HELP!! Feeling Deflated

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YoungNag22

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Hi H&H's,

Need some inspiration as seem to be on a massive downer at the moment.

I own 2 horses, 1 is 23yrs TB x Morgan who I have owned for 8 years and was a rescue case so has his 'issues'. The other a 6 year old ex racer who didn't make the grade who I have owned for 2 years.

I moved both the boys to a new yard 6 months ago which has everything I and my horses could ever want. My 23 year old has not taken the move very well at all and is constantly on edge, stressing & worrying despite the new yard being very quiet and serene. He is clear of ulcer's and pain, is out 12 hours a day and is in no work as he just doesn't seem to be able to cope with it. He doesn't cope with change very well at all in general and just doesn't seem 'happy' in himself.

My ex racer has coped with the change well, but with our work together we just don't seem to be progressing as much as I would have hoped after 2 years. Year 1 was pretty much a write off due to him getting beaten up on a weekly basis at old yard, plus recently I have been pretty ill which has meant he has had to have some time off again but I have got back on this week just to try and do 15 minutes nice work, but it was just awful - he was rude, niggly, attitudey and felt WORSE than when I first got him! I know its just because his age + lack of work for a while but I was just hoping for a bit more.

Both issue's together is driving me mad! I have the option to put my 23 year old on retirement livery at current yard which would mean he would live out 24/7 with constant access to a great big indoor barn and no more changes such as field changes etc - I feel this would be better for him? Then I would be able to concentrate on my ex racer but still enjoy the 'nice' bits of my old boy like grooming, bathing and spending time together.

Also am I expecting too much from my ex racer? 2 years together I would have hoped by now we would be in a better place with his work but massively feel its been constant backwards steps. I shell out for weekly lessons, also work on 'homework' from my instructor and know I CAN ride despite getting off him and feeling like I cant. I work full time during the week & weekends and am finding having 2 hot heads really hard work so am going to stop weekend work to try and have some horsey fun! Need some inspiration guys, sorry for the essay!
 
Yes, you are asking too much of your youngster to expect him to work immediately after a lay off. Let him into it gently, get him fit again by hacking not schooling as you're risking a strain if you do too much too soon even on a horse as old as that and he needs to get his brain in working mode again, like us coming back from holidays! Perhaps being the single focus for you might help him a lot too. Also think about the work you want him to do and whether he has the aptitude for it; nothing worse than trying to fit a round peg in a square hole; it will make you both unhappy. I'm a firm believer that horses have to enjoy what they do to give of their best.

Also, yes, I'd try the retirement option for the oldie, it might help him a lot but if he is still unhappy in the retirement option and if you can't remove that stress for him, I would seriously think about calling it a day; it's not good for old horses to be so stressed in their normal lives and if you can't do anything to alter that, there doesn't seem to be any other option but I am on the outside looking in; it's far easier for me to be dispassionate about them, not because I don't care what happens but I'm (and others on the forum) are not actively involved; we might have different answers if we were.
 
Hi Maesfen,

Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment - I really appreciate some advice.

I will make the most of hacking as I feel pretty weak as a rider at the moment so that is an easy way for us both to start out slow so your definitely right with that - thank you. Im just so desperate to get out and try and do well, ive always been the one with the rescue ponies as I absolutely love the rewards from them but sometimes it is gruelling. Even after this long we are still trying to develop a good bond with each other.

With my old boy - it is nice to hear that I am hoping giving him the right options. He is my complete priority at the moment to make sure he is happy in himself. I do believe he will settle into the retirement livery - I have lot of opinionated people telling me he needs a job to do bring him back into work, but he isn't that kind of horse. If he is stressed in general he gets more stressed when worked as he is a hot head - he is one of those horses that will just keep going tired or not so the last thing I want is for him to get over excited just for him to go hacking 3 or 4 times a week. Retirement livery is the best option I have for him at the moment as I think 6 months is a long enough time to give him to try and settle into our current routine which is taking its toll on both of us. Absolutely if he cant cope with life in general anymore I absolutely have his quality of life in my best interests, I don't think there is much worse than seeing your pride, joy and love unhappy and its getting me very down too.

Thanks again for your advice - means a lot.
 
Go for the retirement option for your old horse, see if he settles in that environment.

If you're working full time as well, it does get difficult with multiple horses - and I for one felt all the better for taking the pressure off. I told myself I would only ride through the winter if I wanted to, and not feel guilty if I just did the jobs. I ended up riding fewer times, but getting better quality work.

Your ex-racer is young and has just had time off. Horses don't work on a standard time:improvement ratio, they take as long as they need to and that includes steps back. Sometimes weekly lessons aren't the answer - getting in enough practice in between without the pressure of 'this MUST be a good schooling session, I have a lesson coming up' can be difficult.

What does he enjoy doing? What is he good at? Look at those things first then add in things he finds difficult or less enjoyable. For example, mine loves hacking and jumping, and not dressage in any form. So, I might go for a hack then go into the school for a couple of laps of trot/canter, or pop over a jump in the middle of my flat schooling session. I also don't school every day, because he hates it and gets progressively worse. 2 or 3 times a week is enough for him.
 
Thanks SMJA,

If I had the money I would have them on part livery to take the pressure off. As my ex racer is young I get so hung up they he needs to be doing this or doing that he needs working etc. He has potential to be a lovely all rounder and he will be with me for life so I need to get in my head there isn't any rush for things to happen.

He doesn't really enjoy flat schooling, he is niggly with his head and rushes a lot so that isn't that enjoyable but we do sometimes have an awesome session! He enjoys hacking out but at racehorse pace but I don't really mind marching everywhere etc. He is good with polework but is nervy of jumping, that's just a confidence thing as he only ever flat raced. I don't know if I could actually tell you something he really enjoys riding wise. We hack, we school, we jump, we lunge, we long rein - we do a real variety of work but not sure he really enjoys something. What he loves is being in the field. I do think with him its just age and when he matures he will calm down and have a different outlook on life and work as I see snippets of it with him now, but tiny snippets.

I think putting my old boy on retirement will take a lot of pressure of. I think he will settle and I wont have all the day to day bits with caring for a horse like turning out, mucking out etc - il get to do the enjoyable bonding bits with him. I wouldn't have 2 horses again unless they were both saints on the ground and to ride!

Thanks for the advice, it makes a massive difference being able to talk about it with like minded people who know what you mean.
 
I feel your pain. I have too many horses, not enough time and the world and his wife telling me what/where/when I should be doing with my 6 year old ex racer, Brian.

He's not easy, he was a problem in racing and when he strops he does it in style. He's a big, beautiful horse that everyone says should be out eventing by now but they don't see the moments where he stands vertical because he decides that he doesn't like that chair at the side of the school or in your cross country round where he jumps the first four fences, stands and rears, jumps the next five, stands and rears and so on.

For the past 18 months I have been very poorly and with 6 horses on DIY it's been the toughest of tough times but it's made me realise that we just need to go at our own pace, do things he enjoys (which is hacking, hunting, jumping little easy things). This has increased his confidence (and mine) so much and it also means that when I find things a bit tough and he has some time off that we're not having to get back into anything too challenging.

I agree that putting your oldie onto retirement livery sounds like a great idea for both of you and with your 6 year old maybe try some lessons with other people? I go to lots of clinics and find it very interesting how some instructors just seem to be able to make massive changes whilst with others we just struggle.

Take time to try and remember how to enjoy your riding, maybe have a go at something different?

Wishing you all the luck in the world. We'll get there........eventually!
 
Hi Wimbles,

Thanks so much for your kind reply.

6 horses on DIY I cannot even begin to imagine how hard that was, I seriously struggle just having 2 (and only 1 of them is in work!).

It sounds like I need to take a leaf out of your book and do the fun stuff, this week is a write off for me as im just not strong enough to get back on and do anything productive so im just going to start hacking him next week. I have to rely on mother to drive us anywhere as I haven't got my lorry licence but have been looking at going out and about a bit next month. Clinics is something I really enjoy because the instructor will go with setting a goal on how the horse is going on the day so I always feel I have achieved something at a clinic.

Ive definitely decided retirement livery for my old boy, im really positive he will just settle into it as there wont be any changes for him at all which is great as he doesn't cope well. Also means il only have the 1 to muck out too!

Thanks for your kind words :).
 
Sometimes I find I don't progress with weekly lessons, They Can Make Me Feel Like I am going round in circles. It sounds like you are putting too much pressure in yourself and the 6yr old and you are expecting too much from him too soon. He's still young and he's had a break. My 11yr old experienced competition horse TB was horrid when I bought him back into work after I had my baby and we have been together 7 years! It took him a while to get fit again and we both felt all over the place! Plus he was excited and a bit spooky! It took about 6 months to feel back in the groove.
Personally if I was you I would put the oldie on retirement and just enjoy your 6yr old. Take the pressure off, go hacking, ride with friends, spend time with him. I would leave the lessons until 2-3 months when you are both fitter. You can't get the good stuff out of lessons when you are both unfit and muscle sore from being unfit.
It is meant to be fun you know :).
 
I think the retirement option sounds great.

As for the TB I would be doing 15-20 mins of light/easy schooling with him every day and lots of hacking. Are there any hills near you? Building up muscle will help him in the arena. He is potentially rushy etc. as he feels unbalanced and not at ease with what you're asking him to do.

Try really really simple stuff like walking over poles and having him stop halfway over, or trotting and halting at each marker. It's great for their ridden manners and will give him something to think about.
 
Thanks Firewell & SpringArising,

This is exactly the feedback im hoping for. I need the fun bit back, because the fun bit makes the rest not a big deal if it goes wrong! Lessons I do find gruelling sometimes as most of the mentality is to keep going until you get what you want on my hard which I hate. If its not happening to a certain extent (no bad behaviour, just not happening) I would rather go for a walk and try again the next day.

We do have really good hacking over summer with lots of hills, open fields etc so I will get out hacking and work on some hill work to try and get him more balanced - hopefully he will find it a bit easier to carry himself more rather than rush.

Going back to basics is exactly what I need, he is just full of himself at the moment with time off + lush grass! Thanks guys!
 
I think many of us recognise the feelings you're talking about - I've def been there but somehow we keep going with stubborn determination which can occasionally blinker us to the alternatives.. for most of us our horses are our luxury, our hobby, our downtime (and possibly biggest expense!) so it has to be worthwhile or it can be depressing and demotivating - especially when other areas of life are throwing up their own challenges too. I think it's incredibly fortunate that you have the retirement option at your current yard and seems the obvious solution so you've already decided on the answer for one part of your dilemma. As for the ex racer - I feel your pain - I have one too and it's not always an easy journey! However, once you've done a few weeks of hacking and both regained some fitness can I suggest that you try a different instructor? It's no reflection on the competence of your current one but ex racers take a particular kind of approach and they do not always react or respond to things in the way you would expect - a sympathetic 'ex racer friendly' instructor could make the world of difference to your progress and a different pair of eyes can be invaluable when you have fallen into a few 'ruts' with schooling. After doing all of the above, if things haven't improved much then it wouldn't be any kind of failure to find a suitable home for the TB and find something for yourself that you can really enjoy - we always tend to hang on to these horses beating ourselves up about it and getting further into our muddles with them but there are occasions where both horse and rider would be better off with different partners and as long as you take responsibility for finding the right home there is no shame in admitting you'd like to move on xx
 
Really appreciate your advice Lulup. It's comforting to know that other horsey people feel like this sometimes, especially with the ex racer side of things.

I am intrigued to look into having some lessons or clinics with another instructor. The guy I currently have lessons with is great, and is a very well established dressage trainer - but don't think necessarily the best thing for my ex racer (also paying £45 for 45mins!). I loved the lady I used to have but she wont travel to my new yard as it is too far for her.

I am in Bedfordshire so if anyone can recommend someone who as you said is ex-racer friendly that would help!

Thanks for the encouraging words :) xx
 
Lulup said:
However, once you've done a few weeks of hacking and both regained some fitness can I suggest that you try a different instructor? It's no reflection on the competence of your current one but ex racers take a particular kind of approach and they do not always react or respond to things in the way you would expect - a sympathetic 'ex racer friendly' instructor could make the world of difference to your progress and a different pair of eyes can be invaluable when you have fallen into a few 'ruts' with schooling. xx
Click to expand...

I second this advice. I have had my ex racer for 5 years with lots of ups and downs. I recently started lessons with ' an ex racer friendly instructor' and the difference is incredible. He's going much better than he's ever gone before. he's 10 and just back after a tendon injury. The time off really seemed to mess with his head and it has taken about 6 months for him to settle back down into being the horse he used to be. I expect your 6 year old will be the same, you just have to be patient and keep going.
It is hard having two horses. When my ex racer was injured last year, my husband persuaded me to get another one which was fantastic but then the TB came back a lot quicker than I expected. It can get stressful if you don't feel like riding or can't fit it in and yet you have two to ride and it becomes a bit of a vicious circle, as you give the youngster time off and he becomes fresher, so you feel you have to ride him. The retirement livery will give you more time and could work out perfectly for both horses, given you more time for one and a fixed routine for the other. It is hard having two horses.
 
lots of great advice and it seems like you have a great option for your old boy. I have had very similar feelings about progress, completely different type of horses but I have found that when tired, low and physically/mentally tense that I go backwards. Sometimes a breather and a bit of slack will give a more positive outlook and things naturally spiral upwards. I also try too hard which can be couter producti e!
Good luck, I am sure you will be able to turn things around
 
Hi Everyone,

Just wanted to thank you all for your kind advice.

I've had the conversation with my YO's who have been extremely supportive and talked through the options with me. It's been decided that as soon as the ton and a half horse currently on the yard leaves in July we will make the change for my boys - Old lad with go into retirement and young lad will move stables and out into a little herd.

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders just having the plans in place. Since the conversation I haven't pushed myself to ride, I must be different to be around as my young lad is super chilled at the moment which is really nice.

Just I hope the change goes as smoothly and as stress free as possible. It will done in 1 day with a clean cut for them both and I was going to get each of them some protexin quick fix for when it happens as I know they will both be stressed to some degree.

Thanks for the push from you all and im looking forward to taking the plunge now!
 
Definitely agree with those that suggest a different instructor. I have retrained numerous racehorses over the years (mainly for eventing) and sorted out 'problem' TB's for other people. On the whole I find them fairly straightforward, but completely different from warmbloods (which is what most dressage instructors are used to), so you might find that a different approach works wonders.

Many horses get a bit more full of themselves in the spring of their 5th or 6th year, so as the others say take the pressure off yourself a bit. I wouldn't give up the schooling completely though at this stage, as otherwise you are reinforcing the fact that he doesn't have to behave with manners. But there is no reason (and it is often much better to) that you can't school out on hacks which is what i always did. Horse jogs or gets upset? walk some circles until he is listening. Horse wants to shy and take the p***? Start teaching him shoulder-in (as he's already bent one way anyway), etc. REmember to instantly praise anything that is good - people often forget and just correct the bad stuff (and assume the horse somehow knows he is good because he isn't being told off or having to repeat stuff).

But also as others say, have fun. There is nothing wrong with chucking both horses out for a bit and coming back to them when you have more time --you could use the saved money to save up and get someone else to 'start' the TB again for you in 6 months or so
as the TB is going to be with you for life, don't put pressure on yourself to get him ready asap; this is only important if you need to sell in a hurry (better to make baby-steps progress than have a 're-school' on your hands).
:) :) :)
 
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