Hey, Cameron

Singing Dawg

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Dear Mr. Cameron,

Please find below our suggestion for fixing the UK 's economy.
...
Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.
You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:
There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.
Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire.
Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed

2) They MUST buy a new British car.
Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -
Housing Crisis fixed

4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university -
Crime rate fixed

5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week .....
And there's your money back in duty/tax etc

It can't get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances

If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.
Also.....
Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.
This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.
A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education.
Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.
Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.
Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay £600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.

Think about this (more points of contention):

COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Appleby almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Cumbria?
And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
Also;
Think about this ... If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone -- YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM! It is time for us grumpy old folk of Britain to speak up!
 

luckyoldme

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brilliant..but especially penisoners and prisoners.
It just so sad the way pensioners are treat in care homes. I ve heard stories from friends who have or do work in them that make me so angry.
So many good carers leave the system because of the terrible working conditions.
 

windand rain

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Being very close to 60 and OH over we would love two million pounds not sure we could manage the fags and booze though as neither of us drink or smoke but no doubt we would be popular if we could give it away. We would happily buy a British made car and a house too could even donate out existing one to a young person with a big pay out like that.
Bring it on I say
Agree with the other bits too
 

1stclassalan

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Dear Mr. Cameron,

Please find below our suggestion for fixing the UK 's economy.

Dear dawg, I'm no friend of "Our Dave" or any politician ( though I must admit to a certain interest in Dave's missus!) - your post is interesting but has serious flaws, sorry to carve it up but here goes:-

Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses,

Ermm... ALL "BONUSES" are earned! Ipso facto - they are bonuses - are you implying that they are all merely fiddled extra payments?

The money that banks "squander on parties" is a tiny drop of a tiny drop of what they earn for the country. And as for proper bonuses - you'll never get any government to stop them because all the folk who get them pay 45% tax so nearly half of those huge sums go straight to the Treasury.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

I like the sound of that - I already have my hand over my heart and have adopted a suitable pose.

There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.
Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

Oh great, I very much appreciate that Komrade Paymaster - BUT - 10,000,000 x £1,000,000 = £10,000,000,000,000 !!!! Ten TRILLION pounds! Over TEN YEARS over Gross National Product. Where the hell are you going to get it?

It can't get any easier than that!

There are no simple answers to complex questions.

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances

The entire costs of Parliament - both Houses, salaries, expenses, heating, paper clips amounts to £345,000,000 so you get rid of the lot and still be 99.000655% short of your spending plan.

Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.

You don't by any chance read the Daily Mail do you? Prison is not a place you go by choice!

The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay £600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.

I rather like that idea!

. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

Compulsory ear tags for immigrants! Hahaha - I like it - trouble is - only the LEGAL immigrants would wear one - just like the cows, I know farmers with a big box of tags that they "invent" histories with so there's no such thing as a foolproof system.
 

Dizzydancer

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Like the first post! The other thing they can do- stop giving money to foreign countries who don't need aid to help babies live to 5 for them to die of starvation- not surviving birth is natures way of controlling population.
Use this money to pay our debts off.
 

Singing Dawg

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Like the first post! The other thing they can do- stop giving money to foreign countries who don't need aid to help babies live to 5 for them to die of starvation- not surviving birth is natures way of controlling population.
Use this money to pay our debts off.

Hear Hear!!

And I see in the DailyWail that Europe are going to start subsidising tobacco growers again. yey, great idea because the nhs is free so when the next lot of cancer ridden europeans are allowed to bus into britain at the end of the year we can treat them all.

Oh I wish i was young enough and sensible enough to leave the UK far far behind me.
 

Goldenstar

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Another simple thing you only get child benefit for children living in this country if the child is abroad whether you where born here or not it's not payable and you should only get child benefit for the first two children if you chose to have more fine but pay for them yourself.
 

perfect11s

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Call me Dave needs to go, we need a leader not a muppet!!! the last election should have been like shooting fish in a barrel for the torys but wishy washy dave lost it!!! sadly this means Wallace and balls up next time............. We're doomed I tel ye...
 

1stclassalan

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Unlikely to ever happen, but the Government has given far fewer people far more than a million pounds each, but thats just disappeared. Cracking idea though.:D

That's a humourous way of putting it but it's actually more laughable!

For years, the financial system has relied on people lending their money to other people who would use it for business - thus generating interest and hopefully capital gains. Then other people came along and said how about if I guarranteed to pay back the investors ( for a fee ) if those original investments didn't look too good? This started the financial futures market and created ever more complicated schemes - with good intentions, smoothing out big losses or gains to ensure stablity - but ended up with NO ONE fully understanding them. I was on the edges of it for a while and used to love asking dumb questions but funnily enough only received even dumber answers so got to realise that it was all a house of cards!

Not only could you buy a share, but you could also promise to sell one you didn't have - at a price that was mainly guesswork and then sell that promise on to third parties in the Options Market which would be spiralled by other syndicates until you had to be Houdini to even get to grips. Some of these so called "products" ( how I hate that word") weren't anything tangible but c.d.'s = consolidated debts and you could go long or short on them too!

All of this also relied on constant economic growth - the idea that someone will always be willing to pay you more than you paid - in the late 80's the London markets posted the first trillion trade day - that's not the value - that's the amount of contracts sold. If you want the money think of another six noughts at least.

When people began to realise it was all a dream - billions just disappeared - well they weren't really there in the first place!

What I find truly amazing is the fact that Governments around the world promised vast sums and it stopped the panic - it's still bad but not catastrophic - however; all of that money promised DOES NOT EXIST!!! It's just more promises that the same broke markets have to come up with - like jumping off the ground by tugging on your own hair!
 
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