Help with ad

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Kelly1982

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As some of you know i am selling my mare. I brought her for jumping but even though i think she will do well in a few years once she has matured and grown a bit i think her true potential lies in dressage as that is what she was bred to do. I am not a dressage diva though so need a bit of help with the ad.

This is what her current ones says but my friend says its confusing as i am banging on about her jumping too much and not enough about her potential so help please:

16.3hh Han x TB mare out of Dimaggio, been professionally schooled and is working well on the flat with fantastic paces as you would expect from her breeding. Been out a few times jumping clear BN and Dis and is showing promise. Also jumped 2 clear rounds at her first ever hunter trials. Although it was her jump that attracted me to her i think her true talent lies in dressage where she will make someone a serious competition horse. Excellent to hack out, shoe, box, clip, catch (comes to call) etc. She is not your typical mare and is a pleasure to do and is a sweetheart in or around the stable. Heartbreaking but genuine reason for sale. More photos available on request.
 
Age?

How about:

16.3hh Han x TB mare out of Dimaggio, been professionally schooled and is working well on the flat with fantastic paces and would excel at dressage. Jumped clear BN, Dis and hunter trials. Excellent to hack out, shoe, box, clip, catch (comes to call) etc. Genuine reason for sale. More photos available on request.
 
I might be inclined to change the ad round a bit and put the bit about dressage potential first and add on the bottom a bit to show she will happily jump if required. That way people scouring ads for a dressage horse will continue to read on - if all they see first is the jumping comments they might skip onto next without finishing reading ................ not that I'm an expert or anything but thats what I would do !
smile.gif
 
Thats a much better add, short and to the point with less waffle!
Only thing I would say is change 'out of Dimaggio' to 'by Dimaggio'
could also add something about her trainability/temperament
 
Thanks thats much better than my waffle ha ha. Will change it now
smile.gif


Also she is 5yo but that is on the heading of the ad
 
[ QUOTE ]
Genuine reason for sale. More photos available on request.

[/ QUOTE ]

Genuine reason for sale, to me, means horse is a psycho or only has 3 legs etc.
 
[ QUOTE ]
Genuine reason for sale, to me, means horse is a psycho or only has 3 legs etc

[/ QUOTE ]

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Why?! I would normally associate it with genuine reason, eg lack of time/finances etc....
 
Thats what i would of thought too
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Admittedly she isn't really a novice ride, but she doesn't do anything naughty she is just green. And the last time i checked she definatly had 4 legs ha ha
 
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