help me with my ad

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LadyRascasse

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this is what i have written so far any tips on how to improve it pls

gorgeous thoroughbred mare, 15.3hh and 8 yrs old.Northen dancer line. fantasic to handle and not at all marish, she is fully fit and ready to go. has competed locally and is rarely out the rosettes. stunning paces with potential to seriously compete in dressage, she did a walk and trot test in feburary and came 6th with 55.5% (2 months after being brought back into work) lovely scopey jump. she is ROR registered and has shown sucessfully at local level. holds a wetherbys passport and is microchiped. fully up-to-date with everything.
good to box, clip, catch and hack in company (needs work on her own). good trail facilities.
 
Does she jump at all? You havent metioned it in your ad, i'm asuming its the one in your sig and in which case she does jump?
Also just make sure you spell check your ad before it goes out.

Can i ask why you're selling?
 
yes thats her i'm selling her because she isn't the horse for me i want a horse that will allifiated at jumping and i don't think she will ever make that and if she would it won't be for at least a few years.

the ad does say "lovely scopey jump"
 
Hi, yes I agree take out the % and the fact that it was a walk/trot test. Hope this doesnt sound too harsh but you have mentioned that she has serious dressage potential but if I was buying a horse purely for dressage I wouldnt be too impressed with 55% in a walk/trot. I would just put placed dressage first time out after a break.

Also the 'brought back into work' would put me off, as it would make me wonder why she has had time off - unless it was a chill period straight after coming out of training?

It is also a bit too wordy for me but you have the facts in there. hope this is helpful.
 
Didn't know you were selling her! Have been following your progress with her. What a shame, still I'm sure you'll find something more suited to you. How much are you selling her for? I think for the hacking bit I'd just be tempted to write 'hacks in company'.
 
yea ui have my own fan
grin.gif
i was going to put her up for £3000 and except offers (i don't think i will get this for her but i also don't want every tom dick and harry off the street coming to try her)

that makes sense about the hacks in company bit

right so edited it would read like this:

gorgeous thoroughbred mare, 15.3hh and 8 yrs old.Northen dancer line. fantasic to handle and not at all marish, she is fully fit and ready to go. has competed locally and is rarely out the rosettes. stunning paces with potential to seriously compete in dressage, she did a walk and trot test in feburary and came 6th (2 months after being brought back into work) lovely scopey jump. she is ROR registered and has shown sucessfully at local level. holds a wetherbys passport and is microchiped. fully up-to-date with everything.
good to box, clip, catch and hack in company. she is brilliant with other horses and happierly shares feeds and haynets ect good trail facilities.
 
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the ad does say "lovely scopey jump"

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Woops missed that
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Good luck with selling her, she looks a nice type. I'd be interested in seeing her if i had a spare £3000!!
 
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