Helping my 13 yr old remember her (deceased) pony.

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Shay

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My daughter's (and my!) much beloved 12.1hh Welshie was pts following colic last week.

I don't want to dwell on why or what happened. But I do need to find help with helping her to remember him in a positive way. Although his death was as peaceful as these things can be - it isn't something to dwell upon.

She does have 2 other ponies and spending time with the living is great. But Dash was special and I want to remember him in a good way. I have our favourite of his fleeces and I'm going to convert it into a blanket for her bed. We have loads of photos and her rosette wall. I was able to take hanks of mane and tail so we're having jewellery made. The rest of his tack etc we will probably sell idc as we'll not have so small a pony again.

Any other suggestions on how to commemorate him in a positive way - and anyone who has direct experience of helping this age group would be much appreciated.
 
A memories box. Put all little bits and pieces in it.

If you don't need to sell the bridle, put that in, plus his headcollar, door nameplate, etc.

Also have a book made up of pictures of him. You can order them on-line and they are excellent.

Hugs hunny. It's never easy, even when they've grown up a bit.
 
With my old pony we had his front shoes and had them made into a candle holder.

This meant we could light a candle to him any time we wanted too.

I also gave a trophy at the Golden Horse Shoe ( Endurance) in memory of a great little 13.2 pony who loved Exmoor.
 
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Having jewellery made with the mane/tail is lovely, when my horse passed away last year I had some of his tail put into a locket charm made into a bracelet. I have more mane/tail hair and his shoes so will watch this thread for ideas on what to do with them.

Sorry for yours and your daughter's loss, Rest in Peace Dash x
 
It is hard to help a child get over a sudden loss, it sounds as if you are doing well considering and the mementos will all help.

Do you have a local show or PC show that you have memories of taking him to, a "Dash" memorial trophy or something similar that your daughter could present to the winner of a suitable class, maybe best rider or best condition pony, this would then be an annual event you could both be involved in.
 
I'd have loved to take his shoes. Actually it is one for the few regrets I have about the process. Oddly I live on a yard owned by a farrier - but for all sorts of reasons for which I absolutely do not blame anyone, there was no-one available to take his shoes off, and I couldn't do it myself. Because there are kids on the yard his body had to be taken as quickly as possible. (For which much credit to the vet and the disposal company.)

I will defintely think about the trophy for our PC branch - although I'm not sure the trophy for the most mad, most unstoppable and longest mane & tail tinker would go down too well - but I can try! And the photo album idea - thanks.

Any more? I have the most awful thought that she blames me for not saving him. Although really there was no other humane choice at the time.
 
I know.

We were given the choice to try to keep him alive a few more days. But he had advanced cushings, chronic colitus and the vet had just found other atypical masses inside him.

But she does know we were offered the chance of a few more days and I didn't take it. Yes she will understand in time. And actually a large part of her undertands now. But a part of her does scream "but I wanted one more day.." Doesn't it with all of us?
 
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children appreciate honesty, why don't you write her a lovely letter, saying how much you loved him too and why you made the decision you did - that if you could have bargained for another day without his being in pain, you would have, but you couldn't so made a decision you knew was terrible for her, but best for him - and maybe ask her how she would like to memorialise him?
 
Re: the one more day the nicer way to explain it is that her heart was always going to hurt the same no matter when it happened, yet Dash's pain stopped the instant it happened. If she feels angry let her vent...it's a horrible thing for any horse owner young or old to lose their friend. Hugs to you and your daughter
 
so sorry you lost your pony and that your daughter is now having to deal with her loss :(

I think all the gestures that you are suggesting are lovely and very thoughtful, I have a memory box its a great way to remember them if you can't keep the saddle maybe keep the stirrups off it??
 
amage said:
Re: the one more day the nicer way to explain it is that her heart was always going to hurt the same no matter when it happened, yet Dash's pain stopped the instant it happened.
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I think this is a really good way to put it, very true too. I'm really sorry to hear about your loss, I lost my boy to colic a month ago so know what you're going through, it's heartbreaking. The memory box is a lovely idea, I've currently got a bit of a shrine going on but I hope to buy a wooden chest or something to put his things in - his bridle, headcollar, fleece, rosettes etc, though I will keep some things out on display - his special rosettes and the photos in frames.
What I've decided to do is create a photo book - I would have made a scrap book but felt I wasn't creative enough to do it justice so I'm going to create a nice photo book online - there are quite a few websites which do them but I think i'm going with photo box. You can personalise them and make it a really lovely keepsake.
In time it will help to talk about the good times you had together - maybe not immediately (it made me an emotional wreck even thinking about it) but when it's not quite so raw. I've found myself talking about him a little more recently and it does help to look back on the fun we had together.

Sending loads of hugs your way xx
 
My daughter is the same age xxx.........all the memorial ideas are lovely and I,m sure they will help.Taking it from another way, do you think it would help a little if she understood from a veterinary point of view.Having it explained about the nature of the various conditions and how very terrible colic etc can be.....it sounds like your pony was terribly poorly and you did absolutely the right thing for Dash.Could the vet involved have a word , if she understands there was absolutely nothing that could be done , she may take alot of comfort in the fact that he is at peace now and running free in pony heaven:o
 
Not sure if this is practical but a pony's ashes were buried in the field and his owner planted daffodils alongside. Every spring those daffodils flower away and I always think of that pony then and smile (daffodils are fenced off now as not good for horses to eat).

For my own pony, who I lost in March, I have planted a whole load of crocus in my garden. With a short name like Dash you might even be able to make his name!
 
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