Help my confidence has gone

[Ginnsy]

Hi all
Sorry maybe a long post but looking for some help..
3 years ago I had fall that resulted in me being on crutches for 18 months... the accident was the first one where I got seriously hurt since I’ve been riding (18 years)... this was on a horse I was looking to buy as a mother daughter share (horse was definitely not as described) for obvious reasons I walked away.. fast forward 3 years I decided I was going to bring on my own so bought a foal... he is the most placid thing I’ve ever known at his age (16months) he is gelded... this is the sorry state part for some reason or other one day I went to his field to do some work with him and he was having one of his rare tantrums I walked away I found that I panicked and literally stood there shaking like a leaf... since then I have noticed I panic very time I try to do something with him... I have a lovely lady that comes to help with all his firsts... got to add he is so grown up for his age with bathing, feet leading vets etc... the problem is with me I don’t really know how to overcome this panic which is frustrating as my life revolves around horses and it’s starting to rub off on my daughter (she’s 9) who usually is so confident... has Anyone ever felt like this and how did you over come it thanks for reading hoping I made sense

 

[Barton Bounty]

Deep breaths and have a good word with yourself! You used to be able to do it, you still can its just hiding at the moment 🥰

 

[be positive]

This really needs to be posted in the tack room to get replies but I will get it going, you say you went into his field to do some work with him, I think this is a bad idea on many levels, this is his grazing, relaxing, playing place and I think he is right to have a protest to being asked to work there and it is setting a precedence if you start and cannot finish something so it knocks your confidence, set him and yourself up to succeed by doing anything, within reason as you obviously have to be able to catch him and lead him in, outside of his field where you can expect his full attention.

That said I don't really think a yearling should be 'working' once the important things are in place, catching, leading, tying up, foot care etc, they need to be out with other equines and pretty much left alone to grow up, there is plenty of time to work once they are old enough to do so, he sounds like a well started youngster that you have done a good job with so far so slow down, don't put pressure on him or your self to do any more with him.

I would suggest you go to a local RS for regular lessons to keep your riding going, get back some lost confidence so when he is ready to start work you are more prepared, get your friend in to help with the regular things he does need doing and leave him out as much as possible to grow up, I assume he is turned out with others 24/7 so you are not having to bring him in every night.

 

[Ginnsy]

This really needs to be posted in the tack room to get replies but I will get it going, you say you went into his field to do some work with him, I think this is a bad idea on many levels, this is his grazing, relaxing, playing place and I think he is right to have a protest to being asked to work there and it is setting a precedence if you start and cannot finish something so it knocks your confidence, set him and yourself up to succeed by doing anything, within reason as you obviously have to be able to catch him and lead him in, outside of his field where you can expect his full attention.

That said I don't really think a yearling should be 'working' once the important things are in place, catching, leading, tying up, foot care etc, they need to be out with other equines and pretty much left alone to grow up, there is plenty of time to work once they are old enough to do so, he sounds like a well started youngster that you have done a good job with so far so slow down, don't put pressure on him or your self to do any more with him.

I would suggest you go to a local RS for regular lessons to keep your riding going, get back some lost confidence so when he is ready to start work you are more prepared, get your friend in to help with the regular things he does need doing and leave him out as much as possible to grow up, I assume he is turned out with others 24/7 so you are not having to bring him in every night.

Thank you for the reply I've Not made much sense have I 🙈 I went into his field To catch him and he charged me (we don’t do any training in his field) . he isn’t worked as such Just his general training ground manners, leading, feet etc yes he is turned out 24/7 like I said it’s nothing to really do with him as he is such a lovely kind pony it’s me I have zero confidence after my fall and I’m so angry at myself as I want to be able to do more but instead I have my friend doing it... (I haven’t ridden since my accident so I think I may just book a lesson with my daughter at her rs and go from there)

 

[be positive]

Charging is not acceptable, he would have been sent away with some force by me but I understand why you felt upset, I had visions of you trying to do some join up type work or inhand exercises, does he have company to play with that will interact with him?
Getting back into riding at the RS should really help, having had no real riding or handling for a few years will impact your confidence even without the serious fall so don't be too down on yourself and don't feel a failure for having help, you can gradually get more involved as time goes on, maybe spend time at the RS doing some basics with older horses will be useful, the more time you spend with mannerly horses the more confident you should feel to deal with his behaviour which will improve when he remembers you are the boss!

 

[Ginnsy]

He does have company but not in his field they are my next door neighbours horses which he can have a groom over the fence with them and he does run around when they do... I’m also in the process of trying to foster a rescue so he has a friend of his own.. he has a lovely attitude don’t get me wrong he has only done this once. I think your right I need to go back to basics myself and gain my confidence back that way..

 

[Ambers Echo]

It sounds to me like you have 2 (or maybe 3) separate problems - the panic attacks and the general lack of confidence round horses. And maybe some trauma issues around the accident?

It sounds like a panic attack was triggered when your horse charged you which makes sense - it's a frightening situation and a panic attack is essentially a flight/freeze/flight response. But now your own thoughts are triggering panicky feelings and it is becoming self fulfilling:Thoughts, emotions, body reactions are all inter linked and the classic panic cycle is: I cant cope, what if I panic - feel anxious - physiological changes related to anxiety - oh no I am panicking - feel more anxious - more symptoms etc etc till a panic attack is triggered. Then you develop a belief that 'I can't do anything with my horse anymore' and it becomes self fulfilling. You may also consider if traumatic memories from the accident are also getting in the way. If you have flashbacks etc to it which trigger anxiety and you get into the panic cycle that way? If so that is something else separate that you can address.

So a) you need to get confident round horses as BP suggests. Away from this particular trigger. And b) you can address the panic itself by interrupting that cycle. There are lots of online resources and self help for panic and for dealing without troubling intrusive memories. PM for more details if you want and I can point you in the right direction. Good luck with it all x

 

[be positive]

Having company next door is not the same as having them with him, his behaviour is showing signs of that being the issue, you are the only real contact he has and he is seeing you as part of his herd/ entertainment which is potentially going to get worse if he does not have something with him that can put him in his place as well as play with him properly.
Get him a friend as soon as possible for his sake as well as your own, he will be so much happier and as long as he doesn't become too attached you should find it easier to deal with him, there is a risk with just having two that he will become too reliant on his friend and give you new problems if he gets separation anxiety but that is no reason to not get him company it just needs to be one that can be left without fussing so he learns it is ok to leave it, otherwise you may end up with 3!

 

[Orangehorse]

Young horses like to play and maybe he thought you had come to play with him. However, I wouldn't have liked this at all either.

I think you should go and get some regular riding on a nice quiet horse, and maybe get some help with handling the youngster and see if you can get a companion for him.

I had a break from horses, we had ponies but when I got another horse again I was literally shaking with nerves, so it can happen to anyone, and I hadn't had a bad fall either.

 

[Red-1]

I think there are 3 separate issues here.

Firstly, I would love a foal, but even though I have my own place I can't have one as I simply don't want a whole herd of them and I do think that youngsters need a full and fun time, so need companions. The companions for a baby also, IMO, need to be unshod for lowering risk of injuries whilst they do frolicking. If the baby does not have companions to frolic with then you will be the target, and even then it is not fair on the horse.

The second issue is that because you have not ridden for years, and have issues surrounding confidence, then when the horse is ready for work - you won't be ready to work him. It is a specialty skill to start and bring on a youngster. I have helped many clients with handling youngsters but always advise sending away to a specialist for the actual starting process, right until the horse can WTC round the arena, ride in a field, hack, pop a X pole.

The third issue is what happened to you and overcoming that. I would recommend selling the baby (or sending to a suitable facility with friends for him) and buying a mature, kind and placid horse. Have lessons. Make sure you are somewhere with support, both practical and morale. Your child will also be able to benefit from being around a mature, kind and placid horse.

 

[pistolpete]

He needs to play! As others have said he won’t cope kept on his own. This calm placid you have described sounds more like shut down and lonely.
You need to give yourself less of a hard time. Don’t be angry with yourself. Show yourself some compassion. You had a bad injury. What would you say to someone in your situation? You’d say get help. Baby steps don’t get to overwhelm. You’ll get there it can change. Best of luck but start small and find him a buddy.

 

[Dwyran_gold]

Book some lessons and get back riding. Handling and riding other horses will grow your confidence. My colt can be a handful with his ground manners (he’s nearly 2 and not gelded but will soon be) I find that putting the effort in to mingle with and ride older horses helps with my ability when it comes to handling my youngster xx