Help: My loan pony hates me! Feeling totally demoralised =(

KittyJay

KittyJay

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I tried out a lovely welsh cob x nf mare a few weeks ago and really fell for her. I've had a few bad loan experiences in the past so always insist on trying a couple times and trialling at first but her owner and I just agreed to go for it and see if it works out. She's had plenty of sharers in the past and I've ridden plenty of horses in the past. I was feeling really pleased, she's much less of a challenge than anything I've ridden in the last few years but I was so looking forward to taking it easy until I go away to uni!

I've been down to see her three more times since then and each time she's been increasingly aggressive/grouchy. The first time was just nippy - owner told me she's sometimes like that (early in season) and I should just be firm and tap her on the nose, which I did. Next time tried to bite me every time I went near and today she kicked out at me. My first thought, obviously, was what am I doing wrong? Thing is, I do think I'm being confident, firm and non-aggressive and owner and others have assured me I'm doing nothing she wouldn't do and much more timid people have handled her without problem. Owner is completely perplexed as she is usually very placid and I feel a complete failure =( She is a dream to ride so was feeling really good about this one. The yard is amazing too, I had such high hopes and am now feeling totally demoralised.

Congratulations if you got this far! Any advice?
 
I'll be honest- if it were me I would cuddle it to death an annoy it something rotten!!

Then I'd be nice to her, and I usually find that works with grouches!!
(personal preference tho lol, it's widely known that I'm just bloody minded)

Take your time but be firm, she'll respect you eventually (you might find she doesn't like your perfume or something daft!!!)
 
Cadfael&Coffee said:
I'll be honest- if it were me I would cuddle it to death an annoy it something rotten!!

Then I'd be nice to her, and I usually find that works with grouches!!
(personal preference tho lol, it's widely known that I'm just bloody minded)

Take your time but be firm, she'll respect you eventually (you might find she doesn't like your perfume or something daft!!!)
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whoops, i bumped just as you posted! i try to be a real suck up but I just can't get near her! I gave her half a carrot today and after a minute of sweet she was back mean again! I'm worried as each time is getting worse she is just getting used to us not getting along =( i thought the perfume thing too actually, but I didn't wear any today. Hmm. Thanks for your advice :)
 
Mares can be grumpy old sods when they've a mind to be. I'd persevere, be firm but kind, handle her lots but don't get in her way when she's eating, lots of grooming and riding, and just see how it goes. I'm sure things will improve :)
 
She's probably just trying it on to see if she can intimidate you. They start off OK and the behaviour ratchets up. If you don't deal with it, it gets worse. Our baby highland decided to be a right pain after four months of ownership, silly behaviour that got worse becuase I molly coddled him. After behaving like a complete ******** one day I decided it was time to stop mucking about and put him very firmly back in his place. It took half an hour and he is back to being a good boy again. Incidentally, he got grumpy with me while he was being naughty as he wasn't sure who was in charge. You say you are confident but honestly, you do sound a little nervous. Maybe invest in a couple of inhand lessons from an instructor? There is so much emphasis on riding but good groundwork does a lot for a relationship. Its pays to get it right. But you can crack this. So have a good night's sleep, try not to think about it and have a plan of action in the morning. Good luck!

Ets - don't think in terms of sucking up to her - she wants you to lead. And if she's a typical mare she'll be more than happy to fill any power vacum!
 
indiat said:
She's probably just trying it on to see if she can intimidate you. They start off OK and the behaviour ratchets up. If you don't deal with it, it gets worse. Our baby highland decided to be a right pain after four months of ownership, silly behaviour that got worse becuase I molly coddled him. After behaving like a complete ******** one day I decided it was time to stop mucking about and put him very firmly back in his place. It took half an hour and he is back to being a good boy again. Incidentally, he got grumpy with me while he was being naughty as he wasn't sure who was in charge. You say you are confident but honeslty, you do sound a little nervous. Maybe invest in a couple of inhand lessons from an instructor? There is so much emphasis on riding but good groundwork does a lot for a relationship. Its pays to get it right. But you can crack this. So have a good night's sleep, try not to think about it and have a plan of action in the morning. Good luck!
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thanks very much! i have had some really bolshy horses in the past and i am very small and slight - i think things like this do really put me on edge. the owner is so shocked as much more timid sharers have handled her without problem and she thinks we should call it a day if it isn't a bit easier next time I go down. Puts the pressure on but I understand she doesn't see the point of carrying on seeing as this isn't pony's normal new-person routine.
 
My share horse does this, but only if you go near him in his stable (even walking past his door) - his ears go back and his huge teeth come out!

Initially, it was quite hairy undoing the bottom lock on his stable door. But once I start to lead him out he's fine.

If he's tied up right outside, he is like it when I walk in and out of his stable - he turns very quickly to warn me (of what, I don't know). I've learnt how to keep one eye on him whilst dragging his water bucket.

Once i took a friend up and while she was standing there, he was grumpy and nippy.

Out of those situations he is the sweetest boy.

Try and remember what you were doing/how you were approaching everytime she does it. She may get better; it may just be a case of getting used to you - you're new to her, new smell, new touch, new way of doing things, plus she probably thinks she can get away with being a cowbag to you. Make sure you give her a big firm NO.

:)
 
I will watch this post with interest as my mare is exactly the same at the moment! She has always been a bit moody but at the moment she is actually really going for me over the stable door and every time I approach her when she is tied up outside the stable. She has an implant in because she was displaying other behaviours which we thought were hormonal but turned out to be behavioural but I think perhaps because she has started being aggressive (only with her teeth so far) I am being subconsciously(sp?) nervous. I also recall that last winter she was grumpier because she was in more.

With your pony are you the only person who has ridden her lately? It might be that you are making her work which she might not be keen on at the moment if she's got used to an easy life!
 
KittyJay said:
thanks very much! i have had some really bolshy horses in the past and i am very small and slight - i think things like this do really put me on edge. the owner is so shocked as much more timid sharers have handled her without problem and she thinks we should call it a day if it isn't a bit easier next time I go down. Puts the pressure on but I understand she doesn't see the point of carrying on seeing as this isn't pony's normal new-person routine.
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Oh dear, no pressure then! I think you should just do your chores around her, feed, groom etc and just be very matter of fact. Don't be looking for signs of affection or be put off by grumpiness. Just do the tasks, telling her off when she nips and keep doing them until she knows you are not going away and she has to get on with things. It takes such a long time for a bond to develop and some horses are simply not affectionate. We have a pony whose nickname is Walking Evil so I will let you imagine what she is like to handle! I couldn't stand her at first, although the kids were determined to love her (because she was free and I couldn't afford to buy one :D) but nearly two years later, I have to say, I wouldn't part with her for the world. And she still pulls faces when we come up!
 
City mare - that's really interesting. I'd say it's the same for her but then it seems so much more deliberate than habitual. Apparently the grouchy in stable/tied up and trying it on are things she's never done before!

Tilda - I think season/temp. does play a really big part. I think she's being exercised a little more with the addition of me but her owner and daughter ride her a fair bit anyway. She's lazy but does seem to really enjoy work once she gets into it, especially jumping.

I find it hard to be firm because she's quick as lightning and it was a case today of get the hell out the way or be kicked and bitten :(

Indiat, that's amazing! Sounds like good advice, I will do my best to be matter of fact as anything!
 
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Find something else, I have had my oldie for many years now and if i had really know how unpleasant he really was I would never have got him, life is so much easier and more pleasent when you are not dodging teeth and feet!
 
It took me ages to bond with my grumpy share gelding. He bit me on the chin a few months into it last year and was generally a moody, grumpy sod. I felt really low about him 'hating' me too. So i decided to make time every day to just sit and chill with him. I would read a magazine or something after a ride, and he would stand snoozing. We still do this quite often, or stand over the stable door with his chin resting on my arm whilst he snoozes. But! Along with this we have had to do fairly frequent in hand sessions. Sometimes it's just walking/trotting/stopping when i do, which seems to build the relationship and remind him who is the 'leader'. But other times we have had to go in the school and do some work on moving away from me rather than kicking out whenever i ask him to move over. Be firm when needed but fair and she will respect you, i'm sure.
 
I may or may not get shot down for this, but one of girls at my yard loaned there mare out, and she seemed to HATE the loaner, loaner did some join up (monty roberts thing) literally till horse was sweaty and begging to come and join her and be with her, seemed to work, mare isnt the most effectionate thing, but she certainly respects her and behaves a lot better now.
 
I havent read the replies, but, I bought my mare in October last year. Shes been pretty much out 24/7 since then and has minimal handling other than feeding and the obvious checks. I moved her to a livery yard at the weekend, and shes been having a proper drama queen moment ever since!

I've just put it down to new horse blues. I know shes not technically a 'new horse' but realistically, this level of interaction is new to both of us. Shes a bit of a drama queen anyway, and is allowed to express herself, but any bad behavious has been stamped on. She was fine for the first 24 hours, then started being a toad. With clear boundaries shes settled back down. I think it will probably take a couple of months for us to establish a really good realtionship though.

We are now at the point where we are co exsiting happily, but I expect it to take a while to form a proper bond, to the point where she genuinely likes me. Just be fair, firm and consistent and give it a little while :)
 
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