stable".

I have mentioned that I don't like the new yard, and why, so should I use that as my reason? Would it be more diplomatic than just "I don't enjoy riding your horse"? Or should I just be honest and say that I've totally lost my confidence (she is likely to try to reason with me that the horse won't do anything etc etc, and talk me out of it)?

I have other horses I can ride - surprisingly, both are more forward going and sharp than this mare. I can cope with bucking, going sideways, jogging, rearing, forward, active horses. I can't cope with being tanked off with, which is what this horse does. So I haven't lost my confidence completely, it's just with this one horse.

Advice please - I don't want to fall out with a friend, there's no share agreement in place, but I really don't want to ride this horse again. OH might ride her instead if owner wants a months notice.
 

Baileyhoss

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I know you don't want to fall out with friend, but in all honesty how much of a friend is she being to you if that's her attitude.

Tell her that you don't feel safe riding the horse. You're losing confidence & the more you tense up, the more the horse will take the p, you'll be doing neither of you any favours by continuing to ride it.

If she argues, just say you have thought long and hard about it and made your decision end of discussion.


There's no share agreement, so no need to give a month notice. If you want to be reasonable then by all means, look after it and continue your financial contribution for an agreed notice period, but don't get on it if you don't feel safe.

Stick to your guns girl
 

Kenzo

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Just be honest, its the only way.

Don't be pushed/talked into sharing something that you clearly are no longer enjoying just because they are a friend.

If they are a true friend they will listen to your concerns and try to work through the problems, or just simply agree and understand where you coming from and in the best interests of her horse and your safety agree that its the best thing to do, besides why should any horse owner want someone riding their horse if they are clearly having problems to the point where they are getting nervous, what's more important to her, your money or yours and her horses well safety etc?

Riding and going to the yard is supposed to be pleasant experience, something to look forward to, if you don't like the yard and no longer look forward to riding the horse then you really need to bit the bullet and tell her, in a nice way, your not doing anything wrong, give her a months notice etc so your not dropping her in muck heap so she has time to find someone else, and go pay towards a horse you do enjoy riding and with someone who is willing to listen to you if you ever have any concerns before your confidence is totally knocked.
 
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I completely agree with Baileyhoss, I have been in a similiar situation, riding a horse I knew was ruining my confidence and it is just not worth it. It makes it much much harder to find another horse later on as I am finding now. I too was riding a horse that would just tank off, I carried on to the point where I was scared to put any horse into canter, and would just freeze as soon as it was cantering. I built up confidence loads until a horse bolted, and I came off and broke my leg :-(
 

Spudlet

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[ QUOTE ]
I know she won't understand the problem - we had a brief conversation about it a few weeks ago - she said "What's the problem? You can canter, can't you? She'll only take you back to her stable".

[/ QUOTE ]

What a stupid thing for your friend to say! I hope she was joking!

Confidence is such an easy thing to lose and so hard to get back - if I were you I'd probably call it quits with this one or you could end up taking ages to enjoy riding again, as I did.

It's supposed to be fun
 

Dubsie

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I agree with BH, but maybe add in you really want to stop now as wouldn't want to spoil her horse by allowing it to pick up on your being nervous, and it tanking off even more as it could really get into bad habits with everyone else because of your nervousness - so making out the problem to be more 'you' not her horse - which she would see as a criticism of her horse, which I think is her objection (above)

PS when eventually I get my plod you'd be very welcome to ride mine, as it'd have to be totally suitable for a complete (and nervous) beginner (me).
 

Natch

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I would just be honest with her and tell her you have lost your confidence, are scared to get on her, and are worried that the only way forward you can see is to give up the share. If the owner realises you are serious she might just take you seriously and offer to help - IF you want to try to work through things with this mare.

If she doesn't and flips her lid, you don't really want to be stuck in a share with her anyway
 

Rana

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Thanks all, really appreciate the support
Looks like a difficult phone call coming up tonight! At least she knows my OH rode on saturday rather than me, so she may suspect something's up anyway...

Hanaandhen - yep, she really did say that and meant it


Dubsie - I may well take you up on that
Are you going to Countrywide on Thurs??
 

Dubsie

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I was convinced 15th was a Wednesday till this week! Daughter rides at Welly on Thursdays so I either go at the dot of 3pm and leave to get her from school 10 minutes later (can't see me doing that!), or we go late after 6. Perhaps we should have a HHO meet up - I will be with the lanky lass in purple jodhs trying to buy her some size 6 1/2 boots
 

Rana

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lol I only know cos I've got the farrier so I've got a day off


Drop me an email to let me know if you're going in the evening - I'll try to pop along. I'll be complete with OH who will be whinging "Don't spend too much"!
 
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