Help, Major loss of confidence, after a fall

Fii

Fii

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I had a nasty fall (bucked off) in the summer and now have lost my confidence to the point of not even wanting to ride :(
I have ridden all my life, and never balked at riding the most difficult, or hot horses. I have broken in quite a few, and quite a few of those have been untouched to start with.
I think this started a few years back, i was becoming more and more careful about what i rode and where. For example i would go through a ride in my head before i left, thinking about the pitfalls, what would happen IF this happened or that, and sometimes talk myself right out of it :(.
It has got so bad now, that when i tried a new saddle on my old pony, i felt quite shaky, and sick before i got on her.

Has anybody else been through this? And what did you do to overcome it?
I really need help, i am desperate to be able to ride again without this fear taking over me!!!
 
The best advise I have found is in a book forwarded by Kelly Marks called Riding with confidence, you can probably get it cheaply on Amazon also the book by Dr Stephanie Burns called Move closer stay longer. Please think carefully if you are tempted to pay lots of money to people offering help with riding nerves like nlp practitioners etc I enede up feeling very exploited.
 
Been there done that know exactly how you feel. The best way I found was get a good instructor and have lots of lessons. Ride 6 days a week, force yourself to even if you only sit on board for 10 minutes. The more I kept thinking 'what if' the more nervous I became. Sometimes you just have to try and block out these feelings and just get on with it. Also found having somebody there on the ground just to talk to (keeps you breathing and less tense).

Good luck, you will come out the other end :)
 
Thanks Teasle.
No i won't be spending a lot of money, can't afford to :)
I really do need to resolve this though, i can't beleive this has happened to me, as i am quite confident in evrey other part of my life.
 
http://www.theconsultingrooms.co.uk/articles.html#matter

Some of this may be helpful. I can thoroughly recomend hypnotherapy!

You do have to push yourself but not too much- theres a fine line. Positivity breeds positivity, so avoid negative events as much as possible and gradually you will improve. To do that you must take one step at a time and if that means you stick to walk and only ride for ten minutes at first then thats fine. Dont try and be how you were.
 
gingerthing said:
Been there done that know exactly how you feel. The best way I found was get a good instructor and have lots of lessons. Ride 6 days a week, force yourself to even if you only sit on board for 10 minutes. The more I kept thinking 'what if' the more nervous I became. Sometimes you just have to try and block out these feelings and just get on with it. Also found having somebody there on the ground just to talk to (keeps you breathing and less tense).

Good luck, you will come out the other end :)
Click to expand...

Thankyou, that sounds like a really good idea.
I usually have my OH with me, but for whatever reason, he seems to make me worse.
 
You have my sympathy here. I'm considerably less brave than when I was younger.

I think that time in the saddle on a confidence giving horse is the only real solution. For me walking around the block allows too much time to think about the what ifs. Lessons helped me as you concentrste on the riding not the eventualities. Some time with an instructor, but also (and cheaper) time with a friend on the ground, or even in the school on their horse, just to keep talking to me and thinking of things to do/try.

I know it sounds mad, but Autumn hunting helped me, as not too fast and furious but didn't allow me to think things through too much.

I've had a couple of weeks off through bad weather now, and will have to get myself in the frame of mind tomorrow.

Good luck
 
I think as younget older it is quite common to struggle with confidence - I notice most people change how they ride/what they do as they get older. So the first thing is to maybe change your expectations of yourself and learn to enjoy what you do achieve rather than beat yourself up for what you don't achieve.

One of the things I found really helped me was having some lessons on a mechanical horse! Because I was pretending I wasn't scared when i was i started riding defensively which paradoxically made me more vulnerable. By having some lessons with a biomechanics coach on a mechanical horse I now feel I have a stronger safer seat which gives me the confidence of feeling safer.
 
It must be an OH thing, as mine was the same! I was left terrified of mounting following an accident with my previous horse. he had a really dirty buck on him. Also an idea, have you got somebody who can come and ride the pony with you before you hop on? Just so you can see it being ridden and reassurance that it will not misbehave.

Its a long road, but its a case of perserverance :)
 
I totally hear you and will be following your post with interest! I am in a similar position had a really nasty fall that had me airlifted to hospital after my horse followed a bolting horse and bucked me off.

I have actually been back on board in the school and it wasn't too bad I didn't feel particularly nervous as can't remember the accident. However my horse went mysteriously lame so had a few weeks off, then the snow came and our school froze and now the fields are too wet so my mare is having no turnout and if she'd already been in work I would have carried on riding but just don't feel brave enough to get her back into work when she is cooped up most of the day. I have been working with her in hand but the last couple of days due to no turnout she is misbehaving so my confidence is at an all time low.

I am thinking I will just persevere with the groundwork and worry about riding when the weather gets better. It is frustrating as some days I really want to ride and others I am just scared.

Sorry not advice but just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Hopefully the new year will bring a turning point for us both x
 
teddyt said:
http://www.theconsultingrooms.co.uk/articles.html#matter

Some of this may be helpful. I can thoroughly recomend hypnotherapy!

You do have to push yourself but not too much- theres a fine line. Positivity breeds positivity, so avoid negative events as much as possible and gradually you will improve. To do that you must take one step at a time and if that means you stick to walk and only ride for ten minutes at first then thats fine. Dont try and be how you were.
Click to expand...

I read this , thankyou, and thought wow thats me. I will try and save this, and re-read it again.
 
Oh, I do feel for you, but honestly all is not lost.

I had a fall (totally my fault) and broke my collar bone and due to complications, operation, etc, was out of action from February until October 2009.

I was a wreck, thinking about riding, even though Archie is a fabulous, honest boy, all my reasoning went out of the window and all I saw in my minds eye was me falling or him turning into a bucking bronco and also imagining the pain of falling.

I had to give myself a reality check. I had to weigh up my wanting to ride again as opposed to giving up, meaning to sell my boy and never ride again. I love him so very much that just wasn't an option so I had no option but to overcome my fears.

For me that was seeing someone else ride him before I did just so I knew he wasn't mental and it was my imagination working overtime. A friend rode him then it was my turn but I insisted on a lead rein, I was that frightened. And then I was put in touch with Tarrsteps on here. Tarrsteps met me and Archie, rode him, saw me ride him and gave me a couple of pointers. Most of all she instilled confidence in me and my ability. Ok, I am just a happy hacker but she made me feel very, very competent and pointed out all my good bits and, of course, Archies. She is also at the end of an email and has helped me over cyber space. She is fabulous.

Little rides to begin with helped. I didn't push my boundaries and I would set off for perhaps a 15 minute poodle up the track and then return on a good note. Repetition also.

Things have progressed but if I do without riding too long I do get nervous and my old demons try to rear their ugly head. I take a couple of Kalms, which work brilliantly for me and bite the bullet. If I do have a wobble I try to put things into perspective - I have owned Archie for almost 5 years and guess I have ridden him hundreds of times and, apart from my own stupidity, have never, ever had an incident out riding him. So the probability of anything happening is reasonably low to begin with, though I would never say never. Then I weigh up that if something did happen the likelihood of me hurting myself, again relatively low. Then I get a grip.

I guess for you it will be finding a horse you have relative confidence in first and then take little steps.

I really hope you find your confidence. We are so lucky to partake in such a lovely sport and the bond we get from our horses, it would be such a shame to give up when there are ways to overcome your nerves.

Good luck x
 
Thanks everyone :)
I don't have a school, but there is one i can use, but it is a mile and a half away, although i could lead over . I would probably feel safer in a school, as the thought of riding in open spaces is worse.
Although i have friends with horses, becauase of work commitments all round, i don't usually have anybody to hack with, which might help.
 
Sorry to hear this, I think most of us that have lived longer than 16 years old tend to see too many what if's, add that to responsabilities work etc, took me a couple of years to even canter properly after a nasty fall, well I say fall, his lordship had a flybucking fit and I landed badly, but I think it's like packing up smoking, you have to "want" to do it.

Endurance riding helped me a lot as I had to ride long distances in strange places and "deal" with it, I don't mean this flippantly, I put myself through hell quite a few times so I know it isn't easy, there are still situations I wouldn't put myself in, ie hunting, it just wouldn't be sensible with his temperament.

Best tip I think I ever got was, ride the backside off your horse and yourself, worked for me, different stokes for different folks though, maybe hypnotherapy as others have said would be good.
 
I've had a few confidence destroying falls - one was when the pony tripped (on level ground), and went down, throwing me clear but leaving me with concussion. I'm still scared of ponies tripping, but I've learned a few things to prevent it happening as easily again and that's my way of dealing with my fear. There was one fall I was bucked off and my horse kicked one of my front teeth out on the way past. She was legging it home (separation issues due to illness and being kept in) and basically kept bucking until I either came off or let go of the reins. I didn't want to get back on her for a few weeks after that, and got my confidence back on the lead rein on OH's pony. There have been numerous others, a lot of them jumping (why I'm permanently nervous doing that lol), but I've found out how, long-term to fix my confidence when I lose it.

Simply, get on something safe, make yourself face your fear, and just keep doing it until it goes away. Repeatedly doing what you fear and nothing going wrong, will cause it to lessen until it disappears completely.

That works for everything in life - after a very bad car crash the motorway terrified me (and still does on a bad day). Forcing myself to drive, limited distances, a few times a week, has lessened that fear, and I can now do shortish distances on familiar motorways without being so frightened all the time that my heart is beating overtime. If I keep practising, the fear will keep lessening. Experience has taught me that.
 
I definitely know how you feel, I used ride well and be quite daring when I was younger. I had a really long break from riding and to cut a long story short, bought my first horse a couple of years ago.
She is a whole lot of horse and I really lost my confidence, it's been a long and slow journey so far, but I am getting there, and you will too.
I would say take baby steps. Every time I ride I try to push my boundaries a little further and celebrate even the smallest achievement. I try not to think of the rider I used to be, but of the rider I will be one day.
 
HI, I've had the same experience as you, please PM me, I would be happy to share my experience with you. Basically, it took time, and a multi-pronged approach, but 1 year later, I am now fairly confident again, I don't visualise horrible scenarios of being bronced off. I have ridden several horses since, but stayed off my own horse until I could conquer my fear (as it's the fear that would cause it to happen again).

What helped me the most was a lady that helps over the phone - called Jo Cooper, Equestrian Confidence. Try getting in touch with her for an initial session. She really worked wonders on me, and got me riding again, using her interesting techniques. Check out her website for some background info. http://www.equestrianconfidence.com/equestrian.html

I also went to a mechanical simulator place for some training once a week, and additionally I went for "lessons" at a private yard on a couple of schoolmasters, with someone who was an expert in helping people overcome fear. In the beginning I was terrified to even put a foot in the stirrup - that's when my visualisation horrors began (will he bronc, will he buck me off, will he go crazy until he gets me off....). A combination of many things, including Jo Cooper, and my personal determination got me through it all. There is hope sweetie. Please contact me by PM, and give me your email address so we can chat.
 
Pedantic, i have a friend who is an hypnotherapist, and has horses, i have spoken to her but, and this is no way putting her down, i would feel a bit weird as i have known her for thirty odd years, and i don't know if i could take it seriously. i would probably sit there tittering, and that would be embarrassing.


Archiesmummy, you are right i think, with my mare in a school, and have a lesson, with an instructer
 
as mentioned above, I am also using Jo Cooper following a massive wobble. I also think what if - what if she spooks, then I fall off, then I get hurt, and I can't work, and can't pay my bills...... etc etc

What helps me
- having someone (anyone) on the ground
- lessons
- baby steps
- thinking just get on for 5 mins - then I usually do 20!
- not worrying what people think - if you need to be led, so what?
 
It's good to know i'm not alone in this, although i would'nt wish it on anyone, i just feel such a woose.
Andiamo, will look at the website thanks.
I do feel after reading some of the replys that my riding needs working on, especially my seat/ balance.
 
I would agree with all of these posts ^^. After my last fall and loaner had gone home, I started with lessons in the school on the horse I had learnt on - the loveliest, bombproof at the yard (Bob). It was really down to my instructor and 'taking it steady'. She is now doing the same with my new horse, taking it very steady (we did our first canter today!) She says we have all the time in the world and she wants both of us to get more confident slowly and not have anything to set us back at all.

I'm not ready to hack out yet, but I know in a couple of weeks Bob (with his mum!) and I will take Hugo for a little walk out. :)
 
Hun I too have major confidence problems( panick attacks etc) but 2 years ago I went for rivate lessons at a riding school( I have 2 of my own) and Vicky was amazing getting my confidence back pushing me quietly but firmly but again confidence as failed for various reason but do you know I love my horses I love being around them and riding is not be all to me( I have always prefered working on ground with young ones etc) I will be having lessons again this summer with vicky so I can at least enjoy my mare before her sight goes completly - hun get a good instructor you trust, do not beat your self up about it, enjoy being with your horses on floor and you will get there promise have faith in yourself and good luck - big hugs xx
 
I have been through this too so I sympathise. My horse bucks too.
I needed a fresh start with my boy after I broke my arm when he was chucked me off. I moved him to a friends yard and she helped me build up slowly. Here are some things that worked for me -
- hypnotherapy - I used a Paul Mckenna CD at home called 'Control stress'
- don;t worry what other people think/say
- try and remember why you love riding and think about it a lot
- build up 10 mins at a time
- rethink your horses management regime, feed, turnout etc - can you make them less fizzy while you get your confidence back?
- a strap across front of saddle
- a body protector
- lessons (I joined an RC and have group lessons)
- remembering you can always just stop and get off when you have had enough!
Most of all a supportive friend.

Good luck.
 
I did say to my OH that i really need to buy a body protecter, how restrictive are they, as in getting on and off and what have you??
I want to feel safer and be safer, but i don't want to feel like trussed up.
 
I bought a body protecter after breaking my ribs , it only feels restrictive in cold weather and I put it on as I groom my horse to ride ,so that by the time I am ready to ride my body has warmed it up .Once mounted I forget that itis there.
 
I have a Racesafe 2000 body protector. It's a bit difficult to describe, but its constructed using hinged foam sections which makes it really flexible. They lace up down each side, allowing you to find a comfortable but secure fit. It's not restrictive at all, I've been really pleased with mine.
 
I too sympathise and agree with all of the above, especially the just getting on for 5 mins and building it up.

I did read somewhere that if you can visulise yourself as somebody you admire riding their horse, then this can help. So now, if I ever have wobbly minute/ride I imagine I am Pippa Funnel riding down to the lake at Badminton! I find this makes me ride more positively and helps me shut out the fact that there are a load of horses galloping around in the field I am passing which will send mine bombing down the road. Instead I am focussing on the fence ahead and riding forward and I am one hell of a good rider and the crowd are waiting in anticipation and the commentator is doing his bit ...

Oh yes, using your imagination can sometimes do wonders!
 
Fii said:
I had a nasty fall (bucked off) in the summer and now have lost my confidence to the point of not even wanting to ride :(
I have ridden all my life, and never balked at riding the most difficult, or hot horses. I have broken in quite a few, and quite a few of those have been untouched to start with.
I think this started a few years back, i was becoming more and more careful about what i rode and where. For example i would go through a ride in my head before i left, thinking about the pitfalls, what would happen IF this happened or that, and sometimes talk myself right out of it :(.
It has got so bad now, that when i tried a new saddle on my old pony, i felt quite shaky, and sick before i got on her.

Has anybody else been through this? And what did you do to overcome it?
I really need help, i am desperate to be able to ride again without this fear taking over me!!!
Click to expand...

Slightly different approach from me - i sold my horse and bought a bombproof one. Two years on and its the best decision i ever made. He's not a plod by a long shot but he is as safe as houses when it counts. It wouldn't have mattered if my last horse was a saint, once that fear had developed in my head i couldn't rid the thought of knowing what he could do or the imagination or what he might do. Hope that makes sense.
 
Gina&Prince said:
Slightly different approach from me - i sold my horse and bought a bombproof one. Two years on and its the best decision i ever made. He's not a plod by a long shot but he is as safe as houses when it counts. It wouldn't have mattered if my last horse was a saint, once that fear had developed in my head i couldn't rid the thought of knowing what he could do or the imagination or what he might do. Hope that makes sense.
Click to expand...

It makes a lot of sense :) Although i got on my old mare, its the gelding who bucked me off i am really scared to ride. He bucked me off just as i got on :(

Thanks all once again:):)
 
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