Help Needed - Hacked Hair :(

sasquatch

sasquatch

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So to say I am absolutely furious is a bit of an understatement.

I've developed quite a fierce cold and cough, and have work to be done so mum very kindly volunteered herself to go and make sure horse was fed and turn him out for a bit until I at least got some of the workload shifted.

Came home, told me she knew I would be angry, but she had trimmed his forelock as quote "he couldn't see"

when I arrived at the yard, the forelock had not been trimmed, but hacked at. As he is headshy and doesn't like things around his ears/top of face, I do not generally do much with his forelock. So now I have a horse who has a forelock that is cut at different lengths, in straight lines, and he now cannot see as it falls right into his eyes.

His tail has also been hacked at, and is far too short. Now if he lifts it at all, it rises to above his knees.

He has a full mane which is down to his shoulders, and his forelock before was to just above his muzzle. Now it is about eye length.

I have told mum on numerous occasions to leave his forelock and mane alone, and even had to go as far as hiding the scissors from her. She only did this because I wasn't there, whether it was her intention when she left or not, I am so angry that she cut it when she has been told so many times to leave him alone. This is the second time she has done something when I am not there after she has volunteered herself without me asking, that I have told her repeatedly not to do.

So I've told her she no longer is allowed to be around him when I am not there, as I cannot be sure of what she is doing and cannot trust that she isn't doing something with him I have told her not to do. The amount of times I have told her to leave his forelock alone, just because it is long does not mean he can't see, and she has then cut it straight across with scissors is too many. Last time I was able to thin it so it didn't look so bad, but it had taken 5 months to grow back and now she has tried to do it again and completely ruined it.

Whilst I am doing A Levels and still at home, he is my horse who I have to foot the bill for. So now I am left with a ridiculous looking short forelock, with a full, thick mane and a tail that is too short for the horse.

Ugh, so I need a bit of help on what to do.
I have to be careful with what I say to mum, as everything she does is right and I'm just classed as 'having a go' when I told her how angry I was at her hacking at him. I also have to live with her atm, so it's not easy.

And also, what to do with this? It looks much, much worse in real life.
apologies for quality - taken on my phone and lighting in my stable isn't great.

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Oh dear!

Is your mum horsey or not? If she's not I can sort-of see why she's done it as she clearly thought (misguidedly) that she was helping. If she is...I'd go ape ****!

I think the best you can do is pull his forelock, if he'll let you, so it's all one length and doesn't look like a bad scissors job. If you 'bang' the bottom of his tail it'll look more natural too.

I know you're angry (and suspect there's more 'back story' to this with your mum being overbearing) but it's just hair. It'll grow back. He'll look a bit silly for a while but does it really matter in the grand scheme of things? It shouldn't set back your ridden work or ability to enjoy your pony so try not to let it bother you too much :). You know now that you can't trust your mum around him - lesson learnt on both sides I think.
 
Tbh you sound a bit like a spoilt child. If your Non horsey Mum had volunteered to check on YOUR horse you should have given clear instructions of what NOT yo do. Forelock can be pulled and if you are hoys or Olympia bound you can get a tail extension.

Also he could do with losing a bit of weight as mine could as well :)
 
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The tail looks fine, and just snip up at the forelock a bit to get rid of the chopped look. I think his forelock looks a nice enough length too tbh!
 
MyDogIsAnIdiot said:
Oh dear!

Is your mum horsey or not? If she's not I can sort-of see why she's done it as she clearly thought (misguidedly) that she was helping. If she is...I'd go ape ****!

I think the best you can do is pull his forelock, if he'll let you, so it's all one length and doesn't look like a bad scissors job. If you 'bang' the bottom of his tail it'll look more natural too.

I know you're angry (and suspect there's more 'back story' to this with your mum being overbearing) but it's just hair. It'll grow back. He'll look a bit silly for a while but does it really matter in the grand scheme of things? It shouldn't set back your ridden work or ability to enjoy your pony so try not to let it bother you too much :). You know now that you can't trust your mum around him - lesson learnt on both sides I think.
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Sad thing is she is 'horsey' :(

I'm more annoyed she did it knowing I would be angry, and did it because she knew I wasn't there to stop her.
I highly doubt she'll have learnt any lesson - the fact she did it again after the last time where she cut it straight across and I then showed her how to use a thinning rake and then spent 3 hours getting it back to 'normal' again. But as his mane is so thick, full and long any short forelock is going to look as if it's been a badly done scissor job. I am so angry, they say if it's not broken don't fix it for a reason.

I'm also very angry from a showing perspective too I don't know what I'll do, and the fact he's now very fidgety around his ears and he had been making huge steps forward up until now.
Mum knew exactly why I didn't want it to be cut, pulled or thinned yet she still went and hacked at it. It's going to take months to grow back and I can't get near his head with anything other than a headcollar.
 
OK I retract my last comment. Seems like there are underlying issues between yourself and your mum that need to be sorted.
sasquatch said:
Sad thing is she is 'horsey' :(

I'm more annoyed she did it knowing I would be angry, and did it because she knew I wasn't there to stop her.
I highly doubt she'll have learnt any lesson - the fact she did it again after the last time where she cut it straight across and I then showed her how to use a thinning rake and then spent 3 hours getting it back to 'normal' again. But as his mane is so thick, full and long any short forelock is going to look as if it's been a badly done scissor job. I am so angry, they say if it's not broken don't fix it for a reason.

I'm also very angry from a showing perspective too I don't know what I'll do, and the fact he's now very fidgety around his ears and he had been making huge steps forward up until now.
Mum knew exactly why I didn't want it to be cut, pulled or thinned yet she still went and hacked at it. It's going to take months to grow back and I can't get near his head with anything other than a headcollar.
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I know its frustrating but cut your mum some slack, you may well foot the bills for the horse but presumably your mum foots the bill for you which allows you to keep the horse

Doesnt completely excuse what she did but maybe see it as part of a bigger picture of a very lucky child, a mum willing to help and hair that will ultimately grow back :)
 
It's just hair at the end of the day. Sure I'd be a bit miffed if someone took scissors to H without my say so but I couldn't be losing sleep over it.

Being totally honest if he were mine I'd have his mane pulled and neaten up the forelock if I could as he doesn't seem to have enough bone to really pull off the traditional look.
 
I would be angry too considering its the second time she did it, A sharer of mine cut my horses mane and tail with scissors some years ago and it looked so bad I could have cried so I know how you feel:( at least its the end of the showing season it will look much better by next year.
 
I am all for natural manes and tails but I don't think this is a disaster.
The tail will grow, I would take a rake or thinning scissors to the forelock. The show season is at an end, so there is plenty of time to get him back to 'normal'.

There is obviously something else going on here, as a truly experienced horsey person would not have left the forelock looking like that. But as you need to live at home atm, you will just have to make the best of the situation.
 
Will you actually be showing in the next few months as you're doing your A levels? Are you year 12 or 13?

Given that you specifically asked her not to do this and she's horsey so knows fine well he can see perfectly well through a long forelock, what is the problem with her and you? Seems almost spiteful to chop it. Show her the poor cob that had his forelock hacked off at that show and get him some extensions!

SusieT said:
tbh it just needs tidied up..
on a separate note I hope he's on a diet!!
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*Like*
 
showpony said:
Tbh you sound a bit like a spoilt child. If your Non horsey Mum had volunteered to check on YOUR horse you should have given clear instructions of what NOT yo do. Forelock can be pulled and if you are hoys or Olympia bound you can get a tail extension.
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Mum is horsey, told me she was bringing a bale up to him and would put him in the field so I could bring him back in later.
I told her that was fine, not to worry with riding or grooming as I would do it later and just to make sure his feet were picked out.

She has been told for over a year to leave his forelock alone, yet will cut it when I am not around and she can get her hands on scissors. I have shown her how to trim it properly and how to use a thinning rake after the last time she made an absolute mess. She is very well aware of exactly why I didn't want it to be cut, I shouldn't have to tell her again and again and again not to touch his mane, tail and forelock with scissors, especially when she doesn't own the horse and has no say in what happens to him!

SusieT said:
tbh it just needs tidied up..
on a separate note I hope he's on a diet!!
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I was planning to tidy everything up when the time comes for clipping - he's just in from the field in the photos so I hadn't groomed him yet at all.
He is on a diet, has been all summer :( just cannot get the weight off him this year!

springtime1331 said:
He hasn't got that much bone, he'd IMO look better with a pulled mane anyway. I think the tail looks fine btw.
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Have tried a pulled mane with him, and I couldn't stick having to thin, cut and pull every 2 weeks as it's a very thick full mane.
Tail I'm hoping will grow back quite fast, as soon as he lifts his tail it ends up at his knees and whilst it would look fine on anything a bit finer, it looks awful on him.

Lolo said:
The tail looks fine, and just snip up at the forelock a bit to get rid of the chopped look. I think his forelock looks a nice enough length too tbh!
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I wish it was all the same length, there's a section a good 2-3 inches shorter than the rest right in the middle. No idea what I'm going to do for even shaping it. At least last time she did it it was all fairly even and I was able to thin off the sides so it didn't look so bad.

WelshD said:
I know its frustrating but cut your mum some slack, you may well foot the bills for the horse but presumably your mum foots the bill for you which allows you to keep the horse

Doesnt completely excuse what she did but maybe see it as part of a bigger picture of a very lucky child, a mum willing to help and hair that will ultimately grow back :)
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Unfortunately not, at 18 I am expected to either contribute towards bills, or earn my keep around the house.
It's just cheaper and easier atm with A Levels to stay at home and not worry about moving out.

I am more angry at the fact she ignored my instructions regarding my horse, and did something knowing I would be angry at her for doing it and she did it because I wasn't there to stop her.
 
cinnamontoast said:
Will you actually be showing in the next few months as you're doing your A levels? Are you year 12 or 13?

Given that you specifically asked her not to do this and she's horsey so knows fine well he can see perfectly well through a long forelock, what is the problem with her and you? Seems almost spiteful to chop it. Show her the poor cob that had his forelock hacked off at that show and get him some extensions!
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My yard owner is big into showing, and runs a lot of very small local shows. Great way to get started into showing, and recently they've started running cob cob classes. As I've not got much of a showing background, plan was to try some of these out first and see how it goes and so I can experience it and decide if showing is for me or not.
He is more of a Welsh D type than a trad. and is of typical Irish non-reg, non-recorded breeding so he's probably got a good bit of Welsh in him.

Think I'm year 13, although NI schools run differently to UK schools. I've been managing so far, and thankfully when the pressure is on I'll be on study leave and he is only a 10min walk away - so I can get him sorted and be home within an hour anyway.

The diet is definitely a WIP, cannot keep the weight off him this year although he drops condition very fast over winter so I'd rather he was a bit chubby now. He got very thin last winter, even with extra haylage, bulking up his feed and adding things to it to help him keep the weight on.
 
Your mum did the exact same thing a 'friend' once did to my horse and it is completely enraging, so totally understand your reaction. People can do some very strange, stupid things that seem like a good idea at the time and then afterwards they are loathe to admit that perhaps they should have left well alone. It's best just to move on. But the fortunate thing is it's just some hair and it'll grow back :) In the meantine I'd get very handy with a small trimming knife and take little weeny bits at a time until everything is more blended, then invest in a tail extension. I'd also start applying a leave in conditioner like Mane & Tail every two weeks so that the forelock and mane he's got become more silky and fall softly, it'll help to make the hair appear longer than if it is dry and stiff. My native has typical bog brush hair that looks like a frizzy cloud when brushed, so a bit of leave in conditioner helps turn it into glossy arab locks ;) if he's headshy you can spray the conditioner onto a brush and all this extra attention will help get him more comfortable about his head and ears being handled.
 
Sounds as though you are very bossy with your mum - "told her" rather than "asked her"? And are you really willing to fall out with her over some hair than can a) be tidied up and probably leave your horse feeling much more comfortable for losing some of it and b) will grow back anyway? It isn't the end of the world and you might learn how to trim a thick heavy mane.
 
I would be livid if someone cut my cobs luscious locks and would probobly be tempted to take the scissors to their hair while they were sleeping :-D mum or not it seems like an awfully spiteful thing to do and shes completely in the wrong. Unfortunately while you live with her there isnt much you can do. neaten up and pull his mane, thank her and tell her how much better he looks, even if you dont believe it, I wouldnt let her have the satisfaction of knowing shes got to you
 
Oh poor you, I can understand why it is upsetting as it takes a long time to get a long natural mane just right. What about suggesting to your mum that maybe she could just plait his forelock next time if she thinks he can't see - a nice loose long plait would have done the job.

It will grow back honey, it's just one of those frustrating things that happen from time to time. He's very lovely. Xx
 
calm down its only hair, blimey if she'd fed unsoaked sugar beet or something, be angry, but get a sense of humour, the horse doesn't give a **** what his hair looks like.
 
I don't think you're spoiled for telling your mum what to do rather than asking. Anyone taking care of my horse would be given instructions, not requests. I understand why you feel as you do over the cut hair. It's only hair but that's not the point.

I have a mother who likes to play the "I'm so helpful" game. She's deliberately done some rotten things to me in the name of being "helpful". It's a shame she couldn't have been genuinely helpful when I was a child and needed a mother, but I was easily controlled by other means then. Now I'm an adult and she has no control she can't stand it. That's all it is with mine, a spiteful opportunity to have her own way and if I try to explain the damage she's caused and what it will cost me, she throws a strop rather than appologising. I have little to do with her now.

I don't have any advice except I would move out away from the "helpfulness" as soon as you can and keep her away from your horse. I would ask someone else for favours or pay the yard staff and next time she suggests going to the stables to help you, tell her there's no need. Does she like to share your horse or does she have her own? I ask because she sounds the type to possibly visit him anyway without you knowing. If she does then next time you move yards don't tell her where you've gone.
 
My daughter once got hold of a thinning comb and gave our Welsh A a fringe, I could have cried. She's your mum, she's a pain, being a mum myself I hope that she does lots of other things for you and I hope you appreciate them. When you have calmed down and feel you can talk about the subject reasonably I would try and find out the real reason why she did this. My big thing is not brushing tails, they are only brushed when they are washed and teased out with a big toothed comb so as not to break the hair, my friends husband does racehorses and he brushes everything, that his way and was really surprised that I would rather pick shavings out by hand than put a brush over a tail.
If the true reason is because he 'can not see', I would put a loose plait in his forelock so he 'can see'. As to getting him to loose weight I would try a bib clip with no rugs, its still warm but he is getting his winter coat and will not need the extra thermals to keep warm. About 80% of their energy is used to keep warm so just losing a small amount of hair could help.
 
When my horse was at livery once his mane was hogged without my consent and left looking awful (i.e. it wasn't a "good" hog) and I was incandescent - and went ballistic about it at the time, and said and did a few things that were, in retrospect, very unkind and unnecessary.

So...... for now, just take a deep breath or two........ and chill.

Your mum was obviously only trying to help - and yes OK she did the "wrong" thing on this occasion, and you are very naturally upset about it all because it is YOUR horse.

OK: the situation IS redeemable. Personally what I'd be inclined to do is to ask a professional groom to take a look and see what can be done. Yes you will have to pay for this, but be assured it will be well worth it, because if you try to redeem the situation yourself you are quite likely - simply because you are upset - to hack away to try and make the thing look better; but you will probably make the whole thing worse.

Swallow your feelings, for now: and ask a professional. Explain to them what your problem is and let them have a look and give them free rein to do as they see fit. If you don't know who else to ask - pick a friend who's horse is always turned out immaculately with a gorgeous trimmed mane and tail - and ask them for their opinion as to what they'd do.

But (yes, know it IS flippin difficult) please don't rant at your mum anymore about this. Don't let it be something that drives a rift between you heh?? It really isn't worth it.

Your pony's mane WILL grow back; and if you get a professional to make the best job they can, your pony will very soon start looking a whole lot better.
 
You must devastated.... For all the people who said .. Its jus hair and no big deal... They clearly dont have horses capable of having a stunning forelock that reaches the muzzle !!

This is one of the worst things someone can do !! ... My loaner did it to my cob and my daughter nearly cried

Only diff is i think my loaner genuinely forgt my instructions as i only mentioned it once when she viewed the horse

Ur mum has defied you deliberately.

Its a bit sadistic really ... No
Offence hun :(
 
Hi, I am so sorry to hear about the issues with your mum. I agree that trying to tidy the forelock up a bit then smoothering it with conditioner and plaiting may help. As for your tail I would do the same thing condition it plait and then buy a tail bag. For such a lovely thick tail a tail bag will be a big help anyway in protecting it from all the daily toils and in the short term would mean that you dont have to look at it every day :) I use Tailgator for my little QH here is the link http://www.tailgator.co.uk/. Good luck!
 
I don't really think he is a cob anyway as he really isn't very chunky and think his tail looks fab!

You can get both tail and forelock extensions for showing if you want them, and or you could judiciously remove some of the mane in small bits and make your own to attach to forelock. It isn't like a fully traddy cob with flowing feathers either - at the moment your turnout wouldn't be correct for any showing classes anyway.
 
Looks like a cob to me ester !

And hes
Not really overweight so i dont know what the cheeky comment earlier from someone was all about ... Unless i missed something i thought the op
Was asking about advice re the tail and forelock
 
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