Help :-( nerves getting the better of me!

V

VickyH

Well-Known Member
Joined
2 October 2009
Messages
67
Visit site
I have never been a particularly confident rider so when I came back into it a few years ago after having a few years off it took a while to rebuild what confidence I did have! We got a new horse last year and she has always been an angel to hack out and I only ever hacked her out alone. 2 weeks ago we moved yards and today was the second time I tried to ride her out, we were on our own as usual but both times I have had to get off because I got scared :'-( I feel so stupid and angry with myself and I'm sure she is just playing up because it's a new place but she wasn't like this when I first got her and rode her out at the old place. It maybe the spring grass but now I'm not sure I can pluck up the courage to try again! I love her so much but am sooo nervous, I just can't explain what happens or why I panic but I just know I have to get off! I just want to enjoy riding again :-(
 
Try singing and really putting some effort into it - it sounds ridiculous but it really does help! Try to ride as relaxed as you can, and breathe in and out as far as you can every few breaths. Horses really can tell when you're tense/nervous, which obviously passes on to them. If you're nervous about hacking, set yourself little goals, find a point in the distance, tell yourself once you get to that point you can turn for home. Start small and go from there, good luck :)
 
I'm at a new yard and only one other person appears to ride during the week, I feel like I'd be spoiling his hack if I tagged along.
I tried so hard today to be confident ant give in to it but all of a sudden it just gets too much and I have to get off. Lottie is usually so good but she keeps trying to turn for home, I got further today than I did last time and stopped her turning round a couple of times, when I do get off I still lead her to a point where we can can go round something before we go home ( a pond today) so she doesn't learn that by playing up I get off and she gets to go home! As soon as we started to go round the pond she began to jog, shake her head and grunt if I got firm and I panicked! Pathetic! :'-(
 
huge hugs!! you are not alone so many people go through this.

Is there someone you can get to rider her out for you and you watch

I used to get someone to do things with my horse, I would watch see he would be good and then was happy to do it myself

If you continue the way you are you will both get worse and worse and she will lose confidence. \if you can get some help you will be fine :D
 
Im the same, i have to admit ive not tried the whole singing and really going at it. im happy to sit on a plod and plod along the road, but others always want to go faster and i get scared! *mind i do laugh at my self!*

just keep on it! its quick to loose confidence but hard to gain back!
 
Just ask the other guy, you never know- if you phrase it in a 'i won't be offended if you say no' way its not rude. How about taking her out in hand hacking or getting a friend to come on a bike?
 
I'd happily take her out in hand, she is nowhere near as naughty when i lead her so i know it's my nerves making her worse.
 
OP I feel your pain, I am the same sometimes and my mare scares the bejesus out of me! I find that walking her out in hand consistently for a few days/weeks helps and she begins to calm down. Unfortunately though time constraints I tend to find I can't keep this up and we end up at square one!

Have you got a body protector OP? Sounds odd I know but I find if I wear a body protector I just feel safer and more secure - weird I know!

Just keep at it - you will get used to it eventually and it will be fantastic when you do!
 
I am another that struggles with my nerves sometimes and have lost my confidence on more than one occasion!

The trick to getting your confidence back is to take it slow and just do little bits at a time. Set your self targets as others have said while out on a hack Ie... you will walk down to the next tree then we can turn back. Each time setting the target a little bit furthur out. Even if it only means you are on the horse 5-10 mins, at least it will be 5-10 mins of confident riding as apposed to 30 mins of you getting scared.

Singing and talking - you must remember to breathe! If you can find someone else to hack with it will give you confidence to beable to talk to someone while you are riding round and it will also give your horse confidence also, so may be less like to play up.

If i know I am going to ride my horse in a situation where he may play up and re-act to my nerves I keep rescue remedy spray at the yard. It may just be a placebo effect but if it calms me down then this should automatically help keep my horse a little calmer also.

Hope you find something that wworks for you. Appreciate getting your confidence back is not easy but don't push yourself, just little bits at a time. Finish everything on a good note and focus on that for the next time you get on and go for a ride.

Good luck xx
 
Thank you all soooo much! I have a friend who has offered to walk out with me so hoping we get some decent weather next week. Both times I've got off I have got back on and finished the ride, I knew if I didn't I'd never get back on again!
I am reluctant to just do a short distance and turn round as she keeps trying to turn round anyway and don't want to encourage that behaviour, I don't know all the routes yet so have ordered myself an ordnance survey map so I can plan my hacks better and hopefully find a short 'round the block' ride.
The school I have use off is quite a way from my field so am also hoping to try leading her to the school and riding in there for a bit as I'm not so nervous in the school. At my old yard it was mainly road hacking but where I am now it is all off road which makes me more nervous anyway, much prefer roadwork for some reason :-/
 
Just a thought but is there perhaps anyone local with a child they walk out on the lead rein? When mine was we were often handy safe company for people who'd had a confidence crisis or similar. More likely to find a mum of small kids in daytime too.
 
I get nervous too!

When I was first riding my share horse she was so spooky and testing me a lot I thought 'this is never going to work, I'm not strong enough for this horse' I would quite often find myself disheartened and just wanting to get home, I would speak to the owner and say 'do you find her spooky/crazy when out alone?' and the owner seemed concerned and would say no, but a couple of months passed and it got better, she is now fine on the roads other than buses and really big clattery vehicles which we just pull over for, and any problems we have now are more to do with her being excited for a gallop!

I think it is just an issue of change of yard for you whereas for me it was change of rider for the horse, it will get better, I think in hand hacks is a good idea and riding in the school is what I would have done if I had the option. Just rope in a friend to walk alongside you as well :-) You will be fine! At least you don't mind going out on the roads so much, for me I just hate the many factors that can cause problems, whereas out in the open she may tank off but at least we're unlikely to run into anything else!

Good luck :-)
 
Go to Boots and buy some Bach Rescue Remedy. It will help you relax mentally. I know of at least 2 top dressage riders who take it to calm their nerves before competing!

How about doing some groundwork with your mare, something like clicker training is very helpful? I'm sure the other livery won't think you are spoiling his ride if you ask to go with him a ccouple of times and he'll be able to show you the best rides.
 
Poor you, it is awful when you're nervous, and can ruin a ride in minutes!! I go through stages of being really nervous, and it frustrates me no end.
I know it sounds crazy but talking to your horse can really make a difference, and singing! I always do it when I'm nervous and if I do it for long enough I calm down. Have you thought about having some lessons? The more positive experiences you have the less nervous you will be.
The mare I ride can be nappy sometimes, and it used to panic me as I didn't know what she'd do, but I trust her now and know that I can persuade her that the hack will be fun and there is no need to put the fear of god in me!

Talk to yourself and the horse
Set goals
Ask for help from others, ppl walking or cycling makes a huge difference
Have confidence in your ability!

Good luck x
 
pogface said:
Poor you, it is awful when you're nervous, and can ruin a ride in minutes!! I go through stages of being really nervous, and it frustrates me no end.
I know it sounds crazy but talking to your horse can really make a difference, and singing! I always do it when I'm nervous and if I do it for long enough I calm down. Have you thought about having some lessons? The more positive experiences you have the less nervous you will be.
The mare I ride can be nappy sometimes, and it used to panic me as I didn't know what she'd do, but I trust her now and know that I can persuade her that the hack will be fun and there is no need to put the fear of god in me!

Talk to yourself and the horse
Set goals
Ask for help from others, ppl walking or cycling makes a huge difference
Have confidence in your ability!

Good luck x
Click to expand...


Good advice - Pogface. All of the above. Best of Luck OP!

x
 
This has made me feel so much better, just knowing that I,m not the only one whose confidence can be knocked. I go through stages of feeling like this, the latest one is current! Havent ridden for months, due to weather and time issues, and I find myself less and less keen. I know I'll be okay if I just get on and do it, but its so difficult. I wish you the best of luck, the advice here is so spot on and encouraging I'm going to take it on board for myself, and ride on Monday, maybe just for 5 mins, but I will ride! x
 
I can definitely recommend singing as most other people have said, it helps you breathe, relax and focus on something else, our favourite is good king Wenceslas for some reason??!! Also I had a good friend who was very nervous and she used to give herself and her horse Bach rescue remedy before she rode!! Whether this actually helped or made her think her horse would be calmer I don't know, but mentally she definitely felt better riding after she'd administered it!! Whatever helps for you and your horse is all that matters!! Good luck!! X
 
And if the Rescue Remedy doesn't work for you, a small sherry just before you mount can work wonders! And if you don't feel you can sing while you ride, try whistling instead. But don't give up!!
 
Sorry to hear you're having problems. You need to nip this in the bud before you both turn into nervous wrecks!
You can ride - tell yourself this! Don't turn her around - this is probably what caused the problems in the first place. If she tries, don't let her, kick on, keep going, don't forget to breathe!
Take someone with you on foot to help with your confidence or ask someone experienced to ride her and you walk to see her reactions to give you confidence in her. Good luck, you'll be fine!
 
The Rescue Remedy has worked wonders with a friend, so worth a try :D

And the singing! It works :D. You have to concentrate a bit on the words, which takes some of the mental edge off, plus it helps with your breathing :D. I sing an absolute load of nonsense. Horse doesn't care lol

The other thing that I used to find worked well when I was nervous on the Dizz (16.3hh whappy DWB mare), was to school on the hacks - ask for leg yield, serpentine the width do the lane (so long as safe to do so!). Make everything firm and confident even when I was shaking inside. Now I can hack her on her own pretty much anywhere and past pretty much anything :D. I still do a fair bit of the schooling though, it keeps her attention on me and what I want :cool::D
 
Thank you all! I am a tad overwhelmed at how helpful and supportive you have all been! I always sing and talk to her as we ride (poor thing - you don't want to hear me sing trust me!) but a the point I start to panic I go quiet so will definately try to keep talking/singing no matter what.
Irishbabygirl - I haven't let her turn around and go home yet, even when I have got off I have continued in the same direction on foot and got back on and ridden her home when we have turned around, also I don't turn around mid track, I always make sure we go around something before we head home, last time we went round a small pond :-)
I will definately try rescue remedy though, my driving instructor gave me some before my test (years ago) but had forgotten all about it.
Is it worth trying a calmer for my mare too do you think?
I'm hoping the weather will be nice tomorrow and my friend is going to come up and help me, I'm hoping to walk her over the road to the school and ride her in there, I'm usually more confident in the school so it should be good for us both
Thank you again xx
 
I switched on my pc this evening to google this exact problem and i found your thread.
I was in floods of tears today riding back home after my new gelding bolted with me because he saw a bicycle propped up against a house wall i only have him 2/3 weeks now and im still getting used to him but this is the 2nd time it has happened and my confidence in the gutter now, the first time wasnt really his fault because 3 dogs came out of a garden and attacked us, they were nipping at his heels and i couldnt really blame him for getting a fright but now he only has to sneeze and im a nervous wreck before i even get up on him...a couple of days ago i tried the singing and i had the most enjoyable ride out...i was relaxed and so was he but today he was acting up before we even got out of the yard and all thoughts of singing was left in the stable :( today I was seriously thinking of selling him but after reading this thread i think i might pay a visit to boots for the rescue remedy in the morning and try riding out again tomorrow...I ride out alone as i dont know anyone local who rides but my 13yr old brother is happy enough to walk alongside me for the timebeing it really helps but he is back to school next week and ill be on my own and im dreading it...OP do you find has things got easier for you and your mare?
 
Oh B&m - I do feel for you. I too have been in your position. Have you a school or field you can ride in? If so, i found that doing a bit of schooling first before i went out helped.
You need to do lots of things with your horse that are in your comfort zone - whatever that may be, even if its just grooming! Then identify one or two things that are just outside your comfort zone - a very short hack maybe? Although i would try to avoid doing a there and back ride. Find the shortest circular ride you can do. Then do that ride lots and lots til it comes into your comfort zone.
Good luck with your horse - tell yourself you are a calm, capable and confident rider and you are riding a little 12hh pony that needs you to give it some confidence and sort it out! Thats how i think when i am riding my silly 17.1hh. So far it has worked for me and i am definitely getting more and more confident when out hacking!
 
Get someone to come out on foot with you, they don't have to be horsey! I am doing this with my nervous friend who has a new horse, she can talk to me and say 'i am a bit worried about that open van/cement mixer/man doing hedge in the distance' and I will say 'ok tell her its there and there might be a noise but its nothing to worry about' it seems to work, I think the horse sees we have acknowledged it and are still chatting, and the chat keeps rider's mind off things. She will try and do this on her own too!

Good luck I hope you find a way to feel less nervous I feel for you x
 
Haven't read all the posts in detail, but try and do a circular route so you are not coming back the same way you went out.
It is probably a passing phase with your horse as it gets used to its new surroundings, so as others have said, the only cure is to get out as often as you can as repetition is the best thing.
Yes, wear a body protector, take rescue remedy, sing - I find "Jerusalem" pretty stirring stuff and no I can't sing either and don't even know the words, but the longer you sing the more ground you cover. (also, while you are singing watch your horse's ears - they will be listening to you!).
Do a little bit of NLP (Neuro linguistic programming) - imagine the feeling you had at your old yard when you came back from a great hack, keep that as a reminder of how it will feel once again and use this as your goal. Focus on the positives and they will very soon be a reality
lastly, if your horse does spook or become naughty growl at him and really get him to move forward as though you mean it (a little bit of positive anger is what I mean). This is the time that you need to show him that YOU ARE IN CHARGE
I am certain that you will overcome this small blip
Good Luck
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top